REPOST/LNH: Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot #4 out of 4: Beyond Shia LaBeouf!

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at
Sat Dec 24 07:34:21 PST 2022

This Holiday Special is brought to you by:

The Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot Nativity Set:  For the first 
time ever you can finally buy this finely crafted depiction of the scene 
where Parsnip helps deliver the baby Jesus (from the Classic Elsewhirl 
-- 'What If Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot Had Gone Back in Time 
to Help Deliver Baby Jesus?!').  The set includes Parsnip, Mary, Joseph, 
The Three Wise Men, Various Barn Animals, King Herod's Secret Ninja 
Army, and of course last (but certainly not least) Baby Jesus!  Let your 
family share in that magic and make this Important Part of Elsewhirl 
History a Part of Your History!!

And now...

                      The JONG Company proudly
          (well, okay proudly might be too strong of a word)


                              #4 (out of 4)

                          Beyond Shia LaBeouf!

The Streets of Net.ropolis --
Christmas Eve, 2012 --

"What the hell happened here?" said the Ultimate Ninja looking at the 
overturned semi-truck and van.  A number of Emergency vehicles were also 
on the scene.  Various workers were doing their best to round up all of 
the puppies, kittens, blind orphans, and wheelchair bound nuns.

"It was Parsnip," said The Incredible Man-With-No-Life looking at all of 
the chaos.  "He saved them all."

"Where is he?" said the Ultimate Ninja scanning the area.

"He's -- he's..." said Cheesecake Eater Lad as if he couldn't bear to 
finish his sentence.  But he did in the end.  "He's dead."

The Ultimate Ninja's face became even grimmer.  "Why was he even out 
here?  Wasn't he dying from -- Athlete's Foot?"

"Yes," said The Incredible Man-With-No-Life trying to make sense out of 
everything.  "But he got better.  It turned out the Athlete's Foot 
wasn't that bad after all.  And so while the rest of us were out doing 
last minute Christmas shopping, boozing it up at the LNH Christmas 
Party, or watching that 'Touched by an Angel' marathon -- he was out 
here.  Out here trying to teach us all the meaning of Christmas.  He was 
out here trying -- trying..."  But The Incredible Man-With-No-Life could 
not continue.  Tears began to stream down his face.  Catalyst Lass 
rushed over to comfort him.

"Wait!  What's going on here?  What is this?  Why am I here?" said a 
completely befuddled Shia LaBeouf.  "WHY AM I HERE!!!?

The Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Yes.  Why is Shia LaBeouf here?"

"Let me unravel this one, UN," said Dr. Stomper adjusting his labcoat in 
a way only a super genius could adjust a labcoat.  "I have been 
compiling large amounts of data on the Holiday Miracle Pets and have 
noticed that there always seems to be one Hollywood Celebrity that 
becomes entangled into the plotline of each Holiday Miracle Pet.  For 
Cauliflower there was Ben Affleck.  For Radish there was Samuel L. 
Jackson.  For Habanero there was Brad Pitt.  And for Eggplant there was 
Charo.  I assume that Shia LaBeouf is here for the very same reasons."

"That's what you've got?" said a very unimpressed Ultimate Ninja.

Dr. Stomper nodded.  "That's all I have."

"I didn't understand any of that!" shouted Shia LaBeouf intensely.

Ignoring Shia LaBeouf, the Ultimate Ninja walked over to where Parsnip's 
lifeless body lay and gazed at it.  "I guess we were all wrong about 
you.  I thought you didn't deserve to be an LNH'r, but maybe it was the 
LNH that didn't deserve you.  Maybe this world of ours didn't deserve..."

" ''''' '''''' '''''?" said a voice.

The Ultimate Ninja turned his head around.  And there was Parsnip. 
Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot riding on his Floating Rotting 
Meat.Thingee.  Still Alive.

The Ultimate Ninja turned his attention back to the corpse.  "If Parsnip 
is still alive -- then what is that thing?"

Deductive Logic Man took out his magnifying glass and examined the 
lifeless maggot body.  "Oh, I see now.  This isn't our Parsnip.  No. 
This is the Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot from the Looniverse 
where all of the Holiday Miracle Pets have -- hunchbacks!"

"Right," said the Ultimate Ninja glaring at the Fourth Wall.  "Can we 
just end this travesty of a miniseries?  Can we?"

" ''''' '''''' '''''!" agreed Parsnip.

"What is happening?  What?!" said Shia LaBeouf.  "I don't get it!  I 

The End

     |       |       |       |       |       |       |       |       |
   --*--   --*--   --*--   --*--   --*--   --*--   --*--   --*--   --*--
  --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***--


Ultimate Ninja is wReam's
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life is Enrique Conty's
Cheesecake Eater Lad is M. Jotham Millheiser
Catalyst Lass is Elisabeth Riba
Dr. Stomper is T. M. Neeck
Deductive Logic Man is wReam's
Parsnip is Arthur Spitzer

Writer's Notes:

Posting this before the Mayan Apocalypse happens so you can read it 
before the Earth swallows you up.

Let's see -- what do I have to say about Parsnip?  Well, I guess nothing 
-- so I'll talk about something else.  (Sorry, Parsnip!)

I did find that after I had finished up Beige Midnight I had a thirst 
for doing another big project that would consume all of my creative 
energy (it's an addiction!) -- but I figured this time it would probably 
be best for this project to be outside of RACC so maybe I could make 
some dough off of it.  And so I'm already at work on it.  It will be a 
webcomic called 'Ripping Off King Arthur'.  I've got 16 strips so far. 
I'll probably post them somewhere on the web when I've completed 30 or 
more, which will be sometime next year.  The strip will have some of my 
LNH and NTB characters like Pope Lizardsaurus and Dr. Deadbeat.  And 
unlike LNH the Webcomic, the strip will have different artwork for each 
strip (except for the days that I'm lazy and also probably liberal use 
of copy and paste).

So that's what I'll probably be doing mostly in 2013, although if I get 
some good ideas for LNH and RACC stories... I'll be sure to post them here.

Hope everyone here manages to survive the Apocalypse tomorrow!

Oh and Parsnip is 'Free For Use', but should only be used for stories 
set during the Christmas season.

Arthur "Happy Holidays All!" Spitzer

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