LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #282: Electrocutioner's Song Part Five
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Apr 16 14:16:13 PDT 2023
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
And here's where you can find Electrocutioner's Song as well as other
LNH Crossovers:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Crossovers/
And its the next parts of -- The Electrocutioner's Song!
The Writers for this Crossover are:
Jef "The KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej
Todd "Scavenger" Kogutt
Dave "Dvandom" Van Domelen
and Raymond "wReam" Bingham
First Off we have Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #3 by Jef
"The KaTeFan(tm)" Kolodziej (Part Nine)! Is it time for The
Coachster to save the day (preferably by ripping someones arm
right off?!) Is it time for Mr. Minister to go to a Family
Reunion?! And how good are the Ultimate Ninja's LNH Trvia
skills?!
And Finally we have THE 501 BLUES/RATTLER HIDE SPECIAL #3 by
Todd "Scavenger" Kogutt (Part Ten)! Will it turn out all those
crazy adventures I had with the Tantalizing Teens were actually the
result of Brainwashing?! Wl Rable Yull nd Lrkng Grl bi kdnepped bi...
wait a sec... Damn you, Typo Lad!!
Anyways, let's just read...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #282
=====================
Electrocutioner's Song Part Five
=====================
Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude#3 Electrocutioner's Song Part 9
Cut here
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
+---------------------------+ +--------------------------+
| | | In the Non-Sense File |
| | | You think that you will |
| | | get a neat holographic/ |
| | | colorized/collectible |
| | | card. You are wrong. So |
| | | sue us.(LNH @ 1992) |
+---------------------------+ +--------------------------+
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #3
Part Nine of the Electrocutioner's Song
---------------------------------------
"Mr. Minister Builds His Dream Plot"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", screams
the Plot King. "You fiend. You took control over the third writer for this
story, and screwed up the original plotline."
"This was the plan all along. Table is a fool. Only by controlling a
writer would I be able to finally defeat you. NO MORE PLOT!!! NO MORE ORDER!!!
JUST..."
Fearing that this was the moment he would buy it, failing his legion
of readers from years past, no one was more surprised than the Plot King to
see a small gray animal attack Manga Man from behind. Surprised by this
attack, Manga Man desperately tries to free himself from the claws of this
vicious little animal.
"No, don't touch tha....."
Coach, missing member of the Z-Team, rips off, along with Manga Man's
left hand, his Posting Encroachment bracelet, which allows him to invade
Alt.Comics.Lnh, every month or so from Rec.Arts.Manga. Manga Man fades away
in front of Plot King's eyes, while Coach licks his paws.
"I know who you are," says Plot King, walking over to pet Coach. "I
know that your team is not villianous, as the rest of the LNH thinks it is.
I watched all of the episodes of your TV show, so I know better."
"MEOW."
"I know that. Now, I must call on the being who gave me my powers
to put this story back on track."
Plot King stands in front of the LNH HeadQuarters in a trance for
several minutes, as Rebel Yell's group returns with Table, Chair, Plot-
Error Man, and an army of Marvel_Zombie Lads, with Sig.Lad laying un-
conscious, at his side.
*******************************************************************************
Back at COMA, the people trapped here are taking a rest, after
finishing 'A Chorus Line.'
"I'm so happy. Now, what shall we do now?" the Electrocutioner asks
one of the elderly people.
Meanwhile, the Ultimate Ninja is ready to finish off Z, the man who
humiliated him in front of his fellow Legionaries. "Z, time to pay the piper!"
Standing there with no fear in his eyes, Z allows the Ultimate Ninja
to attack him. With a fist full of Ninja Bush, he plows at Z. Unfortunately,
he goes thru Z, without causing any damage, and falls onto the ground,
feeling more of a fool than he did before.
"What Happened???????"
"It is so simple. I had figured out that we are here only in a
mental form, rather than in a physical form. Those are not really weapons
you use either, rather, just an extension of your personality."
"Oh yeah???"
Before Z could respond to such an intelligent comeback from the
Ultimate Ninja, a huge figure suddenly appears over the Electrocutioner.
"I have come to fix the story, so it can end it three issues."
"Dance. Sing and Dance for the Electrocutioner."
With a wave of his hand the Electrocutioner is blown 50 feet away,
falling thru Marvel_Zombie Lad.
"Who are you?" asks the Electrocutioner.
"I am Plot Retainer. I have come to fix this mess that some say is
a story, I call it embarassing."
With the wave of his other hand, with the exception of the Electro-
cutioner, the Ultimate Ninja, Z, Marvel_Zombie Lad, and the now discovered
X-Over Men, whose disguises have vanished, the rest of the people vanish
from view.
"What are you going to do with us?" asks Marvel_Zombie Lad.
"You will stay here for the rest of your unnatural lives."
