LNH: Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths! #EPILOG (Side Pi): "President Evil: The Final Chapter"
Drew Nilium
pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Aug 29 21:28:12 PDT 2022
HUNGRY, HUNGRY SABERTOOTHS!
EPILOG (Side Pi): "President Evil: The Final Chapter"
By Drew Nilium (with editing and input from Jeanne Morningstar (more so than
usual))
====
November 3rd, 2020! Election day! And Cannon Fodder and the Incredible Man-With-
No-Life are sitting in the TV room, watching the pyrotechnic battle of Bad
Judgment Boy Blue vs. Bad Judgment Boy Red!
"Give it up, my dorker self!" said Bad Judgment Boy Red, floating above the
stage, surrounded by a crackle of crimson lightning. "Or you'll see the true
meaning of power!"
Bad Judgment Boy Blue laughed. "You mean, the Chaos Emeralds?"
"No, I mean THIS!" Bad Judgment Boy Red flew towards him, crackling fist
outstretched!
Bad Judgment Boy Blue stood there, hands on hips, smirking, unreasonably ready
to take anything-- then something in his peripheral vision caught his eye, and
he leaned down. "Hey, someone stole my shoelaces!"
While Bad Judgment Boy Blue was leaning over, Bad Judgment Boy Red flew over
his head and into a barrel. Unfortunately, this was the kind of barrel you find
in '90s first person shooters, which means it exploded pyrotechnically at the
slightest jostle.
Bad Judgment Boy Blue stood up to see Bad Judgment Boy Red, eyes spinning in
opposite directions, land, smoking, at his feet. "...and take *that*!" he said,
putting a foot on his opponent's chest and cheering to the crowd.
Back in the TV room, WikiBoy walked in, scrolling on a tablet. "Well, the
vaccine rollout's been working, and with the use of the Super Quarantine Field,
the majority of the LSA is sabertooth-virus-free. It looks like we're gonna
wipe this out like smallpox."
"Tho," said Cannon Fodder, "like smallpox, *somebody's* probably kept around a
few samples to bedevil us with later."
WikiBoy siiiiiighed and flopped down on the couch. "Yeh."
On the TV. a man with a microphone jogged to the middle of the stage. "Bad
Judgment Boy! You've just won the battle against the divergent hypertext-time
version of you that the Brad Pitt Conspiracy empowered with the Dark W Force!"
"Yeah, I know!" said Bad Judgment Boy, who didn't.
"Which do you want as your victory song, Eye of the Tiger or You're the Best?"
"I want... uh... well, let's see, I want..." Sweating, Bad Judgment Boy looked
around desperately for a teleprompter.
"Sir," the interviewer asked him, "have you ever gotten writer's block or
something like the same?"
Bad Judgment Boy snapped, "If there's just two songs in ya, whaddaya want from
me!?"
As they watched the President get in an inane argument with a reporter, Cannon
Fodder leaned forward, pensively.
"Sup, dude?" said the IMWNL, passing him a Mr. Paprika Boysenberry Sherbet.
Cannon Fodder cracked the can and took a big gulp. "Mmmmm... we've gotten this
taken care of, but there's still so many troubles loose in the world. And thru
my connection to Senseless Violence, I can sense... it's gonna get worse before
it gets better."
"Yeah, that seems to be how his goes," said WikiBoy.
"We've got all these ridiculous powers, access to weird gadgets and amazing
resources, but it took forever until we could even touch this problem, let
alone fix it." Cannon Fodder threw up his hands! "How can we face the world
that's coming!?"
His two companions looked off in thought, the question hovering in the air.
After a couple minutes, WikiBoy sat up.
"I don't have any big ideas, but I think what's gonna be important is...
sticking together. Sometimes, the Legion feels like a bunch of people thrown
into the same building, close physically but miles apart mentally. But sometimes
it feels like a real team, like a community, or a family. And sometimes it
feels like a colony of feral cats, but that's a kind of family too." WikiBoy
warmed to the subject, dropping the tablet to gesticulate. "And if, when, we
link up with the Net.ropolis community, and the communities of people who want
to contribute and help like we're helping, and net.hero communities all over
the world... if we're really and truly teaming up, and using our own skills and
bringing our own unique perspectives, then I feel like..." He stopped mid-
sentence, suddenly self-conscious.
"...you feel like?" prompted the Incredible Man-With-No-Life, encouragingly.
"...well, like we can probably do just about anything." WikiBoy picked the
tablet back up and fiddled with it, face flushed. "That's what I think, anyway."
