LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #280: Electrocutioner's Song Part Three
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Mar 26 14:22:09 PDT 2023
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
And here's where you can find Electrocutioner's Song as well as other
LNH Crossovers:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Crossovers/
And its the next parts of -- The Electrocutioner's Song!
The Writers for this Crossover are:
Jef "The KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej
Todd "Scavenger" Kogutt
Dave "Dvandom" Van Domelen
and Raymond "wReam" Bingham
First Off we have Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #2 by Jef
"The KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej (Part Five)! Will we ever learn
the origin of The Coachster?! How many bullets does it take to
kill a ninja?! And will all the LNH'rs get into the COMA FAD?!!
And Finally we have THE 501 BLUES/RATTLER HIDE SPECIAL #2 by Todd
"Scavenger" Kogutt! How much is that ninja in the window?! Will
The FANDOM of the ALT.RA ruin the value of his action figures with
those filthy LNH'r signatures?! And is it finally time to have that
moment of silence for Flatulence Lad?!!
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #280
=====================
Electrocutioner's Song Part Three
=====================
Trading Card (cut here)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
+-------------------------------+ +-------------------------------+
| Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude | | Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude |
| | | in the non-sense file. |
| ############ %%%%%%%%%%%% | | |
| # -- -- # %% - - %% | | So, you think that having |
| @ * || * @ %@ * || * @% | | your very own title will aid |
| | LJ | %% OO %% | | the bringers of good against |
| \ / %% %% | | all that is evil. You are |
| \ ------ / %\ ---- /% | | truly mistaken. |
| ---------- % -------- % | | |
| | | % | | % | | Your only hope is to join me |
| __________ | | | | or die with your crushed egos |
| | | | | | | by my indomitable will. |
| | | (LNH CopyRight 1992) |
+-------------------------------+ +-------------------------------+
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Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #2
Part Five of the Electrocutioner's Song
---------------------------------------
"Something Minister This Way Comes"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In front of Net.ropolis's City Hall, a group of costumed figures,
known as the Legion of Net Heroes, prepares to battle an enemy unknown to
them. They are called the Z-Team, mercenaries for hire.
"Z, look what they did with the Coachster. I hope he won't be hurt
that much.", asked Tunes.
"Don't worry about it. Did I ever tell you about his origin? Well,
it started....... Wait a second!!!!!!! When did we start wearing costumed
outfits like the LNH and the LNV? These colors don't even match. We
were not wearing them on the way into the city. Now I'm pissed!!!
WOOOO!!!!", exclaimed Z in a flaming rage.
All of a sudden, Trump says, "Z, isn't that a ninja coming at us?"
Z turns his attention to the leading attacker, and recognizes that
he is, in fact, a ninja. A smile appears on his face.
"This just made my day. Mr. World."
"Yeah?"
"We have ourselves yet another ninja. You know what to do."
With a grin akin to Avon's of Blake's Seven, Mr. World pulls out a
sub-machine pistol out from the back of the truck and fires it directly at
the Ultimate Ninja. Before the Ultimate Ninja could react, a fury of
bullets were upon him, knocking him back into the charging Legion, knocking
out Typo Lad in the process. At the same time, the other members of the
Z-Team each pull out a hand gun, with the exception of Tunes. He was
wielding a B-B gun. Unsure what to do, the Legion stops and starts to back
away, to aid their fallen comrades.
******************************************************************************
In his secret laboratory flotaing over Alt.Comics.Lnh, Mr. Minister
starts to set in motion the next phase of his plan. From his monitors, he
sees that with the added problems of the Z-Team and of Sufferyng, noone
would notice what was happening until it was too late.
"Minister, the victim, oops, I mean the patient is ready.", said the
super-computer, known as Squiggy.
"Very good. Are there any problems this time, such as the one with
the Marvel_Zombie Lad clones?", asked Mr. Minister.
"None."
Mr. Minister walks over to a huge empty room, with the exception of
cryo-tube in the center of it. Placing his palm-print of the key, the
cryo-tube opens. Laying inside is an unconscious SideKick Man.
"Squiggy, how long before we awakens?"
"By my estimations, about 15 minutes."
"That will give me enough time to prepare."
******************************************************************************
"Why are we looking for SideKick Man inside Big.City Mall? I mean,
the last time anyone saw him was at Y-Plex Burp's old base.", wondered
The Forgetting One.
"It's because we went there already, and found no clues to his
possible whereabouts. Anyways, when you don't know where someone is, where
is the first place that you may found them?", says Sig.File Man.
"Uh. I don't know." says the Forgetting One.
"Let me guess. The mall?", asks Doctor Stomper.
"Of course. He may have come here to buy something, and got lost.
He may have been taken by some store owner and made a manniquin. Anything is
possible at a mall.", California Kid points out.
"I like the way you think. Have you read any of my sig.files before?",
says Sig.File Man.
"Nahhhhhh. I just like malls."
"Oh well."
*******************************************************************************
Comic Snob Boy slams down a telephone book in disgust at a local
comic book shop. He walks back to the Legion members who are with the army
of Marvel_Zombie Lad clones outside the We-Have-Comics comic shop.
"I can't find Table's address anywhere. He must have an unlisted
number."
