LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #269: Sieze Dangerous!! Part Three
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Thu Dec 29 13:31:18 PST 2022
30 Years of Legion of Net.Heroes (1992-2022)!
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
Here's where the whole Sieze Dangerous Story is at:
And we have more Sieze Dangerous! by Raymond "wReam" Bingham! The third
and fourth parts! Rebel Yell is dead -- so does that mean this is a good
time for an LNH Slaughter Fest to decide the NEW LNH Leader?! And is
Death really fun?
Anyways, let's all read...
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ |  | |  | | | |  | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
|_| OF NET.HEROES
Sieze Dangerous!! Part Three
Episode 3: The smell of Carnage
* * * * * * * * *
The easy to draw SiezeDangerous artifact glowed strangely in
the heart of the Peril Room's ciruitry. Contraption Man, who had
finally noticed it glared strangely at the jewel and then in attempt
to remove it was vaporized in the same manner as Rebell Yell.
* * * * * * * * * *
Acton Lord gloated at his greatest accomplishment. "Another LNHer
down! Boy! They are dropping like flies!" then he turned from his
monitor looking for something amid the empty pizza boxes. "Where did
I place that blasted Make Up Kit?"
Upon finding it he brought up a stored image of Contraption
Man and opened his makeup kit. "Now for Phase 3.4.2 in my master
* * * * * * * * * *
"Dear Friends and comrades. We are gathered here today to pay
our last respects to a great hero." Self-Righteous preacher crooned.
This was his time to shine. "Mr. Rebell Yell died on star.date
45.34.233 when he was beguiled by a colleague to fight for his
rightful position as leader of the LNH!"
"I did no such thing!" Ultimate Ninja protested. "It was a
systems failure! I had nothing to do with it!!"
"Sure. We believe you." Self-Righteous Preacher smiled
facitiously and then returned to the group. "Now, if you don't want
to be scum like this murderer, you need to follow my admonitions...
You must or you will go to HELL! Just like our friend Rebell Yell has
done. And a certain Ninja will be doing!"
Lurking Girl began to cry over the loss. "Its not true! He's
in Heaven! I know it!"
Ultimate Ninja had seen enough, so he booted the next panel.
"Heroes, We need to do something about the Legion. Rebell Yell was
going to let you roam free and do your own thing, but I say it is not
right. Rebell Yell paid the ultimate sacrifice in his defense I must
say I pay his tribute and suppose he would rather have us prevent
another thing like this from happening rather than let us continue to
go about in a chaotic fashion. "
"Oh and I suppose you want to be our leader!? Talk about bad
timing! You just waltz up to the front and proclaim you are the
leader, during the funeral?" Bad-Timing Boy protested in disgust that
he hadn't thought of it first. "I want to be leader!"
"I wont submit myself to this traitor! I want to be leader!"
cried Spelling Boy.
A commotion swept the grand LNH funeral parlor. Even Useless
Background Character, Cannon Fodder and BandWagon Chick were fighting
over bing leader. The funeral was over. The urn holding the ashes of
Rebell Yell began to rock back and forth under the sway of the
bustling heroes. Ultimate Ninja was yelling at the top of his lungs,
trying to propose his solution when Panta pushed Sister
State-The-Obvious into Lost Cause Boy and he in turn flew into Organic
Lass who plowed into the urn. The urn smashed into tiny fragments and
the hall commotion suddenly gasped in unison. The ashes of Rebell
Yell Filled the funeral parlor in a big dust cloud. The room fell
"You ALL MAKE ME SICK!" cried Lurking Girl choking with
tears! " I don't want to have anything to do with any of you! " She
then dissipated from sight. Lurking Girl's exit only seemed to be the
only real concern among the other members. Sure they felt remorse but
they had to get on with their lifes, right?
Just then Contraption Man entered the funeral Parlor and
announced, "Ok I have the Peril Room fixed. All the LNH will now
contend for leadership in this room and it is perfectly safe for all
Continuity Champ, who had returned just for the funeral said,
"I will lead the LNH! I will avenge the loss of Rebell Yell!"
"Its a matter of HONOR!" shouted Cliche Dude.
"I suppose I really ought to be there." mentioned
Multi-Tasking Lad who was reading filling out his life insurance
"I think it is time I had a chance to lead." said Marvel
"No me!" the commotion rang through the halls as they group
siphoned out toward the PerilRoom.
Soon the room was empty, with the exception of two figures.
"What have I done, Contraption Man?" Ultimate Ninja murmurred.
"Hey, You are just doing what Destiny suggests." Contraption
Man said sensibly. "The way I see it, you will wipe out the entire
LNH sooner or later and I dont want to get in your way. I am pleased
with how the future has turned out and well, I dunno, maybe that is
why I am here. To tell you that its ok..."