"Hmmmm. I dunno if you're right, but it's worth a try," smiled Cannon Fodder.
"Yeah!" said the IMWNL. "And you know what else?"
"Hm?" said WikiBoy, looking up. "What's that?"
"I guess the *real* hungry, hungry sabertooths were the friends we made along
the way!"
Freeze-frame on The Incredible Man-With-No-Life and Cannon Fodder laughing and
WikiBoy facepalming as the credits play.
|--------------------------------------|--------------------------------------|
| THEME: "Are You Ready?!", by Devo, off the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: |
| The Movie soundtrack |
|--------------------------------------|--------------------------------------|
Cannon Fodder | Blooper reel time! |
Created by wReam | |
Free For Use | Cannon Fodder is approached by a |
| vicious sabertooth! ...who flops |
Ultimate Ninja | down and shows his belly~ |
Created by wReam | |
Free For Use | WikiBoy is running away from |
| a pack of sabertooths - and trips, |
Bad Judgment Boy | and falls over. One of the |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | sabertooths comes up, sniffs him, |
Free For Use | and sits down on his chest, |
| eliciting an 'oof!'. |
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life | |
Created by Enrique Conty | A trapdoor opens under Kid Review, |
Free For Use | dropping them... about waist-deep. |
| |
WikiBoy | Several different takes of Kid |
Created by Amabel Holland | Occultism Kid attempting to slap |
Free For Use | Chaos Theory in the face with a |
| rubber chicken, but dropping it, |
Kid Occultism Kid | having it go flying off, missing |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | entirely, etc. On the last take, |
Not Reserved | Chaos Theory responds with "Is that |
| all you got?", causing Kid Occultism |
The Living Moderator | Kid to break down in peals of |
Created by Jameel al Khafiz | laughter. |
Free For Use | |
| Marvel Zombie Girl shouts "Taste the |
The Scyldh Ta | fire of foul... fuck!" |
Created by Drew Nilium | She shouts "Taste the fire of foul |
Free For Use | feline, foul-- rrrrrgh!" |
| She shouts "Taste the fire of |
VAMMO Woman | retribution, fire felid! ...that |
Created by wReam | wasn't right either!!" |
Free For Use | She shouts "Taste the... taste the |
| fire, JEFF!" In the background, |
Kid Review | Cliche Dude cracks up. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Used With Permission | Cliche Dude pulls off his helmet, |
| and watches as the cat ears |
Chaos Theory | underneath sproing off into the |
Created by Drew Nilium | distance. |
Not Reserved | |
| "ULTRA-KIWI!" shouts the person in |
The Gasper | the Ultra-Kiwi suit, taking a step |
Created by Drew Nilium | forward, and promptly stepping right |
Free For Use | into the model of the LNHQ, crushing |
| it and ending up thigh-deep in it. |
The Golden Force | They look down with a bemused |
Created by Tony Pi | expression, shaking their leg a bit, |
Not Reserved | and a stagehand comes to help them |
| out of it. |
Master Workload | |
Created by Dave Van Domelen | "The sabertooth virus bears all the |
Not Reserved | hallmarks of Dr. Killfile II," says |
| the Crime Empress. "She is someone |
Ultimate Ninja II | who is descended from a cat an and |
Created by Amabel Holland | elf-- pfffft!" She can't hold back |
Free For Use | her laughter, and Lucky Chain Letter |
| Lucy snort-giggles in response. |
Cliche Dude | |
Created by Jef Kolodziej | Several attempts by the Crime |
Free For Use | Empress to say |
| "Looniverse-Yaldabaoth". |
Doctor Stomper | "Yal-da-ba-oth, it's not that hard," |
Created by T.M. Neeck | she says to herself in the last |
Free For Use | take, only for Lucy to respond |
| "Actually, it's yal-dabba-oth," with |
Multi-Tasking Man | a "WHAT--" heard before the scene |
Created by Jeff Coleburn | cuts out. |
Free For Use | |
| "And while the two Brotherhoods make |
Sister State-the-Obvious | war, I will move in the shadows and |
Created by wReam | strike down them both," pronounces |
Free For Use | Erik the Plaid grandly, "I-- Erik |
| the Plaid, of the Mistake |
Token Girl | Brotherhood-- wait!" Giggling is |
Created by Tara Lynn O'Shea | heard from offscreen, and Lucy |
Not Reserved | shouts "Jeez, spoilers!" |
| |
Halls Jordan | Simplicity barges into Jeanne |
Created by Jef Kolodziej | Morningstar's apartment with his |
Free For Use | flaming sword - only to set the |
| doorway on fire! Jeanne falls back |
Captain Cleanup | in their chair and Simplicity yelps |