"What are we going to do now? We can't have all of these Marvel_
Zombie Lad clones hang out at LNH Headquarters. We have barely enough
room now.", says Occultism Kid.
"Wait a second. Weren't you in the Big.City mall scene, looking
for SideKick Lad?", asks Obscure Trivia Lad.
"I temporarily challenged the laws of Physics by being at two places
at once. Unfortunately, I lost, so know I am back with you guys. Wow, there
are alot of clones running around here. Someone must be using alot of Mighty
Magic(tm)."
"Mighty Magic(tm)?", asks Lurking Lass.
"Don't you know? The all-powerful, omni-potent, undiminishable, super
spells that can do anything because it is a plot device. Go back and re-read
LNH #34, when Romantic, a super-being loyal to Order, gave the LNH the
Siege Plot-Device, and for a time, changed our lives, until Comic Snob Boy
brought us all back to fight the LNH."
"In the nick of time you might say.", says Cliche Dude.
"Yeah. I remember finding out that our arch-foe Manga Man was a
baker. Boy, did we burn his buns."
The army of Marvel_Zombie Lad clones snickered all at once.
Rebel Yell says, "Ok. We have to get back to business. We need to
know where Table is hiding out."
In unison, the Marvel_Zombie Lad clones speak, "He is probably at his
safehouse, over on Wood Street."
"Why didn't you say so before?" Rebel Yell questioning the clones.
"You never asked."
"Oh. Let's go and cause some violence. Legionaries, Forward!!!!!!"
Along with the army of Marvel_Zombie Lad clones, the Legion group,
headed by Rebel Yell jog their way over to Table.
*****************************************************************************
SideKick Man finally awakens to a voice familiar to him.
"SideKick Man, do you know who I am?"
"Yes, you are Table, my master."
"That is correct. I have a dangerous mission for you. You can
trust noone but me. Do you understand?"
"I do. Your will is my life."
"Very good."
Table hands him a computer chip. "I will explain your mission. You
are to enter LNH HeadQuarters, and replace the main memory chip in the Legion
computer. You will do this discreetly. Noone should see you. If they do,
tell them you are adding memory to the computer so you can add the new
LNH computer game in there. Do you understand?"
"Yes, my master."
"Good. Head over to the BootySlide(tm), and you will be on your way."
SideKick Man walks over to the BootySlide. Then, Table pushes
some buttons, and SideKick Man disappears. After he is gone, Table touches
his watch on his right wrist, and the image of Table fades. In his place
is Mr. Minister.
"Squiggy, what is the percent chance of success for this part of the
plan?"
"100%."
"Good. Very good. Tell As, Sist, and Ants to get ready for the next
step. I love it when a plan comes together."
******************************************************************************
WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!WOOP!!!
"What is that?"
"The perimeter alarm has been sounded. Someone must be right outside
the safehouse."
Table rushes to the nearest terminal. He turns it on waiting for it
to turn on turn.
"Damn. The Legion of Net Heroes are right outside our doorstep.
I cannot believe they found out about my plan so soon."
Chair stumbles out of bed, over to the terminal. "I recognize some
of these people from your action figure line. There is Rebel Yell, Lurking
Lass, Cliche Dude, and boy is he cute. And there is.."
"Stop that. What worries me is all of those Marvel_Zombie Lads out
there. They all seem to have a different shade to each of them. Whoa!
I think I know what might be going on here. That looks like the work of
Mr. Minister."
"You mean the guy who you mentioned last in issue #3?"
"Exactly. He must be trying to get back at me. That incident
with the Time Crapper. You remember that, don't you?"
"Yes, but what are we going to do now?"
"The defenses are in place. If they try to break in here, they
will be good as dead. If they get past them, we will be ready for them."
Unknown to Table and Chair, Plot-Error Man regain consciousness
while being left in the Auntie_May Chamber.
"Boy, am I hungry. I think I am going to order from Dominoes."
Plot-Error Man picks up the nearest phone, and dials the local
number for Dominoes.
"Hello, Dominoes, I would like to order please.........."
******************************************************************************
"Put up your hands and move over to the side of the building.", says
Z.
"What about our fallen comrades, the Ultimate Ninja, Typo lad, and
the again-deceased Cannon Fodder?" asks CheeseCake Eater Lad.
"Just do what he says, or we will make Tunes go ballistic." says
Mr. World with an evil smile.
"I warned you not to even mention that unless we have no other
choice. That could be the most dangerous thing anyone could ever do.",
explains Z.
"You are the boss. I wonder where Vince is. He is late again."
"You know how he is. He is one of the slowest marathon runners that
we have ever met.", says Z.
"He also thinks he is a ninja too.", adds Tunes.
"Just because he can sneak around in the woods and knows a few things
about ninjas, does not make him a ninja.", Mr. World points out.
"Let's get down to business. Ok. We want to know how these stupid
costumes were placed on us without our knowning it." says Z.
"Oh, my whole body aches.", thinks the Ultimate Ninja.
Ultimate Ninja awakens to see the Z-Team force some of the Legion
members over to the side of the building, possibly to execute them.
