LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #9: Looniverse Adrift! Part Four

[Drew Perron]

On 3/16/2016 9:30 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> 	Catalyst Lass flashed them a brief smile.  "That is so sweet guys, but
> really IO Boy, we need your powers here more.  Cheesey, as Vice-Leader you
> better go on out and command the battle and stuff.  Watch over LLL, but keep
> the battle in hand, 'kay?"

This is definitely Intensely Competent Catalyst Lass.

> 	"Try a little of your own medicine, you Bug-Eyed Monsters.  I don't
> know what you're used to on the Moon, but here on Earth we don't take kindly
> to invasions!"
> 	Despite his tenuous grasp on the situation,

Heeheehee

> 	With a leap, Ordinary Lady grabbed a low-flying attacker.  A few sur-
> gical strikes of her katana, and it exploded.  She agilely rode the explosion
> upwards, performing an intricate acrobatic maneuver to grab the next one.

Appropriate for the setting.

> Fighting back a tear of frustration, C-E Lad grabbed his communi-
> cator and began coordinating the air battle, his own Cheesecake shooters
> splooging mightily.

Heeheeheehee

> 	Squeeky's face would have put doubt in the Sanitary Samaritan's mind.
> "Now _what_ did I do with Killfile's body?" he muttered.

Heeheehee. <3

> 	Ebon watched, hidden, as the Looniversian Avatar of Order conferred
> with the Avatars of Logical Reasoning and Gadgeteering.

This is a bit overcomplicated, especially as one could make a good argument for 
Master Workload as fitting "Looniversian Avatar of Order", but ah well~

> Manga Man began to doubt the wisdom of saving money by manufacturing
> them with Voltronium -- a cheap and extremely unstable metal.

...but Voltron doesn't explode? :o

> 	"Unnh.  Using my Armor against me.  How Ironic . . ."  The truth hit
> the Coincidental Crusader. "No!  Not magnetics, it's actually attacking me with
> _Irony_!  Now that is ironic . . . Uuunh!"  The irony fed back into greater and
> greater levels.  IM's detector shattered.  "Can't take the strain . . ."
> Irony Man blacked out and tumbled.

:D I love this sort of bit.

> 	<( Cat, we've been over this.  My powers don't work that way.  I have
> to have a genuine _need_ to know . . . Ho`'od Win. Now if the plan involved
> Napalm and Nomex instead . . .)>
> 	The leader of the LNH nodded, her perkiness suffering under the dire
> straits.  She looked deep into HHW's hood, where she hoped her eyes were.  "I
> know, Hood.  But they can't help us now.  I think it'd be just real neat if
> .. . ."

Yet another good use of Cat's powers!

>Unobserved,
> Useless Background Character Lad wept quietly in the corner.  Even in the LNH's
> darkest hour of need he was unable to help.

*dramatic sad violins*

> 	<( Many thanks, Catalyst Lass for your convincing.  The Contention
> Comes!  For now I must know . . .Ho`'od Win:  Webster or Webs tor!  But no such
> Baster/Mastigator conflict will suffice.  She Who Must Know . . . Ho`'od Win
> commands the Conflict of WRITER/DIRECTOR! )>

:o

> 	IO Boy quickly unplugged cables from the Webs' watches, cables Dr.
> Stomper had used to download hastily programmed forms for the Webs.
> 	The unconscious Tsar Chasm aids stirred on the floor.  Then they
> slowly rose.  The two coldly regarded each other, simultaneously touched
> watches, then swelled incredibly.  Hooded Ho`'od Win levitated up as the pair
> grew to mammoth proportions, shattering the LNHHQ roof.  They continued to
> grow, dwarfing the combatants until their heads nearly brushed Manga Man's
> battle cruiser.

:D :D :D

> Manga Man used the opportunity to unsheath
> a sword from a scabbard that was half its size. It was clustered with circuitry
> that served no apparent purpose.

So a lot of Manga Man's early appearances have a fairly shallow engagement with 
manga as a Thing `-`;

> 	"VIEWERS DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. THEY WANT EXPLOSIONS!"  To emphasize
> his point, the great battle cruiser began exploding with a series of tremendous
> shocks.

