LNH20: Ultimate Mercenary v20 #2

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Mar 8 21:07:07 PST 2012

On Mon, 5 Mar 2012 01:49:25 +0000 (UTC), Adrian J. McClure wrote:

> Ultimate Mercenary v20 #2:
> "Settling In?"
> by Adrian J. McClure

I very much support Adrian's Teenfactor-esque burst of creativity! (And I
gotta hurry up my feedbackening!)
> Ultimate Mercenary didn't sleep well that night. He had intense,
> terrible dreams which seemed to last forever, yet he couldn't make
> himself wake up no matter how hard he tried. There were fleeting
> moments of beauty, too. Sometimes he thought he heard some strange and
> joyful half-remembered song.

Oh, man.  Ever have dreams where you just feel emotions that you never do
during normal life?

> Something was in the room with him,
> hiding in the darkness. He leaped out of bed, drew his sword, and
> slashed at it. Then the lights flickered on and he saw it was Kid
> Enthusiastic. He looked away and sheathed his sword. "Uh, sorry," he
> said. "I didn't know it was you."

Not like it's the first time this has happened to him!

> It
> was almost empty at the moment except for the receptionist, busy and
> aloof as ever.

RECEPTIONIST *fistshake*

> He was chained to a desk at the high
> school, trying to finish a test in the nude.

I've heard about people's nightmarish high school experiences, but this is

> "I, Kid Enthusiastic, will go get some more popcorn!" said past-Kid
> Enthusiastic.

This is an adorable scene, BTW.

> Suddenly, a gong rang out. The camera zoomed in on a
> man standing on a hill in a garish red outfit. On his forehead was a
> headband with the word "Ninja" written on it in English. "No,
> Professor Emperor! You cannot stop--the Ultimate Ninja! The warriors
> of the dead Planet Ninja float through my veins!"

Ohhhhhhhh my.

> "Professor Penumbra's our occult expert," said Kid Enthusiastic to the
> sullenly silent Ultimate Mercenary's unspoken question. "He's a pretty
> cool guy.

He fights dark gods and isn't afraid of anything.

> And there are strong residual
> traces of Godflame--that's what scientists call the Kurtzberg Effect.

Ooooooh, I like it.

> "I'll have to perform a Rite of Continuity Scrying. That can
> be very tricky. But--ah! I have just the thing." He pulled a book out
> of his pockets which seemed too large to fit in. "This is a first-
> edition copy of the Squadron Supreme trade, with Mark Gruenwald’s
> ashes mixed into the ink. I've been saving it for just such an
> occasion.

Oh man, *nice*. (I suppose the Qlippothic opposite of that would be the
KISS comic with their blood mixed into the red ink.)

> Then Doc Nostalgia burst into the lobby. He had obviously been through
> a long and grueling battle--his t-shirt was torn and stained by a
> hideous green liquid that might have been the blood of some creature.

*blinkblinks* The-- huh?

> "Good lord! Choke!

*cackles madly*

> "You--you're killers! How do you not understand that! Ninja exist for
> one reason and one reason only--to kill! The ninja is nothing but
> death and crime and the *rage of a beast*!"

XD XD XD Yesssss

(Also, jeez Doc N, ninja were originally rural peasants who weren't allowed
to wield swords and thus developed their own martial styles based on
knowledge of the territory and using farm implements as improvised weapons.
They only became known as assassins after their guerilla warfare-style
tactics gave them a reputation for magical powers and city-dwelling
politicians hired them to assassinate their enemies, bypassing the samurai
honor system. >:/)

> Just then Pantra walked into the lobby and grabbed Ultimate Mercenary
> by the arm, oblivious to the rest of the team, and led him off into
> the LNHQ. "Ohai UM! You had a chance to see the Peril Room yet?"

Well that's convenient!

> "I don't think--" said Fearless Leader, a little short of breath.
> "I'm afraid those three have one thing in common--once they've decided
> on a course, it's very hard to sway them from it," said January Frost.
> "It's probably best to let them get it out of their systems."

<3< ? o8< ?

> "Yeah, sure, just give me a minute to look around! This place is so
> cool!" said Pantra. He looked around and tapped his feet impatiently.
> "I'm ready any minute now!" he said.

This should really be two paragraphs; also, Pantra is adorable.

> His heart was
> pounding, and he was happy for the first time since he'd come here.
> This, at least, was something he knew how to handle.

Poor UM. :/

> He could picture himself holding his sword to her neck, making
> his victory clear.
> Then she started tickling him.

XD Nice.

> "I'm sorry, Ultimate
> Mercenary" he said, "but we cannot admit you into our net.hero club!
> Your poor performance in the battle proves your ninja skills are too
> ordinary!"

But you can have this flight-belt as a consolation prize!

> LNH20 Comics Presents #15, as
> soon as I figure out how to handle Andrew's plot twists!


> Notes: Geez, writing short issues sure is hard.

Nyahahaha! <3 <3 <3

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, gaining some momentum finally.

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