LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #9: Looniverse Adrift! Part Four
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Apr 16 09:22:12 PDT 2016
On 3/16/2016 9:30 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> Catalyst Lass flashed them a brief smile. "That is so sweet guys, but
> really IO Boy, we need your powers here more. Cheesey, as Vice-Leader you
> better go on out and command the battle and stuff. Watch over LLL, but keep
> the battle in hand, 'kay?"
This is definitely Intensely Competent Catalyst Lass.
> "Try a little of your own medicine, you Bug-Eyed Monsters. I don't
> know what you're used to on the Moon, but here on Earth we don't take kindly
> to invasions!"
> Despite his tenuous grasp on the situation,
> With a leap, Ordinary Lady grabbed a low-flying attacker. A few sur-
> gical strikes of her katana, and it exploded. She agilely rode the explosion
> upwards, performing an intricate acrobatic maneuver to grab the next one.
Appropriate for the setting.
> Fighting back a tear of frustration, C-E Lad grabbed his communi-
> cator and began coordinating the air battle, his own Cheesecake shooters
> splooging mightily.
> Squeeky's face would have put doubt in the Sanitary Samaritan's mind.
> "Now _what_ did I do with Killfile's body?" he muttered.
> Ebon watched, hidden, as the Looniversian Avatar of Order conferred
> with the Avatars of Logical Reasoning and Gadgeteering.
This is a bit overcomplicated, especially as one could make a good argument for
Master Workload as fitting "Looniversian Avatar of Order", but ah well~
> Manga Man began to doubt the wisdom of saving money by manufacturing
> them with Voltronium -- a cheap and extremely unstable metal.
...but Voltron doesn't explode? :o
> "Unnh. Using my Armor against me. How Ironic . . ." The truth hit
> the Coincidental Crusader. "No! Not magnetics, it's actually attacking me with
> _Irony_! Now that is ironic . . . Uuunh!" The irony fed back into greater and
> greater levels. IM's detector shattered. "Can't take the strain . . ."
> Irony Man blacked out and tumbled.
:D I love this sort of bit.
> <( Cat, we've been over this. My powers don't work that way. I have
> to have a genuine _need_ to know . . . Ho`'od Win. Now if the plan involved
> Napalm and Nomex instead . . .)>
> The leader of the LNH nodded, her perkiness suffering under the dire
> straits. She looked deep into HHW's hood, where she hoped her eyes were. "I
> know, Hood. But they can't help us now. I think it'd be just real neat if
> .. . ."
Yet another good use of Cat's powers!
> Useless Background Character Lad wept quietly in the corner. Even in the LNH's
> darkest hour of need he was unable to help.
*dramatic sad violins*
> <( Many thanks, Catalyst Lass for your convincing. The Contention
> Comes! For now I must know . . .Ho`'od Win: Webster or Webs tor! But no such
> Baster/Mastigator conflict will suffice. She Who Must Know . . . Ho`'od Win
> commands the Conflict of WRITER/DIRECTOR! )>
> IO Boy quickly unplugged cables from the Webs' watches, cables Dr.
> Stomper had used to download hastily programmed forms for the Webs.
> The unconscious Tsar Chasm aids stirred on the floor. Then they
> slowly rose. The two coldly regarded each other, simultaneously touched
> watches, then swelled incredibly. Hooded Ho`'od Win levitated up as the pair
> grew to mammoth proportions, shattering the LNHHQ roof. They continued to
> grow, dwarfing the combatants until their heads nearly brushed Manga Man's
> battle cruiser.
:D :D :D
> Manga Man used the opportunity to unsheath
> a sword from a scabbard that was half its size. It was clustered with circuitry
> that served no apparent purpose.
So a lot of Manga Man's early appearances have a fairly shallow engagement with
manga as a Thing `-`;
> "VIEWERS DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. THEY WANT EXPLOSIONS!" To emphasize
> his point, the great battle cruiser began exploding with a series of tremendous
My god, Webs Tor has become Michael Bay!
