Superfreaks/ACRA: Superfreaks Season 3 #3

[Martin Phipps]

Michael King, Lana Lewis and Frank Lopez: crime scene 
investigators.  John Phelps, Mark Johnston and Tom 
Jackson: police officers.  Jack Greenspan and Edward 
Bailey: medical examiners.  Alan Russell and Roger 
Roeper: lawyers.  These men and women are truly our 
last line of defense.  But what about the capes whose
cases they have to investigate?  Should they be
considered a help or a hindrance? 

                 SUPERFREAKS SEASON 3 #3 

          "THE INVASION OF THE BOOTY SNATCHERS"

                         PART I 

12:05 am

  "Hi."
  "Hello."
  "You're human."
  "That's right."
  "I like human girls."
  "Okay.  So I take it you're not human then?"
  "No.  I'm from Planet Chauva.  I'm a Chauvani."  The
Chauvani was about seven feet tall with huge muscles
and green skin.  This appeared to be normal for
Chauvanis because his companion, also a Chaunvani, fit
this discription as well.  They were both dressed in
dress shirts and slacks, apparently having been fitted
to accommodate their sizes.
  "I see."
  "And I'm here to score with Earth women."
  "Okay."
  "Then you agree to come with me to a place where we
can simulate mating!"
  "Actually, no.  Sorry, but I plan to stick to my own
species.  I'm sorry if that offends you."
  The Chauvani growled and turned to hsi companion. 
"I thought you said Earth girls were easy!"

9:02 am

  Pepperton City Mayor Jason Teller had called in the
Dullkin ambassador to speak with him.
  "I appreciate you coming to see me," Mayor Teller
said.
  "Not at all," the Dullkin Ambassador said.  "I take
it this is an urgent matter."
  Mayor Teller grimaced.  "I'm just concerned that
some of the alien delegates that have arrived here in
Pepperton may have some trouble fitting in."
  "I see.  Any particular problems you foresee?"
  "Well," the mayor said, "first there's the
Clingonians.  They are a bit TOO friendly."
  "Too friendly?  How?"
  "Humans like their space but the Clingonians greet
everyone by hugging them.  We're not sure how to
politely tell them not to."
  "I see," the Dullkin ambassador said.  "Perhaps we
need to spend more time observing human customs and
let the other delegates know what is and what isn't
appropriate."
  "Then there's the Phallaxians."
  "There is something wrong with their behavior?"
  "It's not so much their behaviour but tehir
appearance."
  "Their appearance?"
  "They look like giant penises."
  The Dullkin ambassador nodded.  "Of course they do. 
They evolved from a more humanoid form through sexual
selection: female Phallaxians wanted male Phallaxians
with larger and larger penises in every subsequant
generation until finally the Phallaxian males eveolved
into a form that mostly penis."
  "Then the Phallaxians we have seen to date have all
been male?"
  "Yes, that's right."
  "Then what do their women look like?"
  "Like your females.  But with extremely large
breasts, so large that the females have to walk on
their hands and knees to get around."
  The mayor considered this.  "That actually makes
sense I suppose."
  "Anything else?"
  The mayor nodded.  "The Chauvani."
  "The Chauvani?"
  "Yes," the mayor said, choosing his words very
carefully, "the Chauvani seem to rather like human
females."
  "I see.  Is this a problem...?"
  "Well..."
  Just then, the mayor's secretary burst in.  "Mayor
Teller!" she said.
  "What is it, Maria?" the maypr asked, annoyed that
she would interupt such an important meeting.
  "One of the Chauvani delegates has been killed!"

