LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #270: Sieze Dangerous!! The Conclusion!!

[Arthur Spitzer]

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive 
once again.

Here's where the whole Sieze Dangerous Story is at:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Ultimate.Ninja/


And we are at the conclusion of Sieze Dangerous! by Raymond "wReam" Bingham!  
Now that Rebel Yell is out of the way will the Lurking Girl/Netlurker relationship
finally blossom?!  What are the chances that all the characters that have died
so far will stay dead?!  And how anatomically correct is Acton Lord anyway?!

Also some add-ons by Dave Van Domelen and Mark Friedman at the end!



Anyways, let's all read...



              _						
             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #270


                         =====================
                   Sieze Dangerous!! The Conclusion!!
                         =====================







			SIEZE DANGEROUS!!!!
			    episode 5

		    "Luck, Lace and CheeseCake!"


	Acton Lord approached the now retreating CheeseCake-Eater Lad
with confidence.  CheeseCake-Eater Lad leveled the very large .sig gun
at the now very confident villain.  "You don't seriously think your
.sig gun you stole from Sig.File Lad will so anything against me?!  Me
the Evil twin to Sig Lad!?  A hero much more powerful then the now
dead Sig.File Lad!  Give up now and I will make your death painless.
(Hey, too bad Cliche Dude is dead or he might use my words against
me!)  Give up!  I have just singlehandedly caused the destruction of
the LNH!  What do I have to do to convince you that resistance is
futile!" Acton Lord cautiously approached CheeseCake-Eater stepping
over the bodies of Master-Frothing-At-The-Mouth, Frothing-At-The-Mouth
Lad and the new and now dead again Obscure Trivia Lad!
CheeseCake-Eater Lad scared fired furiously at Acton Lord.  Acton Lord
in an effort to dodge dove behind the charred remains of Parking-Karma
Boy's death bus.  CheeseCake Eater Lad ran after the villain in an
attempt to get a clear shot.  Acton Lord blasted CheeseCake Eater Lad
with a blast of Power corrupting energy power.  Nothing visible
happened to the poor CheeseCake Eater, who was expecting to die on the
spot.  So he took courage.  After all he had just destroyed the entire
LNH!  Nothing could stop him!  Then Acton Lord got smart, and instead
of using his corrupting powers on the CheeseCake based hero he shot
the .sig gun.  BLAM!  BLAM!  BLAM!  click.  click.  click.  Out of
AMMO!?  This never happened in the comics!  In fact CheeseCake Eater
Lad was so surprised, he had never experienced such a phenomenum that
he just stood there clicking the gun expecting it to go off at any
moment.  Acton Lord, surprised as well, but somewhat more wise than
CheeseCake-Eater Lad (barely.  Few heroes have the wit and raw
intellect of a hero named CheeseCake-Eater Lad!) cautiously inched out
until he saw that CheeseCake Eater Lad was not a threat.

	*		*		*		*		*

	"Don't you care for me anymore?" Netlurker prodded tenderly.
"I wondered why someone like you would go for someone like me, but I
can see it must have been an act."  Netlurker approached cautiously,
but Lurking Girl kept moving away even more.

	"You must have me confused with someone else."  Lurking Girl
could tell that Netlurker was sincere but the thought that she ever
cared for anyone like this villain was frighteningly foreign.
"Perhaps you ran across my Evil Seductive counterpart from the future,
Lurking Lass?"

	"Well, I don't know what you are talking about but I am sure
after I have defeated you, I can get to know you a lot better."
Netlurker lunged in for the attack.  He knew his normal weapons would
have no effect on the Lurking Girl who was constantly in a state of
Lurk.  However Netlurker himself could manage to hit her, since his
own lurking abilities enabled him to reach her.  Lurking Girl
sidestepped Netlurker and with a chop to the back of the neck sent
Netlurker lurking through an adjoining wall.

	"AHHH!  That's the Lurking Girl I remember!  The physical
type!"  Netlurker said trying to nurse himself back some pride.
Netlurker's Gradgnomes decided that they could probably gain his favor
if they did something to Lurking Girl, so they decided that a
distraction was in order.

	"I fore to be thinking you shall bee the LOOoosier!"  they
chanted.  Their strange accent did catch Lurking Girl off guard long
enough to allow NetLurker to get his arms around Lurking Girl.

	"Ahhhh.  Now do you remember my embrace!?"  Netlurker oozed.
Then dipping the girl in his arms he planted a deep and passionate
kiss on her lips.