Created by Storm | in alarm, dropping the sword as |
Not Reserved | stagehands run up with fire |
| extinguishers. |
Marvel Zombie Girl | |
Created by Drew Nilium | A podium sits on stage with a blue |
Free For Use | curtain behind it. Bad Judgment Boy |
| walks out from the wings absolutely |
90s Comics Kid | stark naked, a mosaic covering his |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | bits. He looks around. "...what? |
Not Reserved | C'mon, what!?" |
| |
UltraKiwi | The Crime Empress curls her hand |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | into a fist. "Old Scratch, AKA Anti- |
Not Reserved | Christ Lad!" Anti-Christ Lad walks |
| up dramatically behind her; she |
Ven-Dorr, The Soda Machine That | turns, startles, and falls over. The |
Walked, er, Rolled Like a Man | Brotherhood starts laughing as she |
Created by Dave Van Domelen | yells "Not *you*!" |
Not Reserved | |
| "It's OK," says Catalyst Lass, |
The Crime Empress | reaching out towards Token Girl - |
Created by Lalo Martins | and knocking over her webcam. The |
Not Reserved | visuals twirl around the room madly |
| before landing face-down in |
Lucky Chain Letter Lucy | darkness. "Aw geez..." |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | |
Not Reserved | On Neme.sys, Merissa rushes at the |
| Ultimate Ninja to give him a hug - a |
Doctor Killfile II | little too hard, and they both fall |
Created by Amabel Holland | over; Occultism Kid has to dodge out |
Free For Use | of the way of a piece of scenery |
| that falls in their wake. |
Vector Ovine | |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | Kid Enthusiastic hangs upside-down |
Not Reserved | in the middle of a tangle of wires, |
| working on a machine. He closes a |
Mister Homage | panel, accidentally kicks something, |
Created by Jeff Barnes | and ends up flying in circles. |
Not Reserved | "Wheeeeeeee!" |
| |
Anti-Christ Lad | The Looniversal Answering Machine |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | roars, "If you're really looking for |
Free For Use | us, or for good comics-related |
| online fiction in general..." She |
Polybag Person | pauses for several seconds. |
Created by Jeff Barnes | "...uh. Line?" |
Not Reserved | |
| Standing over the body of Big Jimmy |
Mistake | Neutron, Vindex proclaims, "I am |
Created by Jef Kolodziej | Vindex, scourge of crime and |
Free For Use | destroyer of evil. The only man who |
| can clean up this--" He has to stop, |
Simplicity | as Big Jimmy has started corpsing, |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | giggling unconrollably as he stares |
Not Reserved | up at the gimp-suited man above him; |
| The Lurker rolls her eyes with a |
Doctor Dreaded Deadline Doom | smile and throws her hands up in the |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | air. |
Used With Permission | |
| Multi-Tasking Man shoves cans of |
The LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To- | evil soda into a machine... a little |
Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending- | too hastily, as they come rolling |
Events Liberation Front | out and land on his foot; he yelps |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | and falls over. |
Not Reserved | |
| Forsaken Lass shakes her head. "I |
Demented Designer | sometimes feel like... you deserve |
Created by Jeff Barnes | better than me... hang on, sorry, |
Not Reserved | that wasn't sad enough. Alice and I |
| had a date last night and I'm just |
Professor Perhap | feeling great, I can still feel the |
Created by Mark Friedman | bruises on my--" |
Not Reserved | Net.Access *shrieks*! |
| |
Plotchopper | Dr. Stomper sits up, pushes back his |
Created by wReam | chair, and lets out a long, |
Not Reserved | laborious sigh. In unison, Sister |
| State-the-Obvious, Mashup Laq, and |
OTP | Halls Jordan let out long, laborious |
Created by Drew Nilium | sighs. Dr. Stomper covers his mouth |
Free For Use | as he starts laughing. "What are you |
| clowns doing..." Mashup Laq sighs |
Crossplay King | even louder, grinning wide. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Free For Use | An empty shot of Cheesecake-Eater |
| Lad's kitchen, with a vat of |
Phoenix Down | cheesecake batter sitting open. |
Created by Drew Nilium | There's a scream from offscreen, and |
Free For Use | Cheesecake-Eater Lad skids by, |
| one foot sliding on a piece of |
Far.net.heit 451 | cheesecake, and falls in the vat. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Free For Use | Bad Judgment Boy sits in a chair |
