LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #321: Tales of the LNH #280-281

[Arthur Spitzer]

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.


Here's where you can find more Panta and Tales of the LNH:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/

And we return back to some Tales of the LNH -- #280-281 to be
exact by Hubert Bartels!  Is it that time of the month for
Sister-State the Obvious to punch one of her fellow LNH'rs?!
Is Manga Man totally ruining Golden Lord's Retro Vibe with his
voyeur-bots?!  And will all that hitting the books payoff for
Panta?!!!



Find out in...



              _
             | |      Classic
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #321



                         =====================
                       Tales of the LNH #280-281
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TALES OF THE LNH: #280

[ In Tales of the LNH #279, Panta was allowed to stay in the LNH HQ by
  Self-Righteous Preacher if she behaved herself and went to school at
  Professor X's School for Gifted Youngsters. The self-appointed guardian
  of the LNH's morals also gave her a 21 credit-hour schedule, a schedule
  planned to wear down even our little leopard girl.]

Tales of the LNH #280's cover shows a brightly colored Transformer-
like robot watching Panta walking down the steps of the LNH. Panta is
dressed in a school girl's uniform - sailor blouse, blue skirt, and white
socks. Her tail is just visible below the hem of her dress. Glaring red
letters proclaim - "Back into the Future! Or back into the Past?"

The first splash page shows Panta, Bad Timing Boy, Procrastination
Boy, Cannon Fodder, List Lad, Time-Waster Lad, Squid Boy, and Sister State-
the-Obvious at the Pizza Pit. They are tearing into a pizza, ripping
slices from it in a frenzy of destruction. Only Panta seems a bit distant.

"Amos, amas, amat, amamus, amatis, amant." Panta said unhappily.
"Femina, feminae, feminae, feminam, femina, feminae, feminarum, feminis,
feminas, feminis..." She sighed and reached for the last piece of pizza.
"Is there something wrong?" Cannon Fodder asked, snatching his
hand from the piece as Panta snarfed it.
Panta sighed again.
"It's that time of the month again, isn't it", Bad Timing Boy
smirked. "When women get-" He was interrupted by Sister State-the-Obvious's
fist in his stomach. "Uff da."
"Can't you see she's upset?" Sister State-the-Obvious replied.
Panta sighed again.
Squid Boy put down his slice of pizza and looked Panta in the
eyes. "It's all that school work, isn't it?"
"Yes," Panta nodded. "I don't have any time to go out and fight crime
anymore. Every night, it's Latin, Greek, Organic Chemistry, or Calculus."
She sniffed back a tear. "Or something else. And I'm the only one at the
school with this workload. The only real student..."
List Lad shifted uneasily in his seat. His workload - the roster
of the Legion of Net Heros - was still waiting for him back at the LNH HQ.
Maybe it was a mistake asking Procrastination Boy and Time-Waster Lad for
help.
"Are you the only one studying at Professor X's School for
Gifted Youngsters?" Squid Boy asked, astonished. "That's one wierd school."
"Really," Panta said, warming to her subject. She raised her head.
Her eyes sparkled. "Every morning, everyone else disappears in something
called the 'Danger Room' and they don't come out until nightfall. And
they're not studying in there; I asked one of them the number of carbon
atoms in benzene and he'd never heard of carbon atoms, let alone benzene."
"That's one wierd school," Squid Boy repeated.
"What's benzene?" Bad Timing Boy asked.
Panta stood up, straightened out her schoolgirl uniform, and tossed
quarters on the table. "Thanks for the pizza, but I have homework to do.
'Later."
As she walked out of the Pizza Pit, she overheard Time-Waster Lad
order another pizza, saying "I've got plenty of time before my paper's due."
>From the doorway of the Pizza Pit, Pliable Lad watched her walk past,
carrying a briefcase filled with textbooks. He admired the way her hips
moved
under that knee-length skirt, the color of her pale blonde hair in contrast
with her leopard spotted fur, the curve of her body under that thin white
sailor's blouse. He sighed. She'd never even looked at him; she was probably
still thinking of Lost Cause Boy. "I'm scum," he softly whispered to
himself.

The street to the Legion of Net Heros was cold and windy. Panta
held her arms down to keep the skirt from flying in her face. She walked
quickly, her head down against the wind, until she stood at the steps
leading up to the Legion of Net Heros building. With a rush, she ran up
the stairs and entered the building. Only two sets of eyes watched her
passage.

Panta didn't see the shiny blue robot standing in the shadows of
a mailbox. It looked like a little copy of a Robotech Veritech fighter,
its cold glassy eye following the leopard girl's passage down the street
and up the stairs. But someone else did.

In a cold cavern, lit by dim bare blubs, that someone adjusted his
Ming-the-Merciless screen. He studied the view of the robot, then reached
over to a black upright telephone standing next to the screen. "My Lord?
Golden Lord? Captain Backdate here. I think you should come down here and
have a look. Someone's interfering with our plans to backdate Net.roplis
to the golden era." There was a distant voice on the phone. Captain Backdate
nodded and replied, "It appears to be one of Manga Man's robots. He's
watching that mutie. You know, the leopard girl... I don't know why...
Yes my Lord, I'll wait for you to come down."

In a modern underground secret base, equipped with launching pads
for giant transforming robots, another man watched the street through the
eyes of his robot. Lights flickered and flashed as the man sat in a small
chamber in the center of his secret base. "Soon," Manga Man promised
himself.
"Soon, I will possess you, my little girl in a sailor suit. And this time,
it will be different. Not like Lum, Itchy-koo, Madoka, C-ko, Sailor Moon,
or any of the others. This time, I, Manga Man, will have a teenaged girl
in a sailor suit for my very own. Soon." He licked his lips and turned
back to the screen. "Even if I have to tear Net.ropolis apart to get you..."

[ What will happen? Will Panta survive her grueling course schedule? Why
  is Golden Lord trying to return Net.ropolis to the golden era? And will
  Manga Man get his hands on Panta? Remember, you can only find out in
  the pages of the Tails of the LNH! Err, Tales of the LNH. ]

Panta(tm), Hubert Bartels, Pliable Lad(tm), Mike E


TALES OF THE LNH: #281

[ In the last issue of Tales of the LNH, it was revealed that Golden Lord
  and a certain Captain Backdate are responsible for Net.ropolis' slide
  into the Golden Era of Comics. In fact, the effect has even reached
  places as far as Professor Xavier's Mansion - check page 29 of X-Force
  #19; those ain't 1990 cars Lila Cheney's leaning against! But the fly
  in Golden Lord's ointment is one of Manga Man's bright blue robots - the
  one watching a certain leopard girl in her schoolgirl uniform. ]

The cover of Tales of the LNH #281 shows an array of brightly
colored Transformer-type robots lined up against a crew of aging superheros.
In the background is the LNH Headquarters, Net.ropolis, and several of
the LNH'ers. The splash title - "When elephants fight, what happens to the
mice?"

Inside, the first page shows the massive marble lobby of the LNH
Headquarters. Panta is just passing through the huge brass doors. The
receptionist is standing up, a folded note in his hand.

"Miss Panta?"
Panta stopped.
"Miss Panta? I have a note for you."
Panta turned and walked over to the walnut receptionist desk. "Um,
it's just Panta," she softly said. "Just Panta..."
"Here," he said, giving her the note.
"Thanks." Panta slid a claw under the seal. The note had a faint
rubbery smell. She scanned the contents, her eyes flicking from line to
line. When she looked up, she had a puzzled look on her face.
....is still here waiting for you to pick up..." the receptionist
was saying.
"Um, sorry, what did you say?"
"I was saying that Curly is still here, waiting-"
"I don't have time for him right now!" Panta said abruptly. "I'm...
I'm too tied up with homework to go superheroing. I can't... I can't do
anything with him now." She scratched underneath an ear and thought for
a second. "Is it alright if I leave him here a little longer?"
"Sure. He's no problem at all."
Panta refolded the note and tucked it between the pages of her
Organic Chemistry text. She had the look of someone who had made up her
mind. "And could you give Pliable Lad a message for me?"
"Sure. What do you want it to say?"
"Um... I'd be glad to go out on a date with him - I've never been
on a date before. And 7:30 sounds like a good time. Got that?"
"Sure. I'll see that he gets it."
"Thanks again." Panta shouldered her load of books and trudged
upstairs to her quarters.
Underneath the receptionist's desk, stuffed between drawers and
files, Curly slowly wiggled his feet.

In a cavern deep inside a penthouse somewhere in Net.ropolis,
Captain Backdate waited for his boss to arrive. His fingers played over
the massive keyboard, checking the results of the gigantic Backdater Ray
Generator. Only small spots in the city resisted the influence of his
latest creation; one of them was the interior of the Legion of Net Heroes
Headquarters.
With the swoosh of escaping steam, the doors of Captain Backdate's
lab opened. A tall, sternly handsome man entered, carrying a rose in one
hand and a pair of garden clippers in the other. He had the distingushed
look of a retired officer, still muscular, still alert, with only a bit
of grey showing at his temple.
"You know, the American Beauty produces the best blossoms if all
but one bud are clipped," he said, tossing the garden clippers on a nearby
table. "And you know how much I dislike being bothered while I am pruning
my roses. What the heck is the problem?" He tucked the rose blossom into
a lapel button and leaned over Captain Backdate's shoulder.
"It's that." The now nervous Captain said, pointing to the brilliant
blue robot on the screen. "I think-"
"It's that damned foreigner's!" Golden Lord growled. "That import
from the Land of the Rising Sun! Squash it!"
"I can't. It's resisting my efforts to turn it into a mailbox."
"So..." Golden Lord mused. "We cannot leave it there. People might
start remembering what Net.ropolis is really like... Give me the phone."
Captain Backdate handed him the black Bakelite phone. Golden Lord
dialed MA-5555 and asked for Manga Man.
"Hello, this Golden Lord, formerly of the Classics Squad..." he
began. "I would like to ask you to remove your robot from Net.ropolis...
Why? Because robots, especially brillant blue ones, don't fit in my plans
for a city that still respects the law, cheers on heroes, votes for Ronnie
Reagan, and goes to school regularly. A city where men wear white shirts,
ties, and pressed slacks to work and women stay home and clean and cook and
raise 2.5 children!  Where heroes are heroes, not mutants that you cannot
tell if they are on the side of good or not-" He stopped suddenly as he
noticed that Manga Man had hung up on him.
"Captain Backdate!"
"Yes Sir!" The captain jumped to his feet and saluted.
"This means WAR! Assemble the Classics Squad once more!"
"But we haven't been together for 40-" Captain Backdate protested.
"Make it so!" Golden Lord turned and left the room. The poor Captain
opened a tattered Daybook and began dialing.

Manga Man shook his head sadly. Someone had obviously flipped. He
reached over and tapped the keyboard of Bahmut, the huge computer he had
stolen from a Megazone 23 movie.
"Eve?"
"Hai," the AI now forming on the screen whispered. She appeared
to be a young girl, slender with long pale hair.
"Eve, what might someone like Golden Lord do?"
"Based on past analysis, he will attempt to crush you using a
team of superheroes in several fight-filled issues." She answered.
"I thought so. Eve? Assemble several squads of Armored Power Suits
and place them on alert."
"Kashikomarimashita!" Eve answered. "I will do so." Her image faded
from the computer screen.
Manga Man checked his watch. He still had enough time to watch
a episode of 'Ranma 1/2' before the troops were ready. He pressed 'Play'
on his laserdisk player.

[ On the eve of war, all stop to take a last minute breath before plunging
  in. What is Panta going to wear on her first date? Will she behave
  herself? Will the coming battle between the forces of retired superheroes
  and a squad of giant mecha throw a crimp into tonight's plans? See the
  next issue of Tales of the LNH! ]

  Panta(tm) Hubert Bartels.  Pliable Lad(tm) Mike Escutia

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Next Week:  Some more LNH Tales!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer
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