LNH: Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade that will Probably Never Have an Ending #1

[Arthur Spitzer]

Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade that will Probably Never Have an Ending #1


Net.ropolis --
LNHHQ --

It all started in the LNH lobby around the time that Self-Righteous 
Preacher was yelling at Bad Timing Boy.  Self-Righteous Preacher and his 
congregation of followers had just left one of the LNH's assembly rooms 
and were making there way to the lobby to have some refreshments.  And 
around that same time Bad Timing Boy walked into the lobby too.  One of 
Self-Righteous Preacher's followers -- a very old lady -- looked at Bad 
Timing Boy's T-shirt and foolishly read the words on the it.  The words 
on Bad Timing Boy's 'God is Freaking Lame!' T-shirt.  The very old lady 
was very shocked by these words and passed out.

This led to Self-Righteous Preacher giving Bad Timing Boy a very long 
rage filled lecture about how God was NOT Freaking Lame as well as how 
Bad Timing Boy should read the Bible so he didn't spend an eternity 
burning in Hell.  The various followers of the Preacher all gave Bad 
Timing Boy very dirty looks as if he was the Anti-Christ.  As the 
Preacher continued preaching -- Bad Timing Boy thought to himself, Boy, 
I really, really should have picked a different shirt to wear today!

And as this happened, a burst of purple lightning crackled its way into 
existence in the center of the lobby.  And a woman emerged from the 
purple lightning.  A woman with white hair and a white eyepatch covering 
her left eye.  "It worked!  I made it!" she said scanning the world 
around her.  And then she spotted the Self-Righteous Preacher.  And she 
rushed towards him and gave him a big hug.  "It's you!  You're alive!  I 
never thought I'd see you..."

Self-Righteous Preacher wrenched himself free the strange woman.  "How 
dare you!  How dare you try to engage me into some kind of premarital 
huggery!  Me -- a man of the cloth!!"  The Preacher pulled out a cross 
and used it to ward off the woman.  "And wearing that!  Have you no 
shame young lady!  Exposing your naked belly button for all the world to 
see!!  What would your parents think of that outfit!  Shameful!  Very 
shameful!!"

"Oh!" said Non-Judgmental Agnostic glancing at the white midriff shirt 
she was wearing.  She quickly covered her belly button with one of her 
hands.  "I didn't realize that exposing your belly button was taboo in 
this era!  Guess I should have done some research!  Sorry about this. 
I'm from the Future."

Self-Righteous Preacher sniffed his nose with disgust.  "No excuse! 
Read the Bible!!"  He handed her a Bible.

"Oh, thanks!" she said with a very grateful expression on her face. 
"I'll be sure to do that!"  She looked at the Preacher.  Part of her 
wanted so badly to tell him that she was his daughter.  But she knew she 
couldn't do that.  That wasn't why she was here.  Besides considering 
the insane method that had brought her into existence -- how the 
Preacher was actually her mother and WikiBoy was her father due to some 
LNH prank that made WikiBoy a Holy Spirit who had impregnated the 
Preacher -- she was pretty sure he wouldn't want to know those details 
[See Jong #69 for more about that -- Ed.]

No she had another mission here.  But what was it?  Her mind was still 
cloudy from the time jump.  Contraption Mad had told her one of the side 
effects of time travel might be memory loss.  This was no good.  By the 
time she remembered it might be too late to stop whatever she was trying 
to stop.  Maybe one of the LNH scientists in this era could help her 
remember.

                               +++====+++

The LNH Coma Ward --

In one of the many beds of the LNH Coma Ward, a man slept away.  He had 
been sleeping for a long time.  Ever since 1994.  He had been a 
superhero -- an LNH'r.  It had been the night after the Valentine's Day 
Ball.  He was having trouble sleeping and was looking for a snack to 
eat.  But something strange was happening.  All of the LNH'rs seemed to 
be in a drugged state.  As the hero investigated what had happened, he 
discovered vacuum cleaner talking to one of the monitor screens.  It was 
some kind of a plot to destroy the LNH.  The hero tried to stop the 
vacuum cleaner before it could do whatever it was trying to do and there 
was a big battle.  And then there was blackness.  And then it was 20 
years later.

The hero's eyes opened.  The hero named Foreshadowing Lad.

And beneath his bed a crack began to form.


                               +++====+++

Elsewhere --
An underground bunker --

Men in camouflage outfits gazed into computers spewing out all kinds of 
data.  A number of computers began to beep.  "It's another one!"

"God.  Not again," said a man who appeared to be the commander of the 
group.  His name was Reed Reedly and he was the head of this 
LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending-Events-Liberation 
Front cell.  "Don't these damn Writers know that RACC can't handle 
another Multi-Writer Cascade?!  Don't they?!!  There are just too many 
unfinished ones!!"  He looked at one of the images on the screen that 
showed the effects this new cascade would have on RACC.  Cracks were 
beginning to form on RACC as the weight of all of the unfinished 
cascades were beginning to take their toll.  "It's going to cause it to 
break!!  RACC's going to break in half!!!!"

"What's that mean for us?" asked a man next to him.

"It means that since the Looniverse is the center of RACC -- it's going 
to break in half.  And since the Loonivearth is the center of the 
Looniverse -- that's also going to break in half.  And since Net.ropolis 
is the Center of the Loonivearth -- you guessed it.  It looks like the 
LNHHQ will probably be the point where the cracks begin to appear."

"But this thing -- it's still a Category Single Author work -- right?! 
As long as no one writes an issue two to this -- we'll still be safe, 
right?"

Reed Reedly nodded.  "That's true.  Hopefully, for the sake of RACC 
every RACC Writer will completely ignore this cascade and there won't be 
an issue two!  Hopefully!!"


                               +++====+++

NEXT:  Will all the Writers on RACC ignore this cascade so that it won't 
cause RACC to break in half?


                               +++====+++

Credits:

Self-Righteous Preacher -- wReam
Bad Timing Boy -- Vernon H. Harmon
Non-Judgmental Agnostic and Foreshadowing Lad -- Arthur Spitzer
WikiBoy -- Tom Russell
Contraption Man -- Drizzt

Writer's Notes: Feel free to write the second issue of this if you want. 
  Hahahahaha!

Non-Judgmental Agnostic and Foreshadowing Lad are Free for Use.

Arthur "Hahahah!" Spitzer