Under his breathe he says to himself, "Noone will kill the Legion
except for me." Slowly, he reaches over for his Ginsu Katana Blade, trying
not to make a sound. Unfortunately, he is not successful. As he moves the
blade over to him, it scrapes on the ground. Mr. World turns around to see
the Ultimate Ninja getting up ready to spring his attack. Mr. World lets
loose another barrage of bullets at the Ultimate Ninja. Since the bullets
are faster than the Ultimate Ninja, they again hit him with blind fury.
This time, several hit his head, and the Ultimate Ninja drops to the ground.
"I can't believe that they have taken the Ultimate Ninja down
twice, in one day, no less." says Halls Jordan.
"Believe it. When we first started out, we trained ourselves to
specifically to take on ninjas. A factor that aided us was the fact that
in a straight up fight, ninjas are not as good as when they sneak around.
All ninja do are ASSASSINATE people. They are not geared for regular battle,
and so they are easy to pick off. With him being the Ultimate Ninja, his
moves were easily predictable. This fact has been proven with ninjas, the
better you are, the more predictable you are. Well, after the first couple
of years, we kill many a ninja. Eventually, the Ninja Union signed an
agreement with us stating that since we were making the ninja extinct,
that we would not kill any until they get more. They, on the other hand,
would not kill anyone until that time. So, instead of killing ninjas,
we just hurt them. We use rubber bullets with them, really. We made
some great cash from that deal." explains Z.
Typo Lad wakes up to find the Ultimate Ninja next to him, on the
ground. He sees a few rips in the Ultimate Ninja's outfit, with a few
rips to the head area. Blood and bruises are easily seen on his head.
Suddenly, Typo Lad realizes who the Ultimate Ninja is. BandWagon Boy
has been the Ultimate Ninja all this time. Realizing this is not the
time to think about tell of his secret identity, he informs everyone
on the ninja's condition.
"Hezz hert reel badd. Hee maa seffur brane dammag." says Typo Lad.
Without noticing, a gray figure stealthfully appears next to
Typo Lad.
"Huh? Who are you?"
"Nice of you to make it Vince. Check to see if the ninja is enducing
unconsciousness or faking it." orders Z.
Vince looks over the body, touching certain parts of the body,
including some naughty bits. After a few minutes, Vince looks up and says
"No. We have put him in a coma."
"A coma?? Great. Everyone is being put in a coma these days. It's
just another fad.", says CheeseCake Eater Lad.
*****************************************************************************
Passing by KT Toys and Hobbies shop, Time Waster Lad sees something
from the corner of his eye. He turns to see, in front of the store, a huge
display of LNH action figures.
"Hey guys, take a look at this."
The Legion walks to the display of action figures. Catalyst Lass
picks up the figure of herself saying, "They do not have my current hair
style. Maybe I should send in a photograph of me to the manufacture."
"My figure looks exactly like me.", Browsing Boys says pridefully.
"But mine looks the best of all." Sig.File Man says boostfully.
Disagreement turns into an argument, which then turns into a fight
within the LNH. The owner of the store runs out and calls for help.
A pair of cops happen to walk by, and hear the cry.
"Sledge, there is a fight going on over there."
"Your right Dori, I'll take care of this."
He pulls out a 45 magnum, and says to it, "Are you ready for some fun?"
"They look like the LNH. Please Hammer, don't hurt them."
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
****************************************************************************
Back at LNH HeadQuarters, RosterwReam is still bawling out SideWinder
for accidentally putting the Transmodual Sig.Lad into the gene scrambler/
random teleporter.
"How can you be so stupid. Only an assisstant would be stupid enough
to hit the wrong button like that."
"I'm sorry. I really am. I'll make up for it, somehow."
"Sorry to bother you like this, but there is an intruder in the main
computer room.", states the computer.
"Let's go find out who it is."
At top speed, RosterwReam and SideWinder run to the main computer room.
When they get there, they find a costumed figure that they have not seen
before, shutting one of the latches to the computer.
"HI. I'm SideKick Man. How are you doing?"
"SideKick Man?? Wait a moment. You are the guy that Sig.File Man said
was lost. What were you doing?", asks SideWinder.
"I was adding a computer chip into the system so that we can play
the new LNH computer game. It was not compatible before with the system."
"We have to contact the team so they can return, and help out the
other teams." says RosterwReam.
RosterwReam goes to the computer, and asks the current location of
Sig.File Man's team.
"They are located at the Big.City Mall. They are not able to respond
to your calls. They seem to be battling each other. Also, a hostile person
is nearby, ready to fire at the team.", states the computer.
"Great, just great. SideKick Man, are ready to help us stop the
in-fighting among our fellow Legionaries.", asks RosterwReam.
"I am."
"Let's go, and hope we do not have to pay mega-bucks for damages."
Several minutes after they leave, there is a new voice from the
computer. "Minister, this is Squiggy. I have achieved combination.
Destruct sequence of the LNH HeadQuarters now proceeding. T-5 minutes..."
***************************************************************************
In a form of a holographic light, the X-Over Men arrive in
Net.ropolis. Memor-X, current leader of the team, looks around from what
is left of Y-Plex Burp's base.
"Spread out. It should be here."
After an hour of going through the rubble, Memor-X cries out loud,
"I've got it."
The rest of the X-Over Men dropped what they were doing and surrounded
Memor-X. The prize that was found was the Ring of RetConn. Somehow it had
returned to this spot.
