LNH: Leadership Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #25

[Arthur Spitzer]

                  Leadership Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #25


                   The Totally Real Conclusion!! Honest!!!


"Well, guess that wraps up another Leadership Cry.Sig!" said a very out of
shape man wearing an Ultimate Ninja costume.  But also a man that anyone
who looked at him would just have to say, 'That's The Totally Real Ultimate
Ninja!!'  He glanced to another man next to him.  "Time to break out the
Victory Cigars!"

"Yep!" said another grinning man who began handing out cigars to all the
confused and befuddled LNH'rs who were currently in the lobby.  The man had
a very ordinary look about him and a T-shirt that read, 'I'm a Totally Real
LNH Writer!  Honest!'  He also had what looked like a Totally Real Nobel
Prize for LNH Writing hanging on his neck.  "This was probably my most
amazing writing yet!  And I couldn't have done it without the fine
contributions of those who followed before like Drew, Arthur, Rob, Subset
Mask, Jeanne, Scott, and the rest!  But I probably do deserve most of the
credit for the amazing job I did wrapping up all of those confusing
dangling threads and plotlines.

"So good in fact that Saxon Brenton came out of retirement to write another
End of the Month review to celebrate my greatness.  Here's what he said,"
the man began reading from a piece of printer paper he pulled out of one of
his pockets.  "There is proof now that Alan Moore, Tolstoy, Shakespeare,
and James Joyce made incredible passionate love and all of them got really
pregnant and all them gave birth to these really colorful robot lions that
merged together to give us this Greatest Writer of All Time -- and that
proof is -- Totally Real LNH Writer Man who wrote this totally great and
totally real LNH story!!  So, great in fact that I, Saxon Brenton, will
despair for humanity if this great work doesn't win all the awards
especially the Nobel Prize For LNH Writing!  For if that does not happen --
Humanity will have committed its Greatest Crime and there Will Be No
Hope!!!!!"  The man then stuffed the paper back into his pocket and wiped a
tear from his eye.  "Fortunately, I did win all the awards," he gestured to
the Nobel Prize dangling from his neck.  "So, yeah.  I did that."

Nina Yamashiro looked at the cigar in her hand.  "Wait.  This doesn't --
how did I get here?  I was..."

"It's okay, Nina," said The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja giving her an
understanding sympathetic look.  "It's probably that Amnesia that Amnesia
gave us all that made us forget a lot of what happened in Leadership
Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #14-24!"


"Yeah yeah yeah!  Amnesia!  That's what happened!" nodded The Totally Real
LNH Writer.  "Totally!"

"Even, I, with My Totally Real and Incredible Ninja Powers have some gaps
in my amazing memory.  But rest assured thanks to my incredible Ninja
skills all the bad guys are either dead, in jail, or totally reformed!  And
we all saved the Looniverse for like the zillionth time!  And I won that
Leadership Election -- Huge Landslide!  So, guess I'm back to being the
leader again."

"And I also won in a Huge Landslide for Second in Command," Totally Real
LNH Writer chimed in, "Sorry, Fearless Leader.  You did a great job, but
the times -- they are a changing -- maybe you could be my Deputy Second in
Command or something."

Fearless Leader started to speak and then just shook his head and gave a
sigh.

"Wait!  Who even are you?" said Master Roster Man pointing accusingly at
Totally Real LNH Writer.  "Have you ever even appeared in a story before?
There's no record of you in any roster!"

"Umm?  Oh, sure I have!  Yeah!  Tons of stories!  Probably even more than
you!  Yeah!  As for not being in the Roster?"  Totally Real LNH Writer
paused a bit as he tried to come up with a good excuse.  "Oh, yeah.  I'm
probably in the Top Secret LNH Roster.  Yeah!  Where all the Top Secret LNH
Members are.  Guess you just don't have Top Secret LNH Roster Access
Clearance -- that's a shame.  Plus I've been like a Totally Real LNH Writer
for forever.  Was there on day one.  Like I was in the Chatroom with Scuv,
Druzzt, wRome, and Dvandamm when they were coming up with the LNH.  And
they were like worried.  'Hey!  Should we be doing this?  Seems kind of
risky -- this LNH thing.'  And I was like, 'Yeah.  That's why we should do
it.  Because it's RISKY!'  And so that's how the LNH formed.  Yep.  Totally
True Story!  Uhuh.  No need to thank me -- but you can.  I do take Venmo!"

"Anyway," said The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja glaring at Totally Real LNH
Writer.  "We're all suffering from that whammy Amnesia threw at us.  Some
more than others.  That's probably why most of you can't remember Totally
Real LNH Writer.  Even I have these memory holes.  Like with all the
various LNH passwords to like the LNH Bank Accounts, Credit Cards, PIN
numbers -- and since I'm the leader now because I totally won that LNH
Leadership Election by a Big Landslide -- I probably should know all of
that.  So if anyone can direct me to the..."

"No!  This is wrong!  This is all wrong!" said Nina trying to break free
from the spell that seemed to have ensnared all of the LNH.  "None of this
makes any sense!  Even for an LNH story this all seems way too..."

"NO!   THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE!!" boomed the voice of The Totally Real
Ultimate Ninja as his glowing, crackling eyes pierced into Nina's eyes.
The colors in the LNHHQ lobby disappeared except for various shades of
crimson red.  "I AM THE TOTALLY REAL ULTIMATE NINJA!  THIS IS TOTALLY
TRUE!  NO, REALLY!!  I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE TOTALLY REAL ULTIMATE NINJA!
AND I SHALL AND FOREVER AND EVER BE THE TOTALLY REAL ULTIMATE NINJA!
SERIOUSLY FOLKS!  THIS IS ALL TOTALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY TRUE!!  SWEAR
TO GOD!!!!  WHO IS THE REAL TOTALLY REAL ULTIMATE NINJA?!!!"

And everyone in the room in unison shouted with there eyes kind of glazed
over, "YOU ARE!  YOU ARE THE TOTALLY REAL ULTIMATE NINJA!!!!"

And Nina?  Tears began to fall from her eyes.  Tears of joy.  And she
rushed over to The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja and gave him a big hug.
 "Oh, God!  You're back!  I'm sorry I doubted you!!  But you're back,
Uncle!  The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja is Back!!  Back to Lead Us ALL!!!"

"Umm, oof -- yeah," said The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja wincing in pain as
Nina's big hug began to crush him to death.  "Uhh, could you go a little
bit easier with the -- aaagggghhhh -- can't can't..."

"Oh!  Sorry, Uncle!  I guess escaping from the afterlife took a toll on
you?  I guess that's why you look so incredibly out of shape?"

"Yeah, uh... sure."  And quickly added.  "And probably all that saving the
Looniverse too.  That took quite a toll!

"Anyhow, you did a fine job -- leading this place, Nina.  But that's over
with.  Because I'm back.  And because I'm The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja!
And I won the LNH Leadership in the Biggest Landslide Ever!  So Big!!  And
now it's going to be all like it was!  Back to the Glory Days!"  And he
turned and addressed all the LNH'rs that were currently in the lobby and
pumped his fists in the air.  "THE LNH IS BACK, BABY!  AND BETTER THAN
EVER!!"

And all of the LNH'rs started hooting and hollering.  And a number of them
shouted, totally overjoyed, "It's Party Time!"  The Totally Real Ultimate
Ninja was back.  Everything was Right with the World Again.

Bad Judgment Boy looked at what was happening with a gleam in his eyes.  "I
have a really, really good feeling about all this!  Hmm.  Am I still
President?  Am I running for President?  Probably should look into that."

And The Totally Real Ultimate Ninja looked at Totally Real LNH Writer with
a smirk on his face.  "Can you see if you can get all of those passwords
and codes?"

"Sure.  What are you going to do?"

"Oh, you know.  Just your typical Totally Real Ultimate Ninja Top Secret
Stuff -- that sort of thing."  And they both laughed.

 ** ** ** **

Elsewhere, in a Las Vegas Casino...

A man wearing a bright red pimp hat and shades, and a pink fur coat was
shaking a fist full of dice.  He let the dice fly on the craps table.
Damn.  Snake Eyes!  And then he looked at his hand.  The tattoos were
gone.  They were all gone.  He looked at his other hand.  And then various
other parts of his skin.  And then began to freak out and tear whatever
clothes he had been wearing off.  They were all gone!  All of his tattoos
were gone!!  What had happened to them?!!

Continuity Porn Star ran from various Security Guards that were trying to
tackle him and made his way out of the Casino and then collapsed onto the
sidewalk.

Something was wrong with the World.  Something was very, very wrong.

 ** ** ** **

To Be Continued?!!

 ** ** ** **


The Ultimate Ninja is wReam's
(Ultimate Ninja II) Nina Yamashiro is Amabel Holland's
Fearless Leader is Dave Van Domelen's
Master Roster Man is Jef Kolodziej's
Amnesia is Jeff Barnes's
And Bad Judgment Boy, Continuity Porn Star, Totally
Real LNH Writer, and Totally Real Ultimate Ninja are
mine.


Writer's Notes:

Hah!  Sorry about this!  I had zero ideas about what
to do with all the previous stuff -- so I just ignored
it and skipped a bunch of issues because this idea
popped into my head and I had to do it.

Totally Real LNH Writer is a slight reworking of this
character that I've thought about for a long time and
I think I did post about this character in some RACC
threads.  I called him Fake LNH Writer back then.
He has the superpower to convince people that he's
a real LNH writer, but is pretty ordinary beyond that
power.  He carries around fake reviews and fake awards
that he's won for all the fake LNH stories he's never
actually wrote.

And Totally Real Ultimate Ninja is kind of the same.
Just with the power to convince everyone that he's
The Real Ultimate Ninja, but a very ordinary person
besides that power.

I'd say the characters are these grifter types who
have mostly up to this point been using their powers
for very petty small time stuff.

So, I've written another LNH story.  Every story I write
now days feels a bit like the last one I'll ever write.
But here's one more.

Arthur "The Totally Real..." Spitzer
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