SG: [h1996] (c/d) Adjusted League Unimpeachable #110

[Eric Burns]

[[And here we have Part Three -- the Mighty Third Part, as it were. No,
Mighty Guy doesn't come back for this one. We only negotiated the one scene
and he costs, man.]]



     Her name was Jane West Garrick-Allen. She was trim and well muscled,
with slightly pale, freckled skin. That's what happened when the 'redhead'
part of one's description was real instead of a dye job. If one looked
closer, that skin was almost spiderwebbed with thin line scars -- almost
otherworldly instead of ugly. You had to be up close and paying attention
to even see them, and that? That was almost impossible.

    Her uniform was green, but for her red boots, red gloves, red mask, red
belt, and the red bar symbol she wore on her upper chest. A simple logo,
but one that literally said it all.

    She was the Dash, and she was the Fastest Girl You've Met. She lived
between ticks of the clock, and not only was she the most powerful member
of the Adjusted League Unimpeachable -- it was arguable that she was the
most powerful person on Earth. Her speed -- born of biochemistry and an
extradimensional/extraaltiversal lightning bolt that had given her a
positive energy matrix of tremendous power -- was almost incomprehensible.
She could break the speed of light, briefly. When she focused all her power
she could force herself to speeds more conceptual than physical.

    For a long time -- especially from her frame of reference -- that had
meant she was alone. She couldn't slow down past a certain point, which
meant her words were a blur to almost everyone and her movements were
similarly impossible to follow. Only a locus of Quantum Uncertainty could
make out her sentences -- well, or her best friend Marjorie MacPherson, aka
Relativity Woman -- the other lightspeed moving redhead out there. However,
one of those loci of Quantum Absurdity fell in love with her, and she fell
in love with him. As he was a genius, he worked out a trick whereby the
music of Dire Straits was supersped to the point of subliminal even for
her. The mellowing properties of that music were legendary, and it was
enough to let her interact, if she were in a room where the so called
Knopler Effect were in place, or in the Knopler Stereochair she sat in
during meetings of the A.L.U., or even the ironically named Knopler Walkman
he had built for her to use with headphones and interact with the world.

    It had meant she could have a life, as well as a calling. And it meant
they could deepen their relationship, taken slowly over the course of
years, into a lasting love.

    Of course, he'd recently undergone apotheosis, which had some of the
other A.L.U. members in a tizzy, but to the Dash? So much the better. A
boyfriend who understood what the burden of all that power felt like? Yes,
please.

    Her Xolchacomm pinged. She pulsed it -- it was designed to play back
the message at high speed. It was how she got the intel on the thousands of
small heroic deeds she did every day, crossing the world--

    <<("Hey Hunna,")>> came the Masked Bruce's voice. <<("How's life in the
Sahara?")>>

    Jane blinked. She was indeed currently in the sahara, crossing at
extreme speed. Was he... talking to her in realtime? "Hot," she said.
"Really hot. But I'm hitting the Atlantic now. What's up? How are you--"
She paused. When they'd fought M'Yet, he'd accelerated to almost her speed.
Clearly Mike could do the same. "--coooool. Anything up or is this just a
social call?"

    <<("Something's up -- got orders from Trashman. Taking out the League
of Unconcerned Scientists. Up for a quick mission?")>>

    "Sure -- I didn't get a recall. Is this an alert?"

    <<("More a recon. Here's the coordinates -- c'mon over!")>>

    "On my way, Ace." She upped her speed, water fanning out behind her as
she crossed the ocean, hitting landfall in North Carolina, then curving
north, heading up towards the coordinates -- New York State? Yes, somewhere
around Adirondack State Park....

    About four and a half seconds after she first received the ping from
the Masked Bruce, the Dash slid to a stop right next to him at the top of a
small hillock, overlooking what looked like a small concrete dome on the
edge of the forest. "Hey there, Mister Bear -- what's the situation? Or
should I--"

    "The situation's pretty cut and dried, Carol Cleveland. The League of
Unconcerned Scientists are in an underground vault under that dome -- it
looks like..." the Masked Bruce paused, looking at the Dash. "You okay? You
look startled."