******************************************************************************
Meanwhile, in orbit over Alt.Comics.Lnh, Mr. Minister walks over to
his computer, Squiggy.
"Squiggy, are you tapped into the LNH computer?"
"Yes. I have hidden myself in a sub-routine that controls the sewage
disposal unit."
"Good. Now that I have taken revenge on Table, I will now deal with
family matters. Where are the Marvel_Zombie Lad clones?"
"They are at LNH HeadQuarters."
"Excellent. Have them go into the next phase of my plan, while I get
ready for a family reunion."
******************************************************************************
Back at LNH HeadQuarters, a bright flash appears as Contraption Man
was checking up on the Ultimate Ninja in the LNHospital. Appearing before the
rest of the LNH and the Marvel_Zombie Lads was Sig.File Man's search team for
SideKick Man.
"Where the hell did you come from?" asks Rebel Yell, knowing this
is an ACROPHOBE cross-over.
"We were all dancing 'A Chorus Line' after the Big.City Mall blew
up and...Don't you remember? You, and the rest of the LNH, were there, too.",
said Kid Anarky.
"Excuse me? You are kidding, right??", asks RosterwReam.
"I wish we were. Listening to Reb sing was a nightmare. Then, all of
a sudden, this really big guy sent us back here," replied Sig.File Man.
"But we weren't there. We've been busy capturing Table and the
Z-Team. Besides, my singing isn't that horrible," Rebel Yell said, while
trying to ignore Lurking Girl's giggles in the background.
"Don't ask us. This has been a strange cross-over, and we didn't find
SideKick Man," said Sig.File Man in a sad tone.
"We did, but he is evil now," exclaims RosterwReam.
"What????? That's impossible. He was with the Tantalizing Teens
for years. We have worked together on many cases. I find this hard to
believe."
"Believe it! He tried to blow up LNH Headquarters. I'm sorry to
say, however, that, he's currently missing with SideWinder."
"Why are all of these Marvel_Zombie Lad clones whispering to each
other?" points out Cliche Dude.
In unison, the Marvel_Zombie Lads say, "So we can provide this issue's
fight scene." As one, the army of Marvel_Zombie Lads throw themselves upon
the LNH.
*****************************************************************************
"Do it."
"I set the Camera Illusion Device, so that the LNH think we're still
in our cell," says Vince.
"I unlocked the door," says Trump, brandishing a hairpin.
"Let's go people."
The Z-Team, with no problem, release themselves from the LNH High
Security Prison, deep within the bowels of the LNHQ.
"I can't believe they caught us like that. I wonder how they did it?"
asks Trump.
"They must have confused us, since we were all acting out of character.
Most likely, it was bad writing. Don't worry, though, we always bounce back,
like a superball," says Vince.
"You mean out of control and dangerous?" asks Mr. World.
"You bet."
"Wait a second. Is that a trash can over there?" asks Tunes.
"You know, that would make a great commerical. Is that a trash can
over there? Why, yes it is. Not only does it hold trash but...."
"We don't need your ranting and raving right now World, so keep a
lid on it," says Vince angrily.
"A lid on the trashcan???"
Vince just sighs as Tunes starts mulling thru the garbage.
******************************************************************************
"I refuse to believe you will do this to us. Anyways, no one ever
is captured forever. Hell, even PP's parents have return from..." says
Marvel_Zombie Lad, while being interrupted by the Ultimate Ninja.
"This is not the time or place to mention the OTHER company."
"You mean B.C.?"
"Forget it."
Moving in front of the group held in COMA, Z bellows out a statement.
"WHY?"
"Don't you mean Z?" snickers the Plot Retainer. "Actually, I am
going to allow you all a chance at leaving this place, but under *my* rules.
Understand? Good. You will all play a game, and the winner can leave
this place, while the others remain. We will play...let's see, hmmmm,
I know......JEOPARDY."
The face of the Plot Retainer changes to the familiar mug of
Alex Trebek. "Welcome to Jeopardy." Sound effect claps are heard in the
background, as the Jeopardy set is created about them. "Today we have
on our show one of the co-leaders of the LNH, Mr. Ultimate Ninja. To
his right, we have the leader of the Z-Team, and member of the Intelli-
gencia...."
"Hey!! I don't know what your talking about!" shouts Z.
As soon as he screams this, he is electrocuted from a device in
the Plot Retainer's hand. Checking his wrist, the Electrocutioner
exclaims, "That's mine. Give that back or I'll...." The Electrocutioner
is also shocked.
The Plot Retainer continues, "Z. Our next contestant is trying to
get the CrossOver Queen out of Rec.Org.Sca, here is Multipl-X. And
finally, on our special edition of Jeopardy, we have an old enemy of the
LNH hiding under a disguise that has fooled everyone, here is...."
