LNH: 58.5 #7
martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Sat Aug 25 06:07:41 PDT 2007
On Aug 6, 8:46 pm, Lalo Martins <lalo.mart... at gmail.com> wrote:
> It was already night in Net.ropolis. Kid-Not-Appearing-In-Any-
> Beige-Midnight-Story and Cannon Fodder were once more standing
> in a warehouse in the middle of fallen Crime Empire goons.
> This time, Fodder was armed, with his own, personal, modded Big
> Gun, and a newly acquired sample of the smaller version, the Big
> Sidearm. He seemed much happier, even confident, than you'd
> normally expect of Cannon Fodder. That's probably because he
> hadn't been dying so much in missions anymore. Sure, between
> missions it was still just as bad, and sometimes right after the
> mission. But not at the hands of enemies; no, he could almost
> say he was kicking @$$ now!
> His musings were interrupted by the entrance of a very large man
> in a pinstriped suit. In fact, he wasn't so much large as he
> was *wide*; his whole shape seemed almost square.
> "You have interfered with the business of the Crime Empire one
> time to many, fools."
> "Er", said Fodder. "We're not really after you, we're tracking
> the Xinerama..."
> "Cease your banter! Your motives are of little interest to me,
> when your actions speak for themselves!"
> "And who", said Kid-Not-Appearing-In-Any-Beige-Midnight-Story,
> determined not to be surpassed in the field of Fancy Four-Color
> Comic Talk, "might you be, that you think you can measure up to
> our combined might?"
> "Fools! I am Mister Manhandler, and I manage Net.ropolis for
> the mighty Crime Empire!"
The teaser was good... except Cannon Fodder and KNAIABMS didn't appear
in the rest of the story. Your teaser, therefore, should have been a
recap of #6 (which would have helped the reader better understand who
the New Misfits and the Lion Pack were and why they were fighting) and
this segment should ahve been moved to the end of the story where it
would have served as the cliffhanger for #8. (Am I good or what? :))
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