LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #278: Electrocutioner's Song Part One

[Drew Nilium]

On 3/12/23 5:21 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:

Getting back on the horse, of course of course~

> And Now -- The Electrocutioner's Song!

Wooooooo! \o/

> This was probably the first LNH Crossover (the other stuff before
> this were usually Multi-Writer cascades and add-ons to other
> people's work).

An early point in the evolution of the LNH as a setting and as a community!

> First Off we have Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #1 by Jef "The
> KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej!  What type of scissors will work best
> to cut the trading card out of your laptop?! (What -- print it out?
> Okay, that makes more sense!)

*smacks forehead* Of course!!

> How long will it take for the citizens of
> Metropolis.News to come to their senses and give their city the way
> better name of Net.ropolis?!

Oh boy. X> I'll add that to the wiki...

> Will Sufferyng use his catch phrase
> 'Sufferyng Suckytash'?!

Oh no. XD

> And is Ultimate Ninja a bit doofy or is
> he The Doofiest Ninja EVER!?

Absolutely the doofiest n.n *...looks around to confirm he's not around anymore* 
 >.> <.<

> The Legion of Net Heroes, a band of netters joined together to battle
> evil netters wherever they lurk, 

That's pretty cute, not gonna lie

> Will the Wild Cards of the LNH universe (Ultimate Ninja and the Z-Team) aid
> or help destroy the LNH?

I love that Ultimate Ninja is still a wildcard at this stage. X>

> Also, get your collectable cards that comes with every issue.
> This is a one-time offer, so you better reserve your issue, or will may
> only get a second printing.

God, the collector era was weird. X>

> Trading Card (cut here)
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> +---------------------------------------+       +-----------------------------+
> | Z-Team's Truck                        |       | Z-Team in the nonsense file |
> |          _______                      |       |                             |
> |         / /  | |                      |       | Children playing a grown-up |
> | --------  ---- --------------------   |       | game. Money buys all your   |
> | (   ___ |    - |          ___     )   |       | friendships.  This will be  |
> | |  |r-t||      |         |r-t|    |   |       | your downfall. This time,   |
> | ----| |-------------------| |------   |       | you will meet your match.   |
> |     L_J                   L_J         |       |                             |
> +---------------------------------------+       | You have a choice, join me  |
>                                                  | or be part of the many vic- |
>                                                  | tims that will fall under   |
>                                                  | my awesome power.  The      |
>                                                  | choice is ultimately yours. |
>                                                  |                             |
>                                                  |                             |
>                                                  | (LNH CopyRight 1992)        |
>                                                  -------------------------------

I remember the Executioner's Song cards, and this is actually *less* silly.

> The Quietness of the Sheep

X>;
>       Going thru the demolished base of Y-Plex Burp, the evil
> renegade from the past, Table, searches thru the wreckage, in hope
> of finding a key to his past.

Oh man. I so want to bring Table back. Especially with the backstory Jeanne came 
up with.

>  Their existance is known in only a very few
> circles, but the path of destruction left behind them is great.
> They are the Z-Team, mercenaries for hire.

And they only appear in this. X> Hmmmmm...

>       "I thought you said you could play basketball?", yelled Cliche Dude,
> after being beat by two of Patrick Ewing's illegitimate sons.

Seriously, what. X3

>       "I do. Today was a bad day."
>       "Bad Day??????? You call being beat 50 - 4, bad? What are you, nuts?"
>       "Well, yeah."
>       "Ok. I can respect that."

X3

>       "Table, this is Manga Man.  I am following them as you have
> instructed.  I overheard them saying they are heading to LNH headquarters."

There's going to be a *lot* of villains in this one. X> And different factions 
in general.

>       Back at the Legion of Net Heroes HeadQuarters, Sig.File Man has just
> given out today's mail to all of the Legionaries, except for one lone letter.
> It is addressed to SideKick Man.

Wait, who sent that

>          "Fellow Legionaries.  One of our own is missing.  His name is
> SideKick Man, and he has been missing since the Cosmic PlotDeVice
> incident."  A few astonished looks come from the crowd while listening
> to Sig.File Man. "We need to pull our resources together and find out
> where he is, and to get him out of trouble.  What do you all say?"
>       From the back of the gathering, a lone voice cries out,
> "Let's Do It!!!!!!!!!"  All of the Legionaries go crazy, and prepare
> for the search of Sig.File Man.

I love the energy here. X>

>       "I have done it!!", exclaims Sufferyng.

*Lots* of villains.


 >       As for MT-M, he turned back to his monitors.  Somewhere in the back of his
 > head, the memory of the last time the LNH held Manga Man captive began sending
 > off alarms.
 >
 > _______________________________________________________________________________
 >
 >
 > ==========
 >
 > Next Week:  Electrocutioner's Song Part TWO!!
 >
 > ==========
 >
 > Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer
> After finding active parts inside MoreLuck's
> grave(living robot friend of the Un-Manned G-Men, who died during the
> XtraOrdinary Agenda), Sufferyng has found the TransMode Virus.

Oh, yeah, that's what turned me trans o3o

>       "Acton Lord. This is Sufferyng. The virus is ready. Meet me at
> the usual place."

*So* many villains

>       Loading his water pistol with the TransMode Solution,

Heeheehee

>       Floating above Earth.News, a laboratory, unknown to any government,
> holds one of the most dangerous foes the Legion may ever face.  His name
> is Mr. Minister.