    The Dash laughed. "That's because I am. You can always make out what
I'm saying -- but it's like when I lost my positive energy matrix. I'm
entirely unused to being interrupted. I'm used to letting my whole train of
thought play out."

    The Masked Bruce laughed. "Well, I hope you can forgive me. The League
of Unconcerned Scientists are down there."

    "And we need to dig them out?"

    "We will need to, but there are hundreds of hikers and visitors in the
park. The League has a reactor down there. If something went wrong it could
hurt all those people before we could take care of the problem. Can you do
a search and evacuate on the whole area for about a twelve mile radius?"

    "Can I? Sure thing! And you? Are you waiting on the slowpokes back in
Boston?"

    "Nah. They don't have Doctor Unorthodox and I already know all their
defenses. We can take them."

    "Just the two of us? Risky, Ace. You know that, right?"

    "Not as risky as you think. Trust me?"

    "Always." Jane grinned.

    "Love you most. Ready to start the relocation?"

    "Absolutely. Say the word."

    "The word!" He laughed.

    The Dash burst off at top speed. She called this slipstreaming -- the
positive energy matrix allowed her to control just how much wind
displacement she caused. It was why she wasn't a fireball all the time or
why she didn't cause Mighty Guy level environmental disasters when she ran.
Channeling things properly, she could pick up and move people without the
inertia and windshear tearing them into old chum.

    She found a large parking lot twenty miles northeast -- mostly empty,
with a gate and information station for the park. Perfect. She began to
sweep through the woods, finding people and moving them to the parking lot.
Six, seven, eight, nine... no reason not to take her time and do this
right.... thirty, thirty one, thirty two....

    Back on the hillock, the Masked Bruce watched the Dash blaze through
the woods. He smiled a bit. He really wasn't worried about a reactor breach
-- but he wanted to involve the Dash. He loved her so much... and he relied
on her. And unlike Trashman and apparently Unorthodox Girl, she trusted him
to use the gift he had been given properly and safely. Well, hopefully this
would put those concerns to rest.

    He rose up into the air, then swept down, a golden bolt shattering the
concrete dome and pushing the chunks off to the sides. He swept down, and
used streaming golden light to dig long trenches and tear off three levels
worth of underground complex.

    The League of Unconcerned Scientists was so named because they were a
bunch of jerks in lab coats who used science in bad ways. The Masked Bruce
had no love for them. He didn't think they were particularly dangerous any
more -- not with the Oanthet on their side -- but that didn't mean he liked
them. They had killed Dianna's brother and sister, programmed a subordinate
personality into Dianna and sabotaged her multioptic uniform to only work
when she shouted 'Spandex Babe,' to demoralize her. They had cloned
Dangerousgirl as a weapon for their use, and they had nearly destroyed the
multiverse itself by stealing the Dash's positive energy matrix in an
escape attempt from the Really, Really Hard to Get Out of Place back before
it had been leveled by the ULA and AIF.

    The Masked Bruce was absolutely looking forward to this beatdown. And
he really loved the look of terror they all got as sunlight hit them in
their underground lair.

    "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition," he called down, cheerfully.
"Our chief weapon is surprise!" He swept over the fleeing scientists,
letting a wave of kinetic force bowl the ones in the middle of the chamber
over and spread them to the edge. "Surprise and fear -- our **two** main
weapons are surprise and fear--" He rolled onto his back in flight, firing
twin bolts from his hands, one of which obliterated a hideous robot-thing
Doctor Unstable was activating, the other obliterating Doctor Teeth's
weaponized synthesizer. "Fear and surprise," he said, sweeping back up and
blowing apart a machine Doctor Pepper had been desperately pressurizing,
leaving the bad doctor covered in soda base, while his other shot
obliterated Doctor Chauvinist's Obedient Fembot Cadre(tm). He arced up...
then slammed down onto the floor. "...and an almost ruthless efficiency!"
Golden light streamed down into the flooring, and then bright pulses of
energy flooded up them into his arms.

    "My God," Doctor Abnormal Science screamed. "We're losing all reactor
power!"

