LNH: Worst LNH Series -- EVER!! #2 -- The Legion of Net.Hipsterinos!

[Drew Perron]

On 5/13/2017 4:41 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> "Hey, Doc," said Rick (Dr. Refuse2Amuse's roommate)
> browsing his way through the Net, "Looks like you got some
> reviews for this series!"
>
> "Excellent!"  Dr. Refuse2Amuse rubbed his hands in a very
> fiendish manner.  "Undoubtedly, they're all very nasty
> horrible reviews written by people cursing my existence.
> All wishing that they could get back that oh so precious
> time that they lost reading this wretched excuse for a
> series.  But they can never get that back.  No.  It's lost
> -- Lost forever!  Forever!!!!  Mwuhuhhhuhuhuuhhh!!!!"  Dr.
> Refuse2Amuse pumped his fists into the air.  "I must read
> these reviews!  I must taste their frustrated tears of
> boredom.  Oh, yes, I must -- I must taste them all!!!"  Dr.
> Refuse2Amuse lashed his lips with his tongue.

I never know where to cut Arthur's paragraphs for brevity, because they keep 
building and building and building the joke, it's great. XD

> "Actually, most of them are pretty good," Rich said
> gesturing to the screen.  "Yeah, you got a bunch five stars
> reviews.  See?"
>
> "No!  That's impossible!  That's a lie!!  No one could
> possible like this abomination of literature!!  No one!!
> Only the most braindead fool of a cretin fool could get any
> pleasure from this!!  Who are these fools?  I must know!!!"

It's me~e

> "Well, most of the reviews are coming from these guys that
> call themselves the Legion of Net.Hipsterinos.."

Oh my god. XD

> "Yeah, they're kind of this group of jerkoffs that are into
> 'liking' stuff,"  Rick made some air quotes with his
> fingers.   "You know liking stuff in an ironic sort of way.
> You know?"

Man, we need to get Irony Man II on this... or whatever she's called after Flame 
Wars Final... ha... h-ha... .-.;;;

> I will not abide by
> this horrid criticism malpractice of epic proportions!!

I love this sentence

> Dr. Refuse2Amuse paused a bit.  And then he clenched his
> teeth harder than any other fictional character has ever
> clenched his(or her) teeth ever.  Ever!  EVER!!!

Baron Hyperbole needs to show up

> And then he flew out of the Studio Apartment's window.
> Glass rained down on the city.
>
> And then ten minutes later he flew right back into the
> apartment.  "Where are these guys exactly?"

Heeheehee X3 This was a marvelously understated moment in the middle of the 
hyperbole

> A man dressed in the most ironic hipsterish way possible
> twirled his chair as his microphone on his headphones
> captured all his 'oh so fascinating' 'thoughts'.

I was into hipster fashion before it was described. B|

> Yeah, remember that scene from
> Poltergeist where that little girl is just staring at the
> Snow Channel till she gets like sucked into the TV?  Man,
> kids can't do that stuff anymore -- Man, we need to get the
> complete Snow Channel on DVD -- Why aren't you getting on
> that Congress -- Yeah, Congress!!  Kids need to be sucked
> into their TVs!!!  Hipsterinos, 'write' your Congressmen.
> You should 'totally' do that!  Anyways..."

I feel like the 'irony quotes' put this guy over the top as The Ultimate Arthur 
Spitzer Character.

> And then the wall exploded hurling the Ultimate Hipsterino
> towards the floor.  "Whoahh!  There's like a super villain
> trashing my studio, fellow Hipsterinos!  Aren't trashed
> studios like the 'best'.  Maybe he's going to beat me up.
> I really 'hope' that happens.  I mean..."

This is amazing X3

> "Oh geeze,"  The Ultimate Hipsterino looked down at the
> bottom half of his body, which looked like it had gone
> through a sausage grinder after a nice swedish wood chipper
> massage.  "Ouch!  Oh, I think I'm going to be dead soon,
> dear listeners.  Yeah, all that blood coming out.  Not
> good.  Not good for the UH.  A shame.  Was really looking
> forward to reading this newest issue.  I can already tell -
> - going to be an 'instant classic'.  Going to be..."

You know, usually comedic over-the-top violence doesn't work for me? But this 
is... again, amazing. XD

Drew "completely sincere enjoyment" Perron