LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #287: Verticle Plain #1 and ANARKY QUEST!
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun May 21 14:22:13 PDT 2023
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
And here's where you can find the various Verticle Plain issues:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Miniseries/Vertical.Plain/
And here's where Anarky Quest is located (as well as other oneshots):
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Misc/
And the Integrity Questers are back! (well, back in various spinoff
miniseries and one shots).
First off we have Vertical Plain #1 by Steph Savoie! Will Kid Anarky
be able find a plot and will the other Questers be jealous that he
gets his own miniseries?!
And next is Anarky Quest! by Douglas P. Wojtowicz with an addendum by
Mike "Ergh" Escutia! Will Curly ever remind Lost Cause Boy to murder
him?! Is it time for some more use of the word 'Woody'?! And who is
the mysterious stranger that's lagging behind -- and will they have
to change their name to the Five Horsemen (or maybe something that
doesn't involve Horsemen or Numbers?!!)
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #287
=====================
Verticle Plain #1 and ANARKY QUEST!
=====================
And now... the first official Integrity Quest spin-off!
}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}VERTICAL PLAIN{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
#1 - Ascent to Nothing
[The cover features Kid Anarky standing in the middle of the cover, no
backgrounds. The feet and capes of many characters are visible exitting the
panel. A word balloon lead from from Kid Anarky's obviously melancholy
face which reads (the balloon, not his face) "Guys? Oh guys..."]
The setting is the LNHHQ kitchen.
"I... I can't believe it's over." said Kid Anarky
"It's alright. It had to end sometime. Its time had come." soothed
Innovative-Offense Lad.
"I know, but... but... I just didn't think it would be so soon." Kid
Anarky took a hearty gulp from his Yoohoo (TM).
"Hey there. Ease up on those." said IOL, pointing to the drink.
"Look man, I had high hopes for that mini-series. I could see it: cross-
overs, the announcement of it becoming a regular series, sub-plots, fore-
shadowing! Everything! And now.... it's *sniff* over..." A tear appeared
in KA's eye. "And I they didn't even bring me along on the Comics
Connection."
"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean it's over. Well, it's over, but it'
s not OVER over. Know what I mean? You can still get together with them
later. What's the group's name> The Four Horsepersons?" explained
Innovative-Offense Lad.
"I suppose. (muttermutter-stupid name-grumblegrumble)
It's just a friggin' shame, ya know? That Writer-with-Integrity plot
could have gone on forever. But one writer writes one story and *poof*, its
over. *sigh*" Kid Anarky looked ready to take another swig from his Yoohoo (
TM), but seemed to change his mind at the last minute, putting it
down. "I'd better stop. Too many of those things and I turn into a
raving madman."
"Well, you made a cameo in Electrocutioner's Song, didn't you? I wasn'
t even _mentioned_." pouted IOL.
"Yeah, well you were just created. Besides a cameo's nothing. I'm a
Man without a Plot. Again. There must be something out there..." Kid
Anarky looked at his beverage with indecision.
Suddenly the phone ran. Innovative-Offense Lad quickly jumped up and
answered it.
"Yes? Yes, he's here. What? Oh, okay. Un-huh. Un-huh. Got it."
muttered IOL.
"Who was it?" querried Kid Anarky.
"Didn't say. He did mention a whole lot of plot threads for you to
pick-up, though." explained IOL looking cheerier by the minute.
"Really?!" a strange look appeared in Kid Anarky's eye.
"Yup. Okay: let's see what I remember: You still have to look into that
business about you wife and kids; you haven't explained your origin yet,
and since you weren't meant to be a "mysterious" figure, you better still
your guts soon. Also, you still don't know why your powers aren't working
right. Finally, nobody had any idea why you're called Kid Anarky, another
possible thread. And now you have to figure out who that just was on the
phone who knows so much about you..." enumerated IOL, doing a pretty good
impression of List Lad.
"Holey Geeze! What am I doing sitting around?! I'd better get to
work!" Kid Anarky suddenly stood up in a meaningful gesture.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, an obligatory spontaneous fight scene occures,
taking up 5 pages in tastefully drawn but really cheezy splash pages;
containing assorted LNHers taking a break from playing with their new LNH
Heroes and Villians (TM) Action Figures to raid the fridge.
After the gratituous violence...
"Umm, so why are you just standing there?" questioned Innovative-
Offense Lad.
"Well, I can't really do anything until I get some real clues to
follow up on. On top of that the issue can't really end without a cliff-
hanger. My standing here was supposed to be the writer's cue."
What??!! Oh, me. Sorry. Cliff-hanger. Hmmm. Cliff-hanger...
Far, far away... well not that far away. Far, like the comic shop is
from your house (or dorm) as compared to your TV, not, like. another
dimension or anything...
