LNH: The VHS Bootleg Tape of The Namer Boy -- Documentary Project: Season Two #2

[Drew Nilium]

On 10/27/20 11:12 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> 
>                    The VHS Bootleg Tape of The Namer Boy
>                                      --
>                      Documentary Project: Season Two #2
> 
>                    (A Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths! Tie-In!)

HELL YEAH

> Darkness.
> 
> A suffocating darkness.  And terror!  A *whole* lot of terror!!!!!
> 
> "Oh, God!" said Coward Lad his whole head covered in some type of sack.

XD XD XD

> "Relax, friend," said the voice of some guy who took the sack off of his head. Some old guy
> with a white beard.  "We're not here to hurt you.  We're here to educate you!"
> 
> Coward Lad looked at the man.  The man was wearing one of those red MAGA hats.  And he had
> no mask covering his face.  And all the other people in the room (they were in some type of
> a cabin (probably in the woods)) also had the red MAGA hats on their heads and also no
> masks.  "Oh, no!  No masks!!  No masks!!!  Please put the sack back over my head!!
> Please!!!"  And then Coward Lad thought about all the Covid droplets sailing through the
> air right towards his mouth and nose and quickly shut his lips very tightly.

Oh no oh dear XD;;;;;;;

> "Case in point," laughed the old bearded man, "Masks.  Just fake news by the Deep State
> Global Hollywood Pedophile Illumi.net.us Cabal to steal the election from the one person
> that can save us all.

XD oh noooooooooooo <3 <3 <3

> "Umm, are you talking about Herd Immunity?" said Coward Lad.
> 
> "Nope.  Pretty sure Herd Mentality is the correct term." 

X3 X3 X3

> And to be
> joined by NoKlu the secret anonymous source high in the government who disseminates coded
> info to us using the messageboard KonJobChan that we the followers (The NoKluAKon) have to
> decipher using the codes hidden within the gibberish of President Comboverthing's tweets.

Astounding. <3

> Hmm, thought Coward Lad to himself, That doesn't really make any sense.  Wasn't
> Comboverthing pal's with the notorious sex predator Jeffrey Epstein?  And didn't he hire
> Alexander Acosta, a prosecutor who worked out some sweet heart deal for Epstein's awful sex
> crimes, making him Secretary of Labor?  And haven't a number of women accused Comboverthing
> of horrible sex crimes?  And hasn't he said a lot of horrible gross stuff about women
> (including various sex comments about his own daughter)?  But on the other hand pointing
> out facts and evidence to these people would probably just make them very, *very* angry.
> Better off just to play along with them!

Indeed. X3 He may be a coward, but he's a smart coward!

> The old bearded man shook his head.  "Do you really think we're *that* stupid?"
> 
> Not going to comment on that!  Not going to comment on that, thought Coward Lad.

XD XD XD

> "Yes, but not just any tape.  This is the VHS Bootleg of the Namer Boy Documentary!!"  The
> members began chanting, 'VHS Bootleg' over and over.  "A snuff video depicting the alleged
> murder of Dr. You'll-Never-Guess-Which-Arthur-Spitzer-Character-I-Am-
> NEVER!

D: Holy cow. XD Never thought we'd have an LNH issue about a snuff film!

> "No, it's because the Deep State claims that anyone who has ever watched this tape has
> died.  That there's some demonic entity within the tape that if you just look at it -- *it
> will destroy you*!

Oh dear. XD;;;;; I love it, we're invoking The Ring

> But even if the tape is some kind of a
> death tape that kills anyone who watches it -- should the Deep State have the power to ban
> such a tape?  Deny you the freedom to watch such a tape?"
> 
> "Umm, yes?  Umm, yeah!  Yeah!!  I think the Government should definitely ban VHS Tapes that
> kill you if you watch them!  Yes, I definitely think that is something that should be
> banned!" Coward Lad said while nodding his head very rigorously.

X3 X3 X3

> "Well, unlike you -- I believe in freedom..."  Coward Lad thought about pointing out the
> ropes that were binding his arms and legs, but decided to keep his mouth shut.

heeheehee

> The old bearded man pushed play.  Coward Lad closed his eyes as tightly as he could.  And
> everyone waited.  And waited.  "Hmm, doesn't seem to be playing."
> 
> "Did you hook up the TV and VCR," asked one of the members.
> 
> "Oh, yeah.  Good idea!"  The old bearded man looked at the composite cable.  "Hmm.  It
> doesn't make sense!  This cable has red, yellow, and white thingees -- but the VCR only has
> white and yellow holes.  And then there's all these input and output holes that are also
> yellow and white on the TV!"  The old man threw the composite cable down in frustration.
> "Does anyone know how to do this?  Hook this thing up?  Anyone?!"  There were various
> shrugs from all the members.