A drum roll is heard, as the mask of the Electrocutioner falls apart
and slumps in heaps on the floor.
"Dyslexia!!!"
"Of course. That's why the Z-Team was written wrong in part 7.
I figure that they've reached a garbage pail by now. They should be
all right."
"Ultimate Ninja, choose the first category."
"I'll take 'LNH members' for $100, uh, Alex?"
"The most popular member of the LNH."
With his amazing reflexes, the Ultimate Ninja rings in first.
"Who is the Ultimate Ninja, of course.?"
"You are incorrect," says the PR, as an electric shock goes thru
the body of the Ultimate Ninja.
Z is the next to ring in, "Who is Marvel_Zombie Lad?" pointing
MZL out to his left.
"Correct. You have a hundred dollars. Choose a category."
"I'll take 'Obscure Capitals' for $300 dollars."
"Yo-Yo Capital of the World."
Again, the Ultimate Ninja is able to beat everyone to the buzzer,
"What is Net.ropolis?"
"Incorrect."
Immediately, the Ultimate Ninja receives another electric shock,
which is starting to burn his outfit.
Multipl-X beeps in, "Is that Luke, Wisconsin, er, I mean..." and
before he could finish his sentence, he also receives an electric shock.
Z now beeps in, "Could it be Luck, Wisconsin?"
"Correct. You now have $400. Please select."
******************************************************************************
As 3 of the MZL clones start to grab Parking Karma Kid and toss him
into one of the LNH washing machines, California Kid uses his surf board and
beats one over the head and into the machine. Quickly, Parking Karma Kid
puts some detergent in, closes the lid, and turns the machine on to Whites.
He turns around and sees the other 2 MZL take the surf board and break it on
California Kid's head. Instantly, PK Kid pulls one of the clones into the
dryer, and turns it onto Permanent Press. Unfortunately, PK Kid does not see
the other MZL try to use the broken surf board like the "silver surfer" and
try to fly into him. The collision sends them reeling into the wall, knocking
both out.
Fighting back to back, Rebel Yell and Doctor Stomper each use one
of RY's Confederate Flags, trying to tie up some of the attacking MZLs. They
hear a cry from Fuzzy, "Comics-Snob Boy is down, and now a MZL is trying to
use him as a kleenex." RY tries to scan the room, bogged down with MZL
clones and LNH heroes. Seeing Nit-Pick Lad defeating a clone by pointing
out the slight color difference with the original, RY cries, "NP Lad, can
you help out C-S Boy? He might be used to wipe one of the MZL's noses."
As the Plot King (carrying the body of Sig.Lad) and Coach walk into
the battle, they see Occultism Kid change some offending MZL's into members
of the Jackson 5.
"A.B.C. It's easy as 1,2,3."
"Good thing you came when you did, my furry friend, or else I would
have missed the BIG fight scene," exclaims the Plot King gently placing down
the unconscious form of Sig.Lad. "Let's go and kick some clone butt!!!"
"MEOW!!!"
******************************************************************************
"Who is Spiro Agnew!?" shouts the Ultimate Ninja as he hits the
buzzer first.
"Incorrect." says the PR, as the UN receives another shock to his
system. Members of the X-Over Men giggle at seeing the UN unable to
answer any question correctly. "I will repeat the question in the
category, 'Vice_Presidental Nominee Quotes,' "I can't hear you because I
forgot to turn up my hearing aid.""
Dyslexia buzzes in, "Who is Admiral Stockdale?"
"Correct."
Surprising everyone, including the Plot Retainer, black smoke
creeps up from nowhere, and heads directly for MZL.
"Finally. I've been waiting to be resurrected just like that 'Warlock'
guy, and I'll be getting my own series to boot. See ya all in my new
DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDUMDUMDUMDUMDUMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOM
book."
The black smoke engulfs MZL, and quickly fades away into nothingness.
"Choose a category, Miss Dyslexia."
******************************************************************************
Back at Acton Lord's stately manor, the PrimeClone Acton Lord(PCAL)
has decided what to do with the wReamed Acton Lord(wRAL).
"I figure that thanks to you, the LNH will send one of their strike
forces over here to deal with us. I'm going to have you meet them along
with some disposable lackeys."
"Who are they?"
PCAL touches a secret panel, lifting the huge library of books to the
ceiling. From this entrance, five costumed figures walk out.
"Impressed?? I hope not. I'll tell you a little something about
each of them. I call them the Netter Liberation Front. The members
consist of LAGNETO: Master of Net-Lag, RUSH_FAN: able to take up lots posting
room with dribble about Rush, MISTAKE: able to kinda look like somebody, but
it is easy to detect, PYLON: token big man, and this is... Wait a sec. Who
are you???"
"I'm the Girl Next Door(tm)."
"But what happened to IceHot?"
"Well, she went on vacation, and this position was open in the
Criminal Placement Service, so I took it."
