LNH: Worst LNH Series -- EVER!! #2 -- The Legion of Net.Hipsterinos!
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sat May 13 13:41:30 PDT 2017
Worst LNH Series -- EVER!! #2
The Legion of Net.Hipsterinos!
"Hey, Doc," said Rick (Dr. Refuse2Amuse's roommate)
browsing his way through the Net, "Looks like you got some
reviews for this series!"
"Excellent!" Dr. Refuse2Amuse rubbed his hands in a very
fiendish manner. "Undoubtedly, they're all very nasty
horrible reviews written by people cursing my existence.
All wishing that they could get back that oh so precious
time that they lost reading this wretched excuse for a
series. But they can never get that back. No. It's lost
-- Lost forever! Forever!!!! Mwuhuhhhuhuhuuhhh!!!!" Dr.
Refuse2Amuse pumped his fists into the air. "I must read
these reviews! I must taste their frustrated tears of
boredom. Oh, yes, I must -- I must taste them all!!!" Dr.
Refuse2Amuse lashed his lips with his tongue.
"Actually, most of them are pretty good," Rich said
gesturing to the screen. "Yeah, you got a bunch five stars
"No! That's impossible! That's a lie!! No one could
possible like this abomination of literature!! No one!!
Only the most braindead fool of a cretin fool could get any
pleasure from this!! Who are these fools? I must know!!!"
"Well, most of the reviews are coming from these guys that
call themselves the Legion of Net.Hipsterinos.."
"Yeah, they're kind of this group of jerkoffs that are into
'liking' stuff," Rick made some air quotes with his
fingers. "You know liking stuff in an ironic sort of way.
"No. I will not allow that. No one can like this series.
This Worst LNH Series -- EVER!! None!! Not even in some
ironic hipsterish sort of way!! No! I will not abide by
this horrid criticism malpractice of epic proportions!!
No!!! NO!!!!! I WILL NOT!!!!!!"
Dr. Refuse2Amuse paused a bit. And then he clenched his
teeth harder than any other fictional character has ever
clenched his(or her) teeth ever. Ever! EVER!!! "I shall
deal with these Legion of Net.Hipsterinos. And I shall
destroy them! Destroy them ALL!!!!!!! ALL OF THEM!!!!!"
And then he flew out of the Studio Apartment's window.
Glass rained down on the city.
And then ten minutes later he flew right back into the
apartment. "Where are these guys exactly?"
A man dressed in the most ironic hipsterish way possible
twirled his chair as his microphone on his headphones
captured all his 'oh so fascinating' 'thoughts'. "Hey, my
fellow hipsterinos. The UH is 'twirling' his chair.
'Talking' on his headphone's microphone -- if you know what
I mean," the Ultimate Hipsterino said with a wink. "You
know I really hate these modern TVs. Where is the Snow
Channel? Man, I miss the Snow Channel! The Snow Channel
was like the 'Best' Yeah, remember that scene from
Poltergeist where that little girl is just staring at the
Snow Channel till she gets like sucked into the TV? Man,
kids can't do that stuff anymore -- Man, we need to get the
complete Snow Channel on DVD -- Why aren't you getting on
that Congress -- Yeah, Congress!! Kids need to be sucked
into their TVs!!! Hipsterinos, 'write' your Congressmen.
You should 'totally' do that! Anyways..."
And then the wall exploded hurling the Ultimate Hipsterino
towards the floor. "Whoahh! There's like a super villain
trashing my studio, fellow Hipsterinos! Aren't trashed
studios like the 'best'. Maybe he's going to beat me up.
I really 'hope' that happens. I mean..."
"Shut up! Just shut up!!! This is your day of reckoning
Ultimate Hipsterino! You shall pay for your clueless five
star reviews of my 'Worst LNH Series -- EVER' series!!!
This is the End of the Legion of Net.Hipsterinos!!"
"Oh, Jesusjesus!! This is the guy -- I was telling you
about -- last podcast!! This is the guy!! He's in
literally the 'Best' new LNH series!! You all have to read
"No! Don't read it!! It's awful!! Awful!!!!"
"Awfully great -- is what I think he means. Oh man -- Is
this like a -- is this the new issue? Are we right in the
middle of a new brand spanking issue? Oh man. This is like --
oh, man there aren't words! We're getting into Family
Circus levels of 'greatness' here folks! Could this be
"Enough! This is your end, Ultimate Hipsterino!" And with
a blast of his wristbands the battle was over before it had
"Oh geeze," The Ultimate Hipsterino looked down at the
bottom half of his body, which looked like it had gone
through a sausage grinder after a nice swedish wood chipper
massage. "Ouch! Oh, I think I'm going to be dead soon,
dear listeners. Yeah, all that blood coming out. Not
good. Not good for the UH. A shame. Was really looking
forward to reading this newest issue. I can already tell -
- going to be an 'instant classic'. Going to be..."
"No! Take that back! Take that back!! It's not an
instant classic!! Not an instant classic!!! NO!!!!!!!"
Dr. Refuse2Amuse screamed at the dead body of the Ultimate
Credits: Dr. Refuse2Amuse, Rick, and the Ultimate
Hipsterino are mine.
Arthur "Air Quotes..." Spitzer
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