LNH: The VHS Bootleg Tape of The Namer Boy -- Documentary Project: Season Two #2
pwerdna at gmail.com
Tue Oct 27 22:04:55 PDT 2020
On 10/27/20 11:12 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> The VHS Bootleg Tape of The Namer Boy
> Documentary Project: Season Two #2
> (A Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths! Tie-In!)
> A suffocating darkness. And terror! A *whole* lot of terror!!!!!
> "Oh, God!" said Coward Lad his whole head covered in some type of sack.
XD XD XD
> "Relax, friend," said the voice of some guy who took the sack off of his head. Some old guy
> with a white beard. "We're not here to hurt you. We're here to educate you!"
> Coward Lad looked at the man. The man was wearing one of those red MAGA hats. And he had
> no mask covering his face. And all the other people in the room (they were in some type of
> a cabin (probably in the woods)) also had the red MAGA hats on their heads and also no
> masks. "Oh, no! No masks!! No masks!!! Please put the sack back over my head!!
> Please!!!" And then Coward Lad thought about all the Covid droplets sailing through the
> air right towards his mouth and nose and quickly shut his lips very tightly.
Oh no oh dear XD;;;;;;;
> "Case in point," laughed the old bearded man, "Masks. Just fake news by the Deep State
> Global Hollywood Pedophile Illumi.net.us Cabal to steal the election from the one person
> that can save us all.
XD oh noooooooooooo <3 <3 <3
> "Umm, are you talking about Herd Immunity?" said Coward Lad.
> "Nope. Pretty sure Herd Mentality is the correct term."
X3 X3 X3
> And to be
> joined by NoKlu the secret anonymous source high in the government who disseminates coded
> info to us using the messageboard KonJobChan that we the followers (The NoKluAKon) have to
> decipher using the codes hidden within the gibberish of President Comboverthing's tweets.
> Hmm, thought Coward Lad to himself, That doesn't really make any sense. Wasn't
> Comboverthing pal's with the notorious sex predator Jeffrey Epstein? And didn't he hire
> Alexander Acosta, a prosecutor who worked out some sweet heart deal for Epstein's awful sex
> crimes, making him Secretary of Labor? And haven't a number of women accused Comboverthing
> of horrible sex crimes? And hasn't he said a lot of horrible gross stuff about women
> (including various sex comments about his own daughter)? But on the other hand pointing
> out facts and evidence to these people would probably just make them very, *very* angry.
> Better off just to play along with them!
Indeed. X3 He may be a coward, but he's a smart coward!
> The old bearded man shook his head. "Do you really think we're *that* stupid?"
> Not going to comment on that! Not going to comment on that, thought Coward Lad.
XD XD XD
> "Yes, but not just any tape. This is the VHS Bootleg of the Namer Boy Documentary!!" The
> members began chanting, 'VHS Bootleg' over and over. "A snuff video depicting the alleged
> murder of Dr. You'll-Never-Guess-Which-Arthur-Spitzer-Character-I-Am-
D: Holy cow. XD Never thought we'd have an LNH issue about a snuff film!
> "No, it's because the Deep State claims that anyone who has ever watched this tape has
> died. That there's some demonic entity within the tape that if you just look at it -- *it
> will destroy you*!
Oh dear. XD;;;;; I love it, we're invoking The Ring
> But even if the tape is some kind of a
> death tape that kills anyone who watches it -- should the Deep State have the power to ban
> such a tape? Deny you the freedom to watch such a tape?"
> "Umm, yes? Umm, yeah! Yeah!! I think the Government should definitely ban VHS Tapes that
> kill you if you watch them! Yes, I definitely think that is something that should be
> banned!" Coward Lad said while nodding his head very rigorously.
X3 X3 X3
> "Well, unlike you -- I believe in freedom..." Coward Lad thought about pointing out the
> ropes that were binding his arms and legs, but decided to keep his mouth shut.
> The old bearded man pushed play. Coward Lad closed his eyes as tightly as he could. And
> everyone waited. And waited. "Hmm, doesn't seem to be playing."
> "Did you hook up the TV and VCR," asked one of the members.
> "Oh, yeah. Good idea!" The old bearded man looked at the composite cable. "Hmm. It
> doesn't make sense! This cable has red, yellow, and white thingees -- but the VCR only has
> white and yellow holes. And then there's all these input and output holes that are also
> yellow and white on the TV!" The old man threw the composite cable down in frustration.