Ahem
Not so long ago... really not so long ago. Like, a minute ago. Really,
really short amount of time here. Between "Meanwhile" and "Moments ago"...
Well anyway...
**Cliff-Hanger Cliche #4 (in a series of 10 of the Instant-Story Cards
(TM)***
A figure sat brooding in his chair. So! _insert name here_ dared to rise
up against he! He, who's name shall not be spoken here! Well, we would see
how well his optimism stood up when he unleashed _insert deadly threat to
life-as-we-know-it here_.
[Oh no! Will our hero survive the threat of.. whoever the heck that was.
Will any of these threads be resolved? Will the writer/creater sink to
gimick covers just to boost slumping sales? Is this a regular series, a
mini-series, a one-shot, or what? What's going on here? What does 42 stand
for? Why is the sky blue? Why isn't the writer just shut up? Is anybody
out there? Helloo...]
Written by KID ANARKY
a.k.a. Steph Savoie
---
I have no .sig because -
(a) - I'm too lazy to figure out how
(b) - I'm too stupid to figure out how
(c) - I'm making a political statement
(d) - all of the above
(e) - none of the above
(f) - 42
(g) - all of the below
From: Michael R Escutia <mre at christa.unh.edu>
Subject: Anarky quest
Digging into their archives, Totally Miked Productions presents...
ANARKY QUEST! The Madness Lives On
by
Douglas P. Wojtowicz.
with an addendum by
Mike "Ergh" Escutia
[When we last left the Integrity Questors, Lost Cause Boy ASSUMED that
everyone was hanging around to go into the Comic Conspiracy, maybe. That
depended on the author. But they were supposed to go off together. But now,
LCB, Panta and Curly are hanging around, waiting for Anarky to show up.]
The opposite rear cover has LCB looking at his watch, Panta holding her ear to
the ground and Curly scratching his head. LCB is speaking. "I thought you
gave him directions."
* * * * * *
Lost Cause Boy looked up from his watch, looking at Curly. "You did tell him
where to meet us, didn't you? You did tell him I forgot about Star-writer who
was trapped in the heart of ERNIE's main complex."
"Uhhhhhh, yeah coitenly," Curly said. He turned and started slinking off.
Panta looked up. "I told you he'd screw up. Curly, you told Kid Anarky that
we were waiting for him to look for Star-writer, right?"
"Kid Anarky? I t'ought you was talkin' about Kid Koiby," Curly spoke up as
a figure in brilliant Golden Armor (tm) showed up.
"What mortals summon the assistance of... oh, it's you guys? Have fun during
the Comics Conspiracy?" KK asked.
LCB glanced towards Curly, who started making the "nyah-ah-ah-ah-ah" noise,
then started barking. LCB pulled out a power drill, his hair suddenly shaping
to a Bowl #4 haircut. "And you thought the spirit of Ron Post was bad..."
"Wait!" Panta spoke up, going between the pair. LCB lowered the power drill.
"It was an honest mistake. Besides, you were the one who blew his feeble
Liefeld brain-cells with those Moore issues of Miracleman."
"Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk," Curly chuckled, stepping closer to LCB.
"Remind me to murder you later," LCB snarled, returning to his normal form.
He looked at Kid Kirby. "Sorry about that. I didn't realize that I was pulling
the rug out so fast. Considering we went through dozens of issues just
rescuing an LNH'er, and not even real writers, this series COULD have gone
on for an Etern..."
"Look," Panta said holding up a comic book. On the cover was Kid Anarky,
looking confused, the word balloon going vertical as he called for them.
"Cripes! He got his own series!" LCB cried.
"Not only that, but he called us the Four Horsepersons," Curly said, pointing
it out. "Cool! LNH action figures!!!"
LCB wacked Curly in the face with the Vertical Ascent issue. He saw the back
cover, with them on it, in an inverted form. "Oh great. Wojtowicz!!!"
(Yes?)
"Uhhh, are you responsible for this?" LCB asked, showing the inverted backup
feature. "This looks like a frickin' issue of Youngblood!"
(Well, I didn't want Kid Anarky to feel left out. Besides, you guys weren't
doing anything because I didn't see any more issues of the Comics Conspiracy.)
LCB looked to Panta. "And this guy is my creator. Someone shoot me."
>B L A M M O ! <
LCB got off the ground as Kid Kirby lowered his arm cannon. "Well, you asked
for it."
"Thank you no end," LCB croaked. "Now, while I'm recovering from internal
injuries, why don't you join the knucklehead and try and find Anarky."
"Okey dokey, but I thought she was your girlfriend," Curly said, putting his
arm through the crook of Panta's. Panta flipped him over like Droopy
flipping the wolf in an old MGM cartoon.
"Well, we're not going to be getting anywhere fast. We'd better do something
to make this series truly huge and full of all kinds of guest stars," Panta
said.
Curly shook his head. "Well, if you're actin' that way about it..."
