LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #13: A Poki/Ori Wedding Conclusion!

[Drew Perron]

On 4/12/2016 9:13 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
>                   CONTINUITY CHAMP & THE DRIZZT'S DEFENDERS #12
>                                "Jailbreak Rock"
>                           TANTALIZING TWELFTH ISSUE!

Oh. Well I guess I am gonna read this one, then~

>                Possibly The STRANGEST LNH Story You Will Ever Read!

*looks at the intensely metafictional ones, the intensely abstract ones, and the 
ones that are crossovers between like seven different genres* Somehow I don't 
think so. `.` But then, that's hyperbolic cover copy, ne? <3

> 	Conan O'Brien met up with Pointless Death Man, much to his chagrin
> and everyone else's relief.  Meanwhile, in the sewers of Net.ropolis, four
> reptilian copyright violations awaited the arrival of the pizza man, and
> President Clinton attempted to divert media attention away from Whitewater
> to the caning of some idiot vandal and by arresting the LNH.

Man, I definitely didn't realize how conservative CC&DDs was when I read it back 
in the day. @-@

> 	The Drizzt wrinkled his brow in thought.  For all his great power,
> he could not physically leave the Drizztsat, lest his five-dimensional nature
> wreak havoc upon the somewhat implausible Looniverse.  On the other hand,
> though, he could hardly sit by and watch his allies (albeit his extremely
> suspicious allies) be unfairly abused by the system they strove to protect.
> And besides, he thought, I always was a sucker for a good crossover.

To be fair, this is how basically all cosmic entities think.

> The Drizzt supposed he could land the
> Drizztsat on the Safe, but that would have the unfortunate side effect of
> killing those he hoped to rescue.

WHUNK

> 	"What do these clowns want?" Killed Seven Cockroaches asked in a hushed
> voice.
>
> 	"Well," Sucking Chest Wound replied, dropping the illiterate bass tone
> for his natural tenor, "I believe they want to buy this island.  They're
> offering a lot of beads and feathers."  He pulled out his pocket calculator and
> pressed a few keys.  "About $24 worth at current market price, I think."

Heeheehee. Mostly good.

> For example, the Files originally contained this entry regarding
> the human nation of C.A.N.A.D.A.:
>
> 			Mostly worthless.

siiiiiiiiigh

> 	"Yeah, Sarge, but I just don't know *why* we have to keep the LNH here.
> I mean, they've always been heroes," Safeguard Phillip Martens was saying to
> his commanding officer.

I mean, to be fair, there's a lot of reasons you could give for that, from the 
reasonable "Okay but Master Blaster is actually kind of awful and Ultimate Ninja 
keeps threatening creditors to keep the lights on" to the manipulative "They've 
been pretending to be heroes while they subvert our government and our way of 
life!" to the comic-booky "These are actually the Evil LNH pretending to be the 
LNH".

> 	Speaking of Sooners, the capital of Oklahoma is Oklahoma City.  Impress
> your friends and family with your mastery of geography!

*pffff*

> 	And then it spoke.  "Phiiiiilliiiip Maaaaartenssss, I am the ghooooost
> of Fuuuuuutuuuures Paaaaaast," it moaned, violating multiple trademarks at
> once [kids: don't try this at home - D].  Yoooooooou hoooooold the
> faaaaate of the fuuuuuutuuuure in yooooooour hands.  Yoooooooou must doooooo
> whaaaaat yoooooou knoooooow tooooo beeeeee riiiiight; freeeeee the LNH!"

Heeheehee. I mean, good stuff. <3

> 	The computer pinged again, and the door slid open.  Martens stepped
> forward into the cell.  There, in the center of it, was Ultimate Ninja, trapped
> in a huge glass POG!  Martens gasped.  He had not known the LNHers were being
> tortured.

*snerk* Ah, the '90s. <3

>    Colonel Phillips looked down on the battle site and smiled.  "You can
> bet this won't be mentioned in their history books either."

Soooo... there was no reason for this to be in other than to take a shot at 
Drizzt's shot at Canada. `-`; I'm... pretty glad for present-day RACC right now.

(also jeez, the rest of this one is even more uncomfortable currently)

Drew "ah well, moving on~" Perron