    "Stop him! Stop him!" Doctor Claw shouted, his cat running.

    Doctor Weird Science and his brother Doctor Pseudo Science ran towards
him, carrying hand weapons. He let off another kinetic wave, knocking them
back. "Why are you even quoting Monty Python?!" Weird shouted. "You're not
even summoning Cardinal Fang!"

    "Yeah -- decided to give Fang the night off. Anyway -- let's wrap this
up, huh? The Dash is almost done and I don't want to keep her waiting. And
that? Not easy."

    "Then too bad for you!" Doctor Unstable shouted. "Taste the thunder
cannons!" A brace of cannons deployed from the walls--

    The Masked Bruce crumpled the thunder cannons with a gesture.

    "...crap," Doctor Unstable said.

    "Well put, old chap! Now, I don't actually want to hurt any of you,
so..." he lifted his hands... and golden light surrounded the different
scientists... who all got wide eyed, more than one screaming as they seemed
to just... fade... away....

    The Masked Bruce held his hand up, and let softly glowing golden orbs
float through the air to that hand -- one each for Doctors Abnormal, Weird,
and Pseudo Science, one for Doctor Claw and another for his cat, one for
Doctors Pepper and Unstable, another for Doctor Chauvinist...

    "...Mike?"

    The Masked Bruce looked up, automatically speeding up as he saw the
Dash staring down into the trench. "Hey Hunna," he said. "Just finishing
up! Oh, and I was told quite firmly that in uniforms we use codenames,
so... yeah, I don't care."

    "What... did you do to them?"

    "Remember what M'Yet did to Trashman? I figured out that trick night
one. They're energy patterns containing their essence -- they're in
suspended animation within them. Y'know... I could introduce changes...
maybe straighten out Doctor Unstable's brain -- make him into a new Doctor
Serenity...."

    "Don't even joke -- that skeeves me right out. They're really okay like
that?"

    "You said you trusted me." The Masked Bruce grinned again, flying up to
join her.

    "And I meant it. I'm just amazed." She paused. "And you gave me
make-work to show off in front of me?" She giggled.

    "Would I do that?"

    "Don't feed me straight lines. Let's get these people to base and get
them in holding cells."

    "That sounds like all the plans."

    The Dash blurred off generally Eastward. The Masked Bruce flew up into
the sky, following -- the orbs flying with him, obediently.

    And as he flew, he considered how to improve his efficiency. If he was
going to claim it was ruthless, he kind of had to live up to that, didn't
he?


* * * * * *


    Mandy sat at her desk in her office. She had taken her unbreakable brip
off the wall and was examining it in her hands. It was somewhere between a
mace and a hook with elements of a toilet plunger in there somewhere. She'd
never really gotten to use it in combat except the day it first came to her
hand. Unfortunately, as unbreakable as the brip was, she didn't have the
innate talent to use it to its fullest effect -- any more than she had any
other superpowers.

    "So... tell me. Why exactly did I decide you found that thing, again?"

    Mandy looked up.

    Kid Solipsism. Eric Shapiro. A man she'd wanted to use to give herself
superpowers, who she ended up falling in love with instead while taking
over administrative details in the Chick-Mouse. A man who didn't believe
she or anyone else existed, but instead saw them all as his own delusions
created by his subconsciousness for his entertainment and to teach him...
well, how to escape the delusion, and transcend, the way his brother Gary
-- aka Faith -- had done raising Radian back from the dead.

    "That's a bit of a story. You haven't met any of my family yet -- my
maternal family's got some interesting bits to it. This is just one of
them."

    "That is a singularly unsatisfactory answer." The Kid walked in,
sliding into the chair across from Mandy.

    "Now you know how the rest of us feel every time we ask you anything
for any reason whatsoever."

    "And that's why I decided you'd answer that way, clearly."

    "Oh, clearly." She took a deep breath. "So. It's the light of day
again, without all the emotional tension from the night."

    "That is true. But I believe I already knew that."

    "I believe you did too." She looked in his eyes. "You said last night
that you loved me, despite my being one of your delusions. I told you that
you'd decided I loved you too. But now it's the light of day, and if the
idea of loving a flight of fancy your subconsciousness came up with--"

    "I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you, Mandy.
Not my brother Gary, not anyone or anything. I don't believe that will ever
change."

    "And so it won't." She took a deep breath. "Good. I just...."

    "You're scared. I am too. That seems to be how things are around here.
Love and romance and relationships between scared people. Clearly I decided
Healer and Trashman were in love as a dry run for our relationship. Clearly
I broke Key and Kent up to show me the dangers. Clearly I use the
increasingly solid bond between the apparently deified Masked Bruce and the
Dash to tell me that it was possible to love you." He shrugged. "Clearly my
subconsciousness *really* wanted me to accept loving you, and I have to
have faith it has its reasons. Especially...."

    "Especially?"

    "Especially since that's what I want most of all. To love you and have
it be the right thing to do."

    She smiled, slightly. "That's kind of a universal thing, you know?"

    "By definition, since the universe exists because I perceive it and
create it."

    "Right, sorry." She took a moment, putting the brip back on its rack.
She then turned back. "So. What now?"

    "What do you mean?"

    "Is this a declaration of love and then we never talk about it again?
Or are there specific things we'll do? Do we date? Do we go bang like we
tell the teenagers never to do? By definition we have to do this the way
you believe is right, so I need the rules, Kid."

    "That's fair. Though you're acting like I know consciously."

    "You know more than I do."

    "In essentially every way."

    "I'm not going to have any self esteem left at the end of this, am I?"

    "Yes you are. Your sense of self is unshakeable, Mandy. You know
yourself, even if you're really a delusion."

    Mandy blinked. "Okay... that beats mood stabilizers all hollow. Thank
you."

    "For what?"

    "Never mind." She paused. "Do you find me attractive?"

    "Yes."

    Mandy smiled a bit. "Do you want to... do anything with that?"

    "Meaning?"

    Mandy paused. "Kid, I'm offering you sex."

    "Oh." He paused. "No."

    Mandy blinked. "O...kay. Sorry."

    "Don't be. It's not your fault. I don't feel sexual urges over anything
in the dream." He shrugged. "On the other hand, all those other example
couples do, so maybe sometime--"

    "It's fine... I've always thought of you as asexual, anyway."

    "I'm not sure that's the word, but then I don't know what the word
*is.*"

    "But you find me attractive?"

    "You're beautiful, Mandy." His voice was certain, and brooked no
argument.

    Mandy flushed a bit. "And now I'm going to have to get used to getting
attention at Dianna or Elizabeth levels, right?"

    "I should think. You're prettier than either of them."

    Mandy took a breath. "So why couldn't this have involved superpowers?"
She smiled wryly.

    "You don't have those. You are beautiful. Thus."

    Mandy smiled again. "Okay."

    There was a sudden crackle on the PA. <<("Attention all Primary Team
members,)">> the voice of the Masked Bruce announced. <<("I'd really
appreciate it if you could come down to the B-6 detention block. Masks on
like your tasks are on.")>>

    The Dash's voice then picked up. <<("Idon'treallythinkthat-
madeanysenseMskedBruceImeanitrhymedandallbuthowdoyoudoanything-
likeataskonanyway?"}>>

    <<("No, see -- it's a play on the term 'on task?' Loo--)">> the audio
cut out.

    The Kid looked at Mandy. "...okay, I can't wait to see what my
subconscious decided he's up to. Coming?"

    "I'm not primary team."

    The Kid shrugged. "Seems like you should."

    Mandy scooped up her unbreakable brip. "Well okay then!"



* * * * * *

    "So what's going on?" Elizabeth asked.

    Bruce looked serious. "We could use your advice, Elisa. Something Trudy
told me--"

    "Elisa?" Trudy cocked her head.

    "Yes, well, we know there is a name she prefers not to be called--"

    "There is?" Trudy looked at Elizabeth. "Is that true, Liz?"

    Elizabeth looked at Trudy, dropped her head into her hands, and shook
her head with a sigh.

    "That's one Healer Pose for me on the day, Bruce."

    "Indeed, but perhaps we should stick to discussing Dianna?"

    Elizabeth looked back up. "Dianna? What is it?"

    Trudy flushed, looking down. "Well, I was telling Bruce--"

    The PA crackled. <<("Attention all Primary Team members!>>

    Elizabeth looked up at the ceiling, startled.

<<I'd really appreciate it if you could come down to the B-6 detention
block. Masks on like your tasks are on.")>>

    <<("Idon'treallythinkthatmadeanysenseMaskedBruceImeanitrhymedandall-
buthowdoyoudoanythinglikeataskonanyway?"}>>

    <<("No, see -- it's a play on the term 'on task?' Loo--)">> the audio
cut out.

Elizabeth looked back down at the others. "Why do I always look up when
someone uses the PA?"

    <<Well,>> JOEL's perpetually mellow voice said. <<It's because the
speaker's hidden up there in the xolchacoustical tile.>>

    "I... think we need to put the Dianna situation on hold," Bruce said,
putting his cap and mask back on.

    "Yeah... yeah, I think maybe crazy trumps despair this time," Trudy
said, masking up as well.

    "I'll go check on the Academy," Elizabeth said. "I have to imagine that
PA will get them talking. And then check how Transit's feeling. I'll be
available if you--"

    Trashman nodded. "Come on, Unorthodox Girl--"

    "Lass."

    "--whatever. Let's go see what the Masked Bruce has to show us."

* * * * * *

    Dangerousgirl had gotten used to eating with the Acadely -- yes,
Acadely. It was a long story and in-joke -- students during the day. It had
taken her a while but she'd finally grown comfortable with Memorex, Frigid
Girl, Transit, Portentous Piranha, and Kid Electron -- and even friendly
with them.

    Well, as comfortable as any girl got with Kid Electron -- either a girl
was charmed by and drawn into his charisma, fun, and air of general
competence, or they were skeeved out because he was pond scum. Dani was
thankful she was in column B. Adding the various members of Mason's Mazing
Mob -- Phobos (who was in Austin at a conference all week, sadly), Mental,
Dreamweaver, Mirror Maid, Summer (formerly of Team M.E.C.H.A.), Hellfire,
and Nobody had really helped Dangerousgirl feel like she had a peer group.

    It didn't hurt that Nobody -- technically a ghost possessing a golem
body -- was *amazing.* He made her feel ways she hadn't felt since meeting
Andy Awesome's teenaged altiversal counterpart Randy Radical -- and Nobody
had the advantage there because he was in this universe and also not quite
as Radical. Radical got tiring after a while.

    Transit wasn't at lunch, of course. She'd collapsed not long before --
some kind of really nasty flu. She'd tried to go to classes this morning,
but the strain of fighting the massive classroom fire and explaining all of
it to Healer was too much and she relapsed, dropping back down to the
Medlab on B-11. Dangerousgirl hoped she was okay. They'd only started to
get along, but having someone like that suddenly seem really badly off...

    "GAHRAHH!" Porty shouted. The four foot tall semi-anthropomorphic
hideous piranha creature whose mouth was as large as her entire body's
front and whose teeth were jagged, razor sharp (despite the jaggedness) and
seething with poisonous eldritch energies as befit the horrific creature's
role as the Sorceress Subternatural was smashing her hand into the reeking
bowl of rotted ground fish entrails she had been eating. "These damned
fools have made the critical error of serving the Sorceress Subternatural
herself a bowl of OLD CHUM! I shall see them scoured of their very essence
which shall fuel the opening of end of this world as we know it!!!"

    "Hey," the floating Xolchipalian drone called Kev Murphy said, whizzing
past with dirty dishes. "You try keeping the worst part of cod fresh. What
would that even mean? I don't know! THIRD BASE!" He kept flying.

    "Horrible fireplug -- you shall be the first--"

    "Hey Porty," Memorex said. "Pretty sure they'd put out a fresh load
a'Lucky Charms in the dispenser. Why not go cereal instead."

    Portentous Piranha paused. "Why not indeed," she rasped. "Yours will be
a simple and fast death, Memorex, as befits one of those who has shown
friendship to the Sorceress Subternatural."

    Dangerousgirl watched the fish-thing waddle off. "I think she's
loosening up," she said.

    "Yeah," Fridge said. "Honestly, I feel like we're really bonding with
her."

    "So how're you holding up?" Nobody asked, on her other side.

    Dangerousgirl flushed at the attention. "As... I dunno, Rog. As good as
think I could, if that makes sense? I mean... Dianna just won't talk to me
at all any more. And her plans -- well, that was private but... I don't
know. It's hard...." For a moment, Dangerousgirl felt as young as her true
five years of age, not her imprinted teenaged persona.

    "Yeah, I hear that. I was an orphan, y'know. Ended up growing up on the
streets. That's how I became a thief in the first place -- magic came
later, but... it's hard to feel adrift."

    "And you think I'm adrift?"

    "No... I'm worried she is."

    "Yeah--"

    The PA crackled. <<("Attention all Primary Team members! I'd really
appreciate it if you could come down to the B-6 detention block. Masks on
like your tasks are on.")>>

    <<("Idon'treallythinkthatmadeanysenseMaskedBruceImeanitrhymedandall-
buthowdoyoudoanythinglikeataskonanyway?"}>>

    <<("No, see -- it's a play on the term 'on task?' Loo--)">> the audio
cut out.

    "That's me," Dangerousgirl said. "Fridge, bus my tray, wouldja?" She
got up from the table.

    "Yeah, that's absolutely going to happen," Frigid Girl said, smirking.

    "Die Bates."

    "You and what army, MacPherson?"

    "I'll bus your tray," Kid Electron said, with a broad half-grin.

    "Ewww..." Dangerousgirl said. "Damn it -- I'm on call -- I don't have
time to shower the Kid-E off."

    "I'll get your tray," Nobody said. "You get down to the old cell block."

    "Dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock," Memorex chimed in, his Elvis and the
melody both perfect.

    Dangerousgirl smiled to Nobody in thanks, then turned and ran for the
B-Tower elevators. In part to report on time, and in part because she
didn't want to be in the room if a musical spontaneously broke out. It had
happened before.

    "Dude, you tapping that?" Kid Electron asked Nobody.

    "Dude, you seriously using that phrase to describe a human being?"
Nobody answered.

    "That's not a denial." Kid Electron grinned again, and went back to his
sandwich.

    "Um... okay, I'm cleanin' up Porty's first lunch," Memorex said.
"Enhanced sense of smell, remember. Ugh."

    "Don't bother," Frigid Girl said, dropping the temperature of the bowl
and fish guts to somewhere around -60 C. "We got you covered."


* * * * * *


    Dianna Potentiate had returned to her room after her meeting. It's
where she had spent the majority of her discipline's term. Just her, an
increasingly messy room -- though not long ago cleaned by Mandy while they
were in space -- a bonsai given to her by Spectrum, and her own thoughts.
She hadn't even bothered to change out of her uniform. She'd just fallen on
her bed, facing the wall, waiting for her next duty cycle. Somewhere in
there she figured she'd fall asleep, and then undoubtedly JOEL would wake
her up in time to take a shower before she went on duty.

    The PA crackled. <<("Attention all Primary Team members! I'd really
appreciate it if you could come down to the B-6 detention block. Masks on
like your tasks are on.")>>

    <<("Idon'treallythinkthatmadeanysenseMaskedBruceImeanitrhymedandall-
buthowdoyoudoanythinglikeataskonanyway?"}>>

    <<("No, see -- it's a play on the term 'on task?' Loo--)">> the audio
cut out.

    Dianna didn't see a reason to move. It wasn't an alert, so it probably
counted as recreation. And that was a No.

    Not that she'd go if she could.


[[Hey -- remember when this was a comedy? No? Do you remember anything
about it at all? No? Damn. Anyway, this is the end of Part three. It
concludes in Part Four]]
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/superguy/attachments/20161003/3430f9a5/attachment-0001.html>