LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #128: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Four

[Drew Nilium]

On 11/17/2019 4:25 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
>       Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad flexed his hand, limbering up all six
> digits (four fingers and two thumbs),

Is this the first place that was established?

>       The room was hushed. Normally being chosen to be the LNH leader was
> considered a great honour and responsibility (or a vast and embarrassing
> waste of time, depending) but just at the moment there was the small
> added complication that whoever was leading the sprawling superhero team
> would vanish without trace at midnight. If this kept up they would
> eventually run out of members to advance to the leadership position.

...eventually.

>       "At this point all of the Legion's resources that could plausibly
> be used to unravel this problem are being used for just that purpose,"
> Limp-Asparagus Lad answered. "That includes Doctor Stomper's experiments,
> Occultism Kid's divinations, All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Destiny
> Woman's mystic trances, and the ongoing research to find comparable
> past incidents by Bibliography Boy, Librarian Lady, Research Lass,
> Anal-Retentive Archive Kid, Librarian Lad, wReamhack and Renegade
> Programmer..."
>       "Yes, yes, yes! We know all that!" snapped Sarcastic Lad.
>       "I am giving a plot summary," Limp-Asparagus Lad said to the
> aggravated extraterrestrial LNHer calmly.

And also helpfully establishing a piece of the premise, since not all that had been.

> "In any case, as far as we can
> tell all that can be done is being done. Under the circumstances I think
> the best thing that I can do is ensure that they are not interrupted in
> their work. Having other active members assigned to field teams to handle
> emergencies is part of that, but it occurs to me that I should also be
> making sure that the electricity isn't cut off." He looked at them.
> "With the previous team leaders all having gone missing, has anybody
> been making sure that the bills are being paid?"
>       The other Legionnaires all looked flummoxed.

I love L-AL. He's like bread - a solid foundation for more flavorful ingredients.

>       But alas! Such was not to be. The Legion was an emergency services
> organisation,

That's an extremely useful way to look at it.

>       Fred the receptionist looked up from his copy of _Dfandom Magazine_

heeheehee I got referenced :D

> Okay, here we go. It's Limp-Asparagus Lad."
>       "Who?"
>       Fred looked up at the musically themed miscreant. "Er... Limp-
> Asparagus Lad."
>       "Never heard of him."
>       "The Man of Dull? The World's Most Boring Mutant Hero?"
>       Doctor Glockenspiel stepped forward menacingly. "I think you're
> making this up!"

X3 <3

> "Tell you
> what, instead of me calling him on the internal phone, how about you
> use the building's public address system to challenge him to a fight
> scene. That way you can be sure that he'll hear it and there aren't any
> tricks involved."

Very smart.

>       Doctor Glockenspiel looked at Limp-Asparagus Lad with distaste.
> The net.hero didn't look like an appropriate leader for the much lauded
> Legion. For goodness sake, he wasn't even in an appropriate stance of
> readiness, prepared to sidestep Doctor Glockenspiel's well-nigh
> inevitable attack! He was just *standing there*!

X3

>       "Excuse me," said Limp-Asparagus Lad. "I do not appreciate the
> implication that I am lying," he said sternly.

I also quite like the personality that he has.

>       "Why do you call yourself Doctor Glockenspiel, anyway?" asked Limp-
> Asparagus Lad during a brief lapse in the villain's yelling. "Were you
> bitten by a radioactive glockenspiel? Did a glockenspiel fly through your
> window one night while you were brooding over the brutal murder of your
> parents?"
>       "No!" snapped Doctor Glockenspiel. "Nor was I rocketed away from
> an exploding glockenspiel as a baby!"

heeheehee I love this kind of gag too

> He struck yet another dramatic
> pose - this one with his head turned to one side in profile and with one
> clenched fist brought up against his chest above his heart

ooooooh, ahhhhh

> "One day I realised that all the truly great villains have names that
> inspire awe and dread, and that eventually all of those names would be
> used up. On that day, I vowed to take up the name of Doctor Glockenspiel.
> DOC-tor GLOCK-enspiel,"

Amazing.

>       "So you adopted a supervillainous identity purely because you liked
> the name," said Limp-Asparagus Lad. He didn't dignify the notion with
> the description 'because the name was impressive'.

heeheeheeheee

>       "You know," said Convoluted Origin Man as he frowned into the now
> empty popcorn box, "as someone who's suffered a lot from stupid origins,
> I'd say that's one of the worst I've ever heard."

