REPOST/LNH: Beige Countdown #1: 'In the Palm of the HeartThrob' (Part One)

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at
Wed Jun 20 19:49:16 PDT 2012

[Note for Readers:  Read Beige Countdown #2 before you read this. 
Unless there's no Beige Countdown #2 in which case you should probably 
read this first.]

[Cover:  A female hand pops out of the Ultimate Ninja's chest holding 
his heart.  The Ultimate Ninja looks down with amazement.]

                             [B  E  I  G  E]
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                [C  O  U  N  T   #  1    D  O  W  N  !]




"Man, when is Karl coming back with those sandwiches?!  It's been like 
over an hour!"  The voice came from a security person wearing a black 
bulletproof vest labeled 'Thug #784' and a black helmet with a flame 
type logo on it holding an automatic rifle.

"Well, traffic has gotten bad.  Ever since that damn Beige Tower 
appeared it's caused all kinds of horrible traffic jams.  Takes me like 
four hours just to get home sometimes," said a similarly dressed man 
with the label 'Thug #323'.  "Especially now with that big moat they dug 
around it to stop suicides."

"Yeah.  Why the hell can't the government get rid of it?  Damn 
government.  God um hungry."

"Well there's the vending machine."

"Nahh.  Trying to eat healthier lately.  Wife's got me on a stupid diet."

The other man snickered to himself.

"Jesus, this job is a snooze.  Watching some ninja sleep."

"Pays good though.  Kind of envy that ninja.  They say that alien 
creature on him is pumping in the sweetest type of dreams into him. 
Giving him his heart desire.  Man.  I'd love that *&%@*& to happen to me."

"What would your heart's desire be?"

"Me?  Hell, I don't know.  Hmm.  Oh wait.  Yeah.  I'd have this gigantic 
ship bigger than the Titanic.  Yeah.  And it would have every type of 
drug on it and gambling and prostitutes.  Yeah, tons of prostitutes. 
They'd be like million dollar prostitutes and rich people would pay 
millions of dollars just to bang them.  Me they'd do for free of course. 
  But I'd be like this pimp.  Super Pimp on the High Seas!  And it would 
all be legal.  Yeah that's what would do it for me, I think.  What about 
you?  What's your poison?"

"Me?  Christ.  Don't know.  Maybe -- maybe a superhero."

"A superhero?"  The guard laughed.  "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I know.  It's stupid.  But when I was a kid -- had this dream. 
I'd get in some accident that gave me powers -- and I'd make myself a 
costume -- build myself a rep -- and then the LNH would see me and 
they'd ask me to join them and I would -- and I'd be the greatest 
superhero there ever was -- saving the world every day.  Everyone would 
love me.  Everyone would want to be me.  Yeah, stupid.  I know.  Life 
didn't go that way though.  Dropped out of school.  Fell in the wrong 
crowd.  Drugs.  Stealing.  Did jail.  Next thing you know I'm a hired 
thug for Y-Plex Burp and then Mr. Homage and then wReamicus Maximus and 
so on.  Stupid, right?"

"It's not stupid, kid.  That's life.  The lucky guys get to save the 
world.  The rest of us get to watch the lucky guys save it while we 
suffer.  Life."

"The lucky guys like him," Thug #323 said gesturing towards the sleeping 
form of the Ultimate Ninja.

"Yep.  Lucky bastard.  Sweet Dreams."

"Heh.  Sweet Dreams."



                    'In the Palm of the HeartThrob'



The Ultimate Ninja brushed his finger against one of the bars to his 
jail cell.  One swift kick and he'd be out of here.  Why was he in this 
cell?  Rules.  Meaningless Rules.

There had been a time long ago, back in the pre-LNH days, when there had 
been no rules.  No laws.  Total Freedom.  What did he trade that for? 
For this?  How long was he going to stay here?

"You know, we could maybe -- team up.  You think?"

The Ultimate Ninja turned his head around to see who was daring to speak 
to him.

