LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #321: Tales of the LNH #280-281

[Arthur Spitzer]

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.


Here's where you can find more Panta and Tales of the LNH:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/

And some more Tales of the LNH -- #282-283 to be exact by Hubert
Bartels!  Will Bad-Timing Boy ponder the question, 'Who would date
a girl that washes in her own spit?'!!   Will Panta have a little
pigeon snack before she goes on her big date with Pliable Lad?!!
And will Univac-6-Man ever find those pesky vacuum tubes?!!!


Find out in...



              _
             | |      Classic
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #322



                         =====================
                       Tales of the LNH #282-283
                         =====================





TALES OF THE LNH: #282
Three Men and a Cat.

[ In Tales of the LNH #281 Panta accepted a date with Pliable Lad, Manga
  assembled his troops and Golden Lord told Captain Backdate to mobilize
  the old Classic Squadron. There is an air of impending doom over the
  city of Net.ropolis this evening. Can you hear the distant thunder?]

The cover of Tales of the LNH #282 has Panta folded into Pliable
Lad's arms in a small apartment. Around her feet are scattered feathers.
She seems to be crying.

At the Pizza Pit nearest LNH headquarters...

"Is there any more pizza?" Procrastination Boy asked. "I really
should order some more..."
"Isn't it Pliable Lad's turn to buy?" asked Time-Wasting Lad.
"No, it was, but he said he had a date tonight." said Sister-
State-the-Obvious.
"Who'd date a guy like that?" asked Bad-Timing Boy.
"Panta." said Sister-State-The-Obvious.
"Euuwwww." Bad-Timing Boy sneered. "Who'd want to date a girl
who washes in her own spit. Yuck."
At that moment, the party was interrupted by the appearance of
a wildeyed woman shouting, "Oh no, Oh no, Oh no..."
"What's the problem?" said Procrastination Boy. He waited until
All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Destiny Woman had sat down before pulling
out a chair.
"Great forces are moving around Panta. The whole earth could be
imperiled. She must not go out tonight."
"Have some pizza."Procrastination Boy said, handing her a slice
of pepperoni. "It's not night yet.
"Surely, we can worry about this later?" Time-Wasting Lad said.
"There's still plenty of time before the world ends. Have some pizza..."

Meanwhile, at LNH headquarters....
"Panta?"
Silence from behind Panta's door. Pliable Lad knocked again and
stretched out an ear to listen for her reply. "Panta?"
He tried the knob; the door opened easily. "Panta?"
The opened door revealed Panta's neat little apartment. The only
thing out of place was a scattering of feathers across the carpet. Pliable
Lad stepped into the apartment.
Panta sat or crouched on the window sill, her head turned to the
opened window. She wore her throng bodysuit and nothing else. Her tail
lashed furiously. Panta turned her head. Her mouth had most of a pigeon
hanging out.
"Panta!" Pliable Lad shouted. He strode across the small room.
"Drop it! Drop it!"
Panta opened her mouth. A stupified pigeon dropped to the floor and
began waddling across the floor. Panta jumped from the window sill into
Pliable Lad's arms.
"Wahhhh... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me; I
couldn't help myself..."
Pliable Lad shifted under Panta's weight. He found himself confused
by Panta's sudden change in personality. Her tail flicked against his legs
as she cried softly into his shoulder. He stroked her blonde hair and made
reassuring noises until Panta cried herself out. Then he gently placed her
on the ground and steered her towards a chair...

At Golden Lord's penthouse caverns, high above the Net.ropolis
skyline...
"M-M-My L-lord?" Captain Backdate stammered, entering the room.
"Yes?" Golden Lord raised his eyebrows at the interruption of
his coffee break. Captain Backdate's news had better be important.
"I have reached most of the members of the old squad."
"Yes?" The silence was most unnerving.
"A-A-A-h, not everyone wants to come..."
"What? Who dares?"
"Lite-Lass won't leave the Florida Senior Citizen's center where
she's making old matrons weigh less. And Univac-6-Man is too busy looking
for vacuum tubes... But Surfer Dude came..."
"Good. Send him out to clean up that stupid robot from the front
of LNH Headquarters."
"I will do as you request..." Captain Backdate backed out of the
room.

Back in LNH Headquarters, Panta's apartment...
"...it just happens. I can't resist. I'll get this overwhelming
urge to stalk and pounce on small game."
"There, there, there..." Pliable Lad whispered. "You're gonna be
all right..."
"Thank you," Panta said.
"Do you still want to go out tonight?"
"Please." Panta wiped her eyes, sniffed and shook herself. "Can
we go now?"

