LNH20: LNH20 Comics Presents Special #2: "Age of Ultivac: Alpha"
pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri May 24 20:33:03 PDT 2013
.p° LNH20 Comix Presents °q.
"Age of Ultivac: Alpha"
By Andrew Perron
Now begin the AGE OF ULTIVAC! Collect them all!
[ The cover shows every friggin' member of the Legion of Net.Heroes, in
more detail than even George Perez could cram in, fighting every robot
in every movie and TV show that came out before Star Wars. ]
The year 2023. Netropolis is in ruins. Retro-futuristic robots stalk
the ruins with boxy rayguns, enslaving humanity and hunting down the
last of the net.heroes.
Speaking of whom...
Thud! Thud! Thud! Their boots slapped on concrete as they ran through
the shattered tunnels. "Dammit!" Laser blasts shot out of the darkness,
splashing ineffectually on metal. "You said there wouldn't be patrols!"
"It doesn't matter! We're almost there!" They ducked into a dark
corridor and slammed shut a steel door.
"There!" he said. "The Time Stator that Doc Contraption built so long
"Yes," she said. "Abandoned, because it didn't work. But we can fix
that." She put the metal case on the floor and opened it - a Retcon
"Do you think it's really possible?" he said. "That we can avert this
"I can feel it in my bones," she said, slipping the Ball into a handy
opening in the console. The Time Stator lit up, blue and crackling.
"This is our only chance to--"
THWAMMM! The door blew off its hinges, and the robots, bodies like
cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other, marched in.
"Go!" she shouted, slamming a big red button. The arcs of electricity
crackled high, and a circle of pure light formed.
"Not without you!" He turned to face the oncoming horde.
She rolled her eyes. "There's--" She kissed him. "No--" She punched him
in the face. "Time!" She tossed him through the portal and with a
KRAMPF! he disappeared.
2013. A seemingly normal day in the cafeteria of the LNHQ. Kid
Enthusiastic, Manga Girl, and the Public Defender were discussing
psychochronography over one of Su's famous fig-butter-and-goat-cheese
Suddenly, the blue-hot portal cracked open, and he tumbled out. He
rolled Shatner-style and landed in a crouch, looking around. He was
scarred over one eye, his hair cut short, his clothes faded, having
once been green and red.
He looked around, and his cyclopean gaze focused on Kid Enthusiastic.
"Me!" Kid E hopped to his feet. "Sup?"
He pulled out a giant gleaming metal gun that smelled faintly of pine
and pointed its barrel at Kid E's face. "My callsign is Otherkin Lad,
and you're responsible for the destruction of humanity!"
Kid E nodded. "Ah, okay. Tell me about it!"
"...well," said Otherkin Lad, his rage fading slighty, mixed with a
dollop of confusion, "your advanced retrotech upgrades to Ultivac gave
his terrible outdated technology the ability to take over the world
directly, without having to use overcomplicated labyrinthine plots that
"Ah!" Kid E pulled out his phone. "So that's what this appointment I
had with a 'William Howard Atever' was about."
"Yes, and now--" Otherkin Lad's hand shook. "Now I must destroy you
before you can destroy the future!!"
"Well, okay, or I could do-- THIS! haha~" Kid E pushed a button, and
"APPOINTMENT CANCELED" flashed on the phone.
Suddenly, a nimbus of crackling light surrounded Otherkin Lad. He
barely had time to blink before he disappeared.
"That was pretty slick," said the Public Defender, resting her staff on
"Eh, I get a couple of those every month," said Kid E. "Keeps me on my
toes! But I think I should probably talk to Otherkin Lad about
enrolling in the monthly Time Travel Ethics class that Professor
Penumbra is running. ...hey, who ate my pizza?"
Manga Girl, cheeks covered in fig butter, contrived to look innocent.
The Time Tourbillion, the whirlwind of crackling energies that connect
one moment to another, which Otherkin Lad is/was/will be falling
through. All at once, his molecules cascade back to reality.
He has landed in a brilliant garden, surrounded by people in colorful
costumes. Then she was there, helping him up. She - Pantra, of the year
2023. "It worked."
"It--" Otherkin Lad looked around confused. "I thought our world would
She laughed, tossing her head back, shaking her fur out. "Sorry, but
you know how cats love playing with balls. So I played, and made it so,
if you succeded, our entire timeline would be retconned into the new
Otherkin Lad paused... blinked... and laughed. "Well then! You think
the cat and dog team can last in this brave new world?"
Pantra shrugged. "Don't got a lot of choice, do we?"
He smiled. "Oh, I don't know... I think there's always a choice."
Now end the AGE OF ULTIVAC! You collected them all! Congratuations!
Have a cookie!
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, good common sense wins the day
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