XD XD XD I love this a lot

> "Oh, is the big old hero scared of some guy wearing a Namer Boy mask who has a chainsaw?
> Is the big old hero scared of that?" said one of the more sarcastic members.
> 
> "Yes!!!  I'm scared of people who wear Namer Boy masks who have running chainsaws!!  Like
> everyone should be!!!!  Don't let him in here, you morons!!!!!"

I love Coward Lad so much

> But they ignored Coward Lad and opened up the door.  "So, hey Mr. Chainsaw Guy -- you know
> how to hook up a VCR to a TV?"
> 
> The man wearing a Namer Boy mask pondered this question for a bit as if he was surprised by
> it and then after awhile of thinking he nodded his head.  He walked over to the TV and set
> his bloody chainsaw down.  And after a couple minutes of placing all the white and yellow
> thingees in the right holes, he got up and gave a thumbs up sign.

X3 X3 x3

> The man with the Namer Boy mask silently shook his head and picked up his bloody chainsaw
> again.  The man with the Namer Boy mask might have been a psychopath with a taste for
> violently dismembering sexy co-eds to death, but he was also a strong believer in science.
> Based on what was happening to Antartica Ice Shelf as well as all the global temperature
> data it was clear that the Scientists were right about Climate Change.  And based on Covid
> not magically disappearing just because some reality game show host wished it to -- the
> scientists had gotten that one right too.  And if the scientists said that there was a tape
> that if you watched it -- it would kill you?  Well, then -- it was probably wise to listen
> to the scientists about that one too.  The man with the Namer Boy mask gave a slight
> goodbye wave and then exited out of the cabin and back in to the dark forest.

I don't even know how to put into words my reactions to this story. I feel like 
these jokes should have gotten tired but somehow they don't, they just keep 
getting funnier. X3

> "Man, an FBI warning?  Fast forward!  Fast forward!!  Why is there an FBI warning on a
> bootleg tape?  Fucking Deep State!!"

XD XD XD

> "Pumpkin!  Pumpkin the Halloween Miracle Parakeet!!  Oh, God.  It's getting through the TV.
> It's...!"

yessssssss

> And then someone opened the door.  "Hey, is this where the showing is?"
> 
> That voice sounded familiar.  Why did it sound so familiar?  Coward Lad against his better
> judgment decided to open his eyes back up.  Bad move!  "Oh, god.  Naked Man!  Naked Man!!"
> 
> A very naked Charlie Sheen gave a shrug.  "Yeah, I'm fucking Charlie Sheen!  What do you
> expect!?"

oh noooooooooooooo XD

> And then he turned his head outside the door.  "Hey, you!  We're fucking late!
> Everyone's dead except for this prudish asshole that has a problem with me being naked!  I
> told you not to use the fucking brakes all the time!  This is the last time I ever let you
> drive!  You slow fucker!!"
> 
> A very large sabertooth tiger wearing a bowtie gave a shrug as he stepped into the room.
> Binky the Sabertooth Tiger sometimes wondered why he put up with this abuse.  This
> relationship was starting to feel very toxic.

Kick him to the curb, Binky!!

> And Coward Lad closed his eyes again.  Very tightly!  Please let them find coke!  Please
> let them find coke!  Please!!!!  A tear streamed down his eye.

I just want to hug him. X3

> Man, 2020.  It's been a year, hasn't it?

It sure has. @- at v

> I did come up with plot ideas for this back in 2019, but it was originally going to be just
> a bunch of College Coeds in a Cabin in the Woods who kidnapped Coward Lad because they were
> horrible jerks.  But as 2020 has become its own kind of real horror show I made them into
> this QAnon type cult (just a different kind of horrible jerk).

Yeah, that feels extremely right. X3

> This all takes place on Earth Combover -- hopefully, this will be the last Pumpkin issue
> set in this horrible, horrible place.  Hopefully, the election turns out well.
> 
> I'm not going to even commit to writing a third issue of this since I don't know how
> horrible 2021 is going to be.  But maybe if it isn't that horrible and I can think of
> something to write about for a third issue -- maybe that will happen.

That sounds good. :> <3 This was a really nice, nonsensically violent tonic to 
all the terrible nonsense going on right now.

> Arthur "Can't wait till all this nonsense is over with..." Spitzer

Drew "one week left" Nilium