"Aren't you going to contend for leadership too?" Ultimate
Ninja asked surprised that he wasn't drooling over the position.
Contraption Man placed one hand on Ultimate Ninja's shoulder and said
calmly, "Nah, Remember with ABSOLUTE Leadership comes ABSOLUTE
Corruption. Just as Acton Lord would say, Absolute Power corrupts
Absolutely!" Ultimate Ninja gazing at the floor remorsefully didn't
notice Contraption Man's hand glow as some sort of energy was passed
between the two beings. "Well, shouldn't we be getting to the
"I guess so."
* * * * * * * *
As they were leaving the Lurking Girl poked her head from the
middle of a wreath of Chrysanthemums. Something is dreadfully wrong
with Contraption Man she thought. I had best stay out of the picture.
I wonder what Acton Lord is up to...
* * * * * * * * *
Ultimate Ninja yelled over the intercom, in the manager box
overlooking the PerilRoom. The room was filled with the entire LNH.
Contraption Man sat at the control panel.
"OK! The last person standing in the room will be the new
Leader Supreme of the LNH. The Peril Room will teleport you out
before you are killed, so you are free to use your power to the full
extent of your own capability, and the computer will imagize your
death and teleport you out safely."
"How do we know it works!?" yelled Sarcastic Lad.
"Try it on Cannon Fodder!" suggested Ultimate Ninja.
Simultaneously, Cannon Fodder was struck with about fifteen
surrounding attacks. His form was utterly demolished and all that lay
in the center of the room was a charred mutilated body of the once
live hero. The group gasped in disgust. He's really dead!
"No I'm not." spoke up a voice from the control room. "I just
got teleported up here! It's sorta neat!" Cannon Fodder and Ultimate
Ninja entered the Peril Room. Contraption Man at the controls
announced the final rules.
"OK, now that you all understand, once a person is taken out
of the game you cannot reenter. Is this clear?"
"Will someone please clean up the fake body of Cannon Fodder
Captain Clean-Up moved to the body and Vacuumized it.
* * * * * * * * *
Up in the Control Box Contraption Man reached into a panel on
the side of a big box of soffisticated circuitry and snapped in the
Sieze Dangerous Artifact. Smiling evilly he announced to the
"LET THE CARNAGE QUEST FOR LEADERSHIP BEGIN!!!"
* * * * * * * * *
THE ULTIMATE BATTLE!!! The LNH is obliterated! And
Contraption Man reveals his true identity! (real big surprise there.)
Lurking Girl seeks out Acton Lord. How was Ultimate Ninja changed by
the effect of the foney Contraption Man???
To the Answer of this and many more questions, stay tooned for
episode 4 of the EPIC Series... Sieze Dangerous!!!
Ultimate Ninja of LNH!!
SIEZE DANGEROUS! episode 4
"The LNH Slaughter Fest!!"
The room burst into action as every hero in the LNH was
battling every other. From the control room came Contraption Man's
Voice, cheering "Absolute Idiots Fight Absolutely! Go Ultimate Ninja!
Go! Go! Go!" He pulled out a set of pom-poms and started doing
cheers. All the LNH Churned below.
Masked Man tried using his power and faded off into the
sunset, but he found that fading was much more difficult in a closed
room and was blasted to bits by Kid Anarky who was grappling with
Cliche Dude in cliche manner over a very large gun they had grabbed
from Pompous Lad's Corpse. Cliche Dude eventually got the gun and
yelled! "I have you NOW!" It was about this time that Invisible
Incendiary went of and both Cliche Dude and Kid Anarky burnt to ashes,
not to mention Plot King and Allusion Lad, who were fighting over
which of the Scavengerites would be leader. Answer: Neither!
CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE USED HIS POWERS AT THE SOURCE OF THE BURST
OF FLAME AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY INVISIBLE INCENDIARY WAS
VISIBLE. Amorphous Lad pounced on him in the form of an Acid Blob and
INVISIBLE INCENDIARY was no more. Sig.File Lad made a neat canon from
a .sig of characters and commenced blasting into the crowd of heroes.
Down fell Self-Righteous Preacher, Useless Background Character and
The Tygger, in a mess of blood and guts.
Ultimate Ninja was busy fighting off Spelling Boy. "I will
kill you now you monstrous traitor." Cried Spelling Boy. Ultimate
Ninja was filled with an extraordinary amount of power in one fistfull
of Ninja Bush he disected Spelling Boy, Sister State-the-Obvious and
Adamant Authority on Everything (who were having a fight among
themselves.), The Forgetting One, and P.C. Person!