X3

>       "I have already explained my reasons. The LNH-HQ needs to be kept
> running so that the people trying to find the answer to the mystery of
> the disappearing leaders aren't distracted. And since I have no way of
> knowing whether any of my successors will have the personality types to
> ensure the normal running of the organisation, it's for the best that I
> try do as much as I can now."

Let's face it, if we're picking randomly from the roster of the Legion, the 
chances are slim.

> Bluntly, I think Ultimate Ninja
> manages to run the Legion more with the inhuman stamina and willpower
> that he can summon from his ninja training than from any sensible
> administrative model, plus the fact that most people are too scared of
> him to send him bills. He also seems to be too autocratic to delegate
> properly."

An excellent characterization and also very influential on me.

>       "Of course I am afraid," said Limp-Asparagus Lad. "Fear is a
> perfectly sensible response to a unknown and potentially life threatening
> situation. It can also be used as a tool, sharpening the perception and
> helping to stave off complacency. It's only if the response to that fear
> is cowardice that it is unaccep..."
>       And then it was midnight, and he was gone.

Heeheehee. <3 Love it.

> Outside the LNHHQ, dramatically suitable dark clouds failed to roll over
> head and block the currently sunny day. A limousine prowled through the
> streets, and eventually turned onto Rackham Avenue. It rolled to a
> discreet stop (or, at least, a discreet a stop as possible given the
> gawping onlookers the shiny dark limousine could produce), and a young
> man hurriedly stepped out of the front of the car, smoothing his suit as
> he ran for the back car door on the other side.

Build-up!

>   	"There are two names on here. I can't say I recognise the second
> one, but the leader for today is Suddenly Exploding Boy!"
>   	"Well, shucks. I'd just like to-" KABLAMMOO!
>   	"Ah. Well, I guess that explains why there are two names then,"
> said the dexterous paper puller, standing up from behind the bench he
> had suddenly thrown himself. "Damn these one-shot jokes.

I absolutely need to bring him back.

>   	"So where are all our leaders gone then?"
>   	"That's not a naturally occurring frequently asked question!"
> Faq Boy replied, trying to suppress his natural frustration at having to
> point out how FAQs worked. "You don't have new people turning up and
> asking that question over a long period of time. In the future "What was
> the Leadership Crisis about?" may become just such a faq, but until
> then, it's basically just one on-going question."

Ironically, he'd be really useful in a mon-- in a few weeks.

>   	"The Roster King was a variant of Acton Lord and was killed by
> meeting his Oddball counterpart," Faq Boy explained. [Yep, an even
> longer story, but this one was in _World Tales Annual #2_ - Footnote
> Girl]

I really need to read that story, I remember liking the original Roster King 
story a lot.

> Faq Boy threw up his hands in disgust. Didn't anything get signed around
> here? In Ultimate Ninja's office he had found the desk, several stacks
> of paper and a spare katana, which he suspected was regularly used on
> the stacks of paper. Faq Boy knew that the Roster King always managed to
> stay on top of it, but somehow Faq Boy had missed those opportunities to
> get involved himself and now he couldn't even find the day planner.

I'm surprised how seriously he's taking it.

>   	"Actually, it would be better described by more of a 'whoot',
> but ornithologists don't necessarily reach agreement on... Wait a
> minute, the Ultimate Ninja ordered a bunch of owls to celebrate Health
> Day?"
>   	"Actually, I think it was Sarcastic Lad, but he's not owning up
> to it."

heeheehee

> "Faq Boy, I've got a request from Cheesecake-Eater Lad to make his Lard
> and Grease Cheesecake in honour of World Health Day."
>   	"I refuse to even ask how he came up with that idea. Vetoed."

heeheehee

> "Faq Boy, Doctor Stomper has an idea on how to track down where the
> leaders have all gone, but says it might lead to the destruction of
> everything in the universe. Can he go ahead?"
>   	"At this point, I'm all for it."

X3

>   	Faq Boy strode past Squeaky Clean with barely a glance in his
> direction. "I've had it with you people! If it's not a request to
> rebuild the top floor, then it's notice of another alien invasion attack
> or news that Frat Boy's popcorn machine has broken free and declaring
> itself a sovereign state with all rights to be recognised!"
>   	"Hey, that last one only happened twice."

Bwahahaha. <3

>   	"You want to know where your leaders are going? They're taking
> off after being in charge of you lot for more than five minutes.

That's great. X3

>   	"We're still no closer to finding out what is really going on,"
> Doctor Stomper weighed in. "And now, our next leader we could have run
> tests on has just left. Real helpful there."

Oh shoot, all the responsible Legionnaires disappeared first!

Drew "this is gonna be a long April" Nilium