LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #290: The Flame Wars Part Two
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Jun 18 14:06:17 PDT 2023
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
And here's where you can find The Flame Wars as well as other
LNH Crossovers:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Crossovers/
And it's The Flame Wars (The first of a number of Flame Wars
Crossovers that are also called Flame Wars)!
We have The Flame Wars #2 by Steph Savoie! Will Entropy Lad
find out if he's dead by having Marvel_Zombie Lad kill him?!
Will RoosterwReam be mad that he's not in this story?! And
will Kid Poetry do a rap about all the missing LNH'rs?!
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #290
=====================
The Flame Wars Part Two
=====================
Chapter 2
by Kid Anarky (00365 at ace.arcadiau.edu)
"10% Of the Looniverse Gets Knocked Off"
(How's that for a catchy title?)
The LNH was pondering their apparent victory over the new
Brotherhood (hey, they ran), when suddenly there was a strange
mechanical hum in the background as the poorly lit background
continued to be poorly lit. Slowly the etheric humming rose in
pitch. Suddenly, just at that point where you would be sure your
brain was going to melt-down and your sinuses explode... it
stopped.
There was a huge
BBBBBB OOOOO OOOOO MMM MMM !!!! !!!!
B B OO OO OO OO M M M M !!!!!! !!!!!!
BBBBB OO OO OO OO M M M M !!!! !!!!
B B OO OO OO OO M M M !! !!
B B OO OO OO OO M M
BBBBBB OOOOO OOOOO MM MM !! !!
as suddenly an effect which looked almost exactly, but not
absolutely, totally unlike the "transporter effect" from Star
Trek (TOS, TNG, or otherwise) enveloped the heroes.
"They were here a sec... huh?" said Organic Lass. What was
going on? One minute they're fighting the Brotherhood of
Net.Villains and the next... they were in some poorly lit area.
Well, mostly poorly lit. The area she was standing in was well
lit, but she couldn't see anything past about 30 feet.
"We're not where we were a second ago!" shouted a voice which
sounded like Sister State-the-Obvious.
Swiftly getting his bearings (as a good leader should), the
Ultimate Ninja quickly scanned the area. Hmm. Most of the rest
of the LNH seemed to be here looking around in utter confusion
also.
"List Lad! RosterwReam! Get over here!" yelled UN
(strangely, Rebel Yell failed to remark he was the appointed
hollerer of the LNH).
"Here we are! So what is it, leader-man?" responded List Lad.
"Who's here?" queried UN.
"Umm, everybody, I'd say. Except Panta and Kid Anarky, who're
off in their own limited-serieses, of course," stated
RosterwReam, quickly looking around the vast room and his massive
LNH roster (still not updated) simultaneously.
"Hmm. Wonder what happened..." mumbled UN.
"We've obviously been teleported out of our headquarters,"
stated Doctor Stomper.
"Oh, no! We're all dead!" whined Entropy Kid.
"Then you won't mind if I try to kill you to test that theory.
Since you're dead, it shouldn't work..." snarled the still
Dark-and-Gritty (TM) Marvel_Zombie Lad.
"Won't be necessary. I didn't see a young woman wearing an
Ankh, did you?" smiled Comics-Snob-Boy (or a reasonable facsimile
thereof, since all devoted LNH fans knew CSB was lost in the
Comics Connection; could be an android, could be a phantom
conjured up by this strange dimension, could be his twin brother
Marvin having joined the LNH to search for him - we're not
saying).
General chaos began to break out amongst the ranks of the LNH.
Moreso than usual, even.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"I wonder what's out there?" said CheeseCake-Eater Lad,
pointing to the darkness surrounding them.
"Nothing." said a voice from the shadows. "Nothing at all,"
said Continuity Champ as stepped out of the shadows.
"NOTHING?! YOU, PUNY FLY, DARE CALL WE... THE EDITORS...
NOTHING??!!" boomed an ominous voice. Simultaneously a spotlight
lit from behind a small group of huge figures seated at 100 foot
tall desks. The angle of the light made it impossible to
identify them. (Although the fact they just cried out "We are the
Editors" might just seem to hint that... oh, never mind.)
The collected mass of the LNH shuddered at this pronouncement,
sure they were going to meet their makers. The voice of
Bad-Timing Boy was heard in the background. "Hey, Trivia King,
is _that_ an Editor?", immediately followed by an ear-rattling
ensemble of "shhhh"s.
"What have you done to us?" said Kid Kirby, straightening up.