"What has happened to me!?" the blood sprayed everywhere,
Ultimate Ninja had become the Killer Absolute! Ninja's were already
master assasins but something had enhanced his killing ability beyond
believability. Panta, upon seeing the blood, and already in a
BESERKER RAGE (tm.) scrambled off the torn bodies of Sing-Along-Lass,
Lurker Lad and Occultism Kid, all of whom she had personally
dismembered, to face a worthy challenge!
"Face me! Bloody berserker to Bloody Berserker!
MRRREEEEOOOOWWW!" Panta lept at Ultimate Ninja. Bad-Timing Boy moved
into her charge and was immediately passed through, literally!
Covered in Bad-Timing Boys midsectional organs she looked even more
fearsome, but Ultimate Ninja scoffed at the attack. Take my Ninja
Star! he pulled out what appeared to be the green spikey husks that
cover chestnuts and flung them at Panta. She gingerly dodged the
attack and the stars landed in the back of Nit-Pick Lad's head! He
fell to the earth quite dead. Panta grabbed Marvel Zombie Lad/Boy who
had just wasted Lost Cause Boy (befitting that Marvel would conquer
after all.) and wripped him in half at the torso. Using his upper
torso as a bludgeon she flung what was left of Marvel Zombie Lad into
Ultimate Ninja, who had taken a second out to slice Mainstream Man
directly in half with his Ginsu Katana blade, and the to still slice a
tomato in nice neat slices... That Tomato was Organic Lass! The blow
from Marvel Zombie Lad knocked Ultimate Ninja to the ground, just as
two Sidewider missiles (from SideWinder) flew over his head an
collided with Canon Fodder and All-Knowing Last Chance Whiner Destiny
Woman, who was trying to warn the group that something was wrong.
Onomato-Puweeah Person plastered McLaughlin Man with a "SHRAKAM!!"
and was destroyed by Parking-Karma Boy who had somehow managed to get
a bus in the Peril Room and proceeded to park on everyone he could
think of. Hooded Ho`'od Win, who was having a great time was mowed
down by the bus next and so was The Sneaky One, who was trying to
sneak up on Captain Napalm. Captain Napalm, however saw the bus
coming and sent forth a firey Blast and completely incinerated the bus
and Parking Karma Boy. Trivia King/master decided that his power was
usesless and ran to Squid boy and Super Apathy boy and Procrastination
Boy who were standing together trying to duck the commotion. It would
have worked were it not for Procrastination Boy, who had gotten ahold
of a spare Napalm Grenade from Captain Napalm. Procrastination Boy
made the mistake of trying to throw a grenade at Sardonic Boy who
hovered overhead, but he procrastinated throwing the grenade so Trivia
King/Master, Squid Boy, Super Apathy Boy (who didn't care if he was
leader anyway!) and Procrastination Boy went up in flames!
Next Typo Lad destroyed Dada Dude by making his name ... Dead
Dud... and he fell in a thud. Onomato-Puweeah was struck with a
SideWinder Missile, and was wasted, but before boing she was capable
of amplifying the attack and
BBBBBBB AAAAA BBBBBBBB OOOO OOOOOO MM MM
BB BB AAA AAA BB BB OO OO OO OO MMMM MMMM
BB BB AAA AAA BB BB OO OO OO OO MM MM MMMM
BBBBBBB AAA AAA BBBBBBB OO OOO OO MM MMM MM
BBB BBB AAAAAAAAAAA BB BB OO OOO OO MM M MM -----
BB BB AAAAAAAAAAAAA BB BBB OO OOO OO MM MM -----
BB BB AAA AAA BB BBBB OO OOO OO MM MM
BBBBBBBBB AAA AAA BBBBBBBBB OO OO OO OO MM MM
BBBBBBBB AAAAA AAAAA BBBBBBBBB OOOOOO OOOOOO MMMM MMMM
BBBBBBBBB AAAA HHHH HHHH !!
BBBBBBBBB AAAAAA HHHH HHHH !!!!
''' BB BB AAA AAA HHHH HHHH !!!!!! '''
'' BB BBB AAA AAA HHHH HHHH !!!!!! ''
' BBBBBBB AAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!! '
, BB BBB AAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHH !!!! ,
,, BB BB AAAA AAAA HHHH HHHH !! ,,
,,, BB BB AAA AAA HHHH HHHH ,,,
BBB BBBBB AAA AAA HHHH HHHH !!
BBBBBBBBBBB AAAAA AAAAA HHHH HHHH !!!!
BBBBBBBBBB AAAAAAA AAAAAAA HHHH HHHH !!
CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE MAY HAVE ALSO HELPED SINCE HE, Onomato-Puweeah
Person, SideWinder, Typo Lad, Time Waster Lad, Incredible
Man-with-No-Life, Shokk the Electric, Incredible Unsleeping Man, and
Kid Poetry were all obliterated in the Blast.