SO MANY

> To the normal observer, he seems to be a fictional character named
> Colosuss from some dumb book about mutants, but in a preacher's suit.

heeheehee

> Mr. Minister heads to the room that was made to hold
> clones.  When he reaches the room, he sees the problem is obvious to the
> human eye.   There are 5 versions of Marvel_Zombie Lad sitting around a
> table.  Unfortunately, the skin color for each clone gets somewhat darker.

Hmmmmmmm

> Table
> becomes anxious.  His mind goes back to the memory when he saw her
> re-appolstered(spelling?) to death.

I find just putting the misspelled word in and moving on to be delightful.

> Suddenly, the blue light stops,
> standing in front of him, back from the grave, is Chair.

GASP!!

> Somewhere in the net.verse, a figure clad in a blazing red jumpsuit, adorned
> with vicious looking spikes, turns toward Alt.Comics.Lnh.  He senses that his
> prey has once again appeared in that greatest of net.worlds.

Not actually a villain!

>       REBEL YELL woke with a scream.  He guickly hit the comm bottom.  "Luri,
> quick, what's your last name?"
>       From the speaker, LURKING GIRL's lilting voice answered, "Uh, it's 'Girl',
> Reb, why?"

The implications of it being first name "Lurking" last name "Girl" are just 
astounding.

>       Frustrated, but knowing that her question would go unanswered, Lurking
> Girl said, "Well, SIG.FILE LAD is leading a search for SIDEKICK LAD.  BROWSING
> BOY, TIME WASTER LAD, CALIFORNIA KID, SIDEWINDER, KID ANARCHY, THE FORGETTING
> ONE, SUPER APATHY LAD, ORGANIC LASS, CATALYST LASS,and DOCTOR STOMPER went with
> him."

Whoa, Luri, I'm right here, you don't have to shout

>       "Let'see....The Ninja is in HoloDecStation 2 (pridefully stolen from the
> pages of _Undocumented Features_ by those wacky guys at WPI).

Aha! So that's it... god, I remember UF. X3

> He's running
> that program where he kills you and the rest of the LNH, again.  I don't know
> why we let him join.  He seems really weird!"
>       "The Ninja is a bit doofy, but he's a good hero, really.  He means well,
> his methods are just different."
>       "'A bit doofy?' Hell, Reb, he's the doofiest ninja in the world!

I really want to know how "simulated murder of your teammates" counts as "doofy". X3

>       In a dark, forboding cave, somewhere on an endless road near Omaha (where
> the dumb things dwell),

Oh no, it's actually an Omaha Project prequel

>       The evil figure says, "Rise, my friend! Together we shall destroy the life
> 
> of he whom you were created to destroy!!!  I, THE FAN.DOM OF THE ALT.RA AND
> YOU, DAMN YANKEE, SHALL BRING REBEL YELL TO HIS KNEES!!!!

SO. MANY. VILLAINS.

>      "Relax, we've got nothing to worry about.  What's gonna happen? You think
> we'll find a strike team waiting for us in my room? Hah."
>       The pair opened the door to Cliche's room and saw a strike team waiting
> for them.

X3

>       "Hey, Dude, welcome back. We've missed you." said Rebel Yell.
>       Halls shouted, "It's a trap! I'll cover our escape!"

X3

>       Halls responded, "We have come for Cliche Dude's belongings, and there is
> nothing that you can do to stop us!"
>       Yell said, "Fine, have it, It's his stuff.  We need the space anyway, what
> with all the new members.  Anything else?"
>       "No, that will be fine."

X3

>       "It's nothing!  It is certainly not a bug that I was going to sneak into
> your computer ao that we can get alerts without any hassle."  answered Halls.
>       "You idiot!" mumbled Cliche.
>       Rebel Yell said," Y'know, we'll be glad to stick ya'll on our mailing
> list.

Amazing.

>       "You show your lack of culture, American slave to the sound bite. True
> graphic literature, such as glorious manga, has no real plot! Just many events
> happening in a chaotic fashion!!"

No comment.

>       And with that Plot King throws himself at Manga Man.  What follows next is
> a battle filled with such power, such fury, such special effects, that it would
> take Lucas, Spielburg, Zemetkis, and Burton combined just to do the story
> boards....

Heeheehee

>       Lurking Lass said, "MZL?  Isn't he dead?  I mean dead AND in a coma?"
>       M-TM replied, "Yes, that's what makes this so troubling."

I mean, fair o3o

> I'll take Lurking Girl, Cliche Dude, COMIC
> SNOB BOY, KID FROTHING-AT-THE-MOUTH, OCCULTISM KID, and OBSCURE TRIVIA LAD."
>       "But he's dead!"
>       "I know.  I'm hoping that since MZL is also dead, maybe OTL can talk some
> sense into him."

X3 X3 X3 Of course!!

>       Halls said, "Cliche Dude and I are a team.  You can not split us up!"
>       The Ninja said, "This is a cross-over.  All teams get split up during
> these things, that's the point.

It's true.

>       "NEVER FEAR!!!  I HAVE SURROUNDED HIM WITH MONITORS SHOWING THE F.H.E.
> VERSIONS OF ROBOTECH!!!!  HE WON'T ESCAPE!!!!! NOW, I MUST PONDER WHAT I SHOULD
> DO WITH MY LIFE, NOW THAT I HAVE VANQUISHED MY FOE!!!!!  FAREWELL, FOR I AM OFF 
> TO THE VOID!!!!!!!"
>       And with that, Plot King flew into space, heading to news.groups unknown.

He's a heck of a guy. X>

Drew "glad I got to write him once" Nilium