LNH: Leadership Cry.sig: Net.ropolis 2023 #3

[Drew Nilium]

Holy shit, I looked away and we're up to issue #5. :D This is amazing. Let's see...

On 4/5/23 10:22 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:

> "You are Entering -- The INFO SHUV ZONE -- with host -- MacLaughlin Man!"
> said a very bald and sweaty MacLaughlin Man with 5 O'Clock shadow across
> his face reading a piece of paper.

Oh boy. X3

> These amazing CBD oil infused, completely
> organic -- suppositories -- are gonna SUPERCHARGE that mind of yours!  Just
> shove three of these babies a day and you're right on the path to becoming
> a towering supernova of thought like your dear old pal, MacLaughlin Man!

XD XD XD

> And MacLaughlin Man paused for bit as if reflecting about all the choices
> that he had made in life.  All those choices that led to him being here in
> this incredibly crummy studio.  Once there was a time he had had THE NUMBER
> one TV program on NNN.  People would wait on him -- hand and foot.  But
> now?  He was here.

I feel like this is true for a lot of the long-term right-wing pundits - chewed 
up and spit out as others went even further into nonsense land.

> But in case you've been
> living under a rock for the last decade, I give you -- Only-Does-Good-
> Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons Lass!

:D

> "Please, just call me Pragmatic-Reasons Lass," said a woman appearing on a
> zoom screen that looked to be in her late twenties wearing a dark blue
> superhero costume that had a ton of complex mathematical equations all over
> it.  She also had a pretty spiffy looking calculator in her hand.

Ooooooh, nice. I definitely gotta make a character page for her... ooooh, she 
got the 2016 RACCie for Best Supporting Character, forgot about that...

> MacLaughlin Man's eyes lighted up a bit as he smugly rubbed his double
> chin.  "Yeah -- I kinda am."

X3

> I mean the old Ultimate Ninja -- for all
> the bad things I could say about him like how he was Satanic Bootlicking
> Whore Mongering Nazi Tapdancing Puppy Molester -- you did have to respect
> that he got to where he got to from pulling himself up with his own
> Incredibly Homicidal Super Terrorist Welfare Cheating Bootstraps!

XD XD XD omg

> And is it just
> me or is this like the MOST Super Woke LNH ever?  EVER!! All that CRT and
> Pronouns and Hunter Biden's laptop that they're trying to inject into our
> children?!!  I just can't take it anymore!!"

XD Amazing, painfully accurate.

> "Hah," Pragmatic-Reasons Lass said with a slight smirk, "I think I'm going
> to have to disagree with some of that.

X>; Yes indeed.

> Look.  Nina Yamashiro is a good kid
> and her heart is in the right place.  But she's young.  Very young.  And
> being Leader of the LNH is like the hardest job in the world.  So, it's
> very understandable why she's having a bad job doing it.

Oof, good reasonable-sounding pundit speak.

> I mean these kids today
> just don't have any understanding about how the real world works.  They see
> Socialism and Marxism in like some TikTok video and think, Yeah.  We should
> try that -- not understanding that there was thing called the Cold War that
> showed why that experiment failed.

Holy shit, this is painfully accurate. x-x

> "No, what we need are REAL Solutions to our -- REAL Problems.  I mean this
> beautiful Free Market system made America the GREATEST country in the WORLD
> -- and if it could do that to America THEN why can't it also make the LNH
> GREAT -- AGAIN?!  Of course it can!  And it will with me in charge.

Bringing in just enough to stir up the base, of course.

> This
> current model of the LNH -- trying to save the world for free?  It's just
> not sustainable.  It's not realistic!  No."

Here it is. X>

> "Yeah," nodded MacLaughlin Man, "Was never quite sure how the LNH could do
> all that saving the world stuff for free.  Where do they get their funding
> from anyway?  Selling Meth?  White Slavery?  George Soros?  Probably all
> three.

X3

> "I see it being like a -- subscription type model.  There will be various
> tiers with various perks that will..."
> 
> "Wait," said MacLaughlin Man with a grimace.  "You expect people to PAY to
> be SAVED?!  That's never going to work!"

That's the most reasonable thing he's said in a while. X>

> Would we have any problems if everyone was super rich?  No, of course not.
> Super rich people don't rob banks.  They don't take bribes.  They don't
> need to do any crimes -- because why?  Because they're SUPER RICH.  Now
> imagine everyone in the world and they're super rich.  Just imagine that.
> Yes.  No more problems.  None."

...I admit to being intrigued.

> "Yeah," said MacLaughlin Man with a very skeptical look, "But that's not
> possible.  Everyone can't be super rich."
> 
> "No.  Actually it is.  I've done the math."  She pointed to her calculator.
> 
> "The Math?"
> 
> "Yes.  I've worked it all out.  I mean I can't really show you it because
> its this highly complex new type of math that I've invented that only 'I'
> can truly understand.  But it's all there.  It all works out.  Trust me."

XD Ahhhhh, I see how it is. Amazing.

> "Well, if you say so.  But what's this have to with the LNH?"
> 
> "Imagine the LNH as -- a Hedge Fund.  But not some Hedge Fund that's only
> for a SELECT group of snooty, wealthy elitists.  No.  This will be one for
> EVERYONE.  Everyone in the World will be able to OWN a part of the LNH.
> And when other people see this new LNH Owning Class start to become
> incredibly wealthy they'll rush in to grab their own piece of the pie!  And
> before you know it -- Everyone Will be LNH!  We'll all own a piece of the
> LNH.  We'll all be Super Rich from that piece.  And we'll all be living in
> this perfect world where we're all heroes!  All of US!!

Dang, that's a fucking powerful promise. That'll get people that wouldn't 
otherwise fall for this sort of thing, out of pure hope. This is some good 
villainy-- er, I mean, good deeds. <.< >.>

> Cheesecake-Eater Lad glared at his friend while shaking his head.  "Tell me
> you're not serious!  You know this is scam!"
> 
> "Oh, yeah -- sure -- I mean -- sure.  At least for those poor suckers
> who're still holding once the bubble burst.  But for the wise investor that
> knows how to correctly time the market..."

Oh my god. X3;

> Cheesecake-Eater Lad's very disappointed look began to intensify.
> 
> "Umm... hey... I mean," wReamhack continued with a sheepish grin.  "Of
> course dumping LNH stock to make a huge killing would be wrong.  Yes, very
> wrong.  It's certainly something I, myself, would never do.  Nope.  No
> thoughts of doing that at all.  Yep.  Uhuh."

X3 X3 X3 Amazing. <3

> Okay, only reason I could think of Pragmatic-Reasons Lass for wanting to be
> LNH Leader was some Make Money grifter scheme.  And is 27 year old
> Pragmatic-Reasons Lass actually older than Nina -- well, okay, I don't what
> actual age Nina is -- a teen?  Early 20s?  I guess it would be kind of
> funny if they were both them same age or if Nina was actually older than
> her.

X3 Hmmmm... Back in HHS #6, it was established that she'd been in art school 
when she became the Ultimate Ninja; in the present day, it seemed like she'd 
graduated but probably wasn't very far out. So I'd say, younger, but only by a 
few years.

Drew "23-24 range, something like" Nilium