[LNH/LNH2] LNH Forever #1 (of 4)
phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Tue May 18 00:28:54 PDT 2004
I'll never forget the look on that man's face when Ultimate Ninja killed
He ran out of Ma.C's Department store in Net.York, obviously frightened.
Behind him was the Ulimate Ninja, his Ginsu katana blade already drawn. In
front of him appeared Captain Continuity. The man turned around and into
the blade of Ultimate Ninja.
Witnesses outide the store said the man commited suicide, that he threw
himself on the Legionaire's blade... but I know better. I saw the look of
horror and shock on his face. I saw because he was looking right at me. It
was as if he wanted me to avenge him.
But I was only ten years old at the time.
LNH Forever #1: Time after Time
Fifteen years later, I was a graduate student at Net.ropolis University
studying the feasibilty of temporal navigation, in other words time travel.
My thesis supervisor received a grant to develop a time machine and it was
my job to test it to see if it worked. He told me to report all progress to
him so that, should our time machine work, we'd be ready to publish our
findings right away. We were not, after all, the only researchers in this
field and time, oddly enough, was of the essence.
Truth be told, I wasn't interested in seeing our results published, even
though published results were a necessary prerequisite if I wanted to easily
obtain my Ph.D. after only a few years study. No, I was only interested in
setting things right. To me, that meant travelling back in time to an era
before I was even born, back to 1992 and the early days of the LNH so that I
could help destroy the LNH when it was the most vulnerable.
Of course, I didn't try travelling back in time twenty seven years on my
first attempt. I made a point of travelling back in time a few minutes.
Actually, truth be told, I felt obligated to do so when my counterpart, a
few minutes from the future arrived in my time machine and explained to me
what he had just done. I was anxious to try it myself and, after doing so,
met myself and explained to myself what I had just done. I then saw myself
get into the time machine and disappear. It was an odd few minutes indeed,
one that I had lived through twice from two different perspectives. I found
myself wondering if I would have gone back in time just then if I hadn't
already done so. More puzzling, I wondered what would have happened had I
decided not to go back in time just then when my counterpart from the future
had arrived or, equivalently, if my other counterpart had decided not to
take the trip himself. For a moment there, there were two of us. That was
an interesting experience indeed. Perhaps I could try going back in time a
full day or a week and spend that time with myself. Perhaps we could go out
on a date with a pair of twins.
But no. I had to stay focused. I was on a mission.
I travelled back to the year 1992. All was well and good, but then I
wondered just what it was that I had planned to do.
I went over a list of villains that the LNH faced back in those days: the
Man in a Black Hat, Y-Plex Burp, Manga Man, Dr. Killfile, Table, the Time
Crapper, Acton Lord, Lagneto. Ah, yes, Lagneto. He was operating out of
the Savage Place in those days. Perhaps I could go pay Lagneto a visit and
explain to him what I wanted him to do for me.
Luckily my time machine could travel through space as well as time: it was
a simple matter to program into the machiner the location of Lagneto's
citadel in the Savage Place. As it turned out, getting to speak to Lagneto
would prove to be more difficult.
Lagneto wasn't there. I didn't really blame him for not being there:
there was really nothing to see in the Savage Place, nothing but jungle,
endless jungle, in all directions. The novelty of having all this in the
middle of Ant.alt.ica would get old pretty quickly. To pass the time, I
took a walk around Lagneto's citadel.
That's when I saw it: the Cosmic Plot Device. I remember learning about
it in school. I remember how Y-Plex Burp used it against the LNH amd almost
defeated them. That was back in 1992. What was it doing here? I decided
there and then I would steal the Cosmic Plot Device Caper and deliver it to
Y-Plex Burp myself.
I took the Cosmic Plot Device and went back into my time machine. I set
my co-ordinates to Y-Plex Burp's secret headquarters in Net.ropolis. As
soon as I got out of the time machine, I was assaulted by Average Thug and
Exceptional Thug but Y-Plex Burp called off his thugs and asked me what I
wanted. I quickly told him that I had a gift for him and that I would give
it to him and be on my way. I didn't want Y-Plex Burp to test the power of
the Cosmic Plot Device out on me.
From Y-Plex Burp's headquarters, I travelled to Rackham Avenue, just down
the road from LNH HQ. I wanted to get a look at the LNH of 1992 before
Y-Plex Burp destroyed them. I noticed that they were already in the heat of
battle: twenty-seven Legionaires were facing off against two net.villains,
Dr. Killfile and Magna Man. A smile played across my face as I surveyed the
scene and I uttered a single word, "Perfect." I felt for certain that my
age-old nemesis, the LNH, would fall to this pair of net.villains.
Dr. Killfilre and Magna Man soon appeared to be driven off, however, which
was odd because the LNH in those days surely didn't have the raw power to
face them. I figured they were planning some sort of follow up attack so I
Dr. Killfile took Magna Man back to his laboratories where he explained to
him about his plans for a Digital Wave Flamer. Just then, a thug arrived,
sent from Y-Plex Burp, with an offer to form an alliance. Yes! Soon the
three villains were plotting the destruction of the LNH over their
teleconferencing terminals. The deal was that Y-Plex Burp would help Dr.
Killfile build his Digital Wave Flamer while Magna Man kept the Net.Heroes
busy. I followed Magna Man once more to see what he had in mind.
Somehow Magna Man was able to trace seven Legionaires, Dr. Stomper,
Parking Karma Kid, Procrastination Boy, Sidewinder, Squid Boy and
Super-Apathy Lad, to a pizza parlour near LNH HQ. How he knew to find them
there I wasn't sure. Perhaps the Pizza Pit was a popular hangout for
Legionaires and Magna Man knew this after studying their habits. In any
case, Magna Man soon attacked the helpess Net.Heroes. I couldn't help but
laugh. "All is working!" I
spoke in a low whisper.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sig.File Man creep up on Manga
Man. After not even a moment's thought, however, I saw my chance. The
battle in front of the pizza parlour was only a reflection on the front of
my Ultra glasses as I took out my pencil and began to scribble out lines,
replacing them with completely different words.
Just then, I came to a sudden realisation: what I was doing made no sense.
The past had already happened: if I was here in the past then that must
mean I always was here, that I was always some shadowy figure standing off
to one side and taking credit for things that had already happened before I
had even been born. I was getting all excited seeing net.villains plotting
against and attacking the Legion when, ultimately, it was obvious that the
villains would fail, just as they already had done. It was a humbling
As the Net.Heroes quickly piled Manga Man into the back of their van, I
quietly skulked away. I knew then that there was nothing to be gained by
attacking the LNH in the past, that if I wanted to destroy the LNH then it
would have to be in my own time, in the year 2020. I decided I would use my
time machine to travel to Europe and attack the LNH where they are the most
NEXT: I will attack LNH Europe in the year 2020!
Most of this issue is based on the events of the Cosmic Plot Device Caper,
Parts 1-2 by Michael Elias Campbell, Craig Thomas Judd, Karthik P Sheka,
Benjamin R. Pierce and Victoria C Fike, Jef Kolodziej and T. M. Neeck. Dr.
Killfile created by Steve Librande. Irony Man created by Doug Moran.
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