LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #261: The Comics Connection Part Two

[Arthur Spitzer]

30 Years of Legion of Net.Heroes (1992-2022)!

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive 
once again.

Here's where you can find The Comics Connection as well as other
Kid Kirby stories:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Kid.Kirby/



 
And we've got H. Jameel Alkhafiz writing the second and third
Chapters of The Comics Connection!  Will Continuity Champ be able
to give Rebel Yell an Excedrin level headache?!  Will Lost Cause
Boy have some Roy Thomas comic that can shut Old Comics Man up?!
And Will the Legion of.People Who Have To Realistically Cope With
Their Powers Just Like In Watchmen ever get their due?!


Find out in...



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             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
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                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #261


                         =====================
                    The Comics Connection Part Two
                         =====================




                             Chapter 2  


   Rebel Yell regained consciousness slowly.  As he dragged himself to
his feet, he looked up at the inky blackness.  Then he looked around. 

Inky blackness, as far as the eye could see, broken only by the
unconscious figures of his fellow net.heroes.  He came to a logical
conclusion:
    "No background.  Liefeld must be drawing this issue," he concluded. 

"No, that can't be.  We're all proportional.  But we _do_ need to get
organized."  Rebel Yell lived up to his name and yelled, rousing his
downed companions.
    "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Cliche Dude observed.
    "That energy thing got you guys, too?" Halls Jordan asked.
    "Halls!" Cliche Dude exclaimed.  "You're a sight for sore eyes!  But..how?"
    "This energy vortex just up and sucked me right out of the air!"
    "There are certain things that man was just not meant to know."
    "Obscure Trivia Lad doesn't recognize this place," Obscure Trivia
Lad observed sadly.
    Lost Cause Boy didn't, either.  What was worse was that he felt as
though he were doing something else mere moment's ago.  Then, he spotted
a familiar, welcome face in the crowd of net.heroes.  "Panta!" he
shouted, running to the lithe cat-woman and giving her a big hug. 

"Energy vortex?"
    "Yeah!" she answered happily.  "Things like this happen to Wolverine
and Feral all the time!  I'll be feeling angst any minute now!"  She
then noticed Lost Cause Boy's unsteady look.  "What's wrong?  Are you
having aftereffects of the energy?"
    "No," Lost Cause Boy answered, "I just feel like I was doing
something else just a minute ago.  I must have Spider-Man's disease."
    "Everyone be quiet for a minute!" Rebel Yell shouted, putting an end
to the multiple conversations.  "We're still in a potentially dangerous
situation, y'all.  Someone, or something, has captured a good portion of
the LNH, including the triple co-leadership.  Speaking of which..." he
said as he turned to Ultimate Ninja.  "I saw you dive into the energy
after you saw it suck up over six net.heroes.  Why?"
    "I saw a chance for a good fight," he answered.  "Besides, sometimes
I just like to follow the crowd."
    "Whatever," Rebel Yell sighed.  "Now, everybody stand reasonably
still so I can see who's here..."
    "Browsing Boy, Cliche Dude, Comics-Snob-Boy, Continuity Champ,
Doctor Stomper, Halls Jordan, Kid Kirby, Lost Cause Boy, Mainstream Man,
Marvel_Zombie Lad, Obscure Trivia Lad, Old Comics Man, Rebel Yell, and
Ultimate Ninja," Continuity Champ responded immediately.
    "How...?" Rebel Yell began to ask.
    "If the writer forgot anyone here, it would wreak havok with
continuity.  I was just doing my job," Continuity Champ explained. 

"That's funny, I don't see Comics-Snob-Boy, though.  I must've
miscounted..."
    "Not an Excedrin headache, not now!" Rebel Yell pleaded weakly.
    "What?" Continuity Champ asked.
    "Nothing.  Anyway, we should all assume that we're being held
prisoner in this inky void until we learn otherwise, and-"
    "In my day, we didn't have any 'inky voids'!" Old Comics Man began. 

