[LNH/LNH2] LNH Forever #1 (of 4)

[Martin Phipps]

  I'll never forget the look on that man's face when Ultimate Ninja killed 
him.

  He ran out of Ma.C's Department store in Net.York, obviously frightened.  
Behind him was the Ulimate Ninja, his Ginsu katana blade already drawn.  In 
front of him appeared Captain Continuity.  The man turned around and into 
the blade of Ultimate Ninja.
  Witnesses outide the store said the man commited suicide, that he threw 
himself on the Legionaire's blade... but I know better.  I saw the look of 
horror and shock on his face.  I saw because he was looking right at me.  It 
was as if he wanted me to avenge him.

  But I was only ten years old at the time.

                                           LNH Forever #1: Time after Time

  Fifteen years later, I was a graduate student at Net.ropolis University 
studying the feasibilty of temporal navigation, in other words time travel.  
My thesis supervisor received a grant to develop a time machine and it was 
my job to test it to see if it worked.  He told me to report all progress to 
him so that, should our time machine work, we'd be ready to publish our 
findings right away.  We were not, after all, the only researchers in this 
field and time, oddly enough, was of the essence.
  Truth be told, I wasn't interested in seeing our results published, even 
though published results were a necessary prerequisite if I wanted to easily 
obtain my Ph.D. after only a few years study.  No, I was only interested in 
setting things right.  To me, that meant travelling back in time to an era 
before I was even born, back to 1992 and the early days of the LNH so that I 
could help destroy the LNH when it was the most vulnerable.
  Of course, I didn't try travelling back in time twenty seven years on my 
first attempt.  I made a point of travelling back in time a few minutes.  
Actually, truth be told, I felt obligated to do so when my counterpart, a 
few minutes from the future arrived in my time machine and explained to me 
what he had just done.  I was anxious to try it myself and, after doing so, 
met myself and explained to myself what I had just done.  I then saw myself 
get into the time machine and disappear.  It was an odd few minutes indeed, 
one that I had lived through twice from two different perspectives.  I found 
myself wondering if I would have gone back in time just then if I hadn't 
already done so.  More puzzling, I wondered what would have happened had I 
decided not to go back in time just then when my counterpart from the future 
had arrived or, equivalently, if my other counterpart had decided not to 
take the trip himself.  For a moment there, there were two of us.  That was 
an interesting experience indeed.  Perhaps I could try going back in time a 
full day or a week and spend that time with myself.  Perhaps we could go out 
on a date with a pair of twins.
  But no.  I had to stay focused.  I was on a mission.

