LNH/REPOST: Jong #3 -- 'Rejection Part One'

[Andrew Perron]

On Thu, 12 Dec 2013 01:08:11 +0000 (UTC), Arthur Spitzer wrote:

<snip>
> "All we have are some witnesses -- each with the same story!  A man in a 
> purple and yellow suit with a mask over his head -- looks sort of like a 
> -- jester!  He beat the man to death!  The sicko laughed the whole time 
> he did it!!"

This is more violent than I'd imagined the Plum Master. o.o

> In one of the corners was Slobbering!'s bed.  A bed that even a homeless 
> person would think twice about sleeping in.  It was here that the story 
> began.  As Slobbering! climbed out of bed, while rubbing his eyes 
> knowing... Ahem!  Like I was saying as Slobbering! climbed out of bed, 
> whi.... oh Slobbering!  GET out of bed you stupid dolt!  Don't you under 
> stand English?!  We HAVE a story to DO!!

I'm surrounded by amateurs!

> Thank you for sending your resume to us.
> 
> After careful evaluation, we are sorry to tell you that
> your powers do not meet our present needs.
> 
> Our decision is not necessarily a reflection of your
> quality as a hero, but is based mainly on our perception of the
> marketplace.

Ah, the old days, when they cared enough to send rejection letters.

> And now for that Cheetos Pancake Recipe:
> 
> You pour a big bag of Cheetos into a bowl.  Then you pour a six pack of 
> beer into the bowl and mash the whole mixture up (while drooling into it 
> (For Flavor!).
> 
> Then you get some lard and put it into a frying pan.  When the pan is 
> pancake making hot pour in a pancake size glop of the batter.  Wait till 
> it is nicely cooked and flip it over (like they do in the cartoons. 
> Don't use a spatula!  Spatulas are for pussies!)

Well this is just ridiculous. I mean, where do you expect me to buy lard?

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, sheesh