HCC/LNH: Another LNH Title? Really? #3 -- 'There WILL be Pizza! And it WILL be Eaten!!!'
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Thu Oct 9 22:43:25 PDT 2014
Another LNH Title? Really? #3
[Cover: An LNH reader looking at their computer starts to read a story about the Ultimate Ninja and Dr. Stomper doing absolutely nothing, but eating pizza. Nothing. Just eating pizza. No, really, nothing. Just eating pizza. And a thought balloon comes out of the reader's head that says, "Why am I reading this story? WHY!!!????"]
The Looniverse (Classic Flavor) --
The Loonivearth --
The Loonited States of America --
A Pizza Pit located next to the Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarter Building --
A table outside the Pizza Pit --
'There WILL be Pizza!
And it WILL be Eaten!!!'
The Ultimate Ninja looked suspiciously at the pizza that the waitress had just served to them. "This makes no sense! What am I doing here?! What is this?!!!!" The Leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes and master of all forms of ninja stuff scanned the area around him.
"Relax, UN," said Dr. Stomper -- chief scientist of the LNH and master of all pseudo scientific explanations. "It's just pizza. We're just eating a pizza together. Nothing's wrong."
"Nothing?" scowled the Ultimate Ninja starting to get very restless in the chair he was sitting in. "Something is always wrong! Somewhere horrible people are committing ghastly acts and I should be there to make those horrible people pay for those monstrosities!!"
"Actually," said Stomper pulling a bizarre looking device from one of his labcoat pockets. "Thanks to this device I can now detect if anything horrible is happening in the entire Looniverse. And it detects absolutely nothing horrible happening in the Looniverse. No murder, bank robbery, muggings. No hurricanes, earthquakes, planets about to blow up. Nothing. Absolutely nothing interesting is happening right now. Why don't you just have some pizza?"
"How do you even know that device of yours is even working? And why do you want me to eat this pizza? And how do I even know that you're really Dr. Stomper? Maybe you're some robot duplicate-alien shapeshifter-pod person and this is all part of your twisted plan to enslave earth! Or maybe you are really Dr. Stomper and this is the moment when you finally show your true colors. This is the first part of your insane scheme to destroy the LNH and the Looniverse! Is that it? Is that what this is?!!!"
"If you don't want to eat pizza, then don't eat any. More for me," said Stomper taking another slice.
"Oh. Now I see it. You want all the pizza. You want it all for yourself!" And with that said the Ultimate Ninja using all his ninja pizza eating skills grabbed all the remaining slices and crammed them with blinding speed into his mouth.
And then the Ultimate Ninja stood on his chair, raised his arms, and let out a primal scream.
*** *** *** ***
And the pizza slice woke up. Mozzarella sweat ran down its body.
"What's wrong, dear," said the pizza slice next to it in the box. "You have that dream again? The dream about that weird crazy Universe where humans eat us?"
"Yes," said the pizza clutching tightly to its mushrooms and olives.
"That's messed up," said the pizza eating a slice of cold human being.
*** *** *** ***
Ultimate Ninja -- wReam
Dr. Stomper -- T.M. Neeck
Writer's Note: Nothing to say about this.
Arthur "Nothing!!!!!" Spitzer
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