"I see, and what do you do.?"
"I attract men of all ages to look at me."
"I see, so you are a Panta copykat?"
"No. You'll have to wait and see. I'm good. In fact, I'm the best
at what I do."
"Alright. wRAL, I want you to set up Defense Perimeter #5 with the
NLF."
"I understand."
"Good. Now off you go. I have plans to work out."
******************************************************************************
"What is 'I'll Be Back!!!'?", asks the UN hoping to get an answer
right.
"Incorrect."
UN stands ready for yet another shock, but is also trying not to
let the others know that he is being weakened by it.
Z buzzs in, "What is 'This is F.U.N.'?"
"Correct."
"Star Wars Trivia for $1000."
"The name of ChewBacca's son from the Star Wars Holiday Special
from 1978."
Trying to hold his composure, the UN is able to answer first
again, "Who is Wumpy?" fearing that he again will have an incorrect answer.
"Correct." Everyone in the room was surprised as the UN had his
first correct answer. "And now for the final question in this round. Your
favorite color."
With his lightning reflexes, the UN hits the buzzer, and answers,
"What is blue? NO!! I mean red!!!!!"
"Incorrect"
"What is black?" answers Z as he watches the UN get another
taste of electric pain.
"Correct. The scores are Z with $9300, Dyslexia with $6500,
Multipl-X with $4100, and the UN with $-20100. The bonus question
today is, 'Electrocutioner's Song'. We'll be back after these messages."
******************************************************************************
Skulking around the LNHQ, the remaining members of the Z-Team,
armed with used-paper airplanes, 5 day-old gumdrops, lint from a dryer and
a hammer made out of empty cans and a broken plunger, encounter an MZL feeding
a tied up Cheese-Cake Eater Lad a 5 pound jar of Baby Food, Beet flavor.
Using the lint he found, Mr. World jumps on top of the MZL clone and covers
his face with lint, while the rest of the team tries to help the ready-to-
throw-up Legionnaire.
"This should never happen to anyone. It's too cruel, even for us.
Help him out, Tunes," orders Vince.
Oblivious to his surroundings, C-CE Lad mumbles about how CheeseCake
is the aphrodesiac of the gods.
"Hey you!!! We need to know where are guns are at!" demands Tunes.
C-CE Lad points over to a cabinet. Trump opens it up, and finds
their weapons, and passes them out, giving Z's 2 machine-pistols with
laser sightings and GOD clips to Tunes.
Vince asks C-CE Lad, "What happened? What's going on?"
"MZL, evil clone, I need..." mumbles C-CE Lad as he passes out
from having to much baby food.
"It looks like we will have to fight our way out of here. I want
you to aim at the clones only. I do *not* want to fight these heroes. I
think we just had a...misunderstanding."
Following the sound of fighting, the Z-Team comes across the main
hall of the LNH, filled with heroes and MZL clones battling each other. For
a moment, Trump notices Coach disemboweling a clone near the hat stand.
"Are you all ready?"
Each of them nods, with their weapons primed and ready.
"Go!"
The Z-Team leap into the fray, hoping that their kill ratio per
bullet will be the best ever.
*****************************************************************************
"The final question is....."
A familiar ding is rung.
"The Person who manipulated the Z-team into fighting the LNH without
paying for it."
Shocked by this, and not by the prodder, Z looked up at the Plot
Retainer, and quickly started to write his answer. For about thirty
seconds, elevator music is heard by everyone in COMA.
"Time's up. Let's see how you have answered. We will start with
the Ultimate Ninja who scored a record low $-20,000, but was allowed to
play. Your answer is......"
On a screen placed over the UN's head, it reads : WHO IS ACTON
LORD?
"You are correct, but since you were under $0, you will have
$1. Let's see what Multipl-X said. His screen reads : WHO IS THE
CROSSOVER QUEEN?
Multipl-X had bet all of his money, and starts to break down
and cry.
"I'm sorry but you will stay here for eternity," says the
Plot Retainer coldly.
"What??? You mean that we were tricked into fighting each other
like some cheap comic book?!" Z cries out loud. He then whispers to
himself, "Of course, that makes sense. I should have known."
Z looks over to the UN and says, "I know we don't like each other
but we were screwed by Acton Lord. I think we should work together to get
out of here. What do you say?"
"Ninjas never work with anyone," the UN replies.
"You work with the LNH. In fact, you co-lead them."
"Well, I...eh...I do not work with people who fight me."
"Look, you seem to be being attacked from all sides, and having
extra help is always a bonus. You may not need the Z-Team's help, but
I am offering our services, free of charge. This is against our set
policy."
"I guess you're right," says the UN. He puts his hand out to shake,
which Z does with a bit of care, while in the background we hear Dyslexia
throw a fit when we find out her answer was Harras. She lost all her money.