Panta and Ultimate Ninja faced off. It is time I try a new
manuever! Ultimate Ninja raised one finger and chanted ... "Finger of
DEATH!" then he moved his finger to a striking position. Panta's
eyes trained on the finger "I'll bite that Little Piddy right off!!
MREEEEOW!" Just then Ultimate Ninja thrust his other finger at Panta,
hitting her just below the sternum. There was a snap. Panta gasped
for air as she choked in her own blood. "Truly you are the better
warrior..." at this Ultimate Ninja graciously severed her head!
Captain Continuity looked over the carnage in amazement, most
everyone was dead... He had just finished off Kid Kirby when he
noticed Ultimate Ninja finishing Panta! "You shall die to by blows!"
he blasted continuity energy at the Ninja who effortlessly dodged
them. They collided with Late Night Lad, vaporizing him.
"Eat Ninja Bush Cretin!" Ultimate Ninja grabbed forth two
fistfuls and to his amazement an entire tree! Ninja Tree crushed
Continuity Champ! The concussion sent Ninja Bush showering throughout
the Peril Room!! Inacoustic Kid, Captain Napalm, Fuzzy, Entropy Kid,
Dr Stomper, Figment Lad, Irony Man, California Kid, Multi-Tasking Lad,
Netiquette Lad, List Lad and RosterwReam all fell to the deadly
Halls Jordan pummelled Grammer Lad into the ground and then
moved to cream BandWagon Chick when Captain Clean-Up cleaned his ring
around the collar. The Negative feedback killed them both. Amorphous
Lad was sizzling the daylights out of Bibliography Boy when he was
blasted by Sig.File Lad who had just finished off Dr. Deranged. Sig
Lad crushed Sig.File Lad in an onslaught of .Sig power, but he was
killed off by CheeseCake Eater Lad who had somehow avoided all the
death and was one of the few left. In fact ALL the LNH was downed
except for four...
Ultimate Ninja, Myk-el, BandWagon Chick and CheeseCake Eater Lad...
"We surrender." cried Myk-el. (Smart Move since none of them
had powers to kill with...) Unfortunately, CheeseCake Eater Lad had
other plans, as he grabbed Sig.File Lad's Big Gun and ruthlessly
blasted Myk-el and BandWagon Chick! Then in a firefight beyond
belief, Ultimate Ninja himself fell to the earth... DEAD! (CheeseCake
Eater Lad checked his pulse, even!)
CheeseCake Eater Lad raised his weapon in defiance and cried.
"I am the Leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes!!! I have WON!!!" The
room was silent the bodies of the LNH strewn upon the floor.
"Come out guys, I won!"
The room was still silent.
Then in the room entered... Acton Lord! In Contraption Man's
"Well done, I thought that Ultimate Ninja would have won, but,
hey, this will be even easier! You are the leader of the now DEAD
* * * * * * * * *
Time ripped open. The sparks were marvelous, but the Maelstrom
formed by the separation of dimensions was catastrophic.
Alt.Comics.LNHverse was being torn by the mystic storm of power.
Lightning lit the sky and flames and smoke arose... Lurker Girl passed
quietly amid the destruction down into the depths of Acton Lord's
compound. The Nasty Gradgnomes did not even suspect the young female
lurker was near. Acton Lord was up to something, perhaps he was
responsible for the storm? Lurking Girl thought. All the rooms and
halways seemed to be heavier and heavier guarded toward the heart of
the complex, so naturally Lurking Girl lurked even deeper into the
depths of misery, until...
"Lurking Girl! At long Last! The battle I have long
awaited!" It was Netlurker guarding what appeared to be the very
heart of the complex, and he could see Lurking Girl as easily as she
could see him.
"How is it that you can see me!?" Lurking Girl prepared for battle.
"Easy... my dear, don't you know of our secret affair!?"
Netlurker grimaced. "You become accustomed to those you love..."
Lurking Girl gasped in horror!
* * * * * * * * *
[Lots and lots of strange things going on... Tune in next time for the
answer to TONS of dangling plot lines... Including Lurking Girl and
NetLurker's secret affair, The fate of the LNH, Acton Lord's plan
revealed, Aunt Comic-Relief/Black Coronary is back, CheeseCake Eater's
battle, How Ultimate Ninja beat Ellipsis King, the secret identity of
Ultimate Ninja! and two Battles that EVERYONE has been waiting for...
should I tell??? well one is obvious... or rather they both are! Yes,
that's right the climax of the whole mess, in Sieze Dangerous Episode
5!!! Chaos reordered!!!]
P.S. Please do not be alarmed that your character is dead. Have fun
with it! It is fun being dead... Oh BTW, you can go ahead and
speculate about the answers to these and any other questions of the
series, if you wish... It is one of those things that everyone does!!
Next Week: Will return Jan. 8th probably.. Have a Happy New Year!
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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