"I mean with your ninja skills and my brains we could -- I don't know -- 
take over the world?  I'm just saying -- that's a possibility iF we were 
to say -- team up?"

"Who are you?"

"Ah, the name's Dr. F!  I'm sure Dr. Stomper has made mention of me From 
time to time since I'm his most Fearsome arch-Foe!"

"No, I don't believe he has."

"Oh, that's just like him!  Pretending I'm not his greatest villain! 
God how I hate that man!  You know, he Flunked me!  Me!  Can you believe 
it?  Me, one of his most brilliant students!  But one day I'll have my 
revenge!  Yes!  I mean I was leader of the Union of the Useless!  Well, 
until that no good 'Worm' Filched my leadership position!  I mean, 
what's so Fantastic about a tiny worm who does nothing, but eat grass 
and dirt?  Sure he has that cool Floating bubble ship that allows him to 
Fly, but..."

"Okay.  I think I've heard enough of this.  Stop speaking."

"Oh yeah, Mr. Fascist?  Perhaps you haven't heard of a little something 
called -- Freedom of speech.  It's in the Bill of..."

"I said.  Stop.  Speaking," repeated the Ultimate Ninja with his 
stare.  Dr. F quickly crawled under his bed sheets and became very, very 

The Ultimate Ninja gave a sigh of relief.  Maybe he should go to sleep 
too.  But before he could attempt that, he heard footsteps.  Someone was 
coming.  Coming to his cell.

A pair of super expensive high tech manacles dropped from the cell's 

"Okay, ninja.  Put them on.  You're coming with me," the guard said 
pointing his gun at the cuffs.

"You have a lot of worry on your face.  Something very horrible is 
happening.  Something so bad that there's only one person in the world 
who can stop it.  Someone named -- the Ultimate Ninja.  Am I right?"

"I said, Put on the handcuffs -- Ninja!"

"Uhuh.  My mistake.  I guess there is no catastrophic event that the 
government needs my assistance for.  I guess I'll be going to sleep then."

"Wait!  You're right!  We need your help desperately!  All of 
Washington, D.C. is swarming with cloned Ultimate Ninja zombies!  No one 
can stop them!  No one!!  You're are only chance!!  Please!  For God's 
sake!  Help us!!  You're our only hope!"  The guard then dropped down to 
his knees and held both of the hands in prayer mode.  "The President 
will give you anything.  A pardon.  What ever you want!  Please!"

"Sigh.  Very well.  Open up the cell door."


The capital was in chaos.  Cloned Ultimate Ninja Zombies were everywhere 
stumbling around muttering such clever sentiments as, 'Need Brains!' and 
'You Food!'.

The Ultimate Ninja grabbed a couple of ninja bushes and started mowing 
through them, transforming the zombies into severed arms and heads.

He noticed that a number of other LNH'rs were also helping in the 
battle.  After he had taken care of the last zombie that was close to 
him, he made his way towards one of the LNH teams.


Master Blaster blasted away at the Ultimate Ninja like figure that was 
heading towards them.

"Damn!  This zombie is fast!  He's dodging my flames without any effort. 

"Wait!  Stop shooting Rob!" Cheesecake Eater Lad said grabbing Master 
Blaster's hand.  "That's the Real Deal!"

"Oh.  Whoops!  My Bad!  Sorry, UN!"

The Ultimate Ninja glared at Master Blaster and then turned his 
attention towards Cheesecake Eater Lad.  "So who's responsible for this 

"Her!"  Cheesecake Eater Lad pointed to a woman dressed in a ninja garb 
standing on a building.

"A girl caused all this trouble?"  The Ultimate Ninja shook his head. 
"Well, I guess I better go take care of her then."  With that said he 
leaped into the air twirling his body towards the building she was 
standing on.

"Wait, UN!"  But the Ultimate Ninja was already too far away to listen 
to Cheesecake Eater Lad's words.  "She's good.  Very good."


