[BP] No-Point Lad and the Dismal-Hope Kid #1

[drtimphd]

phippsmartin at hotmail.com (Martin Phipps) wrote in message
news:<df8f4cb4.0409100449.cbb5fb9 at posting.google.com>...
> drtimphd at yahoo.com (drtimphd) wrote in message
> news:<58265bf5.0409091009.3da84ab7 at posting.google.com>...
> 
> > AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hey, my first story posted to RACC!  I hope you guys
> > liked it.  It was written almost a week ago now, along with #2.
> > It's
> > a little short due to the fact I'm trying to write No-Point Lad & the
> > Dismal-Hope Kid's adventures on a single lined sheet of paper.  It may
> > seem rough because it came right from my brain, with a little editing
> > thrown in.  I want it to be like this, some would call it creative
> > vision.  This is mine.
> 
> We all write the stories we want to write.  Then the RACCies come
> along and why we're not even nominated.  Then we try harder and we
> still don't get nominated.  Finally after several years we get
> nominated as "moved improved writer" and secretly wonder if that means
> that people thought everying we wrote for ten years before that was
> crap.  Then we feel paranoid and wonder if this is all revenge for our
> not liking other people's writing in the past.
> 
> Okay, so maybe we don't ALL do ALL of that.

Obviously.  I wonder, if I tried harder on this, would I be nominated?
 I know the answer is probably not, but I can always dream.  I get
paranoid sometimes, but with No-Point Lad & the Dismal-Hope Kid I
didn't even try to write a good story.  It may get better later
though.

> 
> > Boring Publications Presents...
> > 
> >                       NO-POINT LAD & THE DISMAL-HOPE KID #1
> >                                    By Tim Munn
> > 
> > 	The journey was long and difficult for him, but more so for his
> > friend the Dismal-Hope Kid.  D-HK had been dragging him across half
> > the country.  But could one argue after not having to do the long,
> > difficult job of walking yourself?  He wasn't going to complain.
> 
> This paragraph is awkward.  First, you need a comma after "friend". 
> The third sentence should be "But how could he complain when he hadn't
> had to do the long, difficult job of walking himself?"  This is
> because in the first and second sentences No Point Lad is referred to
> as "him" so it is more consistent to use "he" and "himself" rather
> than "one" and "yourself".  It also makes more sense to use "complain"
> here even if you have to use "complain" twice.  You might complain
> that I am being picky but you shouldn't argue that "complain" and
> "argue" mean the same thing.

It certainly felt awkward being written down.  But hey, I wasn't
trying hard.  Or, instead of using the 'I'm not trying hard enough'
routine, maybe I could use the 'It wasn't me, it was the way I was
taught' routine.  Yeah, that seems good....  Seriously, this will be
taken into consideration on future issues.

> 
> > 	But as is human nature, if not generally, then Dismal-Hope Kid's,
> > there has to be a complainer.  "Ahh!  We're not going to get through
> > this!  I have had no food or drink in the last three days!"  He said,
> > raising three fingers to illustrate.
> 
> A complainer is someone who complains.  I think you meant "complaint".
>  Also the first sentence should be in past tense.  "But as it is human
> nature -or if not human nature then at least Dismal-Hope Kid's nature-
> to complain, there had to be a complaint."  Finally, the last sentence
> isn't a separate sentence: "He said" should be "he said".  Plus, you
> illustrate by drawing a picture.  I think "for emphasis" is more
> descriptive than "to demonstrate".

Sadly, I get the tenses mixed up, or go from one to the other
constantly.  I've been told about this before.  I'm a sad person and a
sad writer to boot....

> 
> > 	"What's the point in eating?"  No-Point Lad said.  He raised his
> > hands to the sky, sighing loudly.  "Its overrated if you ask me.  We
> > should be like plants and get our food from our skin."
> 
> "No point Lad said." is not a sentence all by itself.  You should only
> have one space between the quote and the N.

Seriously, the quote followed by two spaces was the way I was taught. 
I'll have to beat myself on the head constantly now, but for good
purpose.  Thank you.  So it should be: '"What's the point in eating?"
No-Point Lad said.'

> 
> > 	D-HK looked at him confused.  "Get up and get us something to eat." 
> > He managed.  He was lucky really; confusion often overtook him in
> > times like these.  But hey, it was the way he was written.
> 
> You could use more commas.  You put in commas, in sentences like this
> one, in order to make the sentences easier to read, because they tell
> readers where to pause.  So a comma before "confused" and another one
> after "eat" and another one before "hey" would all be appropriate.

Ok.