| backstage, halfway thru getting made |
Fearless Leader (Classic) | up as the Combover-Thing. He pulls |
Created by Dave Van Domelen | out a sloppy joe from an |
Free For Use | undetermined place and starts |
| chowing down on it; Fourth Wall Lass |
Fearless Leader (20) | walks in and shouts, "AGAIN!?" |
Created by Dave Van Domelen and | |
Jeanne Morningstar | "Things are kind of a mess back |
General Use | here," says Captain Continuity. |
| "There's RACCelestials, Elder Gods, |
Kid Poetry | time travelers--" In the background, |
Created by Theron Ross | an eager baby brontosaurus runs |
Not Reserved | towards Captain Continuity and gives |
| him a big SLURP! |
Merissa | |
Created by Saxon Brenton and | Toony Stork closes the fridge door |
Rob Rogers | and goes "WAUGH!", falling |
Not Reserved | backwards-- only for nothing to |
| happen. He sits up and the freezer |
Catalyst Lass | opens and a ham falls out and bonks |
Created by Elisabeth Riba | him on the head! |
Free For Use | |
| A kiwi-sized flight.thingee drives |
Cheesecake-Eater Lad | down desperately towards a |
Created by Matthew Jotham Millheiser | sabertooth-- only for the big cat to |
Free For Use | bat the model off the strings |
| supporting it and start playing |
Occulism Kid | with it. |
Created by Josh Geurink | |
Not Reserved | With great force, Imperilus slowly |
| drags a bunch of Amazon boxes on a |
Kid Enthusiastic | pallet jack; suddenly, Bad-Timing |
Created by Drew Nilium | Boy trips and crashes thru them, |
Not Reserved | knocking the whole pallet of |
| obviously empty boxes over. |
Enthusiasm | |
Created by Saxon Brenton and | Kid Enthusiastic flops forward into |
Drew Nilium | his racecar bed and it collapses. |
Free For Use | |
| Merissa flops backwards into her bed |
The Looniversal Answering Machine | and it collapses. |
Created by Russ Allbery | |
Not Reserved | The Crime Empress sits down on her |
| throne and, you guessed it, it |
Mashup Laq | collapses. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Free For Use | Okay, question: Is anything we show |
| from the Black Halo and Imperilus's |
UltraKiwi Wondersock | fart battle going to be more |
Created by Drew Nilium | ridiculous and inappropriate than |
Free For Use | the thing itself already is? No? All |
| right, moving on then... |
Lurking Girl II | |
Created by Lalo Martins and | Vector Ovine glares at Agent |
Tori Fike | Bennigan. "I am *so angry* at the |
General Use | East Coast Brotherhood of-- WHOA!" |
| The flamethrower on her back has set |
Colonel Panic | a boom mike on fire, and there's |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | shouting and yelling as stagehands |
Not Reserved | run in to put it out. |
| |
Small-Attention-Span-For-Nonsense | Chaos Theory zooms along the |
Lass | multifaceted byways of Hypertext |
Created by Drew Nilium | Time! And trips, and falls screaming |
Free For Use | into eternity. |
| |
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad | The corrupted UltraKiwi reaches to |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | take the Shining Dream, and is |
Not Reserved | thrown back - and before he can fall |
| into the Omnilooniverse, gets |
Net.Access | tangled in his wirework harness, |
Created by Saxon Brenton | hanging upside-down helplessly. |
Free For Use | Stagehands run up to help! |
| |
Masterplan Lad | Occultism Kid walks into his room, |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | sits down heavily, and snaps his |
Used With Permission | fingers. And a demon pops out of a |
| cupboard and leaps at him! "Not |
Forsaken Lass | again!!" he yells, being chased in |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | circles. |
Used With Permission | |
| Occultism Kid opens the jewelery box |
Manga Girl II | containing the Wings of Endless |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar and | Angst... and a demon pops out and |
Amabel Holland | starts chasing him around the room. |
Used With Permission | "I forgot about that one!!" he |
| shouts. |
Captain Continuity | |
Created by the Mystic Mongoose | A sabertooth walks up and nuzzles |
Not Reserved | against Multi-Tasking Man's legs... |
| aggressively, knocking him over. It |
Toony Stork | gets up on top of him and lies down. |
Created by Doug Moran | "Uh... help?" |
Free For Use | |
| "Keep the asterisk.gate on standby," |
Time Crapper IV | says the Crime Empress, "and have |