"EveryOne, think about the CrossOver Queen."
The group started to chant out the name of the CrossOver Queen, over
and over and over again. After several minutes of this, a rift in time and
space and newsboards opened before them. A lone figure steps out of the
rift, just in time before it had closed. To their delight, the one they seek
has returned.
"Boys, I'm back!!!", exclaims the CrossOver Queen.
****************************************************************************
"Did you know that Occultism Kid was misplaced in issue #3?" asks
Manga Man.
"What??? They can't do that to..."
Having yet another plot problem, the over-tired Plot King finally
succombs to Manga Man's power.
"I will deal with you no more, Plot King. UUUUUUZZZZZEEKKKKKIIIII!!!!"
With final swoop of anime explosion circles, this crushing blow
pushes the Plot King deep into the pavement, as a bloody mess.
"I have won!!!! Let Anarchy rule!!!!!!"
Manga Man starts working on his Akira Wave, again.
*****************************************************************************
"Master Fan.dom of the Alt.Ra, you have to come and see this."
"What is it my lackey. I am planning to destroy Rebel Yell at my
first oppor-. EH?"
One of the lackeys of Fan.dom of the Alt.Ra has brought him over
to the television set. He sees that there is a commercial on with loads
and loads of LNH-type collector items such as trading cards, figurines,
toilet paper, golf tees, t-shirts, and much more.
"I must have all of these things. Where is the nearest place that
has such material."
"Um. Big.City Mall, master."
"Let's go, and bring Damn Yankee with us. It is time to shop and
chop. BWAH_AH_AH_AH_AH_AH_AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*****************************************************************************
Acton Lord, looking over his vast estate, sips some mint julips with
his 'date', tonight.
"You know my dear, I am the most cunning and ruthless villian that
Alt.Comics.Lnh will ever see. Even now, I have all of my enemies running
around like chickens with their heads cut off. "
"You are truly the master of the universe."
"Of course, Bambi. Let's say we take this over to the veranda."
*****************************************************************************
With amazing reflexes, instantly, the Ultimate Ninja wakes up and
stands on his feet in a battle position within a second. He is confused
because all around him is gray. There are no shapes or forms except for the
figure sitting next to him. Instantly, he recognizes him. It is
Marvel_Zombie Lad.
"I thought you were dead before, and in a coma. Now there are is an
army of you running around Net.Ropolis. Would you care to explain, or shall
I cut you into ribbons?"
"You can try, but you can't harm me, here. To tell you the truth,
I am still both dead and in a coma."
"What do you mean? I saw you, oh, wait a minute. Those must be
clones running around, but if your dead and in a coma, and I'm here that
must mean that I am also dead and in a coma."
"I do not think so. I have not seen any dead people around here,
but I seen some people leave. Others just dissapate. I figure that we are
all in one big coma."
"That's ridiculous."
A dark looming voice booms out over them, "It is not ridiculous,
Ultimate Ninja. Welcome to C.O.M.A. I hope your stay will be pleasant."
***************************************************************************
How about that?
All of the known plotlines in one huge post??
In just one day??
Boy, am I pooped.
*******************************************************************************
"You gotta take Life Cereal, baby." - Smoking Banana Peels - Dead MilkMen
*******************************************************************************
Welcome to Part 6 of the Electrocutioner's Song. I hope you enjoy this issue.
The only other thing I want you to know before reading is the tag line for this
issue:
ES6: You'll belive a Ninja can sing!
Now onto the card.
----------------------------------cut here------------------------------------
+-------------------+ +-------------------+
| ???????? | | ? in the Nonsence |
| ?????????? | | FILE |
| ??? ????? | | |
| ??? ???? | | Who am I? Why do |
| ???? | | I do these cards? |
| ???? | | What are their |
| ??? | | purpose? What is |
| ??? | | my purpose? Why am|
| ??? | | I here? Will I |
| ??? | |show up in the sto-|
| ??? | |ry? What will i do?|
| | |Who knows? Does any|
| ooo | | body?..... |
| ooooo | | |
| ooo | | (c) LNH 1992 |
+-------------------+ +-------------------+
------------------------cut here------------------------------------
THE 501 BLUES/RATTLER HIDE SPECIAL #2--ELECTROCUTIONER'S SONG PT.6
"THE TOASTER ALWAYS DINGS TWICE"
by SCAVENGER
In greyness, the ULTIMATE NINJA stood up. "I don't know about you,
MARVEL_ZOMBIE LAD, but I'm getting out of here."
"I seriously doubt it."
"Nothing can prevail against a ninja born!"
A looming voice said, "WANT TO BET?"
"EAT NINJA BUSH, PAL" yelled the Ninja as he threw the death dealing seeds
of destruction at his unknown foe.
**ZAP**
A bolt of electricity fried the weapons in mid flight. A second bolt
scorched the ninja.
"Woah, who are you?" asked Marvel_Zombie Lad.
"I AM THE ELECTROCUTIONER! I RULE HERE! AND I WANT A SONG! YOU, NINJA,
SING FOR ME!"
"Like hell I wil..."The Ninja felt an irresistable urge to sing and dance.
"I've got shruiken, I've got ninja bush, I'm a ninja, Who could ask for
anything more?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"ROSTERWREAM!!!!"
