[LNH] Vel #-3
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Fri Jun 18 05:22:40 PDT 2004
Previously: Vel found himself on the run from the LNH and the Law.
After crashing into the Ufology museum, Vel found the LNH fighting
another half human half dorf.
The Regal 13 cruiser hit ground with an ear-shattering explosion.
The wreckage of the courtyard reeked of burning metal and concrete.
Vel had minor scrapes along his left arm. Otherwise he was fine.
"What the hell was that?" the guard asked.
"Hey, any crash you can walk away from, pal," Vel grumbled.
"No, I mean what the hell is that?" the guard asked.
Someone came storming toward the courtyard. It looked like a six
foot three half human half dorf. Vel looked rather shocked.
"That... that looks like... me?" Vel said.
The Flight.thingee silently glided overhead. Vel's dorfan hearing
heard mild rustling in the wind. He was two busy trying to figure
out what the hell was going on to even try to worry about the wind.
"Even to other Dorfs, you all look a like. Pathetic," snarled
"Oh crap! I don't have time for this," Vel said. "I need to think."
"For your kind that could take forever," Ultimate Ninja responded
with pulling his sword from its sheath.
"Ninj, I do not want to hurt you," Vel said.
"Too bad... because I really want to hurt you," Ultimate Ninja growled.
The Ultimate Ninja charged Vel with his katana.
The Man I Never Was Part Three of Six
By Jesse N. Willey
Across the room, Vel was about to stomp the life out of Fred.
Jailbait wanted to try help her friend. She knew there was no way she
could do that. What could someone whose only skills were making
herself and other people fly and looking hot do in a situation like
this. Before she consciously had any plan in mind, but she used her
powers to make Vel hover off the ground. She knew couldn't hold it
"Don't hurt him. You'll kill him!" she said.
"You interfered. You are next!" Vel said.
"Please, I beg you," she said.
"I'll give you the spoils of war," she replied.
She tore off her jacket and lowered him to the ground. Vel gave her a
quick glance. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her. That was
when he spotted someone who looked just like him charging him followed
by a crazed man with a sword.
"Let me dispatch with these annoyances, then I shall give you what
anyone who comes to this museum is looking for... an alien encounter.
Probably the best you'll ever have," Vel said.
He was still hovering off the ground, as Jailbait gave him a swift
kick to the groin. He went flying across the courtyard toward the
other Vel and Ultimate Ninja.
Pizza Girl, Sing Along Lass walked into the small dusty lab. Adamant
Authority on Everything sat patiently. The room was nowhere near as
advanced or well kept as Stomper's facilities, but it was also less
monitored so it was perfect for their needs. Small computers that
were at least four months out of date lined the walls.
"So, can you help us?" Pizza Girl asked.
"Why aren't you asking Doctor Stomper?" Adamant Authority on
Everything replied. "Or is this something you'd rather not have get
"Let's just say, if anyone asks, we were never here," Sing Along Lass
Adamant Authority on Everything's eyes began to glisten.
"I see... so what do you need me to do?"
"We're trying to help a friend," Sing Along Lass said.
"Let me guess, Vel?" Authority asked.
"Nice guy. I can't really believe he'd go rogue on us. I
especially don't believe all the intelligence reports that he's been
moonlighting as a space pirate," Authority remarked.
"What?" Sing Along Lass gasped. "Where'd you here that?"
"I have ways and means. Don't ask. It's not safe," Authority
"We want to know why he was being escorted into custody by the Regal
Thirteen at the same time he is fighting Jailbait and Screw You Over
Lad at the museum," Pizza Girl said.
"A very good question. One I was already looking into. I have some
theories. The tests I'm running should only take a few more
minutes," Authority said.
The other Vel didn't know who to kill first, the heathen who kicked
in his tender spots or the pretender to his body who was charging
toward him. He decided to go for the closest opponent. He knew
Jailbait could pack quite a kick and did want to tangle with her quite
"Your time is over! Die you echo of a time that never was!" The
other Vel screamed.
For his part Vel, was confused. Too much had happened today for him
to think clearly. Now he knew how Vincent could continue to be the
thinker of the group. He had guys like Vel to do his dirty work.
"What the frig are you talking about?" Vel asked.
Ultimate Ninja took one look at the two Dorfs and pulled out a second
katana. He swung in swift circular movements as he charged toward
them. He screamed loudly.
Ultimate Ninja didn't care about the dorfs' squabble. He threw one
of his katana at them. Simultaneously, the two dorfs ducked. The
katana went flying into the next room, where it became stuck in the
controls of the transport doorway that the other Vel had been looking
"Master Blaster, now!" Ultimate Ninja muttered in his subvocal
Vel noticed that the other Vel was still in pain. He gave his
double a palm strike to the stomach. His foe toppled over. Vel the
ducked and his double had a katana jabbed through his left shoulder.
He ran toward the other room to grab for the sword. As he began to
pull it out of the wall, Master Blaster entered the room. He pointed
a large blaster at Vel.
"Freeze!" Master Blaster yelled.
Adamant Authority on Everything looked down at the print out. To
Pizza Girl and Sing Along Lass they looked like nothing more than
graphs and pie charts. Authority just went `hmmm' and `interesting'
for a few seconds.
"According to the sensor grid, both Vels are identical," Authority
"So one is a clone?" Pizza Girl asked.
"No. There wasn't any genetic drift. Unless you go that extra step
and get ova from a direct maternal relative, you're going to have some
serious differences in the mitochondrial DNA," Authority said. "No,
these two are identical on the molecular level or at least they were
up until a few months ago," Authority said.