"The bad guys kept the good guys prisoners in good old-fashioned cells
with iron bars!  And no 'Adam Ants yum' in the iron, either, though what
a rock singer has to do with metal is beyond me.  Why, I-"  He stopped
because Lost Cause Boy pulled a copy of Invaders #1 from his satchel and
gave it to Old Comics Man to read.
   "That should keep him for a few hours," Lost Cause Boy announce proudly.
    "Good," Rebel Yell replied.  Now, he could think.  Unless....  "Kid
Kirby, what are you doing?!"
    "I'm working on a fourth-dimensional three-space intersection
inducer," he answered without looking up from his welding.  "If we're in
an alternate reality, this should return us to where we belong.  It's
going to take some time, though.  This X-Element's really hard to work
with."
    "Um, okay.  Just make sure you don't blow anything up, or worse."

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

    "Who are you?" Comics-Snob-Boy asked.  He had awakened hours ago in
a very strange place.  It seemed both baroque and modern, with just a
touch of chaos to it.  He had immediately taken a liking to it, but had
seen no inabitants in his wanderings, other than a steel raven which
perched above him, watching his every move and uttering an occasional
"nevermore".  He had been alone until now, when he had literally bumped
into several pale people dressed in dark colors.  Nothing struck him as
out of the ordinary, until he noticed that they were just ordinary
people, aside from the unusually pale skin.  They didn't have
rediculously overmuscled bodies or wasp-waists.  Not one of them wore
cosmic powered armor or carried a massive death-cannon.  Comics-Snob-Boy
liked this place, and he liked these people.
    "Who we are isn't important, Comics-Snob-Boy," the tallest, a
wild-haired man with dark eyes answered.
    "You know me?" Comics-Snob-Boy asked, intrigued.
    "We've followed your mission from afar," a second, androgynous
person answered.  "We've seen how you've lived with the comics.heroes
and the x.heroes for so long, trying to convince them that they're
reading the wrong comic books."
    "Yes!" Comics-Snob-Boy exclaimed, happy that he was among others who
shared his noble views.  "But how did I get here, and why am I here?"
    "We brought you here," a wild-haired young woman told him.  "We
admire your quest and have decided to make it our own."
    "You mean-"
    "Yes," the first man answered.  "We have the power to make your
dream come true.  We have the power to talk the Legion of Net.Heroes
into becoming the Legion of.People Who Have To Realistically Cope With
Their Powers Just Like In Watchmen."
    Comics-Snob-Boy stood agape for a few minutes, then could only say
two words:  "Thank you!"


                            Chapter 3

   Above Comics-Snob-Boy and his newfound allies in snobbishness, the
robot raven spread its wings and took off, flying out of an open window
into the inky blackness that was all around.  Winging its way to its
master, it scanned the environment, ever wary for things that could
interest its master.  It found net.heros in abundance.  Though it could
not feel urgency, it increased its speed, swooping down to...