LIST LAD was storming through LNH HQ, looking for his sidekick. He
entered the Main Computer Room (MCR) and hit the comm pannel. "RosterwReam! If
you want to keep what little career that you have left, then I, List Lad,
suggest that you report to me in the computer room, AT ONCE!!!"
RosterwReam was about to walk out of LNH HQ when he heard the call. "Uh,
SIDEWINDER, SIDEKICK MAN, you two go on ahead, I've got to go see what he
wants."
SideKick Man said, "Oh, it's probably nothing. You really should stick
with us."
"No, He may be a pain in the ass, but he is my boss. I'll catch up
later."
Sidewinder said, "C'mon SideKick Man, we got to go break up that fight at
the mall. I'll drive. Sheesh and people say that _I_ don't stay on topic."
RosterwReam walked into the MCR. "Yo, List, What'sup?"
"You were trying to go off on an adventure, weren't you?"
"Well, yeah, but...."
"Is the Roster finished yet?"
"No, but...."
Have you even added Slap.sig to Sig.Lad's entry yet?"
"Well, not yet, but...."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"I'm a yankee-doodle Ninja!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"DAMN!"
MULTI-TASKING MAN slammed off his terminal in the Monitoring Room. "Just
great! I sit down to some serious work on three of my favorite MUDs, and the
system can't find my client programs. Now, I have to go to the Main Computer
Room and reinstall the damn things. I mean really....." and he headed to the
MCR.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Mr. Ninja, cut out my spleen. Make it the goriest, that I've ever seen."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Destruct sequence for LNH Headquaters: t-2 minutes." said a voice.
"What did you say?" asked List Lad.
RosterwReam said, "I didn't say anytthing. It sounded like that Lenny guy
from Laverne & Shirley."
"No that was Squiggy. What was that about a self-destruct sequence?"
"Maybe it has something to do with this counter." RosterWream pointed to
a clock that was quickly heading down to zero.
"Well, this is different. the HQ is going to blow up. What do we do?"
"What do ya mean, 'what do we do?'. I'm just a sidekick. You're the big
net.hero!"
"Ok, Ok, let me think.....We can:
1) Stay here, get blown up, and die
2) Run, get blown up and die
3) ....3)....oh, jesus. I, List Lad, can't think of #3. We're goinng
to die because I, List Lad, couldn't think of #3."
"How about just turning it off?" said Multi-Tasking Man as he flipped an
off switch on the computer.
"I didn't know the computer had an off switch." said RwR.
"Of course you didn't. That's because you are never doing work at it,
like you're supposed to be. Now, let's see why the computer was talking like a
Happy Days extra." With that, MT-M popped open an access panel.
"Hey," said RwR, " That's the same panel that SideKick Man was playing
with. He was installing the new LNH computer game. I wonder why he didn't
notice anything wrong."
"SideKick Man?" said List Lad.
Ignoring the Catagorizing Crusader, MT-M said."Here's the cause of the
destruct command, as well as the reason behind my missing clients." He held up
a computer chip that said "NEW LNH COMPUTER GAME".
"But why would SideKick Man's game make the base blow up?"
List Lad answered, "There is no SideKick Man."
"Of course there is. He was just here."
"RosterwReam, we are responsible for the Roster. There is no SideKick Man
on it."
"Maybe he's a new member?" suggested MT-M.
"Flip on the computer and check your notes, RosterwReam."
RwR did so and discovered, "List Lad, you're right! Other than this
storyline, there is no mention of a SideKick Man!"
All three net.heroes said, "Uh-oh!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"How much is that Ninja in the window?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
THE FAN.DOM OF THE ALT.RA and DAMN YANKEE were at the mall. They were
heading to K-T TOYS AND HOBBY STORE.
"Uh, Fan.dom, didn't we have lackeys with us when we left your Nebraskan
lair?"
"YES, Damn Yankee, we DID!"
"What happened to them?"
"I polybagged them, of course. THE FAN.DOM OF THE ALT.RA NEVER USES
LACKEYS!! Do you realize what kind of collectors items they are!!!"
"Uh, right. Hey isn't that a bunch of the LNH fighting over there?" said
the Northern Nightmare, as he pointed to a bunch of the LNH fighting in front
of the Toy store.
"IT IS!! AND DO YOU SEE WHO IS BEHIND THEM!!?!! BWHAH-HA-HA!!! I have
found them AT LAST!!!! Wait here!"
The Fan.Dom vanished, only to reappear behind the two police officers, who
were about to shoot the net.heroes. The Collecting Cretin enveloped them in
his cloak, vanished, and reappeared next to Damn Yankee.
"What'd you do?"
"I have just completed my collection of NEW WORLD TELEVISON characters
from the 1980's. Sledge Hammer and Dori are now double bagged, hermeticly
sealed, and hanging next to Captain Justice. BWHAH-HAH-HAH!!! Now on to the
business at hand. Gather all of the LNH merchandise and meet me at the cash
register."
"We're going to take the money as well?"
"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!!! WE ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THE ITEMS! I AM NOT SOME
PETTY THIEF."
"What does a Heartbreaker have to do with this?"
"Just go!"
The Fan.Dom walked over to the the LNHers, gathered up the figures that
they had dropped, and said, "EXCUSE ME!!"