"Meaning what?" asked Sing Along Lass.
"Meaning something changed that. Now according to records the Vel we
know was on a time cube ride when Retcon Lad used his powers to undo a
mistake of yours, right Sing Along Lass?" Authority asked. (See Flame
Wars V and VI.)
"So... Retcon Lad's powers work by changing the past. Ergo, Vel's past
was changed to accommodate those changes. Being in the time cube, Vel
was not affected. He was outside of time. Still, a new past was
created, and thus a new Vel that lived in the new past that all of us,
except Vel in a box, have lived through," Authority said. "Got that?"
"Umm... no," replied Pizza Girl. "Can you repeat that again..."
Vel pulled the sword from the wall. The door sparked. The vortex
like device opened. Vel's mind snapped to attention. He thought he
just worked something out. That didn't matter now.
"Don't shoot Master Blaster. This is five thousand year old
S'Chokian dynasty Dorfan weaponry. There is no telling how it'll
react!" Vel shouted.
"You are lying traitorous scum. With my new tachyon gun I'll blast
you into next week," Master Blaster replied.
Master Blaster placed his finger on the trigger of his gun. Vel
grabbed Jailbait in an elbow chokehold. He pulled her in direct sight
of the gun. In the corner of the room, Screw You Over Lad was getting
up. He knew it was time to release his power.
"Well, Master Blaster, you're a legionnaire. I can't believe you'd
shoot one of your own people in order to catch one villain," Vel
"You were a Legionnaire too. The fact that you're willing to turn
your back on that code of honor so quickly is proof that you never
deserved the costume, Dorf!" Master Blaster said.
Ultimate Ninja was battling it out with the other Vel. The dorf was
matching him blow for blow. Vel had managed to twist some of Ultimate
Ninja's fingers backwards. Ultimate Ninja was quite impressed. If
the LNH was going to have a dorf on the team, it should be someone
with this guy's level of combat skill.
"What's your beef with Vel, Dorf," Ultimate Ninja said as he
sidekicked his opponent.
"He is a remaining piece of time that no longer exists. His
continued existence is a dishonor to himself and his clan... and
himself," Vel said as he grabbed Ultimate Ninja and threw him into the
rubble of the cruiser.
"Ooof! You said himself twice," Ninja remarked as he struggled to
Vel bit him in the eye then hoisted him up two handed and threw into
the gallery area. "Certainly you are familiar with the old Dorfan
proverb `I am he as you are he as you are me, and we are all together,
goo goo g'joob'!"
Ultimate Ninja came crashing through the window just as Master Blaster
pulled the trigger of his gun. At the same moment Screw You Over Lad
released an energy blast from his hands. The two beams met with a
horrific display of fire works. As the two LNHers continued to blast
each other, the fireworks began mounting. Ultimate Ninja and Master
Blaster were already get zapped with tachyon energy. Vel shoved
Jailbait to the ground.
"CYA!" Vel shouted.
"Cover your ass!" Vel spouted.
"Because things are going to get FUBAR very quickly," Vel said as he
stared at the open vortex. "Unless..."
"Unless what?" she asked.
Vel threw the katana across the room and grabbed Jailbait around the
waist and charged thru the open vortex. A fraction of a second later,
the tachyon burst blasted through the vortex after them. The Vortex
device then exploded taking the back wall out with it.
"Screw You Over Lad, why are you doing this?" asked Master Blaster.
"For the glory of The Prophet," Screw You Over Lad replied.
Ultimate Ninja grabbed the sword and threw it into Screw You Over
Lad's shoulder. Screw You Over Lad said nothing. The remaining Vel
"The Prophet? He has returned to Earth?" Vel shouted as he locked
Screw You Over Lad's hands together and broke his wrists. "Where is
Ultimate Ninja turned to Vel.
"You've heard of this guy?" Ultimate Ninja responded.
"He is an evil man. He killed my parents. He made me serve him.
While I was his slave he made me do horrible things. He claimed if I
didn't, he would destroy Haven World. When I found out he already
destroyed the planet, I broke out on my own. I became a space pirate
to raid outposts that served his dark cause," Vel said.
"Well, then Vel, let me be the first to welcome you to the team,"
Ultimate Ninja said. For the first time for Ultimate Ninja turned the
wreckage of the doorway. "Can you help us get Jailbait back?"
"I'm sorry. The other gateways have been closed for five thousand
years. Without another end, she and the chronological abomination
would have been crushed to a pulp in the event horizon," Vel said.
Ultimate Ninja sighed. "Great, another job to do... scheduling a
Vel sniffed the air as Jailbait pounded her fists against his
ribcage. He put her down and tried to get his bearings. They were
in some kind of desert oasis. There was a similar gateway device in
a small cave. The shade would keep Jennifer cool.
"Unless this..." Vel said.
"Where are we?" Jailbait said.
"That's what I'm trying to figure out," Vel said as he examined some
kind of desert plants. He looked thoughtfully for a moment. "Yep,
just as I thought. Judging from the climate, heat index, vegetation,
geological stability, and this oasis, I'd say we on Dorfia..." Vel said.
"Oh god," she said.
"... about five thousand years ago," Vel continued.
"Things with the LNH are never FUBAR," she said. "It's just plan
To Be Continued...
Ultimate Ninja and Adamant Authority on Everything created by wReam.
Pizza Girl, Master Blaster and Jailbait created by Martin Phipps.
Screw You Over Lad, Vel and Vel created by Jesse N. Willey.
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