> "SENSORS? THERE'S NO WAY TO VISUALLY PORTRAY THAT! HE'D USE GREAT
> PLANET-DESTROYING BEAMS..."
> The LNH looked in horror at their imminent destruction.
> "OK, BUT THE PLANET DEFINATELY GETS DESTROYED, RIGHT?"
> "RIGht . ."
> <( Enough! The Contention is Done.
> Circuits confirmed that in the blink of an eye, the
> Looniverse had been relocated to comp.sources.unix, though the only external
> evidence was the eradication of all plants in the Looniverse, and
> transformation of its citizens into automatons.
Oh, is that all.
(This one implies "The Looniverse". I like the idea that the rest of the
Looniverse beyond Net.ropolis wasn't affected, simply because, in a
metafictional sense, it didn't really coherently *exist* at this point.)
> At a mental command, the System tweaked the pixellian source. In the
> middle of the room, seemingly the air itself became white static. It was a
> pocket of scrambled reality, fatal to any Net.Being it engulfed.
That's *really* cool.
> <( Cat. You know I cannot be hurt during the Conflict. )> HHW turned
> to Napalm and Nomex. <( If things go badly, with your permission I will pit
> the two of you against one another. This will allow me an even battle with
> Ebon. Hopefully.)>
Yesssssssss. :D Augh, so much clever use of powers.
> Contraption Man eyed Ferris dully. "The Master won't like that .. . ."
> Catalyst Lass grabbed the Future Man's face in her hands. She stared
> at him intently. "Listen, I think it'd be real neat to do it, okay?" Contrap-
> tion Man's eyes focussed on the Motivational Maiden. He nodded. His
> hands started slowly, but quickly reached an incredible tinkering speed.
See, they shoulda just done that instead of having Self-Righteous Preacher take
care of it.
> "It's ready," said Contraption Man with no fanfare. Parking Karma Kid
> seated himself at the great machine with the dashboard mounted incongruously to
> its face. "It's wired so a press of the gas and we skip out of our current uni-
> verse, turn the wheel and we enter another, set the brake and we anchor there."
I've always loved the idea of this thing.
> PK Kid was sweating. "I've never parked a universe before."
> Deductive Logic Man spoke quietly. "We're counting on your karmic
> powers to do what your conscious mind can't. We need to either find a universe
> that limits Ebon's powers or reestablish contact with our cosmic branch."
Augh. *Really* good example of pushing a character's concept to its utmost.
> Ebon stopped in mid-attack. Rec.arts.prose? Suddenly, the universe
> felt more rigid, nearly impossible to mold beyond certain guidelines. He'd
> landed in a literary critics universe -- worse, a moderated one. His host's
> powers were vastly reduced here, not to mention his own.
Yeah, gatekeeping writing never ends well. `-`;
> A dark figure stepped from behind the Universal Anchor. He appeared to
> be totally black with small stars flickering in his substance. "You murdered
> my friends, Ebon. You will pay." A great comet of a sword grew from his hand.
> Squeeky Clean was pulling on Killfile's feet. "No Captain Cleanup!
> There're better ways to clean him up." Killfile's eyes flickered open, their
> pupils pure black an instant before Squeeky Clean lost his grip. Captain
> Cleanup tossed Killfile's body into a patch of scrambled reality, destroying it
> "Cat, we're 106 newsgroups from home, we got a full power cell, half
> the LNH, we're lost and we don't know where the Looniverse should be."
> <("Hit it.")> said Cat and HHW in unison...
> NEXT: "Lack of Faith" has been postponed due to encroaching crossovers.
Also: It will never happen
> FINALLY! Here is the epilogue to the 'Looniverse Adrift' storyline(which
> Jeff has the list of suggestions that he never sent me so it sticks for
And thank goodness.