9:25 am

  "Could you describe what happened?" Detective John
Phelps asked the surviving Chauvani delegate.
  "It was the woman!" he told him.  "The one you have
in custody!"
  Detective Michael King sighed.  "She's a lot smaller
than a Chauvani.  How does a human woman kill a
Chauvani?"
  The Chauvani sighed.  "We look tough but we are
actually quite fragile on this planet!  We are
stronger on our native world!"
  "So maybe this was an accident," John asked.
  "No!  She meant to kill him!"
  "Are you sure?" John asked.  "Tell us _exactly_ what
happened."
  The Chauvani nodded.  "We had come out of this bar. 
We hadn't had any luck meeting anybody."
  "Hold on," John said, interrupting.  "Could you
elaborate?  Who were you trying to meet?"
  The Chauvani sighed.  "We were curious about human
mating customs."
  "I see."
  "So we spotted these two human women and we both
agreed that they seemed to be ideal candidates.  They
were obviously on their way home so perhaps they would
agree to come with us instead."
  "To..."
  "Simulate human mating."
  "I see."
  "But before my companion could even say anything
this woman struck him in the heart with her fist, he
dropped to the ground clutching his heart and died
almost instantly.  There was nothing I could do."
  John nodded.  "Your friend didn't say anything to
her?"
  "No."
  "Nothing at all?"
  "She stuck him brutally and without warning."
  John looked over at Michael.
  Michael spoke.  "You see, the problem we have here
is that, first of all, human women do not normally
attack men twice their size, not even alien men and,
second of all, there's no way the woman could have
known that her attack would have been fatal."
  Johm pointed to his chest.  "Humans have ribs. 
These bones are hard.  A punch to a chest is very
rarely fatal for a human being."
  The Chauvani sighed.  "Are you going to let this
woman get away with this or will we have to introduce
diplomatic measures?"
  "What sort of diplomatic measures?" John asked.
  "That is for the ambassador to decide," the Chauvani
said, cryptically.

9:29 am

  "Good morning."
  "Good morning."
  "Hi."
  "I'm Detective Lana Lewis.  What are your names?"
  "I'm Julie Dawson."
  "I'm Felicia Sommers."
  Lana nodded.  "Julie, you are accused of killing a
Chauvani delegate."
  "No way!"
  "She didn't do it!" Felicia said.
  "Could you tell me what happened?"
  "This big alien, he approached me and smiled at me
but, like, I just wanted to go home.  I said 'Go away.
 Get lost.'  And then we ran off."
  "Yeah," Felicia said.  "That's exactly what
happened."
  "You didn't touch him at all?" Lana asked.
  "Not at all!"
  "They were each twice our size!" Felicia said.
  "Yeah," Julie said.  "I was scared."
  "Me too!"
  "We just ran away as fast as we could."
  Lana nodded.  "I believe you," she said, "but I want
both of you to stick around while we try to figure
this out."
  "Okay," they both said.

                          PART II

9:58 am

  "I feel I must apologize," the Dullkin Ambassador
told Detectives Michael King and John Phelps.
  John shrugged his shoulders.  "It isn't in any way
your fault," he said.
  "I feel somehow it is," the Dullkin Ambassador said.
 "I may have invited delegates to Earth before they
were ready to come."  He thought for a moment.  "The
Chauvani may want the girls brought to to Chauva for
trial."
  "I don't think our government would allow that,"
John told him.
  "You may not have a choice," the Dullkin Ambassador
said.  "The Chauvani are a very stubborn race and if
the perpetrators are not brought to face justice then
it could be seen as an act of war."
  "War?" Michael asked.
  "I thought you people were supposed to be beyond
that sort of thing!" John complained.
  "Indeed we are," the Dullkin Ambassador said, "but
the Chauvani are not.  But, don't worry, we Dullkins
have experience negotiating with them.  I'm sure we
can reach an agreement that does not result in further
loss of life."
  Michael sighed.  "Our laws don't recognize alien
authority," he said, "but the Chauvani can rest
assured that we would grant any Chauvani the same
rights under the law as a human being.  They have to
respect our rights as well, however."
  "I understand," the Dullkin Ambassador said. 
"Perhaps I can assist you in examining the evidence
against these girls."
  John grimaced.  "I don't know if that's a good
idea," he said.
  Michael agreed.  "With all due respect ambassador,
you DID invite the Chauvani here so, from our point of
view, you would not be considered unbiased.  Frankly,
you're too close to the victim."
  "I see."  The Dullkin ambassador thought for a
moment.  "Then perhaps there is some other way I can
help."
  Michael mused for a moment.  "Perhaps you could help
us with an entirely different case."

