REPOST: RAC Challenge! #15

[Drew Perron]

On 11/10/2015 6:54 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> Chapter by Matt"Badger" Rossi.
>
> This is my personal favorite chapter, although
> I imagine that if you weren't reading RACC
> back in 1995 most of the injokes here will
> just puzzle you..

Lucky me. <3

>     It was in the Omega FAQ when it first came out.
>
>     "Matthew W Rossi III (mr.9767 at acc.rwu.edu) just wants you to know that
>     his comics Pulse and Tempest are literally autobiographic."

Oooooh. Nice cliffhanger resolution.

>     They looked up. Floating above them was a serrated, spiked, extemely
>     badass looking dude in metallic black armor.
>
>     [MY NAME IS MATTHEW W ROSSI III. I AM HERE TO KICK ASS AND SPOUT ALL
>     CAPS DIALOGUE...AND MY SHIFT KEY IS ALL USED UP.]

Wait, then how are you--

>     With a wave of his hand, Rossi caused Dirk's Paragon costume to
>     re-appear on him. He felt a wave of his ultimate powers come washing
>     over him.
>
>     "I...I feel reborn! Henceforth, I shall use my Ultimate Powers to
>     vigilantly stand triumphant over all evil, and..."
>
>     [PARDON ME.]
>
>     A black fist smashed into Dirk,

Heeheehee. <3 And that's a good resolution to that subplot.

>     His glowing eyes burned with multi-chromatic fire. Isn't it odd the
>     way everything does that around Rossi? I mean, this is one
>     melodramatic bugger.

Srsly~

>     "Former Dynamax employees. They're probably just stalking us so they
>     can stay in top form should some evil corporation begin hiring."

Heeheehee. Man, I should really go back and read some Omega. Or at least Defcon 
Omega.

>     **** Hey, Big Government is out of control and all...wait a minute! If
>     I'm not God, who am I? ****
>
>     [YOU ARE THOSE IDIOTS TITO AND TINA, REMEMBER? YOU GOT A DOSE OF
>     COSMIC POWER, AND LET IT GO TO YOUR HEADS.

This, OTOH, isn't as good. It's just kind of casually dismissing all the big 
buildup and all the emotional investment we were asked to have in previous 
chapters. (And it *probably* takes the "omnipotent author avatar" joke a little 
too seriously.) Still, could be much worse.

>     The black form yanked. With a sizzling burst of light, the white being
>     popped back into the dazed forms of Tito and Tina. A hole opened up in
>     the fabric (Tailored especially by really precise Haberdashers from
>     beyond the cosmos) of this space, and Rossi tossed the Ultimate Twins
>     through the hole.

Also man, people keep beating on the Ultimate Twins. Is this the old "mneh mneh 
kid characters are automatically annoying, this is the most important thing to 
remember about media" thing?

>     "No, not him either! The man waiting behind this curtain is none other
>     than a certain...David Divad!" The curtain parted, and a man wearing a
>     tight red spandex outfit strode out into the room. "Are you prepared?"

And now we step into full LNHness! For those not in the know, this was 
Swordmaster, Matt Rossi's perpetually put-upon LNH character.

>     "As if all of the entire RAC Challenge! is an elaborate ruse to
>     destroy Matt Rossi once and for all, a Machiavellian scheme so
>     breathtakingly subtle and intricate that only the entire pool of RACC
>     writers, angered by Rossi's hubris during the rACCIES, could have
>     dreamed up? That Broaddus and Franke are the ringleaders, and that all
>     along they've had their sights set on eliminating this scourge once
>     and for all?" Armington was breathing rather heavily after his
>     outburst.

OF COURSE!!

>     "Uh, actually, I was going to say that it seems as if this was being
>     written by Oliver Stone."

Or that.

>     An unconscious Paragon, AKA Dirk Darrenger (That's how Chad spelled
>     it! I call retcon!)

Heeheehee

>     Next to him float the bodies of the Ultimate Twins, also out cold.
>
>     That's it. I'm probably not going to use them again this issue. Take a
>     good look. See? There they float, heading straight for that
>     glacier...say, is that a guy in an army uniform frozen up in that
>     block of ice? With a red, white and blue costume and a shield
>     underneath? Naaah. Couldn't be.

Bwa-ha-ha. <3

>     The mad scientist was reduced to ash (Look, Van
>     Domelen, I'll get Warden finished eventually! Cut me some slack
>     here!)

Ahhhhh, I do love these references.

>     Ross vanished from the story in a blinding flare of white.

See, I would've had some undercutting of his omnipotence here - otherwise it 
feels too close to the tropes it's playing with/making fun of. Ah well.

Drew "gotta hurry up and respond to more things" Perron