LNH: Alt.stralian Yarns #1: On the Matter of Locks

[Tom Russell]

Tarq wrote:
> ALT.STRALIAN YARNS
> #1
> On the Matter of Locks
> by Mitchell Crouch

This was very amusing.  And the first sentence alone made me wax
nostalgic.

> Been-Out-Bush-For-Way-Too-Long Man looked up from the piece of paper he
> held in his grubby hands.

No, I wasn't waxing nostalgic for grubby hands, pieces of paper, or
pieces of paper in grubby hands.  But seeing that name,
Been-Out-Bush-For-Way-Too-Long Man, reminded me of that great LNH
tradition, the Long Hyphenated Character Name.  Like
Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-Better Lad or Kid
Not-Appearing-In-Any-Retcon-Hour Story.

And it made me remember just how weird and wonderful the LNH is, to
have character names like that.  I mean, where does that come from?
wReam mostly, I suspect: I can't think of any real life (i.e.
professionally published) super-characters who have names even half
that long.

It's just one of the things that makes the LNH special, and I'm glad
Mitchell chose to start his first LNH story in that tradition.

> In truth, Been-Out-Bush-For-Way-Too-Long Man hadn't read a thing on the
> sheet, and nor did he care to. If this bloke wanted to be his family,
> sure, why not?

That's a nice touch. :-)

> One of the steers looked up, and, suddenly and without warning, shot a
> pair of gosh darn lasers from its eyes, blowing the cow pie out of the
> witless bird.
>
> "Great Scott!" exclaimed City Slicker Gent, jumping back. "What in the
> - ?! How did it - ?!"
>
> "Yep." Been-Out-Bush-For-Way-Too-Long Man nodded approvingly.
> "Supersteer. Got superbeef in 'em. Export it all to them Legion of
> Net.whatsies, o'er in the States. Says it's good for them powers, they
> do."

I just got the image of a sub-basement full of freshly butchered
superbeef.

Might be why I prefer Cheesecake-Eater Lad. :-)

> Meanwhile, the missus was chuckin' a ninny.

I... I have no idea what that means. :-)

> The missus rushed ahead, while Been-Out-Bush-For-Too-Long Man and City
> Slicker Gent took their time, discussing the incredible cattle on the
> way. When they were almost back to the three houses (residence,
> kitchen, and outhouse), a shriek from the dunny preceded the missus as
> she came streaking down the hill (by which I mean she ran quickly, not
> ran naked ~ Ed.).

... Ah.  Shoot. :-)

Anyway-- welcome, Mitchell, to the Legion of the Net.Heroes!  I think
that makes you our first new author since Tim Munn a couple years back.

(The first new LNH author; I haven't forgotten you, Jerry, even if you
seem to have disappeared!)

Do you prefer Mitchell or Mr. Crouch or the internet handle, Tarq?

==Tom