LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #134: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Ten

[Drew Nilium]

On 1/12/2020 4:33 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
>      "Also, I'm really starting to like the
> music of John Mayer," Lite said.

What did that bastard *do* to you >:/

>      "And yet he attends to that most
> pressing matter at the moment: the serial
> disappearance of the Legion's leaders,"
> Easily-Discovered Man said.  "Behold!
> The same is true of Ordinary Lady, who
> despite the ravages of Mother Time,
> continues to have..."
> 
>      "A body that's a wonderland?"

heeheeheehee

> 
>      "A mind that is focused like some
> mighty telescope upon the crisis at
> hand," Easily-Discovered Man said.
> "Who knows, but that e'en now, her trip
> to the Legion armory shall be the key that
> unlocks the mystery that has held our
> august body in its clutches like the talons
> of some mythical Roc for lo these many
> weeks..."
> 
>      "How's it *@#$%^? going?" Innovative
> Offense Boy asked, as Ordinary Lady
> entered the armory.
> 
>      "Easily-Discovered Man is narrating
> again," the martial arts mistress replied,
> as the heavy double doors ground shut
> behind her.
> 
>      "Amateur," Kid Recap grumbled, as he
> and No-Point Lad struggled to lift an
> enormous rifle into position above
> Innovative-Offense Boy's workbench.

See? See??? Jokes building on each other masterfully! Where do I even cut it off! X3

>      "What's that?" she asked.
> 
>      "Anarchic #$@%^&* plotdevicium," he
> replied.
> 
>      "One of the rarest elements in the
> Looniverse," Kid Recap explained.  "It's
> formed when one cascade crashes into another."

I love this idea so much.

>      "Watch what happens when we add this
> tiny bit of anarchic plotdevicium to this
> piece of Granny Felendmeyer's Peanut
> Butter Fudge.  Which just happened to be
> lying around the armory," Kid Recap added.

heeheehee

>      "You're already up to Plan Q?"
> Ordinary Lady asked.
> 
>      "It's been a long *@#$%^ing month,"
> Innovative-Offense Boy said.

You have no idea. @- at v

>      "I'll keep this brief, because most
> of you won't understand what I'm saying
> anyway, and because I'm meeting an
> underaged intern for drinks in about
> twenty minutes," the doctor said.  "In
> order to reverse the effects of Mother
> Time's magic scythe" -- he used his
> fingers to make disparaging quotation
> marks around the word 'magic'

As mentioned previously, it's really hard to make a Funny Asshole character work 
for me, but Rob is extremely good at it.

>      "Chronotons!" Cliche Dude gasped.
> "But... they're highly unstable!  No
> one has ever tested them under these
> conditions!"

heeheeheehee! I love how many LNHers there are where an "X said" dialog tag is, 
itself, the joke.

>      "But... there's two of him,"
> Ordinary Lady pointed out, and indeed
> there was: an Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy
> dressed in a blue turtleneck, slacks
> and a beret sipping a Starbucks latte
> and another Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy
> to his right, wearing a red Confederate
> battle flag T-shirt, cutoff jeans and
> a Dale Earnhardt baseball cap, and
> crushing a can of Natural Light against
> his forehead.

Man, *those* being our conceptions of the big political divisions feels like a 
million years ago. And not, you know, thirteen.

>     Adamant-Authority-on-Everything,
> who had been transformed into a baby,
> made a few helpful gurgles.

That is an extremely good paragraph. A+.

>      "She's using her weapons to make
> money, rather than trying to take
> over the world," Theory Man said.
> "So maybe she'll do it again.  My
> guess is that she'll strike at the
> Antiques Roadhouse, turning worthless
> modern-day junk into priceless
> collectibles."
> 
>      "I thought that was what eBay was
> for," Lite said.
> 
>      "Interesting idea. Possibly
> plausible.  Except that it came from
> Theory Man," Fratman said.

I was gonna say. X3

>      "Hell, I'm just curious to see how
> all of this will turn out," Arthur Spitzer
> said.

X3

>      "Meeting dismissed," Fratman said.
> "Lite, this was your idea.  Are you on board?"
> 
>      "I'd like to hear what the Prof has to
> say," Lite said, remaining in his chair.
> 
>      "You were a child before today," Fratman
> said.  "But you've never been a fool, Lite.
> Think about what you're doing.  Either
> you're with us, or you're against us."

