[LNH/ACRA] Killfile Wars #3

Jesse Willey cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Thu May 25 09:02:06 PDT 2006

Ultimate Ninja gathered Master Blaster, Deja Dude and
Vel in the armory doorway. Vel was running his
portable scanner across the room.  After several
seconds he turned his attention back to the Ninja.

"We've got the stop him!" Ninja said.
"Do you mind if I ask you one question?" Vel asked.
"What?" Ninja said.
"If you were him... where would you go?"  
"The sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement.  It is where you're
storing that Dorf transport device we recovered from
the museum," Ninja said.  (See Vel #-5-1/2.)
"Thank you," Vel said as he ran out of the room. 
Ultimate Ninja followed after him.  "Now quickly...
let's go."
"What's up with them?" Master Blaster said.
"Ultimate Ninja and Vel are going to go after Ultimate
Ninja," Deja Dude said.
"I know where this is going," Master Blaster said. 
"It was inevitable really.  Aren't we going to help?"

Deja Dude frowned for a moment.

"No.  I kind of like being alive," Deja Dude said.
"Yeah and if we got murdered, our wives would kill us.
  Of course, she might murder me for what I did to
Wikiboy yesterday," Master Blaster said.
"Not again..." Deja Dude responded.  "What did you do
this time..."
"All I can say is it involves Massachusetts and Frat

Killfile Wars #3 of 6
By Jesse N. Willey

Barney the security guard was at his checkout point.  
The desk had dozens of screens watching various rooms
of the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement.   Nothing ever
happened down here.   The upper levels had activity
all the time.  The lower subbasements had crazy stuff
like that all the time.  This was normal.   It was
almost as if the building had declared this neutral

That's why he always snuck a portable television down
to here to the game.   Since nobody ever came down
here, nobody noticed the six pack of soda and the
large bag of potato chips either.   He sat down,
turned on his TV.   As a large ball came into focus an
energy globe burst through the television screen.

"Oh Crap!" Barney shouted.


	Onion Lad wheeled the tray down the hallway.   He got
to Teri's door and knocked.    After three minutes
nobody answered.  He pushed the door chime.   She came
to the door dressed only in a pair of pink Power Puff
Girls pajamas.

	"Oh Chuckles... you brought me Peanut Butter and Banana
sandwiches to celebrate my finally getting my LNH
memberships.   How sweet," she said.

	Smiled and kissed his cheek.   He stumbled and hit
his head on the doorway. She slammed the door.  Onion
Lad waited outside the door for several minutes.    
The he hear her scream.  Teri came charging out of the
room in full Teryaki Chick costume.

	"He was here!  He turned my sandwiches into
I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter," she said.  


The Ninja was crawled through the vents of the
sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basements.    He snuck through the
vents so Barney wouldn't alert anyone.  Not that the
old man would pry his eyes away from the game.    
Each time he came to grating, he peaked down to make
sure he hadn't gone past his objective.   

"Lab where the wererat cure is being worked on... no.   
Repair shop for old pinball machines... no.... vending
machine area...." He thought.

  He finally found the right room.   He saw the
deactivated tunnel.   Now he just had to wait for her.
 He knew she would be coming here.  It was the only
thing that made any sense.  The first rule of combat;
know thy enemy.   

  Within seconds, she was there.   He snuck out the
microgun that Master Blaster had taken off some crazed
mad scientist a few.  He missed this.  The sneaking
around and hunting.  This is what a ninja was supposed
to do.  Not sit behind a desk and chair meetings.   
He aimed it precisely and fired.   Deliahs's blood
spattered from her stomach.   


The computer beeped. Angelica Weinstein crawled out of
bed.  She didn't want to wake Josh.   He made the
cutest noises while he slept.   Sometimes after a long
night, she when she laid awake he night she would
listen as his growling stomach magically played tunes
from `The H.M.S. Pinafore'.   He'd always said that it
was because his mother had done so much community
theater when she wasn't busy being a super villain.  

The walked up to her laptop and turned the monitor on
as dimly as she could.

"What is it Computer," she whispered.
"There is a new email in one of your brother's old
dummy email accounts," The Computer said.  "I know I
normally handle the day operations of the
intergalactic and xenotechnology reverse engineering
part of the company, but I thought this one required
your specific attention."
"Pull it up," she said.

To: MasterprogrammerAlpha at weinsteinonline.com
 From: K_Nightstalker at AASN.org

 You lying sons of bitches!  You said you were going
to use the nanos to help humanity, not to play
Manchurian Candidate.    I've been watching you.  I
told you I would be.   

--- Dalton.

"Okay... what's the problem," Angelica said.
"I have no idea what he's talking about," The Computer

Limbo was nothing, if not a learning experience.   It
had taken time but Doctor Killfile had learned to view
other worlds.   Some were pathetic.   He wanted to
beat the crap out of Doctor Lifefile.   There had been
other worlds he'd watched too.

"I tire of sitting here observing.  I'll see how my
daughter fairs at her hair brained revenge scheme,"
Killfile thought.  His eyes spun in his head for
several seconds.    "I see... I must use all my training
here.   Concentrate... take all the energy I've
collected here into one blast.    It shall take care
of something I should have handled a long time ago."


She reached for the portal control.    Ninja loosened
the vent covering and leapt down.   She stumbled

"If you don't use your healing factor, you'll be dead
in two or three days tops.  You've lost," Ninja said.
"Not as long as," she grunted.  "I see him and you in
the grave."

Her face went blank as she healed the wound.  She was
still in pain.

"Now you'll be dead in three months.   You've made it
much harder to get that bullet out.   It had more than
trace amounts of plutonium.  If the radiation
poisoning doesn't get you... you'll develop cancer.  The
more your healing factor tries to heal it... the worse
it will get.  The same thing happened to Badass,"
Ninja said. (See Vel #1-2)
	"You wouldn't..." she said.
	"You killed me.  It is only fair," he said.  "You
killed me... and I'm going to have to live with it for
the rest of my life.   So I want you to go slowly and
	"But you're a hero.."
	"No... I'm an instrument of justice.  Big difference."

	She turned and blasted him with a bolt of energy.  
Her step still wobbled as she made sure not to reopen
the wound in the middle of combat.

	"That's right.  I killed you.  But how can I miss
you, you never go away!" she shouted.

	She reached the controls and pressed a sequence of
keys.    She stepped towards the middle of the portal
to see her handiwork.    She began to laugh as a cloud
of energy exploded outward.     Her body simply
evaporated but no energy globe erupted.   When the
blaze ended a man walked through the glowing doorway.

	"Please, Ninja... you didn't think I was gone did you?"
he said.   

	To Be continued....

Ultimate Ninja created by wream.   Master Blaster,
Deja Dude and Doctor Lifefile created by Phartin
Mipps.  Barney, Teryaki Chick, Angelica Weinstein,
Joshua Chesterfield, Computer, Dalton Asters and
Badass created by Jesse N. Willey.  Deliah Killfile
created by Tom Russell Jnr.  Onion Lad created by Tom
Russell Jnr and Dane Martin.    Doctor
I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter created by Dane
Martin.    Doctor Killfile is public domain.

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