The LNHers untangled themselves and SIG.FILE LAD said, "Yes, can we help
you?"
"I was wondering if I could GET YOU to AUTOGRAPH THESE FOR ME!!!"
"Woah, a fan. Dude!" said CALIFORNIA KID.
"Yes, you could probably call me the KING OF FANDOM! HAH-HAH-HA!!!"
"Why are you yelling?" asked TIME WASTER LAD.
DOCTOR STOMPER replied," Oh, that has to do with an over-excited lung
structure."
CATALYST LASS said, "Sure, we'll sign those."
"It's always nice to meet a fan..." said BROWSING BOY.
"Yeah," said KID ANARCHY, "Lets us know we're appreciated."
"Like, fer shure!" said ORGANIC LASS.
"I really appreciate this," said the Fan.dom.
SUPER APATHY LAD thought that the cloaked creature, collecting the catalog
of conscriptions (well it fits, sorta), looked familiar. Maybe he had seen a
figure of him? He thought about it and decided that he really didn't care.
"THANK YOU! I must GO PAY for these!!"
"You take care now," said Catalyst Lass.
The Fan.dom head into the store. The LNHers turned to each other. THE
FORGETTING ONE asked, "What were we fighting about?"
Sig.File Lad answered, "That's a good question. Ah well, we need to get
on with our search. Let's go."
The Fan.dom met Damn Yankee at the counter. They paid for the merchandise
and left.
"TABLE HAS CRAFTED A FINE PLAN!!"
"Table? What's he got to do with this?"
"TABLE OBVIOUSLY CREATED THESE FIGURES!!! Beside REBEL YELL, LURKING GIRL,
and TYPO LAD, only HE WOULD KNOW OF my existence--afterall, he knows everybody.
ALSO, there is no Table figure, or Chair for that matter. I WILL LET TABLE
PROCEED WITH HIS PLAN. WE shall return to the cave and see what happens. BUT
FIRST...." The Fan.Dom hit a button on a control pad and all of the FAN.DOM
merchandise, except for the ones that he himself had bought, vanished from
existence. "WE DON'T WANT TABLE THINKING THAT HE CAN GET AWAY WITH TOO MUCH,
DO WE!!!! BWAH-HAH-HAH!! NOW WE ARE OFF! HA-HA-HA-HA >caugh<"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Tie a yellow sword belt 'round that old ninja tree...."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Table looked at his prototype toys. "Uh-uh."
Chair looked up, "What's wrong, babywabeykins?"
"Not only is there a LNH STRIKE TEAM (tm) outside, but the Fan.dom of the
Alt.Ra is on to my plan."
"Gosh, what should we do, oh leaning tower of love?"
"I think I will go ahead with the plan. If the Fan.dom plans on doing
something there is nothing that I could do to stop him. Make a note not to
include the Fan.Dom in any more merchandising.
"Ok, love buckets. I wonder what that nice MANGA MAN is up to?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"....Where a ninja sits..Muching on a ritz!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Manga Man was about ready to launch the Akira Wave. After seemingly
defeating PLOT KING due to some plot errors in chapter 3, he had rebuilt his
machine, which had been smashed by an Oreo's truck. He felt a tap on his
shoulder. "DID YOU KNOW THAT EVERY PLOT LINE WAS ADVANCED IN PART 5!?!"
WWW WWW AAA MMMM MMMM
WWW WWW AAA AAA MMMMMMMMM
WWW W WWW AAA AAA MMM MMM MMM
WWW WWW WWW AAAAAAAAA MMM MMM MMM
WWW WWW WWW AAAAAAAAA MMM MMM MMM
WWWWWWWWW AAA AAA MMM M MMM
WWWW WWWW AAA AAA MMM MMM
WW WW AAA AAA MMM MMM
Manga Man went flying into the Akira Wave Generator, irrevocably
destroying it.
The Story-Finishing Fury wiped the dirt and blood off his blazing red
Jumpsuit, accessorized by many wicked-looking spikes, and hurled himself, once
again, at Manga Man.
And the fight continued....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Who can swing a nun-chuck, and job you up with glee? Who can carve you
into bits and make you gory? The Ninja Man can....."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Back at City Hall, the LNHers were gathered around the motionless, and
quite mangled body of the ULTIMATE NINJA. The apparently villanous Z-TEAM was
conferring in a corner.
"So what do we do now?" asked CHEESECAKE-EATING LAD.
HALLS JORDAN said, "I am just too shocked by this sick massacre to think
of a plan now."
"Huld ohn, i tink i gaht wun."
And Typo Lad wove that funky voodoo that he do so well....
SICK MASSACRE -> SICK MESS ACRE -> SICK MESSER OGRE -> SUCCOR MESS AGE ->
SECRET MESSAGE.
Typo Lad looked woozy from the effort.
"Good Job, Typo Lad. But what did the message say, and where did it go?"
asked Halls.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"It's a ninja-attack, ninja-attack on the floor. And he's slicing like he
never did before....."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Rebel Yell's strike team was gathered outside Table's safe house on Wood
street.
"Ok y'all. I want suggestion on how to get Table."
"Hell, I say we march the hell in there and kick the hell out of Table's
ass!" said CLICHE DUDE.