Created by Saxon Brenton and | agents Plotchopper, Gracemora, OTP, |
Rob Rogers | Crossplay King... and..." Her |
Not Reserved | shoulders slump, and she laughs. |
| "You know, all those other guys. Get |
Psychovant the Duck | them too." Lucy giggles gleefully. |
Created by Scott Eiler | |
Used With Permission | Space Goth GF fires Claremontizing |
| bolts at the Ultimate Ninja, who |
Imperilus the Exterminating Son | deflects them-- hitting the |
Created by Scott Eiler | director. They turn into a ten-year- |
Used With Permission | old version of themself, with a |
| mohawk, and start making dramatic |
The Black Halo | declarations about life incarnate, |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | and the assistant director yells to |
Used With Permission | cut. |
| |
Scary Ghost Lass | Dr. Stomper, Sister State-the- |
Created by Amabel Holland | Obvious and Mashup Laq get into a |
Free For Use | boat and float forward into the |
| Tunnel of Love... and the boat |
UltraSixpi | stops halfway thru the gate with a |
Created by Drew Nilium | ker-chunk! The three of them wait |
Free For Use | for a moment, then look around; |
| Mashup Laq whacks the side of the |
Obscure Trivia Lad | boat. "What a ripoff! I want my |
Created by Brian Perler | $7.50 back!" |
Not Reserved | |
| Merissa looks thru the seemingly |
Very Big Boy | empty Sub-Basement 59. "Well, |
Created by Saxon Brenton | there's this!" From behind a pile |
Used Without Permission (oops - at | of file cabinets, she pulls out... |
least it was just a cameo) | Super Apathy Lad! "The mystery is |
| solved!" shouts Toony. |
Cool S | |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "Trepidations!" shouts Complexity as |
Free For Use | Cliche Dude kicks down the door. |
| "Complexity!" he shouts. "I am... |
Bitmask | YOUR FATHER!" |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "...I humbly beg your forgiveness!?" |
Free For Use | |
| "Repeat after me," says Maria Hart. |
Slasher | "Eko eko eko, wossamotta u!" |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "Eko eko--" Victoria bursts out into |
Free For Use | helpless giggles, and after a moment |
| so do Sakura and Alice. "I'm sorry, |
Cosmic Himbo | I'm sorry..." |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | |
Free For Use | The EastJet swoops downwards, |
| transforming into the EastDrill... |
Space Goth GF | and gets stuck halfway, bouncing off |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | the ground high into the air and |
Free For Use | landing somewhere in the distance. |
| A stagehand steps carefully thru the |
The Foo | shot, looking for the prop. |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | |
Free For Use | Scary Ghost Lass pulls out an easel |
| and a stack of posterboards. "It's |
New Look Lass | time for-- whoops--" The |
Created by Charles FitzGerald | posterboards fall over, and when she |
Not Reserved | leans forward to pick them up, she |
| gets tangled in the easel and falls |
Starts-Arguments-For-No-Apparent- | over. Mashup Laq races past the |
Reason Kid | camera to help! |
Created by Amabel Holland | |
Not Reserved | Time-Waster Lad watches as the Chaos |
| Gods of the Deep Omnilooniverse |
Adamant Authority on Everything | slowly twist and shift... except for |
Created by wReam | one, which is clearly a wacky |
Not Reserved | inflatable tube man that's been |
| painted green, bouncing all over |
Gets-Annoyed-When-Writers-Mix- | the place. |
Different-Genres Lad | |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | Cliche Dude sits bolt upright in bed |
Not Reserved | and says, "No! It can't be! Captain |
| Continuity... is my FATHER!" |
Romantic Innuendo II | |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | Betamax puts the technomagical |
Not Reserved | videocasette in her chest. "Betamode |
| engage: BETACUTTER!" She flexes, and |
DNSDaemon | behind her play the opening credits |
Created by Ted Brock | of The Great Muppet Caper. She turns |
Free For Use | around to watch. "Huh." |
| |
Miss Social-Cues | OTP stares, with bloodshot eyes, |
Created by Drew Nilium | towards LNHQ, held back by Crossplay |
Free For Use | King from charging in. |
| Anti-Christ Lad quietly says, "What |
Bad-Timing Boy | do you feel, my comrade? |
Created by Vernon H. Harmon | "...I have no fucking idea." She |
Free For Use | cracks up, as do all the other West |
| Coasters. Anti-Christ Lad sighs, |
Sarcastic Lad | rolling his eyes and smiling. |
Created by Gary St. Lawrence | |