	Lurking Girl struggled to break free of the intoxicating
grasp, but soon found herself relaxing.  Giving in to the enchanting
kiss.  Then as if a light had gone on she looked into NetLurker's eyes
and said.  "Oh NetLurker!  It's been too long!  Of Course I remember
our secret affair.  That's why I came to you!  I wanted more than
anything Rebell Yell or the other LNHeroes could offer and only you
can give that to me."

	She then grabbed him and pressed her lips against NetLurker's.
The kiss was long and hot.

	*		*		*		*		*

Ultimate Ninja listened to the ongoing battle as the fuzz from his
mind began to steer clear.  Apparently his self-induced death-sleep
had worked, and he witnessed the declaration of Acton Lord as having
destroyed the entire LNH.

	Good thing I did feign death, there were just too many things
going wierd.  After all my powers were so enhanced that it couldn't
concievably be myself behind that mess, and then
All-knowing-last-Chance-whiner-destiny woman was saying something to
the effect that something was wrong.  And Contraption Man was just too
weird.  Deductive Logic Man's powers took a while to kick in but I
figured something had to be wrong.  Ultimate Ninja conveniently
thought out loud so that the reader could read what the reasoning
behind his retreat.  Now to save CheeseCake-Eater Lad.

	"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  Acton Lord had backed the trembling character
into a corner. Cheesecake Eater Lad began to realize that the .Sig gun
was not going to come back on line, and he chucked it at Acton Lord.
It nailed him in the chest knocking him back onto his seat.  Acton
Lord was stunned, this was supposed to be easy but for some reason
CheeseCake Eater Lad had become a real pain.  CheeseCake Eater Lad led
the attack, but Acton Lord simply flipped the young hero over using
his momentom to send him flying over Acton Lord.  He landed near the
center of the room near Ultimate Ninja's body.

	"I wish I hadn't killed you."  CheeseCake-Eater Lad said to
the faking Ultimate Ninja.  He then turned and decided if he was going
to die he might as well use his powers.  Holding out his hands two
large strawberry CheeseCakes appeared at his grasp.  He through them
at Acton Lord.  One splatted comically in his face the other Acton
Lord was able to catch.  Gloating, he stuck his fist into the cake and
tasted it.  "Not bad."  He then advanced.  CheeseCake Eater Lad kept
throwing CheeseCakes and soon Acton Lord was covered, but undaunted he
continued as the CheeseCake Eater backed into a corner again.

	Ultimate Ninja thought as to how he could help.  I should let
Acton Lord off that little twerp but I don't think that would be the
best idea.  I know.  I had best kill Acton Lord now, while he's not
expecting it.  Time for my heart throb manuever.  (the heart throb is
where Ultimate Ninja reaches into the body of an opponent and rips out
their still beating heart, and lets them see it beat as they die in
disgust and agony!)  Ultimate Ninja sneaked behind the unsuspecting
overconfident villain cautiously so that he could get in the right
position.  Just then Acton Lord doubled over in pain.  Somehow
CheeseCake Eater had hurt Acton Lord!?  Well it definately couldn't be
all that serious, time to take action!  Ultimate Ninja Lunged his hand
with special Ginsu claws on them into Acton Lord's chest and
RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPP!  Out came...  It wasn't his heart!  Acton Lord
stood back up feeling better as his wounds began to heal.  (He has
corrupted his healing into a regeneration that works sometimes...)

	Acton Lord looked at the body organ that Ultimate Ninja was
holding and said. "Thankyou for removing my appendix!  It was about to
rupture, you know.  I corrupted CheeseCake Eater Lad's powers not
realizing that he never had the ability to kill, but now he can make
poisonous cheesecakes and this I hadn't antecipated.  Appendix
rupturing ones!"

	"But how!  I should have had your heart!"  Ultimate Ninja
stood a bit bewildered.  "I have practiced the manuever many times!"
(Just exactly how is an ancient chinese secret!)  "Are you
heartless!?"

	"Foolish Ninja dude!  You don't seriously think that I, the
great Acton Lord am drawn ANATOMICALLY CORRECT!?"  Acton Lord gloated
for a second, but being a coward at heart and still quite weak began
to retreat.  "Ultimate Ninja I have corrupted your powers.  They may
be powerful, but they cannot hurt me!"  Acton Lord headed for the
exit.  CheeseCake Eater Lad tackled the villain and they both went
skidding across the splattered remains of the LNH.  Ultimate Ninja
grabbed a ginsu blade and prepared to slice and dice, but couldn't for
some reason it had gone dull.

