LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #1: The Three Day Lull Part 1

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Wed Jan 27 05:14:02 PST 2016

On 1/19/2016 6:42 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> You know one of the titles that used to come out that I really
> miss?  It was called LNH Classics -- which was basically Russ
> Allbery chopping up various stories like the Cosmic Plot Device
> into bite size chunks and reposting them in their time line order.

Oh, yeah! Classic stuff.

> Anyways, I thought I might try something like that.  Instead of the
> Cosmic Plot Device Caper, I figured I'd start with the Tree Day Lull,
> which is probably an easier jumping on point for LNH stuff.  (And
> after that I'll probably do LNH Triple Play and the various crossovers
> that it participated in..)

Interesting idea! Let's go for it. <3 Jumping-on points!

> ***************************************************************************
>          First off, a little background.  In the middle of July there
> was a span of three days without a post at alt.comics.lnh.

Hahaha... eh... eheh... x-x;

> Then, an idea
> struck.  Why not visit the LNH?  There may be some animosity on the part of
> the LNH, but it would at least break the monotony of the last few weeks.

I think this is the point where he started becoming the LNH's Weird Uncle. <3 We 
need more characters like this - caring sometimesvillains.

>          Tsar Chasm walked toward the receptionist's desk.  He did not
> recognize the receptionist, so he concluded that it was one of the original
> two that he hadn't hired.  He still couldn't believe that the desk wasn't
> staffed 24 hours a day when he took over.

Note for readers: Tsar Chasm was the one who first hired Kyoko, Lester, and 
Bart, the eventual Dark Receptionist; we really shouldn't have been surprised.

>          To:pockman at lnh.hq
>          From:tsarcha at lnh.hq
>          I won't go into how I have an account on your system, nor will
> I go over how it, and I, are undetectable to scans.  I wanted to let you
> know that your device is working perfectly.  Barring outside interference
> nothing should happen.  I let you know this way because I don't want
> to cause you the anguish of having to explain your connection with me
> to the LNH.
>                          TC
>          He didn't tell Pok that the reason he wasn't detectable was he
> had erased any scans of himself from the LNH computers.  And right now
> he had a device that was scrambling the scans it was now doing.

I really do like the way Tsar Chasm consistently implied to the LNH that he was 
doing things that were massive and unfathomable and Just That Powerful, while he 
was mostly relying on tricks and social engineering. That feels very real.

>    Deja Dude was making his way to his room when it suddenly dawned
> on him who he saw in the lobby.
>    "TSAR CHASM!!!"


>          "My friend, I can tell you that Tsar Chasm wears armor and a
> blue cape.  Does it look like I am wearing armor and a blue cape?" Tsar
> Chasm indicated his white t-shirt and black shorts.
>          "Hmm.  Radioactive Dude not know you.  How does Radioactive Dude
> know you aren't lying."
>          "Ask any of the LNH.  They will confirm what I have just said,"
> Tsar Chasm said trying very hard to sound sincere.
>          "OK, you wait here, Radioactive Dude make sure with Deja Dude."
>          The huge form of Radioactive Dude went out of the doorway and Tsar
> Chasm let out a large breath.

And like, if Tsar Chasm resolved these situations with as little trouble as he 
makes it *seem* like he has, he'd be very Mary Sue-ish, in a certain sense. (I'm 
not a fan of that term - we need a better one for "overcomes all narrative 
obstacles with no trouble". "Overpowered" isn't right, either.) But by showing 
his tension and his relief, they make him seem more authentically competent.

> He found himself with two options:
> 1) Think about the layout of LNHHQ or 2) Don't think at all and just check
> every room.  With a sigh, Radioactive Dude knocked on the first door...


>          Vulcana realized something, "You still haven't told me your name."
>          "It is Tsar Chasm."
>          "Aren't you a villain?"
>          "It all depends on how you define the term."
>          "Uh...let's try 'terrorizing the LNH and taking it over'!"

That's a good definition

>          Tsar Chasm got a smug look on his face, "By that definition, Ultimate
> Ninja can also be classified a villain."

No he can't. I see what you're trying to do but I'm sorry, it just doesn't work

Drew "this took too long because I kept getting distracted, I hate winter" Perron

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