"Z, what was your choice?"
The screen above Z is blank, with no money bet.
"You win."
"Since I won, I would like to make a request."
"What is it?"
"Since the UN guessed the bonus question, I would like to have him
leave with me."
"I'm sorry. I can't do it."
As Z converses with the Plot Retainer, the UN sneaks around the PR,
and with his Ninja Bush, he slices off PR's utility belt, and bounces on
top of Z. Since the PR is stunned by this action, Z quickly grabs both the
belt and the UN, and presses a button. All around them fades.
*******************************************************************************
"We're winning!! Keep the pressure up on the clones!!" screams Kid
Anarky, as he forces a MZL clone into a pile of Louise Simonson's New Mutants.
Since the clone has no useful power, the comics cover him and suffocate him.
Table and Chair, who were released to help fight off the clones, try to
set up the gene scrambler/random teleporter to eliminate the clones.
"Set it up for an area effect, sugarlips."
"I have it all set TableTop."
"Excellent, my love, now I will plug it in."
Table finds an outlet, and plugs it in.
"NOW!!"
Suddenly, all of the MZL clones start vibrating and changing color.
The LNH, the Z-Team, Chair, and Table all back away from the highly unstable
foes, and then they all disappear.
"What happened to them?" asks Rebel Yell.
"I sent them all to Alt.sadistic.dentists.drill.drill.drill."
"Sounds painful. I hope it hurts," says the Incredible Man With No
Life.
"So, what do we do now?" asks Squid Boy.
"Do what?" says Apathy Lad.
"Look!! It's the Z-Team!! They've escaped!!" shouts My-Kel.
"YEAH!!!! Let's Get 'Em!!!!" replies Trivia Master shouting louder.
"I don't think so!"
Everyone in the main hall turn to see the UN standing side-by-side
with Z.
"We have to work together. We've all been duped. Z and I have
formed an alliance to take care of Acton Lord."
"What about Mr. Minister?" questions Pompous Lad.
"WHO????"
Dramatic music, along with a laser light show and bright orange
smoke fill the hall. After a minute or so, the smoke clears, and a
metallic figure in a preacher's outfit stands next to the LNH's main
computer frame.
"Hold them, Squiggy."
A new voice from the computer answers, "Check!"
Electromagnetic waves from the amp system are fired upon the heroes,
forcing them down to the ground.
"You are all fools. You think you can just defeat my plan of revenge.
You are deadly mistaken. First, revenge on Table. This one is personal."
Mr. Minister walks thru the crowd, searching for someone. He walks
.
.
over to both Rebel Yell and Lurking Girl, and picks them both up with one
hand.
"Z, I have got, ARGH, an idea, ARGH!" Mr. World screams in pain.
"What?"
"HEY TUNES, INFIDEL!!!!!!!!!"
"You know you aren't supposed to say...."
Z is interrupted by Tunes's battle cry. Fighting the onslaught
of noise, Tunes runs straight at Mr. Minister with both of Z's guns
blazing, yelling, "DIE!!!DIE!!!DIE!!!DIE!!!DIE!!!DIE!!!"
Being no more than annoyed by the bouncing bullets, Mr. Minister changes
his focus and lets loose a destructo ray at Tunes. Not caring what happens
to himself, Tunes runs into the ray, screaming in pain, and fades away.
"He killed Tunes, ARGH!!!" screams Trump.
Walking back to the main computer, Mr. Minister hits a button on the
keyboard, and turns to his foes.
"All I need is my favorite sibling, and then, finally, we will
be a home. Oh, and all I have to say to you all is this:
THE BOOK IS CANCELLED, AND NOW, SO ARE YOU."
Mr. Minister, along with his quarry, vanish in front of the LNH's
eyes, as they hear the computer state, "Destruct Active Now."
A series of explosions are heard, and the roof is coming down all
around the LNH. The transporter has been smashed by rubble. The
entrances and exits are blocked. Then, all goes black.
****************************************************************************
Hearing the explosions, a souped-up street cleaner stops in front of
the now destroyed LNHQ. A pair of costumed figures walk out of its cab.
"Holey Bringing Down The House, Captain Clean-Up. The LNHQ has
been destroyed."
"Yes, I know Squeaky Clean, my side-kick. I just wish that I could
enter a story for other reasons than cleaning up after everyone else."
"Look. I think I see some of the LNH."
Captain Clean-Up and Squeaky Clean run thru the rubble, finding some
bodies.
"Are they dead, Captain??"
"Let's see..."
*******************************************************************************
To be continued.....