"Well, finally.  I was wondering if the zombies would be too much for 
you."  The words came from a girl who was probably no older than 21 
dressed in a black ninja costume with a symbol on her chest.  The symbol 
was a hand grabbing a heart.

"Fishes in Barrels would have been a more effective method.  So, who the 
Hell are you?  Please -- impress me."

"You can call my Lady Heartthob.  I'm your doom."

The Ultimate Ninja laughed.  "Right.  Okay.  I'll bite.  Why -- the 
death wish?"

"You laugh?  You dare laugh!  Is every murder you commit a joke?  Is it?!"

"No.  When I kill people, it's never a joke.  And everyone I kill 
deserves it.  Everyone."

"My Father didn't deserve it!"

"And your father was?"

"Kakuji of the Family."

Kakuji  Yes.  I've heard of him.  He was one of Ninja 
Island's biggest crime lords.  Definitely someone who's better off dead. 
  But I can't remember killing him -- when did he die?

"It was in 1994.  I was only seven when I saw you coldly stab him in the 
back.  I saw you!  Don't try to deny it!"

"'94?  Hmm.  I spent most of that year enslaved in an alternate 
dimension.  That was the year an evil version of myself traded places 
with me and ran the LNH.  Perhaps he was the one who killed your father."

"You expect me to believe that nonsense?!  My God!  If you're going to 
lie at least come up with something believable!"

"That's the truth.  And I could care less if you don't believe me.  So 
-- are you going to kill me or are we going to chat about the past all day?"

Lady Heartthrob screamed, "Die!" and hurled a Ginsu katana at the 
Ultimate Ninja.  The Ultimate Ninja caught it with ease and threw it 
right back at her head.  She caught the katana right at its point with 
her teeth.

"Impressive!" the Ultimate Ninja said as a hurricane of ninja bushes 
began flying towards him.


Their hands used skyscrapers to paint brick and glass clouds over the 
sky's canvas.  Their feet balanced on atoms of nitrogen and oxygen as 
they transcended beyond gravity's grip.  New forms of pain and violence 
escaped from the dream areas of their minds into the reality of the 
world as they warred with each other.

The Ultimate Ninja marveled at the moves she was making.  It seemed like 
every move no matter how obscure it was -- she knew it.  The Uncle 
Dragon's Peanut Butter Fist!  The Littly Pinky Death Hug!  The Toenail 
Earthquake Grip!  The Belly Button Typhoon!  The Smirk of Death.  The 
Gripping Fisting Grip Fist!  And she was even throwing moves at him that 
he'd never seen.  Never even had imagined!  Fist moves like Mozart 
operas and kick moves like Michelangelo paintings blurred towards him. 
No one was this good!  Only he was this good!  Impossible!


Their two bodies crashed through another skyscraper window.  Their fight 
had already been going on for about four hours.  Neither one was willing 
to concede this fight.

She was too good, the Ultimate Ninja thought to himself.  And too 
dangerous!  He had been trying not to kill her, but she was too good. 
He was going to have to end this.  He was going to have to kill her.  It 
was a shame.  She was amazing.  Beautiful.  He had never ever fought 
some one this talented.  This lovely.  If only she wasn't bent on his 
annihilation.  No, sadly there was no other way.  Only one person was 
going to get out of this fight alive.  And he had no death wish.  He 
just needed to wait for an opening.

The two closed in on each other.  And then both their hands flew 
straight into the other person's chest.  The hands came back quickly 
gripping the other person's heart.  And then both of their bodies fell 
to the ground.

"Heh," the Ultimate Ninja said has he slowly picked himself up.  "You 
were very good.  Very good.  But you pulled out the wrong heart.  The 
fake heart!"

To the Ultimate Ninja's amazement Lady Heartthrob also slowly started to 
rise up.  "Yes.  It appears I did.  Just like the fake heart you have in 
your hand!"