You know, this is kind of *oddly* hostile characterization. I get the "holding 
on to the trust of your youth vs. aggressively trying to Be A Practical Adult" 
part, but like, "I want to listen to this person for exactly one minute before 
making a decision" is a little over the line, even for the exaggerated character 
beats we're going with here.

>      "Is it just me," New Look Lass said, as
> Fratman and several of the other heroes left
> the chamber, "or have these meetings become
> a lot more dramatic since Limp-Asparagus Lad
> disappeared?"

Heeheehee

>      "You sounded like a @#$%^& leader in
> there," he grinned.
> 
>      "That's what worries me," she said.
> "Sooner or later, if these disappearances
> continue, one of us is going to get chosen.
> And when that happens, all that will be left
> at the end of the day will be a few case
> files in the computer and a pile of weapons
> in the arsenal.  I don't want that."

IMMEDIATELY MUST HUG, GOOD SHIT

>      "I want something more," she said.
> "I've been thinking about this for the last
> few days.  When it's my time, I want to go
> knowing I've left a living legacy behind."
> 
>      For the first time in as many years as
> they had known each other, Ordinary Lady
> saw the Legion's master strategist grow
> pale.
> 
>      "I... I... *@#$%^&," he said.
> 
>      "That's not what I had in mind," Ordinary
> Lady said.  "But I will need your help."

heeheehee

>      "I know I've only been here a short
> time," said Ripping Dancer, staring at the
> rows of bobble-head dolls and the miniature
> organ with Pez-dispenser pipes that adorned
> the back seat of the Easily-Discovered Van,
> "but why is this vehicle so..."
> 
>      "Tacky and vile?" Obnoxious Ame.rec.a
> Boy Blue suggested.
> 
>      "Hideous beyond all rational thought?"
> Lite said.
> 
>      "I was going to say, 'intense,'"
> Ripping Dancer said.
> 
>      "Crime is intense," Easily-Discovered
> Man said, his voice booming over the
> throbbing bass of 'Dragostea din Tei'
> pulsing through the vehicle's sound system.
> "Injustice is intense.  To master these
> things, my child, one must be even more
> intense.  One must be... overpowering."

ahhhhhhhh I love this ~#~ I want to ride in it

>      "Indeed we are, my headstrong
> headmistress and her handpicked helpmeets!
> For was there ever, in fable or lyric,
> a gathering as vaunted, as hewn from the
> fabric of the celestial bodies above,
> as that dread host which e'en now girds
> itself to champion the cause of good
> than the omni-powerful Ordinary Lady
> and her brave band of fear-eschewing..."
> 
>      "We're here," Ordinary Lady said.

heeheeheehee

>      "Drop the chatter," Ordinary Lady
> said, drawing a pair of katanas from
> her backpack and twirling them like a
> majorette.
> 
>      "But that's all I do!" Lite said.

X3

>      "My clothes!" Ripping Dancer gasped,
> as her torn leotard rippled, stretched
> and transformed itself into a white
> leather bodysuit with wing-sized lapels
> and a rhinestone belt.  "How am I
> supposed to dance in roller skates?"

Just do like the Xanadu do~

>      "Damn it," Mother Time muttered,
> fiddling with the handle of her scythe.
> "I left this thing set on 'clothing.'"

heeheehee

>      "No!" Ordinary Lady said, as
> Mother Time reached for her hourglass.
> As she raised it above her head, the
> world seemed to spin around Ordinary
> Lady's head, as if she was seeing it
> through a kaleidoscope, or perhaps
> a clothes dryer.  The sun raced
> across the sky; stars bled into
> shining streaks before fading again
> into the dawn.

I *love* this playing with the premise SO MUCH. :D And in fact, spoilers, imma 
copy it soon.

>     "Jean!  Where have you been?"
> Innovative-Offense Boy said.
> "We've been trying to reach you
> for hours.  Frat Boy disappeared
> last night at the hiring hall.
> You're the new leader of the LNH."

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

>     "That's up to you," she said.  "But
> know this: destroy, or even defeat,
> any one of your doppelgangers, and that's
> one path you will have eliminated from
> your life... forever!"

This is a fascinating concept and I have *no idea* how it would work.

Drew "Mother Time has a lot going on" Nilium