> Cheesecake-Eater Lad and most of the NWCs were in the Med-Lab healing
> their wounds. They were occupying bedspace that used to hold the WC's, who had
> recovered quickly after the battle with Ebon.
That was surprisingly offscreen for something so central.
> Master Roster Man asked, "Now wait. Manga Man is listed as hating
> Robotech. How'd he have Veritech fighters on his cruiser?"
> Stomper responded, "Apparently, like most manga snobs, he secretly
> enjoyed Robotech but couldn't admit it to anyone."
Not even getting into it~
> "but Permitting the Webs to Process those Potentially Powerful
> Programs," began aLLiteratvie Lass.
> "Don't worry. I erased and destroyed the programs. They won't fall
> into Tsar Chasm's hands. We took the Universal Anchor for the same reason."
Quickly, we have only one issue to wrap everything up!
> After an uncomfortable pause, Sarcastic Lad spoke. "Nice of Ultimate
> Ninja to stop by and see us."
> Frat Boy chimed in, "I know I'm the new pledge, but why's he our pledge
> master anyway? I mean Catalyst Lass did a great job, saved the Looniverse I
> bet. And she was here for hours -- without any sleep for herself."
Yeah, agreed! Rabble rabble rabble
> "A few losses to the Looniverse's population. Nothing of consequence,
> save perhaps Tsar Chasm. There must have been something more to him than
> was ever let on. Not many mortals can say they have moved the wielder of
> the Power Kirby two times against his will, nor many who can claim thwarting
> the machinations of a Looniversan Elder."
> The edges of the Stranger's trenchcoat floated as if caught in a
> breeze, "Many cultures believe death is just the gateway to a newer, better
> Ultimate Ninja shook Catalyst Lass' hand brusquely. "Congratulations,
> Catalyst Lass. You NWCs did a great job, but we're back now. I'll handle the
> LNH from here."
> "Gee, he sure doesn't smother you in gratitude," laughed CL as the
> ninja stalked away.
Cat you're so great.
> Lord Ebon's spirit fled the burning body of Killfile, as one net.element
> reclaimed another...flames will always kill a thread.
It's interesting, there's a mistake here - they were *going* to throw Killfile
into the furnace, but *actually* threw him into scrambled reality. (One wonders
if even Ebon himself could've survived that.) I wonder if it's actually a subtle
retcon, though - a "no wait I still need this character", considering the rest
of the scene.
> ++I'm Dot...his partner, remember? You feasted on part of *my* soul too.
> Your continued existence hurts him. He wants revenge, but he has neither the
> energy nor the skill to truly end your menace. I normally stay quiet and
> passive, because we choose to live in a world more to his 'tastes' than mine.
> But this is *my* realm, interloper. My senses, my powers, my preconceptions
> are ideal to this shifting protean existence. Over time, my beloved will learn
> these senses just as I will learn his...but for now he sleeps. And you....++
> "You cannot kill me! I am the ultimate Alchemist! I have mastered
> Eternal Life! Your best effort will merely inconvenience me!" raged Lord Ebon.
> ++No, I cannot kill you, Baron Iago Montessi. I - CAN - DO - WORSE!++
As an example of "gonna do the hardcore thing because my nicer partner won't",
this is interesting - Dot has, up until this point, mostly *been* more passive,
and having her do this starts a process of fleshing-out and Constellation
reacting to it that's a direct line all the way to the climax of that series.
> Back in his own body, six weeks after his burial in the new churchyard,
> Baron Iago Montessi raged impotently at the walls of his stone crypt.
Also this is a time loop that doesn't actually make a lot of logical sense, but
> Kid G shook his head and entered the HQ of the LNH and was greeted
> by Fred, one of the secretaries.
> "Oh! Kid G! It's been a while since you've been in...something
> "Hmm? Oh, not really. Just some personal business I had to attend
> to. I should be around much more from now on."
Such a fascinating character. <3 (and such a neeeeeerd)
Drew "also a nerd" Perron
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