  I travelled back to the year 1992.  All was well and good, but then I 
wondered just what it was that I had planned to do.
  I went over a list of villains that the LNH faced back in those days: the 
Man in a Black Hat, Y-Plex Burp, Manga Man, Dr. Killfile, Table, the Time 
Crapper, Acton Lord, Lagneto.  Ah, yes, Lagneto.  He was operating out of 
the Savage Place in those days.  Perhaps I could go pay Lagneto a visit and 
explain to him what I wanted him to do for me.
  Luckily my time machine could travel through space as well as time: it was 
a simple matter to program into the machiner the location of Lagneto's 
citadel in the Savage Place.  As it turned out, getting to speak to Lagneto 
would prove to be more difficult.
  Lagneto wasn't there.  I didn't really blame him for not being there: 
there was really nothing to see in the Savage Place, nothing but jungle, 
endless jungle, in all directions.  The novelty of having all this in the 
middle of Ant.alt.ica would get old pretty quickly.  To pass the time, I 
took a walk around Lagneto's citadel.
  That's when I saw it: the Cosmic Plot Device.  I remember learning about 
it in school.  I remember how Y-Plex Burp used it against the LNH amd almost 
defeated them.  That was back in 1992.  What was it doing here?  I decided 
there and then I would steal the Cosmic Plot Device Caper and deliver it to 
Y-Plex Burp myself.
  I took the Cosmic Plot Device and went back into my time machine.  I set 
my co-ordinates to Y-Plex Burp's secret headquarters in Net.ropolis.  As 
soon as I got out of the time machine, I was assaulted by Average Thug and 
Exceptional Thug but Y-Plex Burp called off his thugs and asked me what I 
wanted.  I quickly told him that I had a gift for him and that I would give 
it to him and be on my way.  I didn't want Y-Plex Burp to test the power of 
the Cosmic Plot Device out on me.
  From Y-Plex Burp's headquarters, I travelled to Rackham Avenue, just down 
the road from LNH HQ.  I wanted to get a look at the LNH of 1992 before 
Y-Plex Burp destroyed them.  I noticed that they were already in the heat of 
battle: twenty-seven Legionaires were facing off against two net.villains, 
Dr. Killfile and Magna Man.  A smile played across my face as I surveyed the 
scene and I uttered a single word, "Perfect."  I felt for certain that my 
age-old nemesis, the LNH, would fall to this pair of net.villains.
  Dr. Killfilre and Magna Man soon appeared to be driven off, however, which 
was odd because the LNH in those days surely didn't have the raw power to 
face them.  I figured they were planning some sort of follow up attack so I 
followed them.
  Dr. Killfile took Magna Man back to his laboratories where he explained to 
him about his plans for a Digital Wave Flamer.  Just then, a thug arrived, 
sent from Y-Plex Burp, with an offer to form an alliance.  Yes!  Soon the 
three villains were plotting the destruction of the LNH over their 
teleconferencing terminals.  The deal was that Y-Plex Burp would help Dr. 
Killfile build his Digital Wave Flamer while Magna Man kept the Net.Heroes 
busy.  I followed Magna Man once more to see what he had in mind.
  Somehow Magna Man was able to trace seven Legionaires, Dr. Stomper, 
Bad-Timing Boy,
Parking Karma Kid, Procrastination Boy, Sidewinder, Squid Boy and 
Super-Apathy Lad, to a pizza parlour near LNH HQ.  How he knew to find them 
there I wasn't sure.  Perhaps the Pizza Pit was a popular hangout for 
Legionaires and Magna Man knew this after studying their habits.  In any 
case, Magna Man soon attacked the helpess Net.Heroes.  I couldn't help but 
laugh.  "All is working!" I
spoke in a low whisper.
  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sig.File Man creep up on Manga 
Man.  After not even a moment's thought, however, I saw my chance.  The 
battle in front of the pizza parlour was only a reflection on the front of 
my Ultra glasses as I took out my pencil and began to scribble out lines, 
replacing them with completely different words.
  Just then, I came to a sudden realisation: what I was doing made no sense. 
  The past had already happened: if I was here in the past then that must 
mean I always was here, that I was always some shadowy figure standing off 
to one side and taking credit for things that had already happened before I 
had even been born.  I was getting all excited seeing net.villains plotting 
against and attacking the Legion when, ultimately, it was obvious that the 
villains would fail, just as they already had done.  It was a humbling 
realisation indeed.
  As the Net.Heroes quickly piled Manga Man into the back of their van, I 
quietly skulked away.  I knew then that there was nothing to be gained by 
attacking the LNH in the past, that if I wanted to destroy the LNH then it 
would have to be in my own time, in the year 2020.  I decided I would use my 
time machine to travel to Europe and attack the LNH where they are the most 
vulnerable!

NEXT: I will attack LNH Europe in the year 2020!

CREDITS

Most of this issue is based on the events of the Cosmic Plot Device Caper, 
Parts 1-2 by Michael Elias Campbell, Craig Thomas Judd, Karthik P Sheka, 
Benjamin R. Pierce and Victoria C Fike, Jef Kolodziej and T. M. Neeck.  Dr. 
Killfile created by Steve Librande.  Irony Man created by Doug Moran.

Martin

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