[MV] The Super Wizard From Space #14: The Tragedy Of Sharkasaurus Rex, Part 4

[Wil Alambre]

Sent from my iPad

On 2011-07-13, at 8:56 PM, Scott Eiler <seiler at eilertech.com> wrote:

> On 7/13/2011 12:34 PM, Wil Alambre wrote:
>> "Master hero! Master hero!" cried out the young boy, frantic enough to
>> ignore his disciplined training. "A terrible occurrence! The infinite
>> school have lost their hold on their grisly teacher! The cosmic crown
>> reacted suddenly and cut off their psychic leashes! Sharkasaurus Rex is
>> loose!".
> 
> "Expository dialog!  Expository dialog!" cried out the aging reader, impressed enough to enter the story himself.  "Vehicle of plot development!  Wondrous friend of all readers!"  8{D>

I'm not sure how much of a last-issue recap sort of thing is usually required. I'm still experimenting with different techniques. This time I decided to embrace a full old-fashioned recap, just like anthology comics sometimes did.

> "Danger-Brody-Dharma-danger!" spit out Emperor-M from his speaker grill.
>> "The-tournament-parameters-are-not-boolean-variable, end-statement.
>> Outsiders-may-not-case-break-interrupt-but-there-is-nothing-preventing-the-function-defined-challengers-from-file-corrupting-others,
>> end-statement, end-subroutine."
>> 
>> "M isz right," agreed the pretend-thing that spoke for the Monster Bees'
>> queen. Theodor had to flip almost all the way around to see her lurking
>> in the dark of the doorway, away from the proceedings in the open of the
>> balcony. "You and your inviszible monksz may be able to protect your
>> hive, but Amity's non-super inhabitantsz under the miszt will be chum in
>> the water. The shzark muszt be put down."
> 
> "What makes the wearers think they can do that, with those chains the crowns put around them?", argued the cranky old reader.  "But it should be fun to see them *try* something of that sort."

Many concepts in this story are suffering from sounded-clearer-in-my-head-itis. And I have to get out of this poor habit of having characters explain things when instead i could have them just *happen*.

> Theodor heard the beast roar with a million years of fury, mountain
>> peaks around collapsing from the monstrous sound. He watched Rex flinch
>> into as tight as a ball as it could and retreated from the living world,
>> becoming almost entirely intangible. Great Rex, humbled!
>> ...
>> The super wizard gritted his teeth and let the fire of the blue star
>> burn in his arms.
>> 
>> Both sets of chains snapped. He had the wreath.
> 
> ... well, that was a well-balanced battle with an interesting development at the end, the reader thought.
> 
> 
>> Theodor's kept his own emanations much more subdued. "Too much optimism.
>> Too much hope. Rex is no better. Rex is no wiser."
>> 
>> "No! No! It was the cosmic crown! Too much for Rex! Too much for anyone!"
>> .........................................
>> In retrospect, I should have done this *entire* arc from Theodor's
>> perspective. Oh well.
> 
> I'd like to say this reader shared Theodor's perspective at the end.

I have to admit not being certain what specifically you meant to say. The downside of trying to interpret text message and my own general inexperience, I'm afraid.

Overall, this shark story arc started out as a fun idea, but i believe I weighed it down with extraneous characters, foo much exposition, and clumsily explained concepts. Also, I've strayed from the fun golden-age short punchy story concept I started out with. I'll try to wrap this arc up next ish and see if I can rediscover it's original feel.

Self-critiquing,
Wil Alambre