--------------------------split molecules here------------------------------
+--------------------+ +-------------------------+
| | | The E-Song Writers in |
| +--------+ | | the Non-Sence File |
| |\ \ | | |
| | \ \ | | Foolish people. You |
| | +--------+ | |play with lives that are |
| | |+------+| | |not your own. Who are |
| | ||Jef || | |you to put your self-con |
| | ||Scav || | |gratulatory, fan-boyish, |
| | ||wReam || | |writer-wannabee ramblings|
| + ||Dave || | |where honest people have |
| @\ |+------+| | |to read them! Why don't |
| @ \+--------+ | |you scurry on back to |
| @ | |your little hole in the |
| @ +-------+@@ | |ground so that the good |
| @|\* * * *\ @ | |folks don't have to look |
| \ \* * * *\ @ | |at you. What do you are |
| \ +-------++-+ | |thinking? That this is a |
| \+-------+|*| | |fun place? Hah-hah-hah!!|
| +-+ | | |
| | | (C) LNH 1992 |
+--------------------+ +-------------------------+
------------------------smash atoms here-------------------------------------
THE 501 BLUES/RATTLER HIDE SPECIAL #3 (Electrocutioner's Song part 10)
The Check is in the Mailer
by SCAVENGER
Five seconds ago, the headquarters of the Legion of Net.Heroes was turned
into rubble.
"I am not amused!"
"Gee, Fan.Dom, looks like all your LNH collectibles are gonna be worth a
lot more now."
The FAN.DOM OF THE ALT.RA threw a bowl of popcorn at DAMN YANKEE. "FOOL!!
I COLLECT TO HAVE, not for monetary reasons!!! If the Legion is destroyed,
there will BE NO MORE MERCHANDISE, well except for cheesy nostalgia stuff, but
that is all junk! LET'S GET THIS STORY BACK ON LINE!!!!"
>>>SNAP<<<
The wide-screen TV showed that LNHQ had suddenly reformed, whole and
unharmed.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Well, that was interesting." CAPTAIN CLEANUP had just begun picking up
the pieces of the destroyed base when he suddenly found the pieces missing.
The other LNHers, who had been _crawling from the wreckage_, but were now only
crawling on the floor stood up.
"What happened?" asked ORGANIC LASS.
DOCTOR STOMPER spoke up, "Obviously, the forces of nature that surround
not only the base but our very lives converged at a critical convergengence
point, causing a refraction in causal destructive forces operating at the time.
This, of course, instantaneously reversed the Aeon Flux of chaos particles,
thereby rendering the base whole again."
"Obviously," said SARCASTIC LAD, quite sarcasticly.
"In English, if you don't mind, Doc?" asked OBSCURE TRIVIA LAD.
"I have no idea."
The ULTIMATE NINJA stood up, acting strangely leader-like. "Ok, let's
get up to date. What all has transpired?"
SIG.FILE LAD shouted out, "The MARVEL_ZOMBIE LAD clones were all evil, and
now they're all turned to powder."
CHEESECAKE-EATER LAD added, "Uh, SIDEKICK MAN is somewhere with
SIDEWINDER, and he's evil now."
LIST LAD sighed. "He's not `evil now', he's always been evil. There
never was a Sidekick Man."
"But what about the Tantalizing Teens?" asked Sig.File.
"Sig.File, you fool! There were no Tantalizing Teens! You've been
brainwashed or something!"
TYPO LAD said, "Rable Yull and Lrkng Grl wer kdnepped bi Mr. Mnestar."
CALIFORNIA KID said, "And those Z-Dudes left, saying they wanted out of
this turkey cross-over, dude."
"I do not blame them," said the Ninja, "Anything else?"
"SIDEWINDER WAS ACTUALLY THE GOLDEN AGE ACTON LORD!" said PLOT KING.
"Jeez! Is anybody not an evil dupe these days?" commented KID FROTHING-
AT-THE-MOUTH.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
In the Monitoring Room, MULTI-TASKING MAN, who had just put Table and
Chair into Alt.Romance to keep them out of the way (M-TM isn't heartless, ya
know), was about to make an amazing discovery.
"I hate it when the base gets blown up and reconstituted! That really
messes up my timing. Hello! What's this? Hmmm....very interesting. REBEL
YELL will find this very helpful when he gets back, but that is for another
story. On to the current problem." He turned to CONTRAPTION MAN and the still
lagged MS. MULTITASK. "I think I know how to save her, and you too,
Contraption Man."
"M-m-me too? W-w-what's wrong with me?"
"Why, you're dying, didn't you know? Hmm, I guess not. Well you are, and
if you don't get help soon, you'll be dead (the natural outcome of dying).
It'll be a particularly horrible and painfull death. And soon, I might add."
"Oh-my-G-d. How could this have happened? I'm so young! It's not fair!
Quick, what can I do to save me...and Taskani too, of course."
"Of course. You're going to have to go back to the future. Yep, that's
it. Go back to the future and your illness will vanish and the Ultimate Lag
will wear off."