"WE HAVE TELEPORTED YOU FROM THE REMAINS OF YOUR
HEADQUARTERS."
"Teleported? Teleported?" started Old-Comics Man, "Why, in my
day we didn't have no fancy-shmancy teleporting! If we had to
get somewhere, we walked! An if it was really far away, that was
too bad! We'd get there with bloody feet, and WE LIKED IT! And
some of the luckier of us would fly, and if it took a couple of
hours to get there, they'd be too tired to fight! That's right!
The villains would walk up to the heroes with bloody feet and
exhausted from flying, and breathe on us and we'd collapse! And
space travel! In my day..." he continued rambling.
"Wait a minute! Remains? What do you mean..." asked Kid Kirby
as he was cut off by a fellow LNHer.
"Hmm. Why?" asked Lost-Cause Boy.
"WE HAVE NEED OF YOUR SERVICES."
"Oh yeah?"
"YEAH."
"Oh yeah?!"
"YEAH!"
"Oh yeah??!!!!"
"YEAH!!!"
"Oh y-" Lost-Cause Boy was suddenly interrupted by Innovative-
Offense Boy.
"Wait a minute; why should we help you? You've never done
anything for us..." started IOB.
"Umm, yes they did." pointed out Continuity Champ.
"What?" asked IOB, looking rather thrown off.
"They realigned the Looniverse. It's kinda complex. Hey,
Obscure Trivia Lad!" His fellow hero ambled over.
As Obscure Trivia Lad attempted to concisely explain Cry.Sig to
Innovative-Offense Boy (an impossible task), Organic Lass asked a
question of their surly rescuers.
"So, what exactly do you want us to do?"
Suddenly, Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny-Woman cried out. "Wait!!
I sense... something. I sense that something of comically
cataclysmic importance will occur in a moment which will change
the membership of the Legion down to its core!"
Unfortunately, the others all ignored her in the confusion.
"WE HAVE SENSED.... WHAT??!!" The astonishment was evident
in the Editor's sense-shattering voice as multiple members of the
LNH began disappearing from their ranks.
"HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! WE NEED YOU!" the shadowy figure
quickly turned to another. "BRING THEM BACK!"
"I CAN'T!" said another voice which sounded somewhat like the
first, but deeper.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T?! WE ARE... THE EDITORS! AND WE
CAN DO VERY WELL WHAT WE PLEASE! SO BRING THEM BACK!" shouted
the first booming voice.
"LOOK, WHEN I SAY I CAN'T, I MEAN I CAN'T. DO YOU THINK I
WOULD SAY 'I CAN'T' IF I COULD? I WOULD IF I COULD BUT I CAN'T
SO I WON'T. NOW STOP BOTHERING ME," said the second figure as
he turned away from the first.
"IT APPEARS THEY HAVE BEEN WIPED FROM THE EXISTENCE OF THE
NET!!!" said a third booming-yet-nasal voice.
"WHAT? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? EVEN WE DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO
DO THIS! THESE FLEAS COULD CERTAINLY NOT HAVE DONE IT..."
While the not-nearly-so-omnipotent-anymore Editors argued
amongst themselves, the LNH had quickly fallen into disarray.
Again.
LNHers had disappeared while the Editors had been talking!
(Obviously - KA). They might not have noticed, had not their
leaders been the ones to disappear; Rebel Yell, Ultimate Ninja
and Continuity Champ were all missing. Seeing this as an
opportunity for that most esteemed of prizes, character
development, almost every member attempted to simultaneously
seize the leadership of the LNH.
Again.
"I, Multi-Tasking Man shall take the reins of the *oof*"
"No, I, Lost-Cause Boy, have declared this entire issue a
lost-cause, and I am naturally *gak*"
"Don lissen too hem! Eye'm Rbel Yill'd sidkiek, end O shuld
bee leeder!"
And so it continued.
Business as usual.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Completely and utterly unnoticed, Background Boy slunk from
the darkness, blending into the shadowy background, waiting...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"ENOUGH!" boomed the voice of one of the Editors, yet again.
(and boy, am I getting a headache, what with all these booming
voices...). "YOU WILL NOT LET THIS... MINOR SETBACK STAND IN
YOUR WAY!! WHO IS MISSING?"
"List Lad? RosterwReam...?" shouted the senior LNHers who knew
that these were the best characters suited for this situation...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
**************************
* Several hours later... *
**************************
"Well, Mr. Editors, sirs, despite the little problem that List
Lad and RosterwReam seem to be amongst the missing here's who
we've managed to come up with as the missing: Rebel Yell,
Ultimate Ninja, and Continuity Champ. After our exhaustive
search, I daresay these are the only people that are missing..."
said Incredible-Unsleeping Man.