> "Does anyone know how to do this? Hook this thing up? Anyone?!" There were various
> shrugs from all the members.
XD XD XD I love this a lot
> "Oh, is the big old hero scared of some guy wearing a Namer Boy mask who has a chainsaw?
> Is the big old hero scared of that?" said one of the more sarcastic members.
> "Yes!!! I'm scared of people who wear Namer Boy masks who have running chainsaws!! Like
> everyone should be!!!! Don't let him in here, you morons!!!!!"
I love Coward Lad so much
> But they ignored Coward Lad and opened up the door. "So, hey Mr. Chainsaw Guy -- you know
> how to hook up a VCR to a TV?"
> The man wearing a Namer Boy mask pondered this question for a bit as if he was surprised by
> it and then after awhile of thinking he nodded his head. He walked over to the TV and set
> his bloody chainsaw down. And after a couple minutes of placing all the white and yellow
> thingees in the right holes, he got up and gave a thumbs up sign.
X3 X3 x3
> The man with the Namer Boy mask silently shook his head and picked up his bloody chainsaw
> again. The man with the Namer Boy mask might have been a psychopath with a taste for
> violently dismembering sexy co-eds to death, but he was also a strong believer in science.
> Based on what was happening to Antartica Ice Shelf as well as all the global temperature
> data it was clear that the Scientists were right about Climate Change. And based on Covid
> not magically disappearing just because some reality game show host wished it to -- the
> scientists had gotten that one right too. And if the scientists said that there was a tape
> that if you watched it -- it would kill you? Well, then -- it was probably wise to listen
> to the scientists about that one too. The man with the Namer Boy mask gave a slight
> goodbye wave and then exited out of the cabin and back in to the dark forest.
I don't even know how to put into words my reactions to this story. I feel like
these jokes should have gotten tired but somehow they don't, they just keep
getting funnier. X3
> "Man, an FBI warning? Fast forward! Fast forward!! Why is there an FBI warning on a
> bootleg tape? Fucking Deep State!!"
XD XD XD
> "Pumpkin! Pumpkin the Halloween Miracle Parakeet!! Oh, God. It's getting through the TV.
> And then someone opened the door. "Hey, is this where the showing is?"
> That voice sounded familiar. Why did it sound so familiar? Coward Lad against his better
> judgment decided to open his eyes back up. Bad move! "Oh, god. Naked Man! Naked Man!!"
> A very naked Charlie Sheen gave a shrug. "Yeah, I'm fucking Charlie Sheen! What do you
oh noooooooooooooo XD
> And then he turned his head outside the door. "Hey, you! We're fucking late!
> Everyone's dead except for this prudish asshole that has a problem with me being naked! I
> told you not to use the fucking brakes all the time! This is the last time I ever let you
> drive! You slow fucker!!"
> A very large sabertooth tiger wearing a bowtie gave a shrug as he stepped into the room.
> Binky the Sabertooth Tiger sometimes wondered why he put up with this abuse. This
> relationship was starting to feel very toxic.
Kick him to the curb, Binky!!
> And Coward Lad closed his eyes again. Very tightly! Please let them find coke! Please
> let them find coke! Please!!!! A tear streamed down his eye.
I just want to hug him. X3
> Man, 2020. It's been a year, hasn't it?
It sure has. @- at v
> I did come up with plot ideas for this back in 2019, but it was originally going to be just
> a bunch of College Coeds in a Cabin in the Woods who kidnapped Coward Lad because they were
> horrible jerks. But as 2020 has become its own kind of real horror show I made them into
> this QAnon type cult (just a different kind of horrible jerk).
Yeah, that feels extremely right. X3
> This all takes place on Earth Combover -- hopefully, this will be the last Pumpkin issue
> set in this horrible, horrible place. Hopefully, the election turns out well.
> I'm not going to even commit to writing a third issue of this since I don't know how
> horrible 2021 is going to be. But maybe if it isn't that horrible and I can think of
> something to write about for a third issue -- maybe that will happen.
That sounds good. :> <3 This was a really nice, nonsensically violent tonic to
all the terrible nonsense going on right now.
> Arthur "Can't wait till all this nonsense is over with..." Spitzer
Drew "one week left" Nilium
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