Not Reserved | Try as you might, says the dramatic |
| narration, you can't balance those |
Hell Catalyst | scales in your mind or in your |
Created by Jeff Barnes and Jeff | heart... Can you, Marvel Zombie Lad? |
McCoskey | "No!" angsts Marvel Zombie Lad. |
Not Reserved | Can you? |
| "No!!!" |
Super Apathy Lad | CAN YOU? |
Created by Jacob Lesgold | "NO--" A loud wail of feedback as |
Not Reserved | Marvel Zombie Lad's anguished scream |
| blows out the mike; he clutches his |
Loquacious Lad | head, and the narrator falls out of |
Created by Greg Schomburg | his narration booth. |
Not Reserved | |
| Mashup Laq dramatically throws a |
Thematically Important Emotional | rose to the ground. "No one can |
Music Lass | escape the challenge of Romantic |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | Duelist!" |
Not Reserved | DNSDaemon appears in a burst of |
| rose-colored smoke, wearing... |
Complexity | nothing, actually. Mashup Laq's eyes |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | bug out while DNSDaemon makes a run |
Not Reserved | for it. |
| |
Maria Hart | Erik the Plaid gestures at his |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | entourage. "May I introduce Phantom |
Used With Permission | Weirdo, the Compuwarlock, the |
| Psychic Barbarian-- dangit." |
Jeanne Morningstar | "May I introduce Phantom Warlock-- |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | nope." |
Used With Permission | "...the Psychic Crustacean, the |
| Android Barbarian, the Living |
Marvel Zombie Lad | Barbarian-- no, no, too many!" |
Created by Benjamin Pierce | "...the Android Barbarian, the |
Not Reserved | Living Bee, Super Eyeball, and of |
| course, myself, Erik the Plaid - the |
Deathspork: The Terminator | Midwest Brotherhood of |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | Net.Villains!" |
Free For Use | "...sorry, who are you?" |
| "OH COME ON--" |
Net.phisto | |
Created by Drew Nilium | The Ununnilium Stranger waves their |
Free For Use | knitting needles. "Boon, boon, |
| boon!" |
Time-Waster Lad | In a flash of rainbow light, a |
Created by Ray "Raythrax" Rich | baboon appears, and leaps on the |
Not Reserved | Shoe Devil, who runs around flailing |
| as much as a giant shoe can. |
Chaos Gods of the Deep Omnilooniverse | |
Created by Drew Nilium | Having expelled UltraKiwi Wondersock |
Free For Use | from his body, Multi-Tasking Man |
| stumbles and falls and... bonks his |
Mother Time | head on the console. He crashes to |
Created by Rob Rogers and Arthur | the ground and the console |
Spitzer | announces, "Self-destruct in 5... |
Not Reserved | 4... 3..." as Doctor Stomper and |
| Sister State-the-Obvious run around |
Betamax | flailing. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Not Reserved | Toony Stork's giant robot poses |
| mightily! |
Maryazu, Priestess of Continuity | "This is *so cool*!" says Merissa. |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "What's it called?" |
Not Reserved | Toony stares off into space for a |
| minute. "...Jimmy." |
Snyderwulf | "...Jimmy???" |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "Jimmy-Joe-Bob-Boy..." Toony trails |
Not Reserved | off into giggles, and Merissa |
| punches him in the arm, grinning. |
Captain Coredump II | |
Created by Drew Nilium and wReam | The actor playing the Bison Hat |
Free For Use | NoKluAnon guy lays on the floor, |
| face-down, groaning, to get into |
Revamp Lass II | his role. |
Created by Jeff Barnes and Jeff | |
McCoskey | UltraKiwi Wondersock points high in |
Not Reserved | the air. "When that little machine |
| reaches the apex of the Super |
Gracemora | Quarantine Field-- what?" He listens |
Created by Drew Nilium | to inaudible words from offstage, |
Free For Use | then spins around 180 degrees and |
| re-points. "When *that* little |
Agent Benjamin Bennigan | machine... No? Seriously? Agggggh!" |
Created by Drew Nilium | He spins around in a circle and |
Free For Use | falls over. |
| |
Continuity Porn Star | Plotchopper |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | |
Free For Use | "There are giant robots, giant |
| monsters, and *kiwis*," says Dr. |
Rumor Monger | Stomper. "The third, the kiwis, |
Created by Jeff Barnes | *are* the fourth, beings up on the |
Not Reserved | ha ba ba ba ba! Ba!?" He smacks his |
| lips and shakes his head. "I'm |
Kid Yesterdaze | sorry, I'm sorry, can I get a glass |
Created by Karthik P. Sheka | of water..." |
Not Reserved | "No, no," says Mashup Laq, "I think |