10:15 am

  "Last night we were called to the scene of a
stabbing," Michael told the Dullkin Ambassador.  "We
found this cat in the victim's apartment."
  Edward Bailey held up the cat so the Dullkin
ambassador could take a look at it.
  "I see," the Dullkin ambassador said.  "So this cat
is your prime suspect."
  "Actually, no," Michael said, "the cat was the
victim's pet."
  "Pet?"
  "Sometimes humans like having small animals around,"
Edward explained.
  "Yes," Michael said, "exactly."
  The Dullkin ambassador nodded.  "Our scientists
could examine the cat's brain and retrieve its
memories."
  "And does this hurt the cat?" Michael asked.
  "Not at all," the Dullkin ambassador said, "not as
long as it is already dead when the procedure begins."
  "Okay," Edward said, "we are NOT killing this cat."
  "Don't worry," Michael said.  "I'm sorry, Mr.
Ambassador, but we don't want to kill the cat."
  "But we would be able to retrieve a clear image of
the man's killer."
  "Is there another way that does not involve killing
the cat?" Michael asked.
  The Dullkin ambassador nodded.  "Yes."
  "Well?  What is it?"
  "I'm afraid that the procedure results in subjective
evidence only: I might be able to retrieve the image
from the cat's brain but only I would be able to see
it.  You would not be able to retrieve an actual
photograph."
  "If we could get a description of the killer then
that would be something.  What kind of procedure is
this?"
  "A Dullkin mind link."
  "A Dullkin mind link?"
  "Yes," the Dullkin ambassador said.  "Give me the
cat."
  Edward hesitated.
  "Give him the cat," Michael said.  "It's okay."
  Edward handed the cat over.  "Don'y hurt him."
  "I won't," the Dullkin ambassador said.  While
holding the cat with one arm, the Dullkin ambassador
placed his free hand over the cat's head.  The cat
started to purr.
  "Hey," Edward said.  "He likes you!"
  "Silence!" the Dullkin ambassador said.  "I must
concentrate!"  The Dullkin ambassador started to
concentrate.  "My mind to your mind.  My thoughts to
your thoughts.  I see what you have seen.  Ah, yes.  I
see the victim now.  The cat is in his apartment."
  "Do you see the killer?" Michael asked.
  "No.  Not yet.  Wait.  The cat heard something."
  "Was it the killer?"
  "Maybe.  The cat ran away and hid."
  "So the killer was probably somebody the cat didn't
know," Edward mused.
  "Did the killer say anything?" Michael asked.
  "Maybe.  But the cat's memories of what might have
been said are unreliable.  It doesn't seem to
understand human speech."
  "So that's it then?" Edward asked.  "We've got
nothing?"
  "Wait," the Dullkin ambassador said, "the killer was
searching the apartment."
  "Can you see his face?" Michael asked.
  "Yes," the Dullkin ambassador said.  "The killer
looked directly at the cat.  The killer must have also
seen the cat and yet he was not concerned about
leaving a witness."
  Michael smiled.  "That's because cats can't usually
provide descriptions."
  "I see," the Dullkin ambassador said as he handed
the cat back to Edward.
  "But maybe you can.  Please come with me to talk to
Frank Lopez: you give him your description of the
killer and he should be able to draw a picture based
on what you saw."
  The Dullkin ambassador nodded.  "I'll do my best. 
I'm afraid you humans all look alike to me."

                       PART III

11:45 am

  "I demand you hand these two women over to me
immediately!" the Chauvani ambassador said.  He was
standing next to the Chauvani whom the detectives had
questioned earlier.
  "I don't think so!" Detective John Phelps told him.
  "You dare speak to me in that manner?" the Chauvani
ambassador said.
  "Who's planet do you think this is, anyway?" John
asked.
  "Please!" the Dullkin ambassador said.  "Everybody
calm down."
  "I would suggest that you take a look at the
victim's body before you make up your mind about
taking anybody," Detective Micahel King suggested.
  "Why?" the Chauvani ambassador asked.
  "Don't listen to them!" the other Chauvani insisted.
 "It's a trick!"
  "No," the Chauvani ambassador said.  "I want to hear
what they have to say."

11:55 am

  Michael took the three aliens to the morgue where
Medical Examiner Doctor Jack Greenspan had been
examining the body.
  "Jack," he said, "what can you tell me?"
  Jack sighed.  "I can't be sure of anything, really,
because I am not familiar with alien anatomy."
  "What does it look like to you?" Michael asked.
  Jack shone a UV light over the victim's chest.  "The
light highlights the bruises.  Now, if you look
closely, you can make out what appears to be the
outline of a fist."
  The Chauvani ambassador leaned forward.  He then
looked at Detective King.  "What size are the accused
hands?"
  "Same as mine," Michael told him.  "Smaller in fact.
 Human women tend to have smaller hands than human
men."
  "I see."  The Chauvani ambassador looked at his
companion.  "These marks could not have been made by a
human woman."
  "The woman hit him very hard!"
  "Don't lie to me, Rigweg!  It's unlikely that a
human woman would have been able to kill a Chauvani
with a single blow and even if she could the mark
wouldn't look like that.  Now tell me the truth!"
  Rigweg looked down at the floor.
  "Tell me the truth NOW, Rigweg!"
  "Alright!" Rigweg said.  "_I_ was the one who
approached the human woman outside the bar.  All I did
was smile at her and she and her companion ran off. 
And then Topweg laughed at me."
  "So you killed him?"
  "I just punched him."
  "You punched him in the heart and he died.  You
killed him!"
  "Yes!"
  The Chauvani ambassador sighed.  He turned to speak
to Detective King.  "I apologize.  I deeply regret how
a fellow Chauvani lied to you and your officers and
tried to accuse one of your species of commiting this
vile act."
  "That's quite alright, Mr. Ambassador," Michael
said.
  "If you want me to make a public apology..."
  Michael shook his head.  "That won't be necessary. 
You see, the body was found only this morning so the
local newspapers haven't picked up the story.  I think
it would be for the best if the fact that a Chauvani
was murdered by a fellow Chauvani be keep a secret."
  "But why?"
  Michael sighed.  "Because humans tend to fear the
unknown and your people are unknowns to us and it
wouldn't make the situation any better if people knew
that Chauvanis were capable of such things as murder
and deceit.  We already know humans are capable of
such things.  We were hoping that alien species that
had made it to the stars would have grown beyond being
capable of such things."
  The Dullkin ambassador nodded.  "That would be our
fault.  Perhaps we acted too quickly when we provided
the Chauvani with technology equal to our own."
  "I'm not blaming either of you.  The only one who is
to blame is Rigwug here."
  "Rigweg," the Chauvani ambassador said.
  "Rigweg," Michael repeated.
  Rigweg lowered his head in shame.
  The Dullkin ambassador looked Michael directly in
the eye.  "I am impressed, Detective King.  You are a
skilled diplomat."
  Michael shrugged his shoulders.  "I just know how to
deal with people.  Of all species, apparently."
  "You should be the one to represent Earth in the
Association of Planets."
  Michael laughed.  "That's not my decision to make. 
And, frankly, I'm not a good candidate: I'm only a
police detective.  I am not a career diplomat."
  The Dullkin ambassador nodded.  "I can only hope
that the people who your people chooses is as skilled
as you."  He looked at the Chauvani ambassador. 
"Ambassador Hakweg, I do believe our duties here are
concluded."
  "Indeed," Ambassador Hakweg said.  "I will bring
Rigweg back to Chauvani to face our justice.  I will
also need Topweg's body."
  Jack nodded.  "You can take him anytime you like. 
I've finished examining him."
  "Very well," Ambassador Hakweg said.  He turned to
face Michael.  "Once again, I apologize, on behalf of
all Chauvanis everywhere."
  Michael nodded.  "I appreciate that."
  "Farewell."
  The two ambassadors signaled their respective ships
and were transported back, the Chauvani ambassador
taking Rigweg and Topweg (deceased) with him.

                        THE END

Martin


       
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