    "Manga Man, your scout returns!" Dyslexia notified the Nabob of Nippon.
    "Excellent," Manga Man replied in a calm, cool voice, typical of
anime villians.  "The Metallic Avian Tracker and Targetter, U series
(M.A.T.T.- U), has served its purpose well."  The raven landed on Manga
Man's shoulder and projected a holographic image of the ornate palace in
which the mysterious beings with Comics-Snob-Boy were located.
    "Very good, Manga Man," Harras the Horrendous noted.  "Obviously,
those beings are the ones responsible for our being here in this place
beyond the net.verse."
    "But there is more, Harras-san," Manga Man said.  "Net.heroes are
also here."
    Harras's eyes flashed in anger.  "Net.heroes!?  Time and again
they've thwarted my plans!  Perhaps they are the ones who have brought
us here!"
    "I've known about the net.heroes being here since our arrival,"
Dyslexia yawned.
    "How dare you keep such information from me?!" Harras asked, his red
pen of deletion and blue pen of proofreading glowing with barely
contained energy.  "I should have you edited into someone more tractable
to commands!"
    "Oh, please," Dyslexia responded calmly.  "You wouldn't dare.  I'm
the only one who's keeping Continuity Champion from reading his
situation properly.  He doesn't even realize that one of their number is
missing, thanks to my power.  There's more to me than even you can
imagine, Royalty King."
    "This discussion isn't over, Dyslexia," Harras fumed.  "But, for
now, me have a greater problem, that of the Legion.  We must deal with
our hated enemies first."
    "I, Fanboy King, shall lead Marvel_Zombie Lad astray, destroying his
connection to the Marvel Way.  With cards and holograms, I shall mystify
Mainstream Man.  And Cliche Dude shall find that fanboys are the most
cliched of them all!"  Fanboy King struck a pose, and his prism-costume
gleamed beautifully.
    "I'll take Lost Cause Boy down," Plotchopper said.  "I'll give him
more lost causes than he can handle, and my danglers and unanswered
questions'll sent Old Comics Man into conniptions!"
    "I shall deal with the baka, Continuity Champ.  Manga Man doesn't
need continuity.  Doctor Stomper shall also fall before me, for how can
he cope with a plotline which continually contradicts itself
inexplicably?   Heh, heh, heh!"
    "Poor Rebel Yell seems confused," Dyslexia stated.  "I'll make sure
that he stays that way.  Browsing Boys super-reading makes him
especially vulnerable to my power's caress."
    "The Ultimate Ninja shall be the easiest of them all to deal with,
for how can ninjitsu stand up to the power of editting.  Are ninjas
losing popularity?  I think so, so lose 'em, write 'em out!  Halls
Jordan shall find that I can 'shout' his power out!"
    "What about the new Legionaire, Kid Kirby?" Plotchopper asked.  "His
power stems from a time when plots were always completed!"
    "I'll deal with that troublemaker myself," Harras answered.  "I have
little respect for the Power Kirby!  Now, fly!"
    "But we can't fly!" Fanboy King noted.  "Except for Manga Man," he
added, pointing to Manga Man, who was climbing up to the pilot's chair
of his Giant Robot.
    "Because of an error on the part of the Editor," Harras intoned,
"you can fly!  Now, we go to attack our enemies!"

    "How's that thing coming?" Rebel Yell asked Kid Kirby, who was still
working on a device to get them back to the net.verse.
    "Stay calm, Yell," Kid Kirby answered.  "Even with Mother Box's
help, this type of construction can't be rushed."
    "I got a bad feeling about this," Cliche Dude.  "Did you ever have
the feeling that you were being watched?" he asked Halls Jordan. 

"Halls?"
    "INCOMING!" Halls Jordan shouted as his ring-around-the-collar
detected the approaching bad.guys.
    "Dammit!" Rebel Yell cursed.  "Prepare for battle!  Get ready for-" 

Rebel Yell suddenly stopped, hearing only a voice in his head.
    "Look at the evidence," it said in a gentle but firm voice.  "All
the clues have been revealed.  The traitor Contraption Man warned of is
none other than Kid Kirby!  Kid Kirby is the traitor!  Kid Kirby..."
    "You!" Rebel Yell cried, pointing an accusing finger at Kid Kirby. 

"You're going to destroy the Legion of Net.Heroes!  I won't let you!" 

Rebel Yell drew a boysenberry pie from his satchel and threw it at Kid
Kirby, who ducked the unexpected attack.
    "I'm no traitor!" Kid Kirby defended himself, not noticing that the
pie had struck the incomplete dimensional device.  "I like you guys! 

Really!  If this is about that Mountain Dew I drank last month-"
    "Die, traitor!" Rebel Yell shouted before Ultimate Ninja's knockout
grip sent him into unconsciousness.
    "What was that all about?" Ultimate Ninja asked, his hands full of
Ninja Bush.
    "I don't know!  He was shouting something about a traitor or something."
    "That's not all!" Panta interjected.  "Continuity Champ's gone!"
    "Our most powerful member and two of our three leaders are gone, and
we haven't even seen the enemy yet!  Where are they!" Doctor Stomper
asked, contemplating the future events that this could cause.
    "Something's interfering with my armor's detection systems!" Kid
Kirby said.  "I can't get a lock on anything but net.heroes, and I can't
find Continuity Champ!"
    "Well, they can't jam a ninja's finely honed senses!" Ultimate Ninja
declared.  "Panta, tell me what you smell!"
    "On the wind," Panta replied.  "Hologram cover foil!  It's net.villians!"
    "There," Ultimate Ninja said, throwing Ninja Bush into the sky. 