	"Perhaps you have cursed me!  But you haven't cursed BandWagon
Boy!"  Ultimate Ninja signalled to CheeseCake Eater Lad who moved out
of the way, as Ultimate Ninja removed his mask!  Underneath was none
other than BandWagon Boy!  He pointed to the cieling and with a crash
a large Wagon with a band on it smashed through the cieling and
crushed Acton Lord... Dead!

	... to the tune of "Roll out the Barrel!"

	*		*		*		*		*

	"Oh Lurking Girl!  It's been sooo Long!" NetLurker writhed in
ecstacy.
	"Yeah.  Whatever."  Just then Lurking Girl summoned a big
flashy and flowery effect and the end of her fist and jammed it into
NetLurker's Skull!  He screeched in madness as he evaporated under the
power of the Lurk.  "Taste The totality of my lurking abilities
concentrated into one cheap blow!"  Lurking Girl said as he
disentegrated.
	"I don't know how much more of this slimy place I can take."
Lurking Girl said wiping her mouth off furiously.  Then she started
mumbling more about the wench Lurking Lass and what a sleeze Netlurker
must be...  Then realizing that the Gradgnomes had stopped chanting
and had run away, she headed for the door that Netlurker was guarding.
Creeeeaaak.  It opened and Lurking Girl crept in.  Just then upon
seeing what was in the room she GASPED in terror!  (you don't
seriously think I would tell you what was in there quite yet!?)

	*		*		*		*		*

Ultimate Ninja/BandWagon Boy turned to CheeseCake Eater Lad who was
catching his breath.  "I trust my secret will be safe with you." he
asked.  CheeseCake-Eater nodded with assuredity but then asked.

	"But how or why!" the connection between the two heroes made
no sense.

	Ultimate Ninja put on the mask again and said in a very long
confession.  "You see this summer I discovered the Legion of
Net.Heroes as Rebell Yell called them together from the dust at the
impending doom of the RAC world.  I was uncertain as to exactly what
was goin on and so I investigated first as BandWagon Boy.  It was
amazing!  I actually got noticed as Acton Lord began to gain power
over the different worlds I had to stop him, but BandWagon Boy was not
the way.  So I came to the rescue as Ultimate Ninja, when I realized
that no one was really in charge.  I have since decided to get the LNH
more organized until I was decieved by Acton Lord, who I accidentally
helped survive.  But now he is dead, like the rest of the LNH!"

	Just then (as if on cue and conveniently at the end of
Ultimate Ninja's history) Room went black and the then clouds of
energy and evil began to coagulate in the room.

	"What is happening!?"  CheeseCake Eater turned to the ninja
for an explanation, but he had none.

	The energy clumped to the center of the room and then went
darker and a human figure began to materialize in the center.  It was
dark and evil and old and female!

	"LNH!  I AM BLACK CORONARY!  YIELD AND DIE!"  A voice boomed.
Then it turned to the two tiny heroes.  "YOU MUST DIE! DIE!
DOOOOOOOOOOM!" Black Bands fled from her rists and covered the floor
like a dark lava flow, but Ultimate Ninja jumped onto the Wagon, and
grabbed CheeseCake Eater Lad and through him out the Exit.  "Find the
weapon systems for the PerilRoom, you cannot help any other way!!"
CheeseCake Eater Lad agreed and was happy he was no longer in the
room.

	"ULTIMATE NINJA!  PREPARE TO DIE!!!" from the thick darkness
on the floor the dead and mangled bodies of the LNH began to rise.
"KILL ULTIMATE NINJA!!!"
		
	The Zombie Legion advanced chanting the command.

		"Kill ULTIMATE NINJA!!"

*		*		*		*		*	      *

	*		*		*		*		*
 

[Will Ultimate Ninja survive the threat of Black Coronary?!  What Will
CheeseCake Eater Lad discover in the Control room of the Peril Room?
What did Lurking Girl discover?  What of the fate of the LNH!?  How
many gross errors in continuity did I make this time!?  What is the
ending of it all!?

	Say tooned for the final episode of Sieze Dangerous!  All will
be wrapped up!  and then maybe I will get working on ES #3 ... Ok
maybe I should get on it now!
						wReam...
					Ultimate Ninja of the LNH!!!

