[LNH2] LNH Europe 2020 #1

[Martin Phipps]

LNH Europe #1: Brothers Up In Arms, Part I

2020.  The future.  Londo.net

  "Excellent!  That's exactly what I wanted!  We'll use these dresses when 
we do our show in Mi.lan.  And make sure you use the same models!  They look 
perfect!"
  Victor Salini had a reputation for unorthodox designs.  Some even 
described his designs as "demented".  They had no idea how right they 
were... for Victor Salini was born Antonio Stalone, a citizen of the 
Loonited States of Ame.rec.a.  As a young man starting up in Net.York, he 
couldn't get anyone to take his designs seriously.  Label after label turned 
him down.  He frustration drove him mad.  He decided that people would wear 
his designs and learn to like them.  He developed the power to transform a 
person's clothing at will, transforming any ordinary outfit into one of his 
creations.  His escapades brought him into conflict with the newly reformed 
LNH, way back in the late eighties.  Finding himself on the run from the 
authorities, he soon joined the nineties version of the Brotherhood of Evil 
net.villains.  His problems didn't end there: the crimes commited by the 
Brotherhood brought down the attention of not only the LNH but also the FBI, 
the CIA and SCORE, the Supreme Command Organisation for Retrograde 
Evesdropping.  The Brotherhood soon found itself outnumbered, outgunned and 
seemingly with nowhere to go.
  Then came Lagneto.  Lagneto sympathised with the plight of his fellow 
net.villains.  He rescued the Brotherhood from those who sought to bring 
them to justice and took the entire group under his wing, giving them a new 
home on Asteroid L... and, in the process, throwing away any chance of going 
straight and, perhaps, even becoming a net.hero, someone his daughter could 
accept and call "father".  Soon, however, Lagneto learned that they had a 
new problem: Asteroid L was falling to Earth and there was nothing he could 
do to stop it.  Lagneto had the Brotherhood return to Earth and, using his 
mutant powers combined with his knowledge of celestial mechanics, "safely" 
brought Asteroid L to Earth, although many people in Southern Asia died as a 
result of the tidal waves that spread out across the India.net Ocean soon 
after Asteroid L splashed down.
  The authorities were still looking for the Brotherhood, however, so before 
sending them back home, Lagneto had Revamp Lass (not to be confused with the 
original Revamp Lass who became Hell.catalyst of the LNH --Footnote Woman) 
give each of them new identities so that they could go back into hiding.   
They then had the choice between returning to a life of crime or trying to 
go straight.  Antonio Stalone took the opportunity to start over again.  
With a new name, passport, driver's liscence, birth certificate, high school 
diploma, everything, he was ready to go back to designing.  Luckily for him, 
his bizarre fashions found a market in 21st century Europe.  As Victor 
Salini, the former net.villain was able to begin a new life as a successful 
designer and nobody ever would recognise him as Antonio Stalone, the 
notorious Demented Designer.
  Not until today.
  "Hey, Tony!"
  Victor turned to see who had called out his old name and saw not one but 
two old friends, Grim and Gritty.  He hadn't seen either of them for over 
twenty years but they hadn't changed a bit: they looked as young as ever 
with the same superhuman physiques they had always had.  Victor wondered for 
a moment why the authorities hadn't been down on them already but then he 
remembered: Gritty had already served her time in prison while Grim had 
received amnesty in exchange for his testimony at the Lagneto trial a few 
years ago.
  "What do you want?" he asked them.
  "Hey, Tony, is that any way to greet old friends?" Grim asked.
  "Look," he said, "nobody here knows I was Demented Designer before and 
that's the way I want it so I would appreciate it if you called me 'Victor', 
not 'Tony', OK?  So, like I said, what do you want?"
  Grim's expression turned deadly serious.  This was how Victor remembered 
him.  Grim and Gritty were almost always, well, grim and gritty.  That's why 
they used to hate it every time writers used to make them join hands and say 
"Grim and Gritty powers activate!" because it was so campy and so out of 
sync with the rest of their behaviour.
  "We have reason to believe that Lagneto is still alive," Grim said.
  "Didn't he die during his trial?" Victor asked.
  "He faked his death!" Gritty declared.
  "But the LNH declared him dead.  They even had a funeral for him.  He's 
supposed to be buried in their front lawn."
  "They helped him escape justice," Grim said.
  Victor laughed.  "That's quite a conspiracy theory you've got going there. 
  Was the LNH also behind the Kennedy assassination?"
  "Be that as it may," Grim said, "Rudolph's sources tell him that Lagneto 
is alive and well and living with his family in Thai.lan.  I don't know how 
he does it but his information is usually pretty reliable."
  "Usually?  Pretty?"  Victor smiled.  "So how is Rumour Monger now?  I 
thought he went straight.  Wasn't he working for 
AOL-Time-Warner-Disney-Sony-Seagrams-Newscorp?"
  "He still does do work for them," Gritty informed him.
  "The information he provides gives 
AOL-Time-Warner-Disney-Sony-Seagrams-Newscorp a distinct advantage over 
either Conspiracy Corporation or Weinstein Enterprises," Grim explained.  
"That's how he was able to finally get Gritty released from prison."  Grim 
sighed.  "But we need to get back to the matter at hand."
  "Ah, yes, Lagneto," Victor said.  "So what do you want with him?"
  "We want to kill him," Grim said.
  "What?  Why?"
  "Because if not for him, my daughter would still be alive!" Gritty said.
  "Whoa?  Daughter?  When did you have a daughter?"
  "While she was in prison," Grim explained.
  "How?"
  "Rudolph was the father," Gritty told him.
  "Rudolph?"
  "They were in the same prison," Grim explained.  "The prisoners were 
allowed to mingle in the common area.  They didn't keep male and female 
prisoners separate so--"
  "You don't have to explain in such graphic detail!" Gritty complained.
  "Sorry," Grim said.  "Anyway, their daughter was Grittier.  She died on 
Asteroid AOL during the last Dorf attack."
  "And how was that Lagneto's fault?"
  "Because if not for him, there wouldn't have been an Asteroid AOL!" Griity 
said.
  "I don't get it."
  "Homage Boy had AOL-Time-Warner-Disney-Sony-Seagrams-Newscorp build 
Asteroid AOL in memory of Asteroid L," Grim explained.
  "So the death of your daughter was the fault of Homage Boy.  Or the Dorfs. 
  Or AOL-Time-Warner-Disney-Sony-Seagrams-Newscorp."
  "But Homage Boy died in the same attack."
  "So instead of going after him... or the Dorfs... or 
AOL-Time-Warner-Disney-Sony-Seagrams-Newscorp, you're going after Lagneto?"
  "He is the one who is ultimately responsible," Grim said flatly.
  "Fair enough," Victor said.
  "So you'll help us?" Gritty asked.
  Victor grimaced.  "See, the thing is, I haven't actually seen Lagneto for 
over twenty years.  Last I heard, he was dead and, until you two came here 
with these rumours about him still being alive, I had no reason to believe 
otherwise."
  Grim nodded.  "I understand," he said.  "If there's anything more you want 
to tell us, you can call us at this number."  Grim handed him a slip of 
paper with a cell phone number on it.
  "Right.  I'll do that.  If I hear anything, I mean."  Victor put the slip 
of paper in his pocket.  He hoped his old friends would leave now so he 
could get back to work.  He was afraid that somebody would recognise them, 
see him talking to them and then put two and two together and figure out who 
he really was.
  "Fine.  We'll let you get back to what you were doing."
  They left.  Victor was so relieved.  Those two were insane!  They probably 
always were but Victor didn't notice back in the old days because he wasn't 
exactly sane back then either.
  Victor seriously considered contacting LNH Europe and letting them know 
that Grim and Gritty were in Europe and were up to no good.