> 
> > 	N-PL sighed and replied: "You know there's no point in that.  Do you
> > remember the time we face the Bored Enigma?  You wanted to me to help
> > you beat him?  Well, there was no point to it, so he whooped you like
> > a baseball.  You're hopes of not getting severely whopped were as
> > pointless then as they are now."  He said, reminding D-HK of a full
> > one-third of their adventures.  He could recall their other adventure,
> > but that would be going against his recently established idiom of
> > having no point.
> 
> I'm getting confused by D-HK and N-PL.  Next time, if you want to save
> your typing fingers, use copy and paste so that the readers can be
> reminded who the characters are.
>

I've already started doing this in future issues.
 
> No Point Lad is talking about a time in the past (He said "Do you
> remember...?) so he should use the past tense consistently ("faced"
> not "face").
> 
> "You're" means "You are" so "You're hopes" means "You are hopes" which
> doesn't make sense.  You meant "your".  Besides, I think you meant
> "chances", not "hopes".

Yes on both.

> 
> Is the verb that No Point Lad is using here "whooped" or "whopped"?

Whooped.  I don't think "whopped" is a word.

> 
> An idiom is a common saying like "What's your point?" or "There's no
> point!"  No Point Lad doesn't establish idioms: he uses them.  By
> making a point he would be "going against the whole point of having no
> point".  There's no point No Point Lad ever making a point because the
> whole point is that he never has a point.
> 

That was the word I wanted: "used".  It didn't occur to me then, as I
wrote this first issue in a few short minutes

> > 	"Oh."  D-HK said, seeming to think on this.  "So if the world were to
> > end, you'd still be lying there, complaining there's no point in
> > saving the world?"  He asked N-PL as seriously as he possibly could.
> 
> Dismal Hope Lad is complaining about No Point Lad complaining but No
> Point Lad had been dragged by Dismal Hope Lad across half the country
> without No Point Lad complaining.  Or did I read that wrong?
> 

I'm thinking about doing an origin/making of type issue which explains
where they were before the first issue, their first battle with Bored
Enigma.  I think No-Point Lad's origin may be explained sometime after
issue #5, at least that's the way it looks.

> > 	"Exactly!  That's why we have super-teams.  I vote for So-and-So Team
> > to save the world, or So-and-So Hero to save the world."  He said,
> > trying to explain it as simply as possible.  "There's no point in me
> > saving the world when there are super-heroes around."
> 
> Again, "He asked" and "He said" don't start new sentences.
> 
> > 	D-HK grunted and drove his foot into the dusty soil.  "We're freaking
> > super-heroes, man!  We could try to save the world more often.  Our
> > chances would be slim to none though."  He said, realizing his powers
> > of Dismal Hope were taking hold.
> 
> How do Dismal Hope Lad's powers work?  Does he create a field of
> dismal hope much like Limp Asperagus Lad creates a drama dampening
> field or does his power just affect himself?  This would have been a
> good time to say.

This will be explained in the previously mentioned origin/making of
issue since it wasn't here.

> 
> > 	N-PL laughed and rose to his feet.  He clapped D-HK on the back. 
> > "Ah!  Now you see the point in having no point!"
> 
> Is No Point Lad actually making a point here?  
> 
> > 	"Yeah!"  D-HK replied.  But a look of realization flew over his face.
> >  "Hey!  I thought your powers were that of Having No Point?!"  He
> > said, shaking N-PL by the shoulders.
> 
> Ah!  That was deliberate.  Never mind.
> 

I knew that would get somebody!

> > 	"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!  I do have one point!"  He screamed
> > in joy.  "I have a point!"  He screamed again, jumping up and down and
> > doing his victory dance.
> 
> So next issue does he change his name to Point Man?
>

I was seriously thinking of changing him to Point Man, but as you read
#2, you'll see he remains the some ol' No-Point Lad.
 
> 
> I wanted to give you feedback and ended up MSTing your entire story,
> or at least I would have been MSTing you if the guys on MST went so
> far as to make fun of grammar and punctuation.  Now I've probably
> scared you off, invited the wrath of those on this group who might not
> believe in constructive criticism and will probably have to settle
> once again for "Best Flame War" in next year's RACCies, although
> personally I don't equate criticism with flamage.  I hope you feel the
> same way.
> 
> Martin

I'm not getting what MST means.  But if you're afraid of scaring me
off, forget about it.  I've been reviewed worse at other places for my
regular fiction.  One guy said I should never write again.  I will
admit, it was a story along somewhat similar lines with No-Point Lad &
the Dismal-Hope Kid (without the super-heroing).
In my own experiences when viewing other peoples' criticisms, they
sometimes lose sight of the criticism and move directly to flamage, if
that sounds right.  This can happen quite a bit from what I've seen
elsewhere, going from criticism to flamage over someone's grammar and
punctuation.  It happens, and people should be aware of it.
I will take everything you've said into consideration.  I will run the
spelling and grammar checks before I post #3 just for you.  I will try
to make this series better, either for me or for others, one way or
another.

Tim