| you're on to something..." |
Myk-El | |
Created by Mike Kelly | "As I said," says the |
Not Reserved | anthropomorphic sabertooth Crime |
| Empress, "your funeral." |
Fuzzy | She raises her enormous fists and |
Created by Connie Hirsch | SLAMS! them down on the table... and |
Free For Use | curses and jumps up and down, |
| shaking out her hands and leaving no |
California Kid | notable mark on the table. The |
Created by Dan'l Danehy-Oakes | director stands up and yells, |
Not Reserved | "Where's the breakaway!?" |
| |
Sunny the Ostrich | Scary Ghost Lass looks right into |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | the camera and shouts, "BOO!" |
Not Reserved | There's a loud scream and the camera |
| spins wildly as the cameraman jumps |
The Shoe Devil | off and flees into the night. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Free For Use | Doctor Killfile smacks the hatch of |
| the giant robot and it opens, the |
The Anonymous Trenchcoater | wind blowing her labcoat around. She |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | grabs Obscure Trivia Lad and leaps |
Not Reserved | out... and is blown back in by the |
| wind machine, flailing, Obscure |
The Ununnilium Stranger | Trivia Lad falling out. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Not Reserved | The Crime Empress tracks Lucky Chain |
| Letter Lucy's movements, hears a |
NoKluAnon | tiny noise, and leaps to intercept-- |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | and Lucy leaps in the opposite |
Not Reserved | direction, and their heads bonk |
| together and they fall on the floor. |
Charbar, the Slammer | |
Created by Drew Nilium | In the wake of Simplicity claiming a |
Free For Use | mortal avatar, the cosmic beings |
| react. The RACelestials put down |
CollectionTitan | their tools, Rwtn-T'bol looks up |
Created by Drew Nilium | from its world-devouring, and |
Free For Use | Infi.net.e and Eter.net.y pause in |
| their cosmic dance... but Eter.net.y |
Smashup Laq | trips over Infi.net.e's foot and |
Created by Drew Nilium | plows into the audience. |
Free For Use | |
| DeltaKiwi Megantereon lifts the |
Team Science Kiwi/Queen Kiwidorah | glass of cosmic wine to his lips... |
Created by Drew Nilium | and it dribbles out thru several |
Free For Use | holes. The actor operating the |
| puppet jumps back, going "Aw, come |
Phantom Weirdo | on!" and Token Girl and Bacchus fall |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | over laughing. |
Free For Use | |
| Chaos Theory curls their fists, |
The Compuwarlock | their 6th-dimensional manifolds |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | tensing up, their 10th-dimensional |
Free For Use | arctangents inverting. But when they |
| try to rotate thru Lobachevskian |
The Psychic Crustacean | geometry, their ultraparallels get |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | caught on a horocycle and they |
Free For Use | faceplant right into an irregular |
| apeirogon. |
The Android Barbarian | |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | Token Girl sits in an old-fashioned |
Free For Use | theater of Lynchian unreality, |
| watching her own memories in a haze |
The Living Bee | of devastating recollection. Bad |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | Judgment Boy walks up, sucking |
Free For Use | loudly on a 48-ounce soda, and |
| offers her a box of Milk Duds. |
Super Eyeball | |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "We're still within a Cosmically |
Free For Use | Important Point," says Masterplan |
| Lad. "Which means that any number of |
Crystal the Receptionist | time travelers seeking to alter this |
Created by Hubert Bartels, Martin | event's outcome are due to show up |
Phipps and Ken Schmidt | here, right about..." |
Free For Use | In a streak of amber light, Burst |
| Beetle Tweseveny appears! "In the |
Constellation and Dot | name of Internet ridiculousness, |
Created by Dave Van Domelen | I will--" She looks around. "Oh, |
Used With Permission | this isn't Retcon Hour. Looks fun |
| tho, can I join in?" |
Entertainment/The Electrocutioner | "Nope nope nope *nope*!" Burst |
Created by Todd Kogutt | Beetle M-Plot runs into the scene, |
Free For Use | lifts Tweseveny over her head, and |
| runs out, leaving everyone |
Dyslexia | scratching their heads. |
Created by wReam | |
Not Reserved | Token Girl sits in a folding chair, |
| and the stage lights go out, leaving |
Ending | a single spotlight shining on her. |