P.S.  Trust me!  I know what I'm doing!







***********************************************************************

			Sieze Dangerous!!!
			   episode 6

		  "The stitching of snitchings!"

***********************************************************************


	As CheeseCake Eater Lad flew up the stairs to the control room
he looked behind him to see two figures entering the PerilRoom.  To
terrified to speak and bewildered that the fools would even consider
entering the room he stood back with his jaw agape.  Then remembering
he had to activate the weaponry to the PerilRoom he skidded up the
stairs as fast as he could.

	Upon entering the room he gasped in horror to see the entire
LNH had risen as mutated horrible zombie forms.  The encircled
Ultimate Ninja who was slicing the beings like a vegematic.

	"Where is that weapons control?"  then seeing the PerilRoom
3000 user's manual CheeseCake Eater sat down and opened Tome 456745.
"Gee, this is an awfully thick book that says absolutely nothing
significant on how to use it...  I wonder who wrote it?"  CheeseCake
Eater Lad had no specific apreciation for the fact that it was written
by a company called Borland, he just through it to one side and began
switching switches.
	
	*		*		*		*		*

	"Reb?  Is that you?!"  Lurking Girl's heart lept up into her
throat.  At first she thought it was a ghost but usually ghosts aren't
strapped to scientific instruments and held in containment fields.

	"Luri!"  Rebell Yell suddenly perked up.  "You came for me!?
However did you know I was here!?"

	"I didn't.  I just followed my female intuition coupled with a
bit of suspicion that Acton Lord was up to something and 'presto!'"
Lurking Girl looked over the containment contraptions and began to
throw some switches.  It wasn't as random as CheeseCake Eater Lad's
because Lurking Girl took time to read the little labels under each
switch.  "The Peril Room Contraption Man made must have been altered
by Acton Lord, to reteleport your lively body to his lair.  Then he
could keep you prisoner and drain your powers and whatever else thing
you do with captured heroes."

	"You are pretty smart."  Contraption Man said.  Lurking Girl
turned to see the hero she had neglected to notice mainly because of
her excitement to see Rebell Yell.  "Only he used an object called the
Sieze Dangerous to replace our bodies with lifeless ones, that could
then be destroyed."  Contraption Man explained.  "That way he could
make it look as if we had all died.  The perilRoom itself was supposed
to do this only it could never teleport a person this far.  Only the
with the combined dimensional/reality warping capabilities of the
Sieze Dangerous could he do this.  I came into contact with the easy
to draw gemstone and was instantly transported here.  The rest had to
be killed to be taken here with the combined force of the PerilRoom.
Of course some of the heroes that are in this mess will never return."

	"Why?"  asked Cliche Dude who was in a containment cell next
to his.

	"Well you see there were some clones and intruders at the
funeral.  Imposters are instantly warped into the Retcon.zone so
essentially all the evil robots and what not that showed up in the
duel for leadership have been vaporized."

	"How do you know about the duel of leadership?  Or any of this
stuff?"  asked ParkingKarma Kid who was in another cell.

	"Well, now that I think of it, I had read about this incident
in the history books, when I was younger.  I had quite a bit of time
to remember it as I was sitting there trying to figure out a way to
get out of here.  When I saw the Sieze Dangerous in the PerilRoom
Controls that triggered me to think of what I was taught so long ago.
Unfortunately I have such a lousy memory that it is only now I
remember most of this!"

	"Gee, I suppose there is a moral in there somewhere.
Something about history and learning it well?"  My-Kel said in another
adjacent cell.

	"If we do not learn from history we are condemned to live it
again!"  Cliche Dude said solemnly.  "Now get me outta here!"

        "And me!" blasted the entire LNH that were all in adjacent
containment cells.

	"Spank me!  and me! and Me!" cried Lost Cause Boy.

	"Oh!  Well you I will teleport back to the LNH.HQ along with
the rest of you integrity questors!  You need it!"

	Lurking Girl hit a button and they were gone.

	**			**			**\

	Ultimate Ninja could feel himself being dragged into the
darkness, by the zombie troops.  He had to completely destroy them to
keep them from coming back.  Just then two figures showed in the
doorway!

	"We are the Crosspost Brothers!" They cried and jumped into
the room.