Outside the LNH headquarters...
Panta waited quietly while Pliable Lad hailed a passing taxi. She
was glad that she had Pliable Lad to talk to. What if it had been Sarcastic
Lad that found her? Or, horrors, Self-Righteous Preacher?
Pliable Lad stretched a hand clear across the road to stop a yellow
Checker cab.
Manga Man's blue robot watched Panta's every move as she stepped
into the taxi. It adjusted the telephoto lens to get a better view of
Panta's
rear. Then suddenly, the robot's point of view was cut off. A tall bronzed
man wearing a trenchcoat stood a few paces from the robot.
The robot made a puzzled note.
"HEY DUDE!" the man in the trenchcoat shouted. "Catch a load of this!
Its totally tubular, Man." He tossed the trenchcoat aside to reveal surfer
shorts and a T shirt in such bright colors that the robot's paint began to
blister. The robot's circuits began to smoke.
"K00L!" the surfing dude said. "DUDE." He whipped off his perfect
sunglasses. Tilted his head. His sun-bleached hair was perfect. Then he
smiled. A perfect flashing white smile.
"aRrRRgGggggggggggghhhhhhh....." The robot screamed as its body
was blown away by the perfect look of Surfing Dude.

Manga Man slammed the top of his console. "Now that's going too
far! That was a perfectly good robot. Eve!"
"Hai!" Again, the form of a slender AI formed on the screen.
"Prepare the troops for an attack! Ikuzeeiiii!!!"

[ So the armies gather... And Panta can lapse back into more feline
  manners. Why not - if Feral and Pantha are doing it, why shouldn't
  Panta? Right. What will be the outcome of Manga Man's attack on Golden
  Lord's penthouse cave? How will Pliable Lad's date go? Only by buying
  Tales of the LNH #283 will you be able to find out... ]

Panta (tm lent by Lost Cause Boy) Hubert Bartels, Pliable Lad, MikE, and
other characters may or may not be figments of their creator's imaginations.


TALES OF THE LNH: #282

[ In the last issue of Tales of the LNH, Panta was picked up by Pliable
  Lad for a date. The first of Golden Lord's minions to arrive, Surfer
  Dude, destroyed Manga Man's robot. And a distant storm is rolling
  thunder. The armies of Golden Lord and Manga Man are about to meet.]

In a taxi, Elm and 5th.

Panta's head was turned to the window; she stared at the '50's era
stores and buildings as they flashed past. Since they had entered the taxi,
she had not said a thing.
Pliable Lad's eyes wandered down her body, sliding past the point
where the swell of her breasts met the tight fabric of her bodysuit. Along
the curve of her arm down to her yellow and black spotted thighs. He stared
at the inside of her thighs, where the yellow-orange fur gave way to a cream
colored fur. Then he shook his head; what was he thinking? This was just a
friendly date.
"Uh? Did you say something?" Panta said, turning away from the window.
"Nothing, nothing, Panta."

The Net.ropolis soccer stadium, now deserted.

On one side, Manga Man had arrayed a line of fighting robots that
had never been seen outside of a toy store. On the other side, Golden Lord
had gathered such a collection of ex-heros, retired superheros, aged crime
fighters and grey-haired mysterious strangers in trenchcoats that Obscure
Trivia Lad would have had an apolexy trying to remember where they had all
last appeared.
"Hora, Golden Lord!" Manga Man shouted from his side.
"What do you want?" Golden Lord shouted back.
"Parley?"
Golden Lord bent his head to talk to Captain Backdate. Captain Backdate
whispered a few words and slipped a videotape in Golden Lord's hand.
"Very well."
The two combatants slowly walked across the muddy grass field to
meet in the middle of the soccer stadium.
Manga Man spoke first. "It doesn't need to end like this. All I want
is the chance to observe and abduct one of the LNH heroines."
"But your robots are interfering with my plans for the remaking of
Net.ropolis. Find some other way. Ninja, perhaps."
"Supposing I refuse to consider your request?"
Golden Lord held out the videotape. "Then I will play this videotape
of Macek'd anime. Robotech and Warriors of the Wind! Over and over and over
again!" He waved his hand. "Bad voice actors. Minmay at high volume!"
One of his superheroes pulled a sheet from a machine revealing a huge
TV screen. On either side were huge speakers.
"Nooooo. Anything but that!" Manga Man paled considerably.
Golden Lord had opened his wallet and was fingering through the wad
of bills. "How about $100, you go away, and we'll forget this ever
happened?"
"Sure, sure, whatever," Manga Man said, hiding his face from the TV
screen. Within 3 minutes, only Golden Lord and his ex-heroes were left on
the field.