  LNH Europe was formed 23 years earlier back in 1997.  The original team 
consisted of Hamster Man, Swiss Miss, Tatiana, the Alt.banian Avenger, Blue 
Beret and Timo and Farley.
  Now, in 2020, the team was very different.  Tatiana, the Alt.banian 
Avenger, Blue Beret and Farley were all gone.  In their place was Linguist 
Lass and Browsing Boy, both formerly of LNH Ame.rec.a; Demon Girl, the 
daughter of Leviathan Lass and Demon Boy, both of the Legion of Occult 
Heroes and Green, the son of Green Trenchcoat and Vicky, his own alter ego.  
Also joining the group were Swiss Mouse, the daughter of Hamster Man and 
Swiss Miss and Linguist Lad, the son of Linguist Lass and Browsing Boy.   
Linguist Lass, Browsing Boy and Linguist Lad all qualified for membership in 
LNH Europe because Linguist Lass was originally born in the Net.ther.lan.s 
(or, rather, it has now been decided that she came from the Net.ther.lan.s, 
which is fine because this in no way contradicts anything that had 
previously been established about the character --Footnote Woman).
  Timo was also still around but had been strangely altered: ten years ago, 
in a desperate attempt to save his teammates from certain peril, Timo 
sacraficed his own life.  He did not die however, but rather was mortally 
wounded and had to be given cybernetic parts in order to survive.  As a 
result, he could no longer fly.  Nor could he speak: he could only answer 
questions by flashing a light: one time meant 'No' and two times meant 
'Yes'.  So poor had been the quality of his later years that he spent most 
of his time hooked up to a holo.decstation, living in a virtual world in 
which he could still fly over the city and mate with other parrots.  
Actually, it was a pretty good program and he probably would have used it 
regularly even if he hadn't been injured.
  Otherwise, things hadn't changed.  LNH Europe was still operating out of 
their castle/headquarters on the shore of Lake Gen.eva and they still had 
the same clockwork servants working for them, still running perfectly after 
all these years, still serving breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time 
every day, whether anybody was there to eat or not.  Browsing Boy suggested 
having some modern Ame.rec.an made androids sent over but Swiss Miss 
poopooed the idea, saying that they'd never had any problem with them and 
that if they were away on a mision for a few days then there was always 
_plenty_ of food on the table when they got back, even if some of it was a 
bit cold.
  On this particular evening, however, Hamster Man, Swiss Miss, Linguist 
Lass and Browsing Boy were alone at LNHEHQ (LNH Europe Headquarters) because 
Green, Demon Girl, Swiss Mouse and Linguist Lass had all gone to Gen.eva to 
see a movie.
  "I am so glad to see your son is finally fitting in here at LNHEHQ," 
Hamster Man said.
  "He was always a bit intimidated by the members of LNH Ame.rec.a," 
Linguist Lass told them.  "He didn't think his ability to understand dozens 
of different languages made him much of a net.hero."
  "I can understand how he felt," Browsing Boy said.  "Originally, there was 
nobody in the LNH who was particularly powerful but then, after Cry.Sig, we 
had members like Ultimate Ninja, Kid Kirby and Continuity Champ, God like 
net.heroes who the rest of us couldn't very well compete with."
  "So what are you implying?" Swiss Miss asked, jokingly pretending to be 
insulted.  "Are you suggesting that we here in LNH Europe are not as 
powerful as those in Ame.rec.a?"
  "Well, by shear numbers, the LNH in Ame.rec.a is obviously more powerful 
than LNH Europe," Browsing Boy argued.  "Hell, LNH Europe isn't even as 
powerful as LNH Asia!  I mean, what can we do?  Translate?  Read books?  
Look cute?"
  "I can still move my hair," Swiss Miss informed him.
  "And our younger members haven't reached their full potential," Hamster 
Man suggested.
  "That may be," Browsing Boy said.  "I'm just saying--"
  Just then the alarm went off.  They all stood up together.
  "We can talk about this later," Hamster Man said.  "We'd better go to the 
communication room and see what is happening!"  Hamster Man's exposition was 
actually quite unnecessary as the four of them were already half way there 
by the time he had finished saying it.
  Hamster Man was the first one to arrive at the communication room: even 
after all these years, he was still pretty fast on his feet.  When he got 
there, he saw Timo perched at the holo.decstation.  He didn't look happy.  
Hamster Man wondered for a moment what lurid fantasy the alarm had 
interupted but then decided it was something he didn't want to think about.
  "What is it, Timo?" Hamster Man asked.  "Are we under attack?"
  The light in front of Timo flashed once.  No.
  "Is there a message for us?" he asked.
  The light in front of Timo flashed twice.  Yes.
  "Alright, let's see it."
  A recorded message appeared on the giant screen in front of our heroes.  
It began with the logo of Scot.lan Yard and then imediately cut to an image 
of the face of the commisioner of Scot.lan Yard in Londo.net.
  >>Net.Heroes!  We've received information that the original Brotherhood of 
Net.Villains is active again and operating in Londo.net.  We've also been 
informed about possible Brotherhood activity in Thai.lan.  We want your team 
to come to Londo.net immediately to help us investigate.  Please reply as 
soon as you get this message.  Please also be sure to also forward this 
message to LNH Asia so that they can perform their own investigation over 
there.  Thank you.<<  The message ended.
  "Did he say the _original_ Brotherhood?" Browsing Boy asked.
  "I think he did," Hamster Man said.
  "They must be getting on," Browsing Boy mused.
  "So are we," Linguist Lass admitted.
  "But we can still do the job!" Swiss Miss insisted.
  "You had better be right about LNH Asia being powerful," Hamster Man said. 
  "Because if they encounter any Brotherhood members in Thai.lan, they are 
definitely going to have their hands full!"

