LNH20/ACRA: NHOP # 2

[Andrew Perron]

On 11/19/2014 8:29 PM, Tom Russell wrote:

<snip>
> Somehow, Lily gets lost on
> the way back to her apartment. Lily had also gotten lost on the way to
> the Stuff Store, but she manages to get lost in a completely different
> way. A rare talent, that.

A conundrum I know well.

>     "No, like a demon hunter," says Lily. "One who hunts demons.
> Vocationally. As a job."
>     "Is there really a big market for that?"
>     "Not so much," says Lily.

Interesting. (This bit especially feels Lunaverse-y, in the sense of "the 
vague space that modern urban fantasy inhabits".) I wonder if net.heroes cut 
down on independent operators?

> Calls for saffron a lot, oddly, and
> it has to be saffron; you know how when you cook, you can use turmeric
> and paprika in place of saffron?"
>     Maggie holds her hand flat with the palm down and gives it a "sort
> of" wobble so as not to be argumentative.
>     "Can't do that with demons, apparently.

Turmeric and paprika indeed.

>     Maggie's about to say something when she hears the hiss of water in
> the bathroom. The faucet is running full-blast, and the sink quickly
> filling up with water. Maggie turns it off, and the water slowly
> recedes into the basin.
>     "That's weird," says Lily. "I could've sworn you turned it off before."
>     "Me too," says Maggie.

I've got a sinking feeling...

> The next day, her faeces came out with huge clumps and
> stringy strands of polyester plush, in addition to pieces of Tyler's
> flesh and hair.

Ewgh.

> Maggie
> never quite shared his passion for the games-- trains or otherwise--
> and she suspects it was to his disappointment. But that didn't stop
> him from buying her games he thought she would like, from searching
> for the right "gateway game" that would make it all click.

Haha `-`; I've been on the other side of that...

>     Hidden beneath FORBIDDEN DESERT ("we're trying to find pieces of a
> magic airship scattered in ancient ruins buried beneath the sand, and
> probably we're going to die of thirst!")

Oh man. I've got Forbidden Island and it's tons-o-fun.

>     That's what would have happened. What should have happened. With
> clumsy hands, alone in her room, she pulls at the newspaper. There's a
> bird on the cover that looks like a kiwi. THAT'S LIFE, it says. "It
> sure is," she says. "Well, what's this one about, Tyler?"

Interesting.

>     "Those are..." She turns around. Her mother and father are standing
> on the other side of the door. They stare at the pebbles on Lily's
> face, which now cover half of her forehead. "These are my parents.
> Mom, Dad; this is Lily."
>     Her father makes a little grunt. Her mother doesn't say anything.
> They wham the door shut.
>     "Charming," says Lily.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

>     The shower squeaks off.
>     "Huh," says Lily as they peer in.
>     That's when the door slams shut in her face. The shower spritzes back on.
>     "Shut the door in my face," says Lily with a little huff.

That's cute.

>     There's a sudden change in the sound. "Hold on," says Lily, putting
> her ear against the door. "It's stopped running the faucet. Shower's
> and toilet's still running. Ha! Ha, and ha again! Joke's on you, man;
> utilities are covered as part of our rent."

*snerk*

>     "Do you know how to use it?"
>     "Not in the slightest," says Lily as if she's proud of the fact.

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE LEARNED A LITTLE JEEZ LILY

>     Secondly, and more to the point, pizza rolls are not really
> digested. Once swallowed, they do not proceed down the esophagus to
> the stomach, its "nutrients" are not dispersed throughout the blood
> stream, it does not go into either intestine. It skips these
> altogether-- or, to put it a little more directly, it goes in one hole
> and out the other. And so:
>     "It's still locked!" cries a panicked Maggie as she tugs at the knob.

*snerk* Okay that's pretty much the best straightforwardly funny part so far.

> I will kick it down! I have kicked down
> doors before. This one would not be a problem!"
>     "Really?" says Maggie.
>     "Well, no," says Lily. "But he doesn't know that. Well, he didn't
> until now, anyway. OPEN THE DOOR!"

Though this is good too.

>     "I don't care!" says Lily. She rushes in, closing the door behind
> her. A moment later, she screams.
>     "Lily?"
>     "Normal scream, Maggs. Pizza roll-related. Everything's fine in here."

*doublesnerk*

>     And in the cracked glass, Maggie sees a face. The last face she
> sees before everything goes cold and black.
>     Tyler's.

Dun dun... dun?

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, hmmmmmm