"But if I go back, I'll no longer be in the LNH, and you will all could be
destroyed by some traitor or something."
"That's a risk we'll have to take. There is no way that we can let you
sacrifice your life for us. So, off you go. And remember, you can't come
back, no matter what. And tell your friends that it would be just as bad if
they came back. We will miss you and honor your memory. Bye!" and M-TM
pressed a button on his console.
"But...." Contraption Man and Ms. Multitask vanished into the
timestream.
"Whew, finally got rid of all those damn future travelers. Now back to
work."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
In COMA, PLOT RETAINER vanished. The discarded ELECTROCUTIONER
costume rose into the air.
"Hey! What's going on!?!" asked MULTIPL-X.
The Electrocutioner said, "WELL, I GOT TIRED OF THAT GAME. AFTER I LET
THE ULTIMATE NINJA AND Z GO, JEOPARDY JUST WASN'T AS MUCH FUN >SIGH<"
"Let them go!?! They escaped! Just like we X-OVER MEN will do!!!"
ZZZZZZZ AAA PPPPPPP
ZZ AA AA PP PP
ZZ AA AA PP PP
ZZ AAAAAAAAA PPPPPP
ZZ AA AA PP
ZZZZZZZ AA AA PP
"FOOL! NOONE CAN LEAVE HERE UNLESS I WILL IT! I AM A GREAT AND POWERFUL
BEING, NOT SOME SHMUCK WITH A BUG ZAPPER! I AM A MEMBER OF A GROUP OF ENTITIES
KNOWN AS THE _FINISHLESS_. WE WERE BEFORE THE BEGINNING AND WILL BE AFTER THE
END! ONCE I WAS KNOWN AS _ENTERTAINMENT_, BUT THAT WAS MANY EONS AGO. >SIGH<
BUT SOMETIMES I GET NOSTALIGIC AND REVERT TO MY OLD WAYS....AHH, THOSE WERE THE
DAYS. MY SISTER, _DYSLEXIA_, CONSENTED TO HELP IN MY FUN."
"But if you were "Entertainment" and are now the "Electrocutioner", two
names that start with an "e", why does hers start with a "d"?" asked a charred
X-Over Man.
"WELL, SIS NEVER COULD SPELL"
"And what about that familiar looking cuff?"
"HEY, I MIGHT BE AN OMNIPOTENT BEING, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T KEEP
UP ON THE LATEST STYLES! NOW, BACK TO THE SHOW. HOW ABOUT....MUD
WRESTLING!?!"
>DING<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
The Ultimate Ninja was not happy. Usually, he just had to pose and act
ninja- like. Rebel Yell or CONTINUITY CHAMP had always been around to do the
actual leading. But CC was stuck in that Continuity Caper thing and Rebel Yell
had been kidnapped. Now everybody was turning to him.
"Obscure Trivia Lad wants to know what we're going to do."
The Ninja decided. "We will wait. We know not where our captured
comrades are. Rebel Yell will find a way of getting a message to us. In the
meantime, we must prepare in case the plethora of ACTON LORDs decides to
attack."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
In an alley across the street from the HQ, the destroyed body of Sidekick
Man rusted. The evil robot lay forgotten by the net.heroes.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
In the Medlab, SIG.LAD bubbled unstably.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
And finaly, on board MR. MINISTER's satellite, on the prisoner level, down
a hallway, in a cell, were the imprisoned Rebel Yell and LURKING GIRL.
"I don't belive this! I've been kidnapped again!!!"
"Look on the bright side, Luri, we could've been kidnapped with POCKET
MAN."
"Yeah, heh, I swear, if he doesn't stop pestering me...."
The door slid open and a spikedly armored figure was tossed in to the
cell.
"SUFFERYNG!" exclaimed Rebel Yell.
A tall, metallic figure entered the cell. "Very good, Rebel Yell. It is
no wonder you are leader with such an amazing intuitive ability, considering
that you have never met my "brother" before. I am sorry for the delay, but I
had to take him from one of those infernal Acton Lords, with whom I left a
paper mache' model."
Lurking Girl lept at Mr. Minister, reaching for his throat. "Minister,
you scum!"
She bounced off a force field. "Tut, tut. That is no way for a
'''"mother"''' to treat her '''''''"child"''''''. Oh," turning to Rebel Yell,
"and '''"father"''', do not think that your net.hero friends can save you. My
techno-funkadelic booty shield, which surrounds this space station, will only
allow those with genetic patterns related to my own to enter."
The Southern Knight made sure that Lurking Girl was ok. "What the hell are
you talking about ?!?"
"Isn't it obvious? You and Lurking Lass there are my parents in an
alternate timeline's future, one which, of course can never occur now, but I
still will take my revenge on you!"
"WHAT!!?!!" said Lurking Girl and Rebel Yell.