	Black Coronary turned on them, loosing her concentration at
the moment Ultimate Ninja was able to throw down an exploding gas
pellet that covered the room in smoke.  Ultimate Ninja Jumped to the
Cieling with an astounding (and oh so humanly impossible) oriental
jump. Clanking his grappling hook into a convenient pipe.  It was time
to start the shower of Ninja bush.

	Black Coronary faced the two Crossposters and said quite
vehemently, "DIE!"  BlackDeath force lept from her hands and before
they could react the two brothers were dead.  Black Coronary then
examining the two lifeless husks flung them into the wall and crushed
them into powder.  "They yet live in an alternate dimension.
ALT.FAN.BUGTOWN!"  Just then her wide eyes glinted in hate and
blackness as she issued the force of the void itself to completely
obliterate the news.world.  The very fabric of reality shook as the
dimesion was torn from reality and was destroyed.  The Crosspost
brothers along with millions of hapless creatures living in Bugtown
were insantly obliterated with only a second to scream.  Half of the
inhabitants were lucky in Bugtown as they were asleep, the other half
were not so lucky.

	All the death only served to amplify Black Coronary's power.
"Ultimate Ninja!  You are Next!" screamed BC intoxicated by death's
powers.

	Ultimate Ninja saw her and then a flash fell into his mind.
Could THIS be Aunt Comic-Relief?  If only I could enter her mind and
get her to come forth.

	"Hey Auntie!  Tell me a joke!"  Ultimate Ninja lept from the
ceiling in front of the evilest of Geezers.

	"YOU DIE!"  Firing bands of blackness Black Coronary shot out
the deathfield again, but Ultimate Ninja parried it with his shining
oriental blades of life.

	"Hey Aunt Comic Relief!  Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Ultimate Ninja tried to stay calm.  CheeseCake Eater Lad looked on
with amazement and horror.  He's lost it.  CheeseCake Eater Lad began
to wonder if Ultimate Ninja had lost it.

	"Because he was stapled to a punkrocker."  Ultimate Ninja
ended another joke.  The room began to get lighter and lighter.  The
death around the room began to fade and the zombies stopped moving and
thier life began to deflate.

	"What's the difference between a raven and a writing desk."
Just then a force of energy hit Ultimate Ninja.  For once the Ninja
was unable to dodge the attack.  He was pummelled to the floor his
life was being drained from him.  He could not stand his limbs too
heavy, his heart to tired.  In a muffled voice he smiled (through his
mask and mumbled to the towering evil crone.)

	" ...  i've fallen  a n d   i  c a n  t  g  e  t    u  p  .  .  . "

	"Ulty?  Is that you?  A dear kindly old woman's voice pieced
the silent room?"  It was the voice of Aunt Comic-Relief.  "Ulty?
What have I done?"  she waved her hands and the energy began to flood
into Ultimate Ninha."

	"Hey!  Look what I found came a voice from outside."
CheeseCake Eater Lad entered holding a large easily drawn amulet with
a big dark stone in the center.  "It was lodged in the middle of the
PerilRoom Controls."

	"Now I remember.  Your friends are...
NNNNNNYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!"  The darkness began to
return.  "Must fight the evil!"  It was hopeless the intoxication was
too great."  Aunt Comic-Releif fell to the ground, clutching at the
amulet.  "Give me the Sieze Dangerous!  It is my only hope of
freedom...  I will no longer serve Dr.  KillFile..."

	CheeseCake Eater threw the amulet at her in absolute terror
she grabbed it.  Instantly the room imploded.  The entire room became
a smashing of sound and energy.  Then all was quiet.  Ultimate Ninja
opened his eyes to see he was in the transport room of the PerilRoom.
The same place that CannonFodder was when he was not killed in the
PerilRoom.  Apparently the PerilRoom had teleported them out just as
they would have died.  The room was scorched clean.  There were no
bodies, just freshly melted steel that covered the walls.  Ultimate
Ninja looked into transport tube 2 and CheeseCake Eater peeked out in
astonishment. He had his eyes closed as if he was expecting to die at
any moment.  The two heroes stood silently.

	"Gee, we are the only ones left aren't we?"  CheeseCake Eater
said sadly.

	"No.  There is still another.  Lurking Girl.  She quit just as
we ended this charade."

	"Charade?"

	"Yes, I knew Acton Lord was behind something so I sent Lurking
Girl to find him."

	"And if he was here then that must mean she is still alive."

	"That is correct, grasshopper."  Ultimate Ninja looked down at
the little CheeseCake munching dude with fondness but with a forlorn
look as well.  "If only the Whole LNH could have seen to surviving."
	
