MISC/REPOST: One Day at a Time #8 (Now with cover!)
mason.james.jamesmason at gmail.com
Wed Feb 16 21:24:18 PST 2011
Chapter 8: Steve Henkelbert.
[ The cover shows the upper bodies of Bill, John and Alex transformed
into a humanoid tabby cat with an M on his forehead, a mage in NOBODY
CARES-- er, an epic robe, and a knight in shining armor, respectively.
The background glows brightly, thunderbolt-shaped lines of light going
Everyone: *various forms of snoring*
SFX: *LIGHTNING CRASH!*
Bill to Mike: HUUUAAA!
John to Mage!John: HA!
Alex to a knight!?: HAI-YA!
Mike: Oh. It was just the lighting.
Knight!Alex: KITTY! :D
Mike: Oh crap!
SFX: *metal crashing GLOMP!*
Mike: [in a strained voice] Please get off me... you are... *quite*
Knight!Alex: Huh? OH! *lets go* Where did this armor come from?
Mage!John: It was probably given to you by the voice.
Knight!Alex: Oh, so *that*'s what you were talking about.
Mike: *He's still on the ground, by the way. Just thought you might
want to know.* Yep.
Knight!Alex: I wonder what special powers I g-- wait. Is it raining?
*looks out the window* AUGH! MY BIKE! *door-smashing noise and FOOSH!
Mike: D-- did she just go faster than the wind?
Mage!John: She cares about her bike, but she doesn't care about her
Knight!Alex: *BREAKS THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL!*
Mage!John: There was a door.
Knight!Alex: Huh? AHHH! MY DOOR AND WALL!
Mike: You should change back before--
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: YOU ARE NEEDED.
Mike: [echoey voice of inner thoughts] ...you start freaking out. This
Knight!Alex: [also echoey thoughtvoice] Hey, how come you guys aren't
moving your mouths, and also how did you get inside my mind?
Mike: Wait, this is the inside of your mind? Your mind has GIANT cakes,
strawberries, candies, chocolate, oranges, cookies, lollipops,
gumdrops, sandwiches, ice-cream, and a soda river?
Mage!John: [same] Is this heaven!? :D
Knight!Alex: None of this stuff was here before. I--
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: THERE IS A CRIME HAPPENING AT THE BANK. GO AND STOP
Mike: Again? *sigh* All right.
Everyone: [normal voices] AHHH!
Mike: Okay, the bank isn't too far from here, but we can go faster if
we take the rooftops.
Knight!Alex: But what about my wall and door?
Door and wall: *REPAIR!*
Mike: By the way, you guys need codenames.
Knight!Alex: Then I'm Sir Greg!
Mage!John: That doesn't sound very knightish.
Sir Greg: Okay then, Mister Criticizes Everything, let's hear your
Mage!John: Well, I... I...
Mike: The Arch Mage!
The Arch Mage: ...Well, I guess it works.
Mike: AND I AM YOUR KING!
The Arch Mage: No.
Mike: Yeah, I prefer Mike anyway. LET'S GO!
Sir Greg: I would totally follow a cat king.
Announcer: Later at the bank, do-do-dodo!
Robber 1: Umm, sir, shouldn't we be taking the money?
Robber Boss: Well, if this was a bank robbery, we would, but it isn't.
Robber 2: Then why aren't we doing anything?
Robber Boss: We're waiting for the guy who caught you.
Robber 1: But Boss, we already told you, our guns barely did anything!
And he broke our knives!
Robber Boss: Now, Max, you can't just let a few losses let you down.
Besides, I've got something special for him. And please, call me Steve.
Max: Right, boss.
SFX: *KICK THE DAMN DOOR OPEN!*
Mike: Hi, you are under arrest. *flashes badge* You have the right to
remain silent. Right to an attorney, if ya can't afford one the state
will pay for one, yadda yadda yadda. Do you understand?
Steve: Aren't you supposed to read that from a card?
Mike: They forgot to give me one. Do you understand or something like
Steve: Well, aren't we following proper procedure? Tell me, what is
your name? I want to tell the force about how their rookie failed to do
Mike: Okay, my name is Mike Kittyman and you're under arrest.
Steve: So it is. Well, then. *bows* My name is Steve Henkelbert, and
these are my associates, Max and Bill.