My god, Webs Tor has become Michael Bay!

> 	"SENSORS?  THERE'S NO WAY TO VISUALLY PORTRAY THAT!  HE'D USE GREAT
> PLANET-DESTROYING BEAMS..."
> 	The LNH looked in horror at their imminent destruction.

Heeheehee

> 	"OK, BUT THE PLANET DEFINATELY GETS DESTROYED, RIGHT?"
> 	"RIGht . ."
> 	<( Enough!  The Contention is Done.

Heeheehee

> Circuits confirmed that in the blink of an eye, the
> Looniverse had been relocated to comp.sources.unix, though the only external
> evidence was the eradication of all plants in the Looniverse, and
> transformation of its citizens into automatons.

Oh, is that all.

(This one implies "The Looniverse". I like the idea that the rest of the 
Looniverse beyond Net.ropolis wasn't affected, simply because, in a 
metafictional sense, it didn't really coherently *exist* at this point.)

> 	At a mental command, the System tweaked the pixellian source.  In the
> middle of the room, seemingly the air itself became white static.  It was a
> pocket of scrambled reality, fatal to any Net.Being it engulfed.

That's *really* cool.

> 	<( Cat.  You know I cannot be hurt during the Conflict. )>  HHW turned
> to Napalm and Nomex.  <( If things go badly, with your permission I will pit
> the two of you against one another.  This will allow me an even battle with
> Ebon.  Hopefully.)>

Yesssssssss. :D Augh, so much clever use of powers.

> 	Contraption Man eyed Ferris dully.  "The Master won't like that .. . ."
> 	Catalyst Lass grabbed the Future Man's face in her hands.  She stared
> at him intently.  "Listen, I think it'd be real neat to do it, okay?"  Contrap-
> tion Man's eyes focussed on the Motivational Maiden.  He nodded.  His
> hands started slowly, but quickly reached an incredible tinkering speed.

See, they shoulda just done that instead of having Self-Righteous Preacher take 
care of it.

> 	"It's ready," said Contraption Man with no fanfare.  Parking Karma Kid
> seated himself at the great machine with the dashboard mounted incongruously to
> its face. "It's wired so a press of the gas and we skip out of our current uni-
> verse, turn the wheel and we enter another, set the brake and we anchor there."

I've always loved the idea of this thing.

> 	PK Kid was sweating.  "I've never parked a universe before."
> 	Deductive Logic Man spoke quietly.  "We're counting on your karmic
> powers to do what your conscious mind can't.  We need to either find a universe
> that limits Ebon's powers or reestablish contact with our cosmic branch."

Augh. *Really* good example of pushing a character's concept to its utmost.

> 	Ebon stopped in mid-attack.  Rec.arts.prose?  Suddenly, the universe
> felt more rigid, nearly impossible to mold beyond certain guidelines.  He'd
> landed in a literary critics universe -- worse, a moderated one.  His host's
> powers were vastly reduced here, not to mention his own.

Yeah, gatekeeping writing never ends well. `-`;

> 	A dark figure stepped from behind the Universal Anchor.  He appeared to
> be totally black with small stars flickering in his substance.  "You murdered
> my friends, Ebon.  You will pay."  A great comet of a sword grew from his hand.

>:D

> 	Squeeky Clean was pulling on Killfile's feet.  "No Captain Cleanup!
> There're better ways to clean him up."  Killfile's eyes flickered open, their
> pupils pure black an instant before Squeeky Clean lost his grip.  Captain
> Cleanup tossed Killfile's body into a patch of scrambled reality, destroying it
> utterly.

D'oh!

> 	"Cat, we're 106 newsgroups from home, we got a full power cell, half
> the LNH, we're lost and we don't know where the Looniverse should be."
> 	<("Hit it.")> said Cat and HHW in unison...

*cackles* Wonderful

> 	NEXT:  "Lack of Faith" has been postponed due to encroaching crossovers.

Also: It will never happen

> FINALLY!  Here is the epilogue to the 'Looniverse Adrift' storyline(which
> Jeff has the list of suggestions that he never sent me so it sticks for
> now:)

And thank goodness.

