MISC: One Day at a Time #9

[Andrew Perron]

               Chapter 9: Okay, an actual cast round up.
                 (Unfortunately, this includes John.)

[ The cover shows a shot from over the back of Mike's head.  He's 
looking at Victor Montague, sitting at his desk and looking back. ]

Robertson: Man, I love coffee.

Mike: HI!

Robertson: AHHHH!

Mike: [To Sir Greg and The Arch Mage] Man, I love doing that.

Sir Greg: So where's your master?

Robertson: Oh, "him?" He's doing paperwork. Like normal people.

Sir Greg: By the sound of that, you don't seem to like him.

Robertson: Not really, no.

Sir Greg: So, besides being the deputy - which I'm assuming you are - 
why do you put up with his shit?

Robertson: Well, don't we have the potty mouth. To be honest, it's 
because I feel bad for him.

Sir Greg: What do you mean?

Robertson: See, before a certain case, he was just a normal police 
officer. Since then, he hasn’t been the same. In fact, he seems to have 
developed this "Super Cop" personality because of it.

Sir Greg: Jeez, what happened?

Robertson: You don't want to know. Anyway, you came here to see him?

Mike: Was wondering if you guys would remember us.

The Arch Mage: I'm used to it.

SFX: *Robertson knocking on the door*

Victor Montague: Who is it?

Sir Greg: Those three Plumbers you asked for.

Victor Montague: That's funny, I don't remember asking for any 
plumbers.

Mike: That’s because you didn't. [enters the room] We came over here 
because we wanted to.

Victor Montague: Ah, good, you're here. Can you sign these?

Mike: What are they?

Victor Montague: They're papers that basically make you an official 
part of the force.

Mike: Neat.

The Arch Mage: Hey, Mike. Can I talk to you for a sec?

Mike: Yo.

The Arch Mage: Do you think this is a good idea?

Mike: Why not? Being on the side of the law could really help us.

The Arch Mage: But what if we do something unlawful?

Mike: Then we'd better have a good reason.

The Arch Mage: …All right, I guess I’ll go with it for now.

Mike: Right. Now then, where are those contracts?

Victor Montague: I didn't say they were contracts.

Mike: Whatever, just give me a pen.

Announcer: Some soul-binding later...

Victor Montague: Okay, here are your badges, I assume you still have 
yours, Mike. And your cards for reading the Miranda rights off of.

Mike: Hey, thanks for not giving me that when I needed it.

Victor Montague: Well, to be fair, we were trying to track you down 
then.

Mike: Hey, by the way, are these bugged too?

The Arch Mage and Sir Greg: *look at the back of their badges*

Victor Montague: No. That was dishonest, and cops shouldn't act that 
way. I should be a better example to my men.

Mike: Yeah, that was kind of a dick move.

Victor Montague: Now, there's someone I'd like you to meet. He's in the 
evidence room right now.

Sir Greg: Why?

Victor Montague: You'll see.

*From one location to another, it's a scene transition! A Scene 
Transition! MOTHERFUCKING SCENE TRANSITION!*

Mike: Why was that hallway so long?

Victor Montague: The architect was paid more the more he did. Anyway, 
WE ARE HERE!

Sir Greg: Bit dramatic, aren't we?

Victor Montague: If you'd seen what's behind this door, you would want 
to be dramatic too.

*Open sesifer!*

Sir Greg: That door sounded weir-- oh, hello.

Some guy: Hello! [head falls off] Oh, not again.

Mike: So who's the fellow who keeps losing his head?

Some guy's head: Edmund Crumpleston, Mr. Kitty.

Mike: It's Kittyman.

Victor Montague: He's a victim of the floating man.

Mike: Really? Interesting. [thinking] That could have been me losing my 
head all the time. I guess I should thank the voice sometime.

Roberson: Hey, hate to interrupt this love-in here, but there’s some 
sort of emergency happening uptown. So we better get on that.

Victor Montague: Ah, well then. Are you ready for your first official 
assignment?

Mike: Of course.

The Arch Mage: Ready as I'll ever be.

Sir Greg: You can count on me!

Edmund Crumpleston: What about me? [arm falls off] Awww.

Victor Montague: Alrighty then. Let's roll!

Sir Greg: Seriously? You're going with that?

Victor Montague: What, what's wrong with it?

Sir Greg: It's very worn out.

Mike: We'll think about a catch phrase later. Right now, EMERGENCY!