The Ultimate Ninja looked closely at the heart he held and then dropped 
it to the ground.  Lady Heartthrob dropped her fake heart too.  They 
both walked up to each other and then tore the masks off their faces. 
Each grabbed the other's head and crashed their lips together.  Hands of 
violence swam over the other person's back.  Their two bodies danced 
like a freight train towards the back of the room.  Finally, their two 
bodies slammed right into a juke box that started playing Carly Simon's 
'Nobody does it better' loudly.

Their lips and tongues began a new battle in a war of breath that didn't 
seem to want to end.

<~Nobody does it half as good as you...~>

Where was he, the Ultimate Ninja wondered.  Had he ever been here before?

<~I tried to hide from your love light...~>

It was like he had fallen into an ocean made of madness.

<~Why'd you have to be so good?~>

And he didn't want to ever leave.  Because all that was beyond this 
moment was a desert of thorns.  A night without stars.

But it was ending.  The song was almost over.  Their lips ripped apart. 
  Lady Heartthrob ran away from him, grabbing her mask.  And then she 
paused as she reached the window and turned her head back towards him.

There was a vicious look on her face.  A hatred that could never be 
soothed.  "I will destroy everything!  Your friends.  Your city.  Your 
LNH.  Your hope.  And then when that's all gone -- you.  You will be the 
last thing I destroy.  Prepare yourself!"  And then she tumbled out of 
the window.

The Ultimate Ninja walked over to the window.  She was gone.  Like some 
figment from a fever dream.  The Ultimate Ninja looked back at the fake 
heart she had left.  He picked it up and studied it.  Had that really 

God, what a battle.

<~Makes me feel sad for the rest...~>


The Ultimate Ninja whistled to himself while he scribbled a piece of 
paper with words.

"Hey, UN!  Have you heard the news?" Cheesecake Eater Lad said as he 
entered the LNH leader's office.  "Something incredibly big has just 

"Really?  What's that?"

"It's Lady Heartthrob!  She conquered Europe!  She's now leader of the 
Legion of Net.Villains!  I guess she killed Mynabird and took it over! 
And now she and her supervillain army have taken over Europe!  Europe! 
What are we going to do?"


"Yes, Europe!"

"She certainly is something, isn't she?"  The Ultimate Ninja continued 
to scribble words on the paper.

"Umm, UN?  What exactly are you doing?"

"Writing a poem."

"Writing a poem?"

"Yep.  Say, what word rhymes with disembowel?"

"Have you heard a word I've said?"

"Yes.  I heard you.  Lady Heartthrob has conquered Europe.  Hmm.  How 
about visemcowl?  Is that a word?  Cheesecake Eater Lad?"


The Ultimate Ninja carefully crawled up the Statue of Liberty's arm.  On 
the top of the torch stood Lady Heartthrob dangling President 
Hexidecimal Luthor over the edge.

"If you come any closer I'll drop him!  I swear!"

"I don't believe you.  I don't think you have it in you."

"Watch this then!"  Lady Heartthrob threw the screaming body of Hex 
Luthor right into the air.

The Ultimate Ninja watched as Hex Luthor fell into the ocean.  "Guess I 
was wrong.  Well -- he was kind of a lousy president."


The Ultimate Ninja eyes shot open and he got quickly out of his bed 
grabbing a ninja bush on his night stand.  Standing in his bedroom was 
the lithe figure of Lady Heartthrob.

"Don't!  I'm not here to kill you.  It turns out you were right.  You're 
not my father's killer.  I need your help."

"Really?  And why's that?"

"I have info about a person who knows who killed my father."

"And that is?"

"An LNH receptionist by the name of -- Bart."

"I see."


"First thing is -- we're going to have to go into space.  Planet Qwerty 
is about 1,992 light years away from Earth, which will take about a week 
of flying to get there.  Of course before we get there, we'll have to 
sneak past tons of Dvorakian space fleets.  And then once we get there 
we'll have to travel back in time.  And the person we're facing has two 
cosmic items -- the Ring of Retconn and the Insanity Gauntlet.  Both of 
which make him god like and insane.  We'll have to strike quickly before 
he even knows we're there," the Ultimate Ninja said looking at a space map.