	Just then a crazed looking Panta ran into the room, she had a
green mohawk, followed frantically by Lost Cause Boy and Kid Anarky.
"Wait up! Your hair looks great!  The teleport hardly even effected
it."

	"I am going to get that cheeky Lurking Girl for doing this to me!!!"

	"What!?"  CheeseCake Eater and Ultimate Ninja were both
dumbfounded.  "But you're ..."

	"WEEEEEEE'RRRRRRREEEE BAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"  Called the
familiar MyK-El.

	Lurking Girl came bouncing in to the room followed by Rebell
Yell and a few others.  "Guess who I found hanging around Acton Lord's
deep dark hide out!"  She put her arm around Rebell Yell and patted
him on the back.

	"Yep!  If it weren't for your wierd plan I suppose we would
all be in one of those cell thingies now."  Rebell Yell said,
remembering he had been somewhat rude.  "I guess I owe you an apology.
If you want to lead the LNH you are welcome to it.  You have proven
that you are much better at it than I."

	"Uh.  No.  I really cannot take the credit here.  It was one
of those team things and well, I really have no desire to be the
leader."  Ultimate Ninja said humbly as a ninja could.  He thought of
all that had transpired as the LNH was gone and how an entire
Dimension had been destroyed.

	"Well if you ins..."

	"But if you put it that way perhaps we could be coleaders.
And sorta make a split of things."  Ultimate Ninja interrupted.
"Besides we could all learn from each other."

	"Well I am going to take a shower, I am covered in pizza
grease!"  Lurking Girl said looking marvelous nonetheless.

	"Allow me to join you."  Rebell Yell said not thinking, but
rather instinctively agreeing with the fact that he too was covered in
pizza grease.  He quickly ate his words as he doubled over in pain by
the elbow in his gut.  "I meant take a shower alone.  I mean I am
too...  errrr..."

	Lurking Girl lurked into the woodwork down to her quarters.
Rebell Yell limped off.

	"Hey!  So you managed to get everyone free of those
containment cells?"  Ultimate Ninja asked as Rebell Yell limped away.

	"All but one..."  Rebell Yell said as he left the room.

			"huh?"

	*		*		*		*		*

	In the middle of the deep dark lab was one occupied
containment cell.  The figure was furious.  "LET ME OUT OF HERE!"
Acton Lord cried pounding on the interior of the cell.  The voice
echoed through the empty complex.  A weak Netlurker lifted his head
and said in a failing voice... "Shut up.  Let me die here in peace."
He then lay there trying to sooth his aching head by acting like he
was not alive.  It didn't help!

*****************************************************************************

Ultimate Ninja sat in the complex observing the chaos with a greater
appreciation for what he saw.  Panta was ripping apart a wall as he
observed Lurking Girl runnning through it.  She did look pretty good
with a large Green Mohawk, a bit silly but still pretty good.
Laughter filled the halls as the Legion thought of their misadventures
and as CheeseCake Eater Lad tried to explain his great adventures.
Ultimate Ninja just sat there and nodded when the others looked with
amazement that CheeseCake Eater Lad could even survive such an evil
menace as Black Coronary.  And what of the dear old Aunt Comic-relief?
Ultimate ninja sat pondering.  Perhaps the whole pleasantness and
laughter that filled the halls was an indication that her spirit was
spread and shared in the hearts of all that loved her...  She may not
be here physically but her happy go-lucky spirit permeated the very
atmosphere of the Legion of Net.Heroes!!!


				The End... 
				  phew.

*************************************************************************

                                                       wReam...






Down in a dark technodungeon we hear cries of anger.  "Let me out!
Help!  Netlurker, stop dying already!"

     Closing in on the voice, we see a figure look both ways, then grynn.

     "Cell, Override code 34 LambdaMOO."

     The cell swung open, and Acton Lord stepped out, all smiles.

     "Come, Netlurker, it's only a flesh wound.  I did it!  I managed
to use my powers on someone from outside the net.universe!  I have
corrupted WRITERS!  First a little experiment on the Integrity Quest.
But now I have corrputed wReam with the absolute power he wields as a
writer!  See how he kills off the LNH with glee!  Watch as he destroys
universes without even looking to see what they really are!  He is
ready to become my tool against DeFacto!  MUAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

     Dave Van Domelen, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!