"You forgot List Lad and RoosterwReam" pointed out Myk-El.
All the LNHers but Spelling Boy snickered at his typo. IUM
just ignored them, absorbed in being de facto leader of the LNH,
if only for a while.
"And List Lad and RosterwReam. That's definitely all the
people miss-" stated the Incredible Unsleeping Man as he was
interrupted yet again.
"And Kid Kirby!" shouted Sing-Along-Lass, who was depressed (at
least as depressed as she ever got) that her attempts to stir up
a sing-along to pass the time had failed.
"And Kid Kirby," repeated TIUM, looking more and more
aggravated.
"What about Cannon Fodder?" pointed out Sarcastic Lad.
"What? Fine, you do it!" said the Incredible Unsleeping Man,
turning to Organic Lass.
"What? Me? Oh, wow! Me as leader! Well, there's... umm...
Rebel Yell. Yup. For sure. And... Ultimate Ninja.. right?
Aaaand... CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE?"
"NO, I'M RIGHT HERE." said CAPT. CAPITALIZE.
"Oh! Well, hmmm..." said Organic Lass, her brow wrinkling in
deep thought.
"Let me try." volunteered Kid Poetry.
"The Whole LNH is in a jam
'cause all our best are missing, man.
Kid Kirby is really very strong,
but even that didn't help him long,
Cannon Fodder's a dude who's seriously rad,
but now he's gone, which is seriously bad,
Gone are List Lad and RosterwReam,
They were quite the categorizing team,
UN, Rebel Yell & CC are our leaders;
They're all gone, and now so are our rea..."
"AH. YES. VERY GOOD. WELL, IT'S NOT GOOD THAT THEY'RE GONE,
BUT IT'S GOOD THAT WE KNOW WHO'S GONE AND... NEVER MIND."
"THIS DOES NOT CHANGE OUR PLAN THOUGH. IT PUSHES IT EVER
FURTHER AHEAD AT AN EVEN MORE URGENT RATE." The mammoth figure
cleared its throat.
"WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS A BEING RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE OF YOUR COMRADES. THIS BEING IS THE SAME
WHOM WE ARE GOING TO SEND YOU AFTER, AS WE HAD DETECTED A
POWER
OF SOME GREAT MAGNITUDE."
"UNFORTUNATELY, THIS PERSON HAS FORMED HIS PLAN WELL. HE, SHE,
OR IT, HAS TAKEN CERTAIN PRECAUTIONS, SO THAT EVEN WE CANNOT
IDENTIFY HIM, HER, OR IT. IN DOING SO, HE(SHE/IT) HAS MADE IT
OBVIOUS WHAT THE SOURCE OF HIS POWER IS....
TTTTTTTT H H EEEEE
TT H H E
TT HHHHHH EEEE
TT H H E
TT H H EEEEE
III NN NN SSSS A NN NN III TTTTTT Y Y
I NN N S S A A NN N I T Y Y
I N N N S A A N N N I T Y Y
I N N N SSSS A A N N N I T Y Y
I N N N S A A N N N I T Y
I N NN S S AAAAAAAAA N NN I T Y
III NN NN SSSS A A NN NN III T YYY
GGGGGG EEEEEEEE MM MM SSSSS !!!
G G E MM MM SS SS !!!!!
G E M M M M SS !!!!!
G GGGGG EEEEE M M M M SSSSS !!!
G G E M M M SS !
G G E M M SS SS
GGGGGG EEEEEEEE MM MM SSSSS !!!
"WHAT??!!" cried out the collected mass of the LNH. Well, not
so collected, since some of the newer members of the LNH had no
idea what these were. And even less collected, since a few of
the members were missing too.
So, overall, a couple of people went "What??!!"
OK? Good enough for ya?
"You want us to go after someone who has them all? Are you
nuts? Last time, Crossover Queen, who only had one almost beat
us, and now, underranked and with all these _rookies_, you want
us to go after some guy who can alter reality with a whim? Are
you insane??!!" shouted Occultism Kid to the editors.
"ENOUGH! WE NEVER SAID WE WERE GIVING YOU A CHOICE!! NOW
BEGONE! SEEK OUT THE COLLECTOR FOR AID IN YOUR QUEST!" and the
LNH (or what's left of it) disappeared with the same effect they
appeared with.....
TO BE CONTINUED...
==========
Next Week: Back to the Panta Mini!!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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