Guido's Fine Italian Restaurant, at the same time.

Panta sat down and tucked the red and white checkered napkin over her
legs; she'd never been in a real fine restaurant before.
"What would you like?"
"I don't know. What do you like?"
"The lasagna looks good. Would you like the lasagna?"
"I don't know. Do you like the lasagna?"
Pliable Lad sighed. Panta seemed to be rather awed at the whole
atmosphere of the Italian Restaurant, the little tables with their wine
bottle
candles, the straw covered Chanti bottles, the table cloth with its red and
white checks. He wondered if she knew how to use the knife and fork at the
side of her plate; he'd never dated a feline mutant before - maybe she would
try to eat the lasagna with her hands.
Panta blinked at him, waiting.
"We'll both have lasagna, OK?"
"OK."

When the food arrived, Panta watched Pliable Lad carefully before
picking up the fork. This wasn't like the pizza that she had been eating
with
the others over at the Pizza Hut. But she finally managed to learn how to
eat
with the fork.
As they ate, Pliable Lad got a feeling that the two of them were being
watched. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked around the restaurant. There.
At that table where a woman in blue jeans, T shirt and Birkenstocks was just
standing up.
As the woman approached Panta and Pliable Lad's table, Pliable Lad
could read the slogan on the woman's Tshirt. He took a quick glance at
Panta.
Panta was shoveling lasagna into her mouth, oblivious to the world. This
might
be trouble. He held his breath.
The woman stepped up to Panta. Then she threw a whole bowl of pasta
sauce at Panta's spotted fur. "How dare you wear the skin of a leopard!
Don't
you know that leopards are an endangered species!"
Panta looked up slowly.
"Shame on you," the woman shouted. "Shame on you for killing a leopard
for your own vanity."
The red sauce ran down Panta's shoulders and across her arms. Her eyes
narrowed.
"I hope that my sauce ruined your stupid furcoat-" The woman added.
Panta's leap from the table interrupted her. The table went flying,
sending plates, glasses and silverware crashing to the ground. Only Pliable
Lad's quickly extended arm stopped Panta from disemboweling the woman.
The woman lay on the floor, shivering in fright.
Panta hung from Pliable Lad's extended arm, a fold of skin behind her
neck serving as a handle. Her claws were still out.
Pliable Lad turned to the woman. "If I were you, I would leave quietly.
The girl is not wearing a leopard-skin coat - that is really her own fur.
And
you might look more carefully next time." Then he turned to Panta. "And you.
You might think once before leaping into an attack." He was interrupted by
the waiter.
"Pardon me. Did you say that your companion is not wearing a fur coat?"
Pliable Lad gently put Panta down. "Yes."
"I'm sorry. That would make her a pet. We cannot have pets in the
restaurant. Health regulations, you know."
Panta began growling. Her tail twitched rapidly.
Pliable Lad shushed her. "Very well. We were just leaving."
"Would you like the rest of your meal in a doggie bag?" the waiter
asked.
Panta's look made him decide to leave. Then Panta's and Pliable Lad's
beepers sounded.
"Oh, oh. We'd better get back to the Headquarters." Pliable Lad said.
Panta wiped the rest of the red sauce off and said nothing.

In another taxi, headed back to the LNH building, Pliable Lad opened
both windows to drive off the smell of pasta sauce and garlic. Panta was
silent almost up to the LNH headquarters. Then she turned away from the
window,
tears in her green cat eyes. "It's not easy being a leopard-girl in this
world. Can we order in next time? Can we order Chinese?" She smiled bravely
through her tears.
Pliable Lad smiled back. "Sure." Then his smile faded. "I wonder why
we're being called back. What is Ultimate Ninja going to say to all of us?"

[ See you next in X-Over Caper. Panta and the other active ladies of the LNH
  take off to search for alt.lactus. Giant multi-colored cubes and hive
minds
  More heroes and heroines. Ninja bush. All in the multiple-part X-over
Caper.
  Remember. Crossovers make money. Crossovers are good. Crossovers are
places
  to show off GhostRider and Wolverine. Crossovers are your friend.]

Pliable Lad, MikE and Panta, Hubert Bartels. Guido's, Strong Guy
Enterprises.
Red Pasta Sauce, courtesy of Hunt's. Robotech tape courtesy of HMG. And
Manga
Man's wardrobe by Tachi's of Hollywood.


==========

Next Week:  A Caper?!  A Crossover Caper?!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer
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