+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
| The Crosspost Brothers: Two funloving but extremely twisted bad-boys |
| hailing from the wrong side of Usenet.  They are very greedy,        |
| pathologically trigger-happy, completely corruptible, endlessly      |
| irritating, psychotically solipsistic, and (unfortunately for all)   |
| possessed of the ability to instantly shift between all possible     |
| newgroups.  The Net is their oyster, and they like it raw.           |
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+

	Jeff Crosspost looked out of the window of the Norwegian Blue
Warehouse across the land of alt.fan.bugtown, which had already begun
its eventual recovery from so-called "destruction".

	"Hate!" Jon growled as he slouched in a comfy chair.  "Kill!"
"Maim!"

	Jeff turned around to face him.  "But remember: this is all
part of my master plan..."

	"Master plan my SPLEEN!  I wanna kill somethin'..."

	"You always want to kill something..."

	"Kill!"  "Death!"  Jon's right eye enlarged until it almost
popped from his skull, whilst the left squinted to a mere slit.  "It
comes along with being the more dangerous Crosspost brother..."

	"Yes, and since I'm the smarter Crosspost brother, you must
trust my plan.  Now, we allowed ourselves to be killed by this 'Black
Coronary' so that we could reach the reality of alt.oobe [Out Of Boy
Experience -ed], which is not accessible by normal reality shifting.
By dying in the LNH headquarters, we were free to roam in a sort of
supernatural reconnaissance..."

	"Ooops.  So *that's* what I was supposed to do.  I forgot."

	"WHAT!?!  We got killed *specifically* to do this, and you
*forgot*!?!?"

	Jon smirked, "Well, ya see, I ended up going to
alt.out-of-body (an oobe alias, you know) and ran across Shirley
MacLaine.  Did you know that she was a dwarf in one of her previous
lives?"

	Jeff pulled a bazooka from out of nowhere (but most likely
from his ear).  "No I didn't..."  He lined up Jon in the sights.

	"Yeah!  Anyway, I took the little runt to
rec.motorcycles.harley and chained her between two bikes.  We had her
to normal height in about ten minutes.  Well, we would've, if her
entrails had held out..."

	"Haw haw!  Stoopid bitch."  Jeff had tears in his eyes from
laughing so hard.  "Okay, that's an acceptable excuse."

	"Thanks." Jon grinned evilly.

	"Anyway, while I was out-of-body, *I* actually got some work
done.  It seems that LNH-HQ is built upon a dimensional nexus.  This
would be a great asset to us, considering our reality shifting powers.
If we were to take up residence there, we'd be almost unstopable."

	"Great.  When do we take the place over?"

	"Oh, that's the devious part: we don't even have to take it
over!  The LNH will gladly take us into their ranks as allies, as we
were apparently killed while fighting their enemy."

	Jon grumbled, "Awww, but they're all skeevy wimps!  They don't
even kill for fun and profit like we do.  Disgusting."

	"Yes, *except* for Ultimate Ninja, who seems to be the most
dangerous man in the LNH, and also their leader.  But imagine what
would happen if the Ninja had, say, an accident involving a Sherman
tank and a banana peel?  This would leave a power vaccuum, one that
would be easily filled by even *more* dangerous men, such as
ourselves..."

	"Haw haw!  That would be great!"

	Jeff grinned widely.  "Yes it would, and the beauty of it is
that we don't even have to do it ourselves: there are enough villains
out there to do it for us as it is!  In the meantime, we can just use
LNH-HQ as a jumping point and it'll be business as usual.  Besides,
there's always the hope for accidental deaths in the PerilRoom. plus
we'll be free to dismember all the bad-guys we can find in the name of
'Justice'!"

	"Haw!  When do we leave?"

	"Right after we stick this in the inventory."  He held up a
large, easily draw amulet.  "It's called the 'Sieze Dangerous'.  I'm
sure we could find a buyer for it."

	"Yeah," Jon nodded, "just stick it by the Holy Grail, on top
of the Ark of the Covenant in the corner.  We'll do the paper work
later..."
-- 
Mark "Klone Crimson" Friedman is friedman at cis.ohio-state.edu .................
"There is nothing former  "Beat poets,    "Bite me,   "My jacket! I killed
 about King Crimson."      not children."  it's fun!"  Kennedy in this jacket!"
 - Robert Fripp, 5/11/90   - anonymous    - MST3K     - Ron Post



==========

Next Week:  I'm guessing some more Integrity Quest (but I could be wrong)!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer