[LNH/ACRA] The Road to Killfile Wars #10
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
cabbagewielder at yahoo.com
Sun Nov 13 16:37:51 PST 2005
Mordred grabbed Terrence by the arm and twisted it. The bone
snapped. Terrence laughed, expecting the pain to be momentary before
his immortality rewove his flesh. While the flesh and bone did
reknit it felt slow and dulled like a hand pulling a needle through it
instead of the nigh instantaneous healing he was used to. And oddly,
he was craving milk and vegetables.
"What the hell?" he shouted.
Mordred punched him in stomach. Terrence rewound time to a stop.
At least the power was still working. To think, he had once called
himself Useless Power Lad.
"You'll have to do better than that," Terrence said.
"That can be arranged!"
Mordred turned himself into a gas. Terrence gasped for breath. His
whole body went numb. Mordred reformed himself so they he had to pull
his hand out of Terrence's mouth, dislocating the jaw as he did so.
Blood droplets fell to grounds and transformed into small dead fish.
"This is far too easy!" The Muscular Man said. "Once you are
dead the Killfile name which should have been mine by birthright, I
shall earn in other ways."
The Road to Killfile Wars #10 of 12
Jump the Shark
By Jesse N. Willey
Lazlo placed Dalton on the table in the lab. Dalton lay flat down
as if this seem routine to him.
"Deliah, prep the machine we got from the Regal 13," he said.
"Already done," she said.
She walked over and carried a device the looked like a pricing gun
over to the table. Dalton remained calm.
"Look uh.... scan anywhere you want... except don't use an anal
probe. Those hurt like hell, okay. Especially if you don't use
them properly," he said.
"Hold still," she said.
She activated the price gun and scanned the back of Dalton's neck.
Dalton began convulsing and squirming. He pounded the table.
"You're-you're supposed to use anticonvulsants and painkillers
before you do that," he said.
"Oh? Are you?" she said.
Terrence struggled to his feet. His face was covered in dirt, mud
and blood. He was confused.
"Why aren't my powers working? Is it something about this
dimension? Something about Mordred? Carolyn would know..." he
Mordred grabbed the mace. He swung it with full force. It
shattered Terrence's left kneecap on impact. He went limp.
"Carolyn," he muttered. "It has to be Carolyn."
"I tire of this!" Mordred shouted.
Mordred yanked the mace out of Terrence's knee. Terrence's only
response was to go 'Arghhh!'
The hyperspatial corridor opened up directly in the lab. Guy
Redundant Man led the charge as Carolyn and Electra followed close
"Let'em go!" Rick shouted.
"Ninety nine bottles of fear on the wall... ninety nine bottles of
fear..." Dalton sang.
"It's not him," Carolyn muttered.
"Does that mean you can let a man suffer?" Electra whispered.
Deliah just turned.
"Oh... we're just about done Gitmoing Mister Asters here," she
said. "But if you're looking for Terrence, he's outside playing
Rick nodded. Electra leapt forward. Her energy bolts blasted
through the florescent lights above and the computers on the far wall.
The entire room went dark. There was a loud swoosh followed by a few
screams. There flashes of counter energy attacks.
"This isn't over Henkerton," Deliah shouted.
"Good, I'd hate to think you'd gone soft in your old age," Guy
Redundant Man said as he grabbed her in a chokehold. "Because I
"... if one of those bottles happens to fall... ninety eight bottles
of fear on the wall," Dalton sang.
"It's beer, you incompetent clod. Ninety eight bottles of
beer," I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter said.
"No thank you-I'm the designated driver," he gasped.
The lights flickered on. Screw You Over Lad stood over the control
"Power surge damaged the computer. Luckily, all the information
gathered from Asters is backed up onto the PDAs," Lazlo said.
"Computer," Deliah said. "Protocol Alfred E. Neuman."
Carolyn, Rick and Electra looked at each other in confusion. Deliah
picked up Dalton and threw him across the room.
"Alfred E. Neuman... you must be Mad," he said as hit the ground.
"Ooof! As in Mutual Assured Destruction."
"How could you possi-" Deliah gasped.
"Don't stare into the abyss... for the abyss shall stare into
you," Dalton said.
"10...9....8" said the computer.
Deliah, Doctor I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter and Screw You Over
Lad turned into globes and vanished.
"There's no way out of here," Carolyn said.
"Everyone get under my cape," said Rick.
"Well... it's been nice knowing you. Whoever you people are,"
Mordred was walking back to headquarters, carrying Terrence's limp
body in his hand. If we was dead, he planned to preserve him, stuff
him and hang him on the wall. It was a shame their home didn't have
a fireplace. Then he heard the explosion. A massive chunk of flaming
shrapnel twice the size of a soccer ball tore through his arm.
"Oh shit!" Mordred shouted.
He dropped Terrence, who hit the ground. The three glowing globes
hovered over his head.
"Time to get moving, honey," said Deliah.
"But my arm..." he said.
"You big baby. You did a good job. I'm sure your mother's
abilities will grow you a new one. Faster too... since the nanites in
your bloodstream produce the same formula Weinstein used to increase
her growth rate after the Sig.ago disaster," she said. (See The Team
#26-The Team Annual #3)
"Alright, just let me get our new home decoration," he said.
"Nah. Leave it. The back up base doesn't have a fire place
either," Deliah said. "It was a cute idea though."
As the explosion cleared, Carolyn noticed that for a building that
size there wasn't much shrapnel. Only a few chunks of metal and
concrete. Rick brushed the weight off himself easily. Then she saw
Mordred walking in the distance and the flaming metal hit him. He
dropped a body to the ground before vanishing.
"Oh my God! Terrence!" She shouted.
"You and Electra go check on him," Rick said. "I'll go search
"What happened to the building?" Electra asked.
"Most of the building was phased into unstable quantum realities.
Universes that exist for a fraction of a second and then cease to
exist," Rick said.
He spotted a loan pile of rubble and began to dig. With a few swipes
of his hand he found Amelia. Most of her anyway. Her legs were
nowhere to be found.
"They... were missing before the explosion," she muttered.
"You need some rest..." he said.
"No... I need to help... Terrence..." she said.
Rick picked her up and carried and caught up with the others. As
they walked closer to Terrence, and a man in overalls with a pot on his
head was standing over him.
"I'm sorry..." the man said. "He's gone."
To Be Continued.....
Terrence Coffee, Deliah Killfile, Carolyn Forge and Electra created by
Tom Russell Jnr. Modred, Screw You Over Lad, Dalton Asters,Guy
Redundant Man and Amelia Chesterfield created by Jesse N. Willey.
Doctor I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter created by Dane Martin.
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