Fanboy King shouted in pain, and his hologram of inky black sky
dissipated, revealing the net.villians in the distance.
    "Nail 'em!" Cliche Dude shouted, just as he was struck by prismatic
beam from Fanboy King.
    "You would be even more cliched if you were...Dark 'n' Gritty!"
Fanboy King shouted as Cliche Dude was transformed into a dark and
gritty character with a big gun.
    "War Journal entry #1" Cliche Dude began.  "I'm surrounded by
goody-goody spandex boys.  I work best alone."  Cliche Dude ran off into
the distance, camoflaged against the blackness by his now-black costume.
    "Cliche Dude, get back here!" Ultimate Ninja shouted.
    "I go where I wanna go!" the fading reply came from the distance.
    "Halls, Kid Kirby, Lost Cause Boy, take 'em out!" Ultimate Ninja
commanded.  Kid Kirby drew an antimatter extrapolator and began firing
it at the approaching villians.  Lost Cause Boy drew upon the powers of
Firestorm (Ronnie Raymond and Professor Stein, v.1) and unleashed bolts
of energy.  Halls used mentholyptus to create destructive force.  The
antimatter exploded upon contact with Manga Man's Giant Robot, which
went hurtling to the ground.
    "Fool!" Harras spat at Lost Cause Boy as the nuclear bolts
dissipated harmlessly before him.  "Your powers cannot affect the
creator of lost causes!"  Lost Cause Boy crumpled to the ground with a
brief cry.
    "I've linked his mind with all the dangling plotlines that have ever
existed," Plotchopper declared proudly.  "He won't be getting up for a
while."
    "HARRAS!" Panta howled after seeing her friend fall.  "You're mine,
do you hear!  You'll be eating your entrails, and I'll thoroughly enjoy
it!"
    "I've dealt with your kind before, mutant," Harras said, using his
red pen to edit the scene to Panta lying on the ground, bleeding.  "And
you," Harras continued, pointing his pen at Ultimate Ninja, who had
discovered that his flight thingie wasn't working for some reason.  "The
arishikage mindset shall deal with you."  Ultimate Ninja's eyes went
blank.  "Now, you serve us!  Dispose of your allies!"  Ultimate Ninja
used the knockout grip on Browsing Boy, Doctor Stomper,  and Obscure
Trivia Lad, while Fanboy King hypnotized Marvel_Zombie Boy and
Mainstream Man with pretty holograms, shiny prisms, and collectors
edition cards.
    "NO!" Kid Kirby shouted, taking Plotchopper down with a sonic
disrupto ray.  "Mine is the Power Kirby!  You shall do no further harm!"
 Unfortunately for Kid Kirby, his neglected dimension-hopping device
exploded, blasting him and Halls Jordan with the Power Kirby.
    "Now," Harras commanded his allies.  "Collect the defeated heroes,
except for Kid Kirby, and retreat!  I'll edit us a headquarters!"
    "What about Kid Kirby?" Dyslexia asked.
    "Leave him here.  He'd be far too dangerous in our headquarters.  As
long as you're jamming his sensors, the best place to leave him is here,
in this endless void."  Harras laughed maniacally as he and his allies
flew away victorious.

    "Kid Kirby?"
    What happened? Kid Kirby thought.  It's been a long time since I was
knocked unconscious.  It hasn't gotten any more enjoyable.
    "Kid Kirby?  Wake up!" a female voice demanded.  The voice sounded
strangely familiar.  "If you wake up, we can sing 'Row, Row, Row Your
Boat'!" she said happily.  Kid Kirby sat up quickly.
    "Sing Along Lass?!  What are you doing here?"
    "I was in the rec room, and, suddenly, I was surrounded by an
explosion.  Then, I was here, and I found you unconscious.  Let's see if
we can find some more people to sing with us.  Maybe him!"  Sing Along
Lass pointed over Kid Kirby's shoulder.  He looked back and saw Manga
Man, in a new Giant Robo, looking very big and very menacing.
    "I don't think he's gonna want to sing," Kid Kirby said to Sing
Along Lass, who frowned.
    "Baka na Americajin!  Now, you die!"

==========

Next Week:  The Comics Connection Conclusion!!!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer