LNH: Leadership Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #25

[Scott Eiler]

I don't see this in the newsgroup, so I'm boosting it.  It seems like as 
good a Last LNH Story as any could be.

Scott 8{D>

On 2024-03-14 19:15, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
>
>                   Leadership Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #25
>
>                    The Totally Real Conclusion!! Honest!!!
>
> "Well, guess that wraps up another Leadership Cry.Sig!" said a very 
> out of shape man wearing an Ultimate Ninja costume.  But also a man 
> that anyone who looked at him would just have to say, 'That's The 
> Totally Real Ultimate Ninja!!'  He glanced to another man next to him. 
>  "Time to break out the Victory Cigars!"
>
> "Yep!" said another grinning man who began handing out cigars to all 
> the confused and befuddled LNH'rs who were currently in the lobby.  
> The man had a very ordinary look about him and a T-shirt that read, 
> 'I'm a Totally Real LNH Writer!  Honest!'  He also had what looked 
> like a Totally Real Nobel Prize for LNH Writing hanging on his neck. 
>  "This was probably my most amazing writing yet!  And I couldn't have 
> done it without the fine contributions of those who followed before 
> like Drew, Arthur, Rob, Subset Mask, Jeanne, Scott, and the rest!  But 
> I probably do deserve most of the credit for the amazing job I did 
> wrapping up all of those confusing dangling threads and plotlines.
>
> "So good in fact that Saxon Brenton came out of retirement to write 
> another End of the Month review to celebrate my greatness.  Here's 
> what he said," the man began reading from a piece of printer paper he 
> pulled out of one of his pockets.  "There is proof now that Alan 
> Moore, Tolstoy, Shakespeare, and James Joyce made incredible 
> passionate love and all of them got really pregnant and all them gave 
> birth to these really colorful robot lions that merged together to 
> give us this Greatest Writer of All Time -- and that proof is -- 
> Totally Real LNH Writer Man who wrote this totally great and totally 
> real LNH story!!  So, great in fact that I, Saxon Brenton, will 
> despair for humanity if this great work doesn't win all the awards 
> especially the Nobel Prize For LNH Writing!  For if that does not 
> happen -- Humanity will have committed its Greatest Crime and there 
> Will Be No Hope!!!!!"  The man then stuffed the paper back into his 
> pocket and wiped a tear from his eye.  "Fortunately, I did win all the 
> awards," he gestured to the Nobel Prize dangling from his neck.  "So, 
> yeah.  I did that."
>
> Nina Yamashiro looked at the cigar in her hand.  "Wait.  This doesn't 
> -- how did I get here?  I was..."
>
> "It's okay, Nina," said The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja giving her an 
> understanding sympathetic look.  "It's probably that Amnesia that 
> Amnesia gave us all that made us forget a lot of what happened in 
> Leadership Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #14-24!"
>
>
> "Yeah yeah yeah!  Amnesia!  That's what happened!" nodded The Totally 
> Real LNH Writer.  "Totally!"
>
> "Even, I, with My Totally Real and Incredible Ninja Powers have some 
> gaps in my amazing memory.  But rest assured thanks to my incredible 
> Ninja skills all the bad guys are either dead, in jail, or totally 
> reformed!  And we all saved the Looniverse for like the zillionth 
> time!  And I won that Leadership Election -- Huge Landslide!  So, 
> guess I'm back to being the leader again."
>
> "And I also won in a Huge Landslide for Second in Command," Totally 
> Real LNH Writer chimed in, "Sorry, Fearless Leader.  You did a great 
> job, but the times -- they are a changing -- maybe you could be my 
> Deputy Second in Command or something."
>
> Fearless Leader started to speak and then just shook his head and gave 
> a sigh.
>
> "Wait!  Who even are you?" said Master Roster Man pointing accusingly 
> at Totally Real LNH Writer.  "Have you ever even appeared in a story 
> before?  There's no record of you in any roster!"
>
> "Umm?  Oh, sure I have!  Yeah!  Tons of stories!  Probably even more 
> than you!  Yeah!  As for not being in the Roster?"  Totally Real LNH 
> Writer paused a bit as he tried to come up with a good excuse.  "Oh, 
> yeah.  I'm probably in the Top Secret LNH Roster. Yeah!  Where all the 
> Top Secret LNH Members are.  Guess you just don't have Top Secret LNH 
> Roster Access Clearance -- that's a shame.  Plus I've been like a 
> Totally Real LNH Writer for forever.  Was there on day one.  Like I 
> was in the Chatroom with Scuv, Druzzt, wRome, and Dvandamm when they 
> were coming up with the LNH.  And they were like worried.  'Hey!  
> Should we be doing this?  Seems kind of risky -- this LNH thing.'  And 
> I was like, 'Yeah.  That's why we should do it.  Because it's RISKY!' 
>  And so that's how the LNH formed.  Yep.  Totally True Story!  Uhuh. 
> No need to thank me -- but you can.  I do take Venmo!"
>
> "Anyway," said The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja glaring at Totally Real 
> LNH Writer.  "We're all suffering from that whammy Amnesia threw at 
> us.  Some more than others.  That's probably why most of you can't 
> remember Totally Real LNH Writer.  Even I have these memory holes.  
> Like with all the various LNH passwords to like the LNH Bank Accounts, 
> Credit Cards, PIN numbers -- and since I'm the leader now because I 
> totally won that LNH Leadership Election by a Big Landslide -- I 
> probably should know all of that.  So if anyone can direct me to the..."
>
> "No!  This is wrong!  This is all wrong!" said Nina trying to break 
> free from the spell that seemed to have ensnared all of the LNH. 
>  "None of this makes any sense!  Even for an LNH story this all seems 
> way too..."
>
> "NO!   THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE!!" boomed the voice of The Totally Real 
> Ultimate Ninja as his glowing, crackling eyes pierced into Nina's 
> eyes.  The colors in the LNHHQ lobby disappeared except for various 
> shades of crimson red.  "I AM THE TOTALLY REAL ULTIMATE NINJA!  THIS 
> IS TOTALLY TRUE!  NO, REALLY!!  I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TOTALLY REAL 
> ULTIMATE NINJA!  AND I SHALL AND FOREVER AND EVER BE THE TOTALLY REAL 
> ULTIMATE NINJA!  SERIOUSLY FOLKS!  THIS IS ALL TOTALLY, REALLY, 
> REALLY, REALLY TRUE!! SWEAR TO GOD!!!!  WHO IS THE REAL TOTALLY REAL 
> ULTIMATE NINJA?!!!"
>
> And everyone in the room in unison shouted with there eyes kind of 
> glazed over, "YOU ARE!  YOU ARE THE TOTALLY REAL ULTIMATE NINJA!!!!"
>
> And Nina?  Tears began to fall from her eyes.  Tears of joy. And she 
> rushed over to The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja and gave him a big hug. 
>  "Oh, God!  You're back!  I'm sorry I doubted you!!  But you're back, 
> Uncle!  The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja is Back!!  Back to Lead Us ALL!!!"
>
> "Umm, oof -- yeah," said The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja wincing in 
> pain as Nina's big hug began to crush him to death.  "Uhh, could you 
> go a little bit easier with the -- aaagggghhhh -- can't can't..."
>
> "Oh!  Sorry, Uncle!  I guess escaping from the afterlife took a toll 
> on you?  I guess that's why you look so incredibly out of shape?"
>
> "Yeah, uh... sure."  And quickly added.  "And probably all that saving 
> the Looniverse too.  That took quite a toll!
>
> "Anyhow, you did a fine job -- leading this place, Nina.  But that's 
> over with.  Because I'm back.  And because I'm The Totally Real 
> Ultimate Ninja!  And I won the LNH Leadership in the Biggest Landslide 
> Ever!  So Big!!  And now it's going to be all like it was!  Back to 
> the Glory Days!"  And he turned and addressed all the LNH'rs that were 
> currently in the lobby and pumped his fists in the air.  "THE LNH IS 
> BACK, BABY!  AND BETTER THAN EVER!!"
>
> And all of the LNH'rs started hooting and hollering.  And a number of 
> them shouted, totally overjoyed, "It's Party Time!"  The Totally Real 
> Ultimate Ninja was back.  Everything was Right with the World Again.
>
> Bad Judgment Boy looked at what was happening with a gleam in his 
> eyes.  "I have a really, really good feeling about all this!  Hmm.  Am 
> I still President?  Am I running for President? Probably should look 
> into that."
>
> And The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja looked at Totally Real LNH Writer 
> with a smirk on his face.  "Can you see if you can get all of those 
> passwords and codes?"
>
> "Sure.  What are you going to do?"
>
> "Oh, you know.  Just your typical Totally Real Ultimate Ninja Top 
> Secret Stuff -- that sort of thing."  And they both laughed.
>
>  ** ** ** **
>
> Elsewhere, in a Las Vegas Casino...
>
> A man wearing a bright red pimp hat and shades, and a pink fur coat 
> was shaking a fist full of dice.  He let the dice fly on the craps 
> table.  Damn.  Snake Eyes!  And then he looked at his hand.  The 
> tattoos were gone.  They were all gone.  He looked at his other hand.  
> And then various other parts of his skin.  And then began to freak out 
> and tear whatever clothes he had been wearing off.  They were all 
> gone!  All of his tattoos were gone!!  What had happened to them?!!
>
> Continuity Porn Star ran from various Security Guards that were trying 
> to tackle him and made his way out of the Casino and then collapsed 
> onto the sidewalk.
>
> Something was wrong with the World.  Something was very, very wrong.
>
>  ** ** ** **
>
> To Be Continued?!!
>
>  ** ** ** **
>
>
> The Ultimate Ninja is wReam's
> (Ultimate Ninja II) Nina Yamashiro is Amabel Holland's
> Fearless Leader is Dave Van Domelen's
> Master Roster Man is Jef Kolodziej's
> Amnesia is Jeff Barnes's
> And Bad Judgment Boy, Continuity Porn Star, Totally
> Real LNH Writer, and Totally Real Ultimate Ninja are
> mine.
>
>
> Writer's Notes:
>
> Hah!  Sorry about this!  I had zero ideas about what
> to do with all the previous stuff -- so I just ignored
> it and skipped a bunch of issues because this idea
> popped into my head and I had to do it.
>
> Totally Real LNH Writer is a slight reworking of this
> character that I've thought about for a long time and
> I think I did post about this character in some RACC
> threads.  I called him Fake LNH Writer back then.
> He has the superpower to convince people that he's
> a real LNH writer, but is pretty ordinary beyond that
> power.  He carries around fake reviews and fake awards
> that he's won for all the fake LNH stories he's never
> actually wrote.
>
> And Totally Real Ultimate Ninja is kind of the same.
> Just with the power to convince everyone that he's
> The Real Ultimate Ninja, but a very ordinary person
> besides that power.
>
> I'd say the characters are these grifter types who
> have mostly up to this point been using their powers
> for very petty small time stuff.
>
> So, I've written another LNH story.  Every story I write
> now days feels a bit like the last one I'll ever write.
> But here's one more.
>
> Arthur "The Totally Real..." Spitzer
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-- 
-- (signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> ------ http://www.eilertech.com/ -------

Scott was raised as the Last Son of Planet Scottron on Scott Island.
There he learned that criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot,
especially of Scotts.  So Scott secretly went to Scott High School and
trained himself to become a Scott to confound them.  There he built a
suit of Scott-armor, and was given a mighty Scott-hammer plus an
invincible Scott-shield.  Scott's mighty armament is only subject to
other Scotts.  This is an incredibly common problem, though. So
Scott has to rely upon his Scott-Sense to identify possible danger.

So sayeth Scott.