"Is that it?  Are you sure we can handle this?  It sounds like we'll 
need a bigger team," asked Lady Heartthrob with a skeptical look.

"No.  More people will just slow us down."

"If you say so.  Sure you want to do this?"

"You'd have to kill me to stop me from going.  Ready?  Then let's go."


Bart the Dark Receptionist whistled the Pink Floyd song, 'Brain Damage,' 
to himself as he relaxed in the giant Qwertian bath tub that was 
overflowing with bubbles.  Just as Bart was reaching for his rubber 
ducky with the Insanity Gauntlet though he felt an incredible pain in 
both of his arms.  That's when he saw both of his arms fall off, and 
blood start to spray from them.

Damn, thought Bart before he passed out, I knew I should have retconned 
both my arms invulnerable to harm.


The Ultimate Ninja and Lady Heartthrob entered the LNHHQ with a burlap 
sack that contained the Ring of Retconn, Insanity Gauntlet, and Bart's arms.

"Fred!" ordered the Ultimate Ninja, "Get a medical team to my space 
thingee for Bart.  Occultism Kid, I've got the Ring of Retconn and 
Insanity Gauntlet in this sack.  Try not to be corrupted by them."

"Sure thing, UN!" Occultism Kid said grabbing the sack.  "Oh, just so 
you know, Dekay and Diskolor have returned!"

"I'm not surprised," the Ultimate Ninja said rolling his eyes.


"I think I may have figured out how to defeat Dekay and Diskolor, UN."

"Okay, spill it, Occultism Kid."

"Using a spell that involved the Book of Deus ex Machinas, Ring of 
Retconn and Insanity Gems I discovered an object that can kill Dekay and 

"And this object is?"

"The Four-Color Ninja Bush!"

"The Four-Color Ninja Bush?  But that's a legend!  No one even knows if 
they exist!  It's a ninja bush that can cut through anything and if 
anyone were to touch it they would instantly die!  The legends say that 
the last grove of ninja bushes are hidden in the most dangerous part of 
Ninja Island!  A place filled with Ninja Dinosaurs and Giant Ninja 
Spiders!  No explorer who's ever been there has come back alive.  Well. 
  Guess we better pack our bags!"


Cannon Fodder was running.  Running for his life.

And two monsters were chasing him. The first monster had a body made out 
of human corpses.  And its head was made out of a cloud of flies and 
worms.  Its eyes glowed red.  One of its hands held a blackened sword. 

The other monster was a pale white color.  In the middle of its chest 
was a gaping mouth, which had seven forked tongues each a different 
color.  It only had one eye on its head, and it was a very blood shot 
eye.  A number of spikes stabbed out of its head.  Each spike had a 
skull attached to it.  One of its hands held a spiked club.  Diskolor.

And each footstep they made shook the world and left a valley of death.

Cannon Fodder made his way towards a rather big wooden platform the size 
of 16 football fields and the Bryttle Brothers followed.  But before he 
could get off the platform he tripped and fell.  Cannon Fodder looked up 
in horror as the two gigantic monsters stepped onto the wooden platform. 
  The platform wasn't strong enough to hold the combined weight of the 
two and started to crack.  A few seconds before Dekay and Diskolor could 
reach Cannon Fodder the whole thing collapsed causing the Bryttle 
Brothers to fall into the million of Four Color Ninja Bushes that were 
beneath the wooden platform.  Dekay and Diskolor screamed in terror as 
the bushes shredded them to death.  Unfortunately, Cannon Fodder also 
fell into the ninja bushes and was shredded to death.


"Good work, Cannon Fodder," the Ultimate Ninja said as he looked at the 
death of Dekay and Diskolor from a distance.