> 	Cheesecake-Eater Lad and most of the NWCs were in the Med-Lab healing
> their wounds.  They were occupying bedspace that used to hold the WC's, who had
> recovered quickly after the battle with Ebon.

That was surprisingly offscreen for something so central.

> 	Master Roster Man asked, "Now wait.  Manga Man is listed as hating
> Robotech.  How'd he have Veritech fighters on his cruiser?"
> 	Stomper responded, "Apparently, like most manga snobs, he secretly
> enjoyed Robotech but couldn't admit it to anyone."

Not even getting into it~

> 	"but Permitting the Webs to Process those Potentially Powerful
> Programs," began aLLiteratvie Lass.
> 	"Don't worry.  I erased and destroyed the programs.  They won't fall
> into Tsar Chasm's hands.  We took the Universal Anchor for the same reason."

Quickly, we have only one issue to wrap everything up!

> 	After an uncomfortable pause, Sarcastic Lad spoke.  "Nice of Ultimate
> Ninja to stop by and see us."
> 	Frat Boy chimed in, "I know I'm the new pledge, but why's he our pledge
> master anyway?  I mean Catalyst Lass did a great job, saved the Looniverse I
> bet.  And she was here for hours -- without any sleep for herself."

Yeah, agreed! Rabble rabble rabble

> "A few losses to the Looniverse's population.  Nothing of consequence,
> save perhaps Tsar Chasm.  There must have been something more to him than
> was ever let on.  Not many mortals can say they have moved the wielder of
> the Power Kirby two times against his will, nor many who can claim thwarting
> the machinations of a Looniversan Elder."
> 	The edges of the Stranger's trenchcoat floated as if caught in a
> breeze, "Many cultures believe death is just the gateway to a newer, better
> life."

Indeed :D

> 	Ultimate Ninja shook Catalyst Lass' hand brusquely.  "Congratulations,
> Catalyst Lass.  You NWCs did a great job, but we're back now.  I'll handle the
> LNH from here."
> 	"Gee, he sure doesn't smother you in gratitude," laughed CL as the
> ninja stalked away.

Cat you're so great.

>       Lord Ebon's spirit fled the burning body of Killfile, as one net.element
> reclaimed another...flames will always kill a thread.

It's interesting, there's a mistake here - they were *going* to throw Killfile 
into the furnace, but *actually* threw him into scrambled reality. (One wonders 
if even Ebon himself could've survived that.) I wonder if it's actually a subtle 
retcon, though - a "no wait I still need this character", considering the rest 
of the scene.

>       ++I'm Dot...his partner, remember?  You feasted on part of *my* soul too.
> Your continued existence hurts him.  He wants revenge, but he has neither the
> energy nor the skill to truly end your menace.  I normally stay quiet and
> passive, because we choose to live in a world more to his 'tastes' than mine.
> But this is *my* realm, interloper.  My senses, my powers, my preconceptions
> are ideal to this shifting protean existence.  Over time, my beloved will learn
> these senses just as I will learn his...but for now he sleeps.  And you....++
>       "You cannot kill me!  I am the ultimate Alchemist!  I have mastered
> Eternal Life!  Your best effort will merely inconvenience me!" raged Lord Ebon.
>       ++No, I cannot kill you, Baron Iago Montessi.  I - CAN - DO - WORSE!++

As an example of "gonna do the hardcore thing because my nicer partner won't", 
this is interesting - Dot has, up until this point, mostly *been* more passive, 
and having her do this starts a process of fleshing-out and Constellation 
reacting to it that's a direct line all the way to the climax of that series.

>       Back in his own body, six weeks after his burial in the new churchyard,
> Baron Iago Montessi raged impotently at the walls of his stone crypt.

Also this is a time loop that doesn't actually make a lot of logical sense, but 
oh well~

> 	Kid G shook his head and entered the HQ of the LNH and was greeted
> by Fred, one of the secretaries.
> 	"Oh! Kid G!  It's been a while since you've been in...something
> wrong?"
> 	"Hmm?  Oh, not really.  Just some personal business I had to attend
> to.  I should be around much more from now on."

Such a fascinating character. <3 (and such a neeeeeerd)

Drew "also a nerd" Perron