Mike: *chuckles INSIDE HIS HEAD!* I remember them; they tried to rob the
bank and I stopped them.
Steve: Yes, you did. Then I broke them out with my special ability.
Would you like to know what it is?
Mike: Is it a super power?
Steve: Why yes! *waves hand and summons slimes* Yes it is.
Mike: ...Just slimes? That's it? I can do better. NOW!
Announcer: Just then, Sir Greg and the Arch Mage busted through the
boarded-up window! But as they fell, the Arch Mage cast a repair spell
on the boards.
Steve: There *was* a door.
Sir Greg: Ha!
Announcer: Sir Greg stomped on a slime so hard it made a crater in the
floor, while the Arch Mage fired a laser at a slime, causing it to
melt! Afterwards, the slimy remains dissipated!
Mike: *notices that the slimes have cores* *aims for it!* HA! *...but
his arm stops midway* *tries to pull it out, but can't* Umm... help?
Mike: [thinking] ...I'm hungry. Guess I missed dinner. Man, these
slimes look so appetizing. Maybe... I can eat my way out! *CHOMP*
Mike: [out loud] HAAAAAK CLLLLLGK! *HACK HACK* Oh, man! That was a bad
Sir Greg: Hang on, Mike, I'll--
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: I SHALL GIVE YOU A NEW WEAPON.
Mike: [thoughts] ...okay, then. What is it?
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: A SWORD.
Mike: [still] ...yeah, that would help, thanks.
Announcer: Back in reality, Sir Greg was trying to pull Mike's arm out,
but couldn't quite get it. Just then, a sword appeared in Mike's hand!
He slashed upward, causing the slime to melt and, yes, dissipate!
Mike: Oh, awesome! It's stylized with green stripes like my clothes!
Sir Greg: I like how it's brown, like your fur. Kind of like you made
Mike: Yeah, but I think it's more of an "I own it" kind of thing.
Steve: Well done! But can you stand up against THIS!? *waves hand,
nothing happens* ...um. Let me try that again. *waves hand... still
nothing happens!* What's going on? Why can't I summon the goblin with
The Arch Mage: Looks like you're out of MP.
Steve: No! No! I'VE GOT A SHOT-GUN! *pulls out a shotgun!*
SFX: *creaking metal noise of Sir Greg breaking the shotgun by bending
Steve: WA!? WEREN'T YOU ACROSS THE ROOM?
Sir Greg: I *was*.
Mike: Guess you're out of options. Now, are you going to come with us
quietly, or kicking and screaming?
Steve: NO! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOSE! I-- *gets pushed over by The Arch
Mike: You two! *points at Max and Bill, who are just watching with awe*
Take this guy with us.
Max and Bill: Yes sir!
Mike: Come on, a certain police chief is waiting for us.
Announcer: Shortly after...
Victor Montague: Well loo-- naaah, it's been done.
Robertson: At least I didn't lose any money this time.
Mike: But you did get back those two criminals and another one. Keep
his hands tied, though, he can do magic!
Victor Montague: No one can get past the patented Montague knot!
Robertson: You didn't patent anything! You just stated calling your
above-average rope-tying skills "the patented Montague knot!"
Victor Montague: Shut up.
Mike: You may want to read this guy his rights. Well, if you don't need
us, we will be going now. Bye!
Victor Montague: Wait!
Victor Montague: Sorry about before, with the whole "trying to track
you" thing. To make it up to you, you can come to the station and work
with us to help us stop crimes. You have powers beyond normal people,
and you could be a lot of help.
Mike: Only if my buddies can join in.
Robertson: Yes! I get my five bucks back!
Victor Montague: Aww. Fine, here. *GIVE MONEY! HOW MUCH? $5.00!*
Welcome to the force! Ummm...
Mike: Mike Kittyman.
Sir Greg: Sir Greg.
The Arch Mage: The Arch Mage.
Victor Montague: [to Mike] Why is yours the only one that's a full
Mike: Possibly because I only thought of the first one.
Victor Montague: Ahhh. ...wait, huh?
Mike: We're going now.
Victor Montague: But--
Mike: I have a life too! It's a secret one, but it's a life!
Victor Montague: Don't you want to know the location of the police
Mike: ...yeah, that would probably be important.
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