LNH: Leadership Crisis: Net.ropolis 2023 #1: "Mysterious Rumblings! The Election Begins!?"

Drew Nilium pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Mar 26 20:42:18 PDT 2023


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             Issue #1: "Mysterious Rumblings! The Election Begins!?"
_______________________________________________________________________________

When the Ultimate Ninja... no, when Nina Yamashiro revealed the truth - that
the original Ultimate Ninja, leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes, had died, and
had chosen Nina to, secretly, take his place - most of us had no idea how to
react.

There were those who were fiercely angry at the lie. There were those who were
fiercely loyal, to him and to her. And there were those who just didn't care
much either way.

But it felt like most of the Legion had ended up with something along the lines
of... well, he was the leader, and it was all under his orders, so it's all
kosher, right? And the reason given - that the Ninja had wanted to avoid a
repeat of the enormous fiasco that ensued the last time he left for an extended
period - certainly made sense. And Nina had kept things running on an even
keel... so it was all fine, right?

So why didn't it *feel* fine?

That sort of thing. So we all just kind of ended up floating along, the new
Ultimate Ninja continuing her leadership, very few satisfied but even less
knowing what they wanted to do about it.

But then, Kid Unknown started making waves. At first, he had been just another
of the new LNHers who had signed up after the Catalyzation Wave. He'd gone on
some missions and done pretty well, even tho nobody I talked to seemed to know
what his actual powers were, and tho he didn't seem big on social events, he
was friendly enough, and a lot of Legionnaires had a vaguely positive
impression of him.

But the day his three-month "please don't betray us *immediately*, okay?" trial
period had ended, a petition had popped up - a petition to call for a general
election for leadership of the LNH. And Kid Unknown was the one talking it up
and getting signatures.

"It's just fair," he would say. "The last Ninja was confirmed by the mandate of
the people, so this one should be too. If nothing should change, then nothing
will."

And today, Cheesecake-Eater Lad stood on the stage in the Legion auditorium,
the Ultimate Ninja standing behind him. "Ahem. By the bylaws of the Legion of
Net.Heroes charter, an election has been called for leader. Nominations are now
open, and can be--"

Kid Unknown leapt up on the stage and pointed into the audience. "I nominate--
Only-Does-Good-Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons Lass!"

Everyone gasped and turned to the nominee. She sighed and stood up from where
she'd been leaning against the wall. "You can just call me Pragmatic-Reasons
Lass."

"...can be dropped off at the reception desk in the lobby," said Cheesecake-
Eater Lad, trying to speak loud enough to be heard over the sudden excited
babble of his audience.

Seriously!? Why would you even do that?! The reason why this is a bad idea is
literally in her name! Oh, this was *much* worse than the Ninja, but if that
Kid Unknown kept talking her up...

Someone had to do something about this. *I* had to do something about this.
_______________________________________________________________________________

The truck rumbled across Net.ropolis city limits. It looked like an everyday
sixteen-wheeler hauling goods cross-country, but hidden within its trailer was
the high-tech headquarters of Ame.rec.a's most secretive - and most effective -
soldiers of fortune!

There were half a dozen highly trained operatives within, gathering data and
preparing for battle. At the front of the trailer, looking over a bank of
monitors, stood an incredibly muscular black woman. She wore jeans and a ripped
camo vest with nothing under it; over it, there hung a pair of gold bandoliers.
She had a patch over one scarred eye, and a curly mohawk between short-cropped
sides.

To her right stood a highly professional woman, with red hair, freckles,
rectangular glasses, and a perfectly tailored suit whose only concession to
anything other than dependability was being bright fucking orange.

She said nothing, and the woman in front of her picked up on it. "Report."

"Lady Zed." The woman in orange spoke in a clipped and precise manner. "I must
verify. Is this assignment is worth taking? The original Ultimate Ninja was a
triple-S tier combatant, and we have very little intelligence on the new one."

Lady Zed chuckled. "Implication understood, Ms. Executor. But it's too late to
change course." She turned, showing her right hand woman the symbol on her
eyepatch - a 'no' sign over the silhouette of a ninja! "My father never gave
up on a job that he'd accepted, and neither will I. We've been hired to
assassinate that ninja - and the all-new Z-Team always gets its man!"
_______________________________________________________________________________

Somewhere down the halls of reality, the universe has an Office.

A demiplane of pure bureaucracy, it threatened the chaotic silliness of the
Looniverse multiple times, until the Sword of Sig, the Excalibur of the early
Internet, was driven into its terminal, locking its power in place.

The Arthur who committed the deed suffered terribly for it, and in the end fell,
justly, by the hand of his Lancelot. But like trauma, legends repeat down the
generations, and some have said that it is time for a new king to draw the
sword from its stone of silicon.

There was a boy who fancied himself Lady of the Lake, keeping watch over the
Office until a new king came to claim it. But some jealous force banished him
from this world. And now, there is none to notice as the fluorescent lights
flicker, as the monitors buzz, as an unearthly howl echoes down the empty
halls...

...as the Office hungers for its Administrator...
_______________________________________________________________________________

When I decide I gotta do something, I do it. So an hour later I marched up to
the reception desk and slapped down the forms. "I'd like to nominate myself for
the leadership election."

Kyoko, today's receptionist, picked up the forms, skimmed over them, and shook
my hand. "You're on the ballot. Good luck, Small-Attention-Span-For-Nonsense
Lass."
_______________________________________________________________________________

Author's Notes: Why don't we start an all-new storyline? :> Feel free to add on
to this however you like! And feel free to throw in your own nominations for
leader, whoever you think would be interesting! I figure we'll have an actual
vote whenever we get to that part of the story.

The name of this series was inspired by the anime Bubblegum Crisis: Tokyo 2040
(which was a reboot of the original Bubblegum Crisis, much as this follows on
from the original Leadership Crisis and the later Infinite Leadership Crisis).

Continuity and Usability Notes: Nina was revealed to be the new Ultimate Ninja
in Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths!, and came out to the world at the end of that
series. (This series was advertised as "Leadership Crisis Net.ropolis 2022" in
that, but uh, that proved to be optimistic.)

The Kid Unknown name was used for two mysterious characters in Mike Escutia's
Pliable Lad, and I figured it was kosher to use it here; I have my own idea for
what his true identity should be, but that's up for grabs for future authors if
they want to do something with it. Only-Does-Good-Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons
Lass's first (and before this, only) appearance was in Another LNH Title?
Really? #6. The Z-Team first appeared in the Electrocutioner's Song, and their
only other appearance was in the Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude issues that
followed on from that. All these characters are Free For Use.

The Multiversal Office has appeared a number of times, and the plot of Library
Lad as Lady of the Lake comes from Another LNH Title? Really #4 (while Library
Lad being locked out of the Classic Looniverse comes from Bite-Size Tales of
the LNH v20 #20). And... I think that's everything! :>

Drew "you can use the anime-inspired format of my issue title, but you don't
have to" Nilium


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