"I swear, the last issue had more guest stars than a Woody Allen..." LCB
froze. "Wojtowicz!!!!!!"
The rumble of irate LNHer's charged towards the trio as they were frozen,
like deer in headlights. Kid Kirby managed to take off, flying into an
escape orbit before the trio were trampled.
(Huge double double gatefold splash page of every member of the LNH stomping
all over LCB, Curly and Panta.)
Panta glanced at LCB. "We're going to have to work on your problem."
"Just be glad I wasn't explaining a Cheer's episode," LCB groaned, laying
back.
Just then a portal opened up from kepler.unh.edu, depositing a lone, unknown
figure into the fray as the LNH took off.
He watched as LCB panicked, picking up the limp, lifeless form of Curly,
rushing him to the Doctor who had helped out Panta.
He stepped closer as LCB returned, shaken, leaning on Panta's shoulder.
"What's wrong?" asked the lithe, catwoman, breathing deeply and making the
newcomer strangely uncomfortable.
"It's Curly. It's horrible. Unbelievable..." LCB sobbed.
"What! What ees eet mahn?" Panta snarled.
Just then, a short, dumpy black and white figure stood in the door, with
Curly's head, only its tongue hanging out, and wishker's growing from it's
cheeks. Beneath the head was the body of a cat.
"That derranged Doctor... has transformed Curly yet again. He's... now...
>sob, gasp, heavy sigh< a PROTO-STIMPY!!!!!" LCB exploded, bawling onto
Panta's shoulder as she clutched him.
"Oh, that poor... idiot?" Panta asked as Curly went hopping along. "Dah!
I will now be the new mascot for the Three Horsemen."
"No! First Anarky! Now Curly?!? How will we recover?" LCB bawled.
"Uh, I'm sorry. Someone named Mike said I'd meet with you people?" the
figure said.
LCB perked up. "Do you have a name or identity yet?"
"Uh, no, but my creator should be posting to this list any moment now, and
I'll have an identity, and possibly become a member of your team. At least
he said that much. But what about Kid Anarky?" the figure asked.
"Yes! We have to follow in the wake of Anarky as he goes about his quest to
answer the mystery that is his life! The first mission for the Four Horsemen
and Curly will be... LNH: ANARKY QUEST!!! An even larger crossover,
introducing more mayhem, and possibly branching off into a battle against
the Defactoed alt.fan.bugtown!!! EEEEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!"
LCB started walking down the hall, Curly skipping brainlessly behind him,
tongue wagging in the wind, as LCB started counting off on his fingers.
"We'll have the Crosspost Brothers again. We'll call in the entire legion
every time I say the 'w' word. We'll blow through alt.fan.tv.ren&stimpy in
a quest for the new father of Curly after he got stomped all over by
Captain Ret-con. We'll go and rescue Star-writer, get on Good Morning
America, have two hot new SEGA video games, an IBM interactive CD game,
a breakfast cereal, a cheesy Saturday morning cartoon on one of the networks,
and a daily in syndication, I'll work a deal with Beretta for the
official Anarky Quest Commemorative Beretta 96 in .40 S&W..."
Panta looked back to the readers on the net. "Lord help us, we are
SCREWED!!!"
Lost Cause Boy (tm) Douglas P. Wojtowicz.
Panta (tm panting) Hubert Bartels.
Mysterious figure (tm) Mike Escutia
Kid Anarky (missing in tm) Stephane Savoie
Curly (tm impaired) Douglas P. Wojtowicz.
ANARKY QUEST! The Madness Lives On
Addendum
by
Mike "Ergh" Escutia
Panta headed off after Lost Cause Boy and Curly, but the mysterious
stranger lagged behind, confused by what had just happened. Why was that one
guy rambling about video games and TV shows when they seemed to have some-
body to find? And why did that other guy have the body of a oversized cat?
He started out after the cat-girl, but didn't walk as fast as she had
been. As he walked, he became aware of something. Many things. Particulars
of his existence were being filled in. He was now aware of his power: the ab-
ility to merge his form with that of anyone else. He was aware of the blue
skin and hair he now had for no reason in particular. And he was aware of
his name.
Suddenly, as if someone had changed their mind about his being there,
the portal that had deposited him at LNHQ opened up, sucking him in with a
force that came from beyond the fourth wall.
In that instant, he knew why. He saw a picture of someone else,
standing side-by-side with the three people he had just met. He saw this
someone possessing shapeshifting powers that he was reluctant to use, and
falling for the cat-girl known as Panta.
He knew what was happening. He was being replaced.
He had time for one primal scream before all went black.
--Mike...notes that this officially retcons AQ as the first appear-
ance of Gestalt Lad and not Pliable Lad. That story's untold...for now.
==========
Next Week: That would be Memorial Day Weekend... so probably something
something LNH in Two Weeks!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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