Luri turned to Yell and glared at him.
"What?!? You can't possibly think that this is my fault? Luri?"
"Men! Hrmph!"
"Luri!"
"Enough of this prattle! I suffered much because of you two. Pain no
child should have to. You will pay for what you will never have the chance to
not do!"
Lurking Girl looked up, "What, were we bad parents? Did we abandon you to
a cold, uncaring techno-future after you had been infected by a computer-like
virus by some immortal madman?"
"No!! Nothing as benign as that!!!! You would not let me live in the
castle at Dis.net World!!! No matter how much I pleaded, you forced me to
leave!!!"
Rebel Yell deadpanned, "Oh the horror."
An energy beam hit Yell, throwing him across the cell. "_HOW_DARE_YOU_
BELITTLE_MY_PAIN!!!!!!"
Rebel Yell stood up, shakily. Lurking Girl ran over to help him. "What
about him?" Yell said, pointing to Sufferyng.
"You always loved him best!!! You gave him a complete set of Net.Man toys
and left me with junk!!"
"Th-ats n-n-not tr-ue," began the barely concious Sufferyng, "Y-you ju-st
des-troy-ed all of your t-toys and Mom and Dad would-n't g-get you an-ymore
'til you learned t-to t-take care of 'em"
"SHUT UP, YOU!!!" Minister zapped Sufferyng with a force blast, sending
him back into unconciousness. "Now, Rebel Yell and Lurking Lass, dear father
and mother, you shall die!"
"Wait a minute," said LG. "You just said Lurking LASS."
"Yes, so?"
"I'm Lurking GIRL!!! Christ!! That damned Lass has screwed me over
AGAIN!! Reb, I want to know who the hell she is! Right NOW!!!"
"Uh, Luri, this is really not the time to go in to this. I promise I'll
explain later."
Minister interrupted, "What are you two talking about?!?"
Yell answered, "She's not your mother, you idiot. Lurking Lass is someone
else. And you know what? I don't give a damn if you're my son from some
alt.future. You're villain scum and you're gonna pay for your crimes.
Starting now!"
BBBBBBBBBB OOOO OOOO MMM MMM
BB BB OO OO OO OO MM MM MM MM
BB BB OO OO OO OO MM MM MM MM
BBBBBBB OO OO OO OO MM MMMM MM
BBBBBBB OO OO OO OO MM MM MM
BB BB OO OO OO OO MM MM
BB BB OO OO OO OO MM MM
BBBBBBBBBB OOOO OOOO MM MM
"WHAT WAS THAT!!?!!" yelled Minister as he turned toward the sound, only
to face...
"ME!!! VILE CUR!!! YOU SHALL SUFFER THE WRATH OF PLOT KING!!!!"
The storyline sentinel engaged the bewildered Mr. Minister in combat,
while List Lad ran into the cell and freed the captive heroes.
"Let's go. I, List Lad, have brought a ship to shuttle us home."
The three net.heroes ran to the ship and boarded it. Lurking Girl was
very confused. "How'd they get here? I thought only genetic..."
Yell interupted, "List Lad and Plot King are alt.versions of me. They
have my genetic pattern. They knew where we were the same way I knew who
Sufferyng was. We can share thoughts."
"Then how come you didn't know about SideKick Man when I told you about
the search for him?"
"It's not a constant sharing of information, only when it's necessary.
Besides, between you and me, I rarely tap into List Lad's thoughts. They're
really boring. Hold on a second..."
Rebel Yell projected a thought to Plot King. <<Destroy the satellite and
meet us back at HQ>>.
Plot King turned to Mr. Minister. "SAY GOODNIGHT GRACIE."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
You know that scene in STAR WARS, where the Death Star blows up, and
Luke's X-Wing and the Millenium Falcon swoop out of the explosion? Well,
picture that but replace the X-Wing with Plot King and the Falcon with List
Lad's shuttle, and you get the idea.
The team headed back to LNHHQ.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
wRAL and the NETTER LIBERATION FRONT stood in a defensive perimeter around
Acton Lord's estate. PCAL was plotting in his library, while in the basement,
the real SideWinder lay unconcious.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>LNH<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
The wreckage of Mr. Minister's satelite continued to orbit around the
Earth. A figure made of AdamAnt skin (tm) crawled to the surface carrying a
form clad in spiked armor. (Figuring that if a joke doesn't work once, it
should be attempted again) Mr. Minister said, "So that's the way it' going to
be!?! There is only ROOM AT THE TOP for me! I shall destroy thoose GOODY TWO
SHOES. I will unleash my final revenge: OPERATION: TRIPLE CROWN!!!!!
BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!
###############################################################################
*******************************************************************************
###############################################################################
==========
Next Week: The Electrofying Cnclshnn uv... stop that, Typo Lad! Stop it!!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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