NEXT: LNH Asia battles three members of the Brotherhood in Thai.lan in LNH 
Asia 2020 #1!

Meanwhile, in LNH Europe 2020 #2: LNH Europe's interrogation of Runour 
Monger leaves three questions unanswered... Is Lagneto still alive in 
Thai.lan and, if so, how and why was he allowed to escape?!

CREDITS

LNH Europe, Swiss Miss, Tatiana, the Alt.banian Avenger, Blue Beret and Timo 
and Farley created by Kevin Wilcox.  Used with permision.  Hamster Man 
created by wReam.

Brotherhood of Evil Net.Villains created by Raymond "wReam" Bingham and Jeff 
"Drizzt" Barnes.  Rumour Monger created by wReam.  Grim, Gritty and Demented 
Designer created by Drizzt.  SCORE created by Drizzt.

Ultimate Ninja, Kid Kirby and Continuity Champ created by wReam, Jameel Al 
Khavitz and Drizzt, respectively.

Lagneto created by Jef Kolodziej.  Conspiracy Corporation created by Jessica 
"Jaelle" Ihimaera-Smiler.  Weinstein Enterprises created by Jesse Wiley.

Demon Girl and Green created by Lalo Martins.  Used with permission.  The 
Legion of Occult Heroes (Leviathon Lass, Demon Boy, Green Trenchcoat and 
Vicky) created by Paul Hardy.

Linguit Lass, Linguist Lad, Swiss Mouse and LNH Asia created by me.

Martin

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