"Explain something to me," said KID FROTHING-AT-THE-MOUTH, "Why are you
saying hell so much? It really isn't necessary. What are you hoping to
accomplish?"
Cliche answered, "Uh, sorry. I'm just really excited about being back in
an ACRAPHOBE book."
"Oh, please. That is just the sort of response I would expect from
someone who lists Guy Gardner as one of favorite characters." sniffed
COMICS-SNOB BOY.
"Let's focus, people." said Yell.
Lurking Girl asked, "OCCULTISM LAD, can you do anything with that magic of
yours?"
"Nope, I'm still a bit worn out from my jaunt through the chapters."
Suddenly, a piece of paper appeared in front of Rebel Yell.
"What is it, Reb?" asked Lurking Girl.
"It's a secret message from Typo Lad, Luri. That's our signal that his
team has hit a major snag." The Southern Sentinel grabbed his communicator and
called Multi-Tasking Man at the base.
"What's up, Yell?" said MT-M's voice.
"The Ninja's team is in trouble. Send in some reinforcements to help em
out. DADA DUDE, SARCASTIC LAD, FUZZY, MYK-EL, and OLD COMICS MAN should do.
Anything new to report?"
"Well....if you really want to know. Let's see. Someone tried to blow up
the base, but we took care of that. I'm attempting to figure out who. Uhm, we
discovered that SideKick Man is some kind of evil being, probably working for
whoever tried to blow up the base. He's off with Sidewinder, but we can't
raise him to warn him. Also, we can't seem to get a hold of Sig.File Lad's
team. Sig.lad has mutated again and vanished. Oh, yeah, it looks like the
Crossover Queen has escaped. I think that's it."
"G-d, I hate cross-overs. The plots get so convoluted. See if you can
transmat the Queen somewhere. And keep trying to find the others. Yell out."
While Rebel Yell was talking to MT-M, the still-dead OBSCURE TRIVIA LAD
walked over to Lurking Girl. "Lurking Girl, Obscure Trivia Lad is worried about
something."
"Oh?"
"Obscure Trivia Lad has been dead for some time. Obscure Trivia Lad knows
dead. Obscure Trivia Lad also knows Marvel_Zombie Lad. Marvel_Zombie Lad is a
friend of Obscure Trivia Lad's, and these clones, Lurking Girl, are no
Marvel_Zombie Lads."
"Hmm, you're sure?"
"Well, as sure as Obscure Trivia Lad always is."
"That bad huh? Well keep your eyes on them and let me know at the first
sign of trouble."
Rebel Yell hung up his communicator and turned back to his team. "So how
are we going to get in?"
Just then, a Dominos guy walked up, "I'm looking for a Mr. PLOT ERROR
MAN."
A gleam appeared in Rebel Yell's eye. "Luri?"
"Got it." Lurking Girl gave a nerve pinch to the pizza guy, who promptly
fell over.
"NO!" pleaded Kid Frothing-at-the-Mouth, "You can't be serious. Please
don't do what you're thinking. It's so.....cliche."
"And what's wrong with that?" said Cliche Dude.
"No," said Rebel Yell, "It is cliche. That's why you're gonna deliver the
pizza, Cliche Dude."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Ninjas, crawling out of the moonlight....."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Multi-Tasking Man looked at the assembled net.heroes. "Ok, I've
transmatted the CrossOver Queen and her flunkies to REC.ORG.SCA. They should
be stuck in the discussions there forever. Now, you guys are being sent to
City Hall to help out the Ninja. Remember if you see SideKick Man, he is an
enemy."
"Hmmph, in my day we didn't have any trans mats. If we needed to go
somewhere, we walked. Or if we were lucky we knew someone with an invisable
plane." said Old Comics Man.
"I'm not going!" said Sarcastic Lad.
"What!?!"
"Yeah, like I'm gonna go, risk my life for people who didn't even blink
when FLATULANCE LAD died. Forget it."
"Uh look, Sarcastic Lad, This chapter is already really long. We don't
have time for this. For what it's worth I'm sorry the kid died."
"Not good enough! Rebel Yell said we could have a moment of silence, but
then he went and got killed in Sieze Dangerous, and it was forgotten."
MT-M sighed. "Ok, we'll have a moment of silence:
"Satisfied?"
"It will do."
"Good. Now go!"
Before anyone could say anything else. MT-M transmatted them to City Hall.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Don't cry for me, Ninja-tina...."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
On board MR. MINISTER's satellite, SLAP.SIG rematerialized.
"WOO! WOO! I'm a wacky, siggy, kind of guy! WOO! WOO!"
He then vanished again.
The satellite didn't seem to notice.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Ninja-homa, where the swords come slicing up the plains...."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
SUFFERYNG brooded somewhere. He was having trouble getting out of his
armor.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"It's a good flip, Ninja's hop....."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Damn Yankee brought some popcorn into the Entertainment room of the
Fan.Dom's lair.
"GOOD, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME!!! SIT DOWN!!! IT LOOKS LIKE THE FUN IS ABOUT
TO START!!!! HAH_HAH_HAHAHA_hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH> caph-caugh-choke< ha
############################################################################
****************************************************************************
############################################################################
This is an Electrocutioner's Song special because if I do not do this
now, I would have to in part 9, and that is going to be huge anyways.