"Wow, so that's the end of Beige Midnight.  That was so totally worth 
the hype!" Sarcastic Lad said.  "What should I wear to the Pulitzers?"


"So what have you come up with, Deductive Logic Man?" the Ultimate Ninja 
said sitting in his LNH office.

"Based on the stuff Bart told me and the checking up on the info -- it 
appears that there is an ancient organization called the Seven Deadly 
Ninja Gorillas that have been behind almost everything."

"What do you mean by everything?"

"I mean everything.  Over 90% of the evil that has ever been committed 
by anyone they've had there hands in it.  The Bryttle Brothers and Bart 
is just the top of the iceberg.  They've been operating since the dawn 
of time.  Everything traces back to them."

"What about the death of Lady Heartthrob's father?  Were they 
responsible for that?"

"It appears so."

"Where are these Seven Deadly Ninja Gorillas located at Deductive Logic 

"All the info I've gathered leads me to believe that they've been hiding 
all of this time in the Jungle of Glak."  [See Jungle Cheesecake for 
more info on GLak -- Ed]

"Glak!?  Oh god.  Not that place.  Are you sure?"

"No.  But that's my best guess based on all of the info."

"I guess I should check it out.  90% of all the evil in the world. 
Imagine if I could stop them once and for all."

"You should probably bring a big team with you.  Lots of heavy hitters."

"I think I'll do this by myself."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive.  I fight better that way."


The Ultimate Ninja glanced at the flight controls on his flight.thingee. 
  About the time he was ready to fly it out of LNH Hangar, he heard a 
small noise.  He quickly jumped out of his chair and crept to where the 
noise had come from.  He noticed a blanket.  He quickly pulled the 
blanket up and saw the very still form of Lady Heartthrob under it.

The Ultimate Ninja snorted to himself.  "You really need to learn how to 
breathe more silently."

"You're not going there without me."

"Really?  I don't think you're in a position to demand anything."

"They killed my father!  I will not be cheated out of revenge!  I will 
either come or one of us will die!"

"Fine.  Come if you want.  I have no desire to kill you.  At least not yet."


The Ultimate Ninja and Lady Heartthrob stumbled through the thick jungle.

"Do you even know where you're going?" asked a skeptical Lady Heartthrob.

"Of course!  I've been here before.  For some reason it looks different. 
  I don't know why.  There!  That cave!  That has to be it!"

"Finally!" Lady Heartthrob quickly ran towards the cave entrance and 
disappeared within it.

"Wait!  We should go in together.  It might not be -- *sigh* Damn 
females."  The Ultimate Ninja quickly chased after her.  As he entered 
the cave he couldn't seem to sense her anymore.  He clicked on his 
flashlight.  She was gone.


The Ultimate Ninja had been searching the caverns for more than an hour. 
  Where was she?  He didn't like this.  It had been a mistake to bring 
her.  And perhaps to come here without a team.  He glanced at the map 
that Deductive Logic Man had given.  There was something not right about 
this map.  But before he could figure what that was, his flashlight quit 
on him.  Everything became very dark.  This was impossible.  The 
flashlight was designed by Kid Kirby.  There was no way it should ever 
quit.  He did have an extra flashlight and some matches in his backpack. 
  But before he could reach into his backpack he heard a sound.  Rocks 
falling.  It was cave in.  The Ultimate Ninja quickly ran to what he 
thought was the safest direction.  But unfortunately for him, the path 
he took was off a cliff.


The Ultimate Ninja woke up.  Ugghhh.  He had the wind knocked out of 
him.  He was in some kind of slimy puddle.  He couldn't seem to move. 
Was he paralyzed?  He heard more sounds.  Living creature sounds. 
People sounds?  A light shined giving him the ability to see who was 
making all of the noises.  He saw seven gorillas in ninja suits -- each 
a different color.  And Lady Heartthrob.

"I'm Sorry," said Lady Heartthrob looking away from him.