Created by Saxon Brenton | She looks up into the darkness. "The |
Free For Use | thing is, some readers-- ow, jeez, |
| okay, that is *right* in my eyes, |
The X-Over Men | can we..." The spotlight dips a |
Created by Jeff Barnes | little lower. "Thank you!" |
Free For Use | |
| "Prepare to gulp down my sizzling |
Iron Canary | retcon pizzas from Pompeii!" shouts |
Created by Amabel Holland | the GreenRingKnight. "Swallow this |
Free For Use | red-hot double-retco-scoop from |
| hell! Dine on the retcon reckoning |
Convoluted Origin Man | you richly deserve! Have a hot pot |
Created by Matt Rossi | full of retcoether in a lovely white |
Not Reserved | wine sauce--" The stagehands wrestle |
| him down while he continues yelling |
Sing-Along Lass | about eating retcons. |
Created by Jameel al Khafiz | |
Not Reserved | Multi-Tasking Man takes a big gulp |
| of soda and gives the soda machine |
Theater Kid | an affectionate pat... causing |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | several cans to roll out of the slot |
Not Reserved | and smack him on the foot. He |
| shouts, grabs his foot and falls |
No sabertooths were harmed in the | over. |
making of this net.comic. All | |
resemblace to real events or people | ++How are you feeling?++ mindspeaks |
is silly. Do not take if pregnant, | Obscure Trivia Lad. |
nursing, or Canadian. Produced | --Well, I suppose you must-- |
entirely with union laber. Well, I'm | Occultism Kid pauses. --Wait, I |
*in* a union, anyway. Post no bills. | thought I was using the pluses and |
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you | you were using the minuses.++ |
no lies. Don't take any wooden | ++Obscure Trivia Lad thought-- |
nickels. Why did I decide to do a | hang on, which ones did |
whole fake blooper reel, this is so | Constellation use and which ones did |
much work. | Dot use?-- |
| **Uhhhhhhh...%% |
Catalyst Lass and Token Girl will | |
return in... | Bad Judgment Boy is dressed up in |
LEADERSHIP CRISIS NET.ROPOLIS 2022 | yellow. |
| |
|--------------------------------------|--------------------------------------|
August 22nd, 2022.
Ever since the big bandshell battle, Nina had been ready for this. Catalyst
Lass had convinced her to hold back until after the 30th anniversary of the
Cosmic Plot Device Caper, because she was sure there would be *something* going
on that would require their full attention. But now...
She stood on a big stage whose curtain was closed, her Co-Deputy Leaders there
with her. Outside, the press was milling about, waiting for the big announcement
that the leader of the biggest net.hero team in history had promised them.
"You're sure you want to do this?" said Cheesecake-Eater Lad. "We can still
turn this into a press conference on my new EDM cheesecakes."
She nodded, just once, and Cheesecake-Eater Lad sighed a little, but gave her a
big, encouraging smile. She climbed the podium, Fearless Leader taking a
position to her left, Catalyst Lass to her right. She looked over to Theater
Kid and gave them a nod, and the curtain drew back.
All eyes were on Nina. A dozen microphones were arranged around the podium, and
cameras recorded her from a number of different angles. Hundreds of faces were
turned toward her, waiting.
Best not to disappoint them, eh?
She took a deep breath, lifted her chin, and said, "The Ultimate Ninja is dead."
Eyes opened in shock, and breaths were drawn. Before anyone could react, Nina
plowed forward. "He sacrificed himself in the battle against Neme.sys. He
didn't want anyone to know, lest the net.villains of the world take advantage
of his absence, so he appointed a successor to carry on in his place."
Nina reached up and hooked her thumbs under her mask. The soft, breathable
cloth slid up and off her face, and the assembled crowd let out their breath in
shock.
"My name is Nina Yamashiro, and I'm the Ultimate Ninja." She gave the assembled
audience an authentic Ninja Look, brow furrowed, one eyebrow raised, powerful
yet serene, ready for anything. "Any questions?"
====
THE BEGINNING
"No! No!!!!!" shouted Agent Bennigan. "None of that fancy 'The Beginning'
garbage! This story has gone on long enough!!! It's over! This is the end! The
end!!!!"
A giant stone block that said
"THE END"
fell down from the ceiling and crushed Agent Bennigan.
"Ow," he said.
In the audience, all the X-Over Men clapped.
IT'S OVER!!!!
Drew "but come back tomorrow anyway please" Nilium
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