LNH: Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot #1 out of 4: The Maggot That Squirmed -- Christmas!
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sun Dec 2 12:01:35 PST 2012
This Holiday Special is brought to you by:
Frosty the Snowman Brand Ice Tea: The only Ice Tea specifically brewed
from the melted corpse of Frosty the Snowman! Except No Substitute!!
The JONG Company proudly
(well, okay proudly might be too strong of a word)
PARSNIP THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE MAGGOT
#1 (out of 4)
The Maggot That Squirmed -- Christmas!
The Ultimate Ninja stretched his arms and gave a yawn as he walked into
the LNHQ's lobby. And then he had a brief twinge of deja vu as if he
had done that first sentence before. Must still be recovering from
yesterday's insane Thanksgiving. The Cranburglar had attempted to ruin
Thanksgiving by stealing Net.ropolis's supply of cranberry sauce (as
well as those cranberry jelly slabs). Fortunately, the LNH and Yam the
Thanksgiving Miracle Yak were there to stop him.
As he stepped into the lobby for a cup of coffee and to brief the
receptionist Kyoko Ishikawa on a few items, he sensed that something was
afoot. A bunch of LNH'rs were standing near the very tall LNH Christmas
Tree looking down at something. Looking at a corpse. Cannon Fodder's
"Okay, how did he die this time?" said a completely jaded Ultimate Ninja.
"He -- he was hanging the star on top of the Christmas Tree and he --
he..." recounted a very shaken up Kyoko. "He fell. He fell all the way
down! It was horrible!"
"Yeah, yeah," said the Ultimate Ninja. "Let's get the corpse out of here
and -- Wait!" The Ultimate Ninja could feel something. Something that
was about to emerge from Cannon Fodder's nostril. The Ultimate Ninja
prepared his Ginsu Katana for whatever monstrosity was coming.
It was some whitish worm like creature. And it was wearing some kind of
hat. A red Santa type cap?
"Wait!" cried the Incredible-Man-With-No-Life. "Don't kill it! It
won't do us any harm!"
"What is it?" said the Ultimate Ninja still not putting his katana away
as he watched the creature squirm across Cannon Fodder's face.
"It's Cauliflower's replacement! It's the New Christmas Miracle Pet!
It's Parsnip! Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot!!" The
Incredible-Man-With-No-Life pulled out a magazine from one of his
pockets. "I learned about it in Miracle Pet Monthly!"
"Jesus. Not Again," said the Ultimate Ninja shaking his head. "Okay,
fine. He's the new Christmas Miracle Pet. But he's not going to be a
member of the LNH. No. Never. I don't care how much you plead or beg,
he's never, never ever going to be a member. Not as long as I'm in
charge. Do you people understand?! Have I made myself clear?!"
"Oh, yeah," said Incredible-Man-With-No-Life nodding in agreement.
"Believe me we definitely don't have a problem with that. No problem at
all." Every other LNH member nodded too.
" ''''' '''''' '''''," said a slightly hurt Parsnip the Christmas
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NEXT WEEK: Can Parsnip ever hope to escape the Shadow of Cauliflower?
And if he does will anyone care?
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life is Enrique Conty's
Ultimate Ninja and Cannon Fodder are wReam's
Kyoko Ishikawa is Ken Schmidt's
Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot is Arthur Spitzer's
Back during RACC-Con '12, Rob and I were having some discussion about
Miracle Pets and I was telling him about this idea I had for a Halloween
Miracle Pet although I accidentally called him -- Pumpkin the Christmas
Miracle Maggot. And the more I thought about it, the more I liked the
idea of making the next Christmas Miracle Pet a maggot. So that's where
this came from. Parsnip is the Kyle Rayner to Cauliflower's Hal Jordan.
What else? Well, that's pretty much it.
Arthur "Away in a Maggot..." Spitzer
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