"Welcome to the Lair of All Evil, Ultimate Ninja!" said the Gorilla in 
the Red Ninja Suit.

"What have you done to me?" the Ultimate Ninja said still unable to move.

"That liquid you're lying in -- that is your own inner darkness.  And 
it's soaking right through you.  Washing away whatever small amount of 
goodness exists within you."

"Lady Heartthrob, stop them!"

"Really now.  Who do you think gave you to us?  Lady Heartthrob is our 
student.  One of our many students.  Her father was our student.  And 
soon you will be too."

"They're right, Ultimate Ninja.  They own me like they owned my father."

"No one owns anyone!  They killed your father!"

The gorilla in the green ninja suit shook his head.  "It's no using 
fighting, Ultimate Ninja.  This is your destiny.  It's always been your 
destiny.  You are to be our greatest soldier in the upcoming war.  The 
War of Good and Evil.  You will lead the forces of darkness to victory."

"No!  I will not -- I will not!"

"You're alone here, Ultimate Ninja.  It's only a matter of time before 
you succumb to the darkness.  To the hate.  There is no one that can 
help you.  There is no..." but before the gorilla in the purple ninja 
suit could finish that sentence he noticed something hurling towards 
him.  A cheesecake!

As the cheesecake smacked into the gorilla's face, more sounds came from 
the distance.  "Hey, UN!  Stop lazing around!  We could use some help!" 
said a voice that sounded like wReamhack's.  The Ultimate Ninja looked 
up and saw Cheesecake Eater Lad, Catalyst Lass, Fuzzy, Parking Karma 
Kid, Master Blaster, Kid Kirby, Occultism Kid, Dr. Stomper, Sarcastic 
Lad, wReamhack, Cannon Fodder, aLLiterative Lass, Sister State the 
Obvious, Easily Discovered Man Lite, Writer's Block Woman, Elvis Man, 
Fearless Leader, and a dozen or so more flying into the cavern.

"Lady Heartthrob!  Kill them!" shouted the gorilla who wore a blue ninja 

"Don't.  Please.  They don't own you.  They don't," pleaded the Ultimate 
Ninja still struggling to get up.

Lady Heartthrob froze as the rest of the cave became emersed in battle.

"I said, Kill them!  What are you waiting for?"

Lady Heartthrob closed her eyes.  She could see her father.  It was long 
ago.  They were playing hide and seek.  She opened them back up and 
hurled a ninja bush into the back of the blue ninja gorilla.  She 
screamed the word, 'Daddy' in Japanese and started slaughtering the rest 
of the Seven Deadly Ninja Gorillas.


"So, I guess this is it," said Lady Heartthrob standing on one of the 
many Net.ropolis rooftops.  "Well, thank you for everything you've done 
and sorry about the whole tricking you into the whole cave thing so you 
could become a slave to the Seven Deadly Ninja Gorillas."

"Water under the bridge.  You're not leaving, are you?  My offer for 
joining the LNH still stands."

Lady Heartthrob laughed.  "I don't belong in the LNH.  I'm a criminal. 
A murderer.  Your people don't trust me.  The world doesn't trust me."

"I don't care."

"It would never work.  I can't stay visible.  I'm wanted for so many 

"You could change your identity."

"No.  I've got to go.  Goodbye."

The Ultimate Ninja grabbed her by the arm.  "No.  Don't.  I just -- 
Hell.  I love you.  There.  I said it."

Lady Heartthrob shook her head.  "I'm sorry.  It's -- It's not going to 
happen.  It won't work.  It will just destroy us both.  Deep down you 
know that.  We're better off not -- it can't work."

"I don't care.  I don't care if it destroys us both.  I don't care if it 
destroys the world.  I want it.  I want you."

"Yes you do.  Don't you?"  Lady Heartthrob put her arms around the 
Ultimate Ninja and the two of them kissed.


Tomorrow:  Part Two!

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