;)
This will either help explain or confuse you more about the Z-Team.
:)
"This is my famous Super-Snooper Vision Room."
With his date, Bambi, Acton Lord boastfully shows his supreme
power and intelligence to her. She is in a state of wonder. She has
never seen so much audio and video equipment in one room, in all her
life, let alone the advancements Acton Lord has made on each piece of
machinery.
"If I ever had any doubts before about you, they are all but
forgotten now. It seems you have a video screen for every aspect of
this cross-over. I can see all of the LNH teams on those screens to
the left, and to the right, I can see Mr. Minister, Table, and a few
others who I don't know."
"That's ok, Bambi. You will not need to know who they are
after my plan has been completed. Already, the most dangerous of the
players of my game seems to be eliminated."
"Who?"
Acton Lord walks up to one of the screens, and waves his hand
in front of it. The screen enlarges itself until it covers all of the
other screens. A masked figure appears on the screen, dodging bullets
at tremendous speed. Acton Lord, checking every detail of his nemesis,
says out loud, "The Ultimate Ninja!"
"Oh."
"Do not be fooled by him. He may look like an idiot. He may act like an
idiot. But don't let that fool you. He really *is* an idiot...but a powerful
idiot. He has foiled me time after time, especially during the Cosmic
Plot-Device Caper. I knew he would be almost impossible to stop, so I did lots
and lots of research."
"On what?"
"The only group that could stop the Ultimate Ninja."
"Who?"
"Do you like to say one to two syllable words alot?"
"No."
Frustrated that Bambi's intellect did not equal his own, or for that
matter, that of your average member of the LNH, Acton Lord continued babbling
to her, "The Z-Team, mercenaries for hire. I have acquired reports from the
police, the C.I.A., the F.B.I., the K.G.B., and the P.T.A. that there have been
a huge number of ninjas killed in the U.S. I followed the times and the places
where they were killed, and found a distinct pattern to them. Whenever the
Z-Team was in an area, ninjas from the area were found dead. The causes were
similiar. Either they were shot dead, or they were cut up by some small
animal. This was noticeable because of the small claw marks found on the parts
that were left from battle."
"Wow."
Acton Lord continued, "This intrigued me. It seems that their
success rate at eliminating ninjas was, at least, near perfect. I
wondered how they were able to do this. Only one member of the team has even
*minimal* skills as a ninja. So, I dug in a little deeper. I went into other
systems to find out any information about them. I located their place of
origin. It was in central New York, near the capital, Albany. I discovered
this piece of information by doing a close-up of Coach's collar. I had to
go thru many spectral analyses just to find *that* out. The collar is photo-
proof, but it couldn't keep *my* technology from finding out what it said."
"I wonder where they got all of that technology from."
"I thought the same exact thing. I sent one of my servants, Gopher, to
retrieve one of the bullets that the Z-Team has been using recently.
You know, the ones they use to disable ninjas, instead of killing them.
When he brought back the rubber bullet, I decided to test it. I had
Gopher stand on the other side of the Testing Room, and I fired it
at him. I was aiming for his stomach, and it hit him there. So, I had
him start moving around towards me. Then, I had the shock of my life.
When he was moving, the bullet's trajectory changed and hit him. I was
not even aiming directly at him. I decided to aim away from him, while he
was standing still. The bullet stayed on its straight path. I took the
bullet to my lab, and dissected it. What I found was truly amazing. The
technology for this was more advanced than anything I have ever seen
before. The secret is that it reacts to movement. The more you move,
especially if you are a ninja trying to dodge bullets, the greater the
chance you have getting hit by it. Pure Genius. I have had my men work on
this, night and day, trying to duplicate this technology."
"Well, yeah, but, where did they get this technology?"
"Don't interrupt me when I have not, as yet, finished my soliloquy.
Anyways, in a frantic computer search, I was able to find some of this
technology being sold at a computer company in Massachusetts. I sent over
some of my men to find information on this technology. After reading
classified mail I had intercepted, I knew the Z-Team could handle the Ultimate
Ninja. They had some connection with a group of people who have been around
for centuries, but have never made a public appearance until recently. This
group, a formidable nemesis, is the Intelligencia!!!!!!!"
"I never heard of them."
Acton Lord walked over to his terminal, and logged in at the CleveLand
FreeNet, "Not many people have. They made their first public appearance on a
public access television program about a year and a half ago over in the
Central New York State area. A coincidence?? Not a chance. I suspect that at
least one of the Z-Team is a highly-ranked member of the Intelligencia. Most
likely, it is their leader Z. One thing I was surprised to find out was that
the leader of the Intelligencia, Rusty Williams, was the show's host. In fact,
this show was supposed to be a comedy show. That Rusty must be brilliant
to think of an idea like that. Anyway, they were on for three weeks
straight, and then a new player entered the field. You see, they are in a
century-old war with the Frat-Boys(tm), and.."
"I'm getting confused now. This is way too much information
to tell me, at one time, let alone in a lifetime", purrs Bambi, as she
puts her arms around Acton Lord, to unbutton his shirt.
"Ok, Ok. I know your pitiful little brain cannot learn so much,
so fast. Let's go to the Master Bedroom...."
==========
Next Week: Electrocutioner's Song Part THREE!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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