SG: [1996-Historical] Rough Cut #2: Previously on the Adventures of the Adjusted League Unimpeachable

[Eric Burns]

Set the Wayback machine to 1996, Sherman....



[Trashman's Voice]: Previously...

on the

Adventures of the Adjusted League Unimpeachable,

CalForce

and Superguy Digest.



TRASHMAN: Spandex Babe, you have been found guilty of the murder of the
innocent mage Wilhelm. As the government has declined to act, we hereby
impose a twenty-four month sentence wherein you are confined to the
facility, with your seniority revoked, your position as Deputy Leader
stripped, and your status reduced to that of Probationary Member. You have
shamed us, and we do not trust you.

ROGERS INDUSTRIES OP: Healer -- the A.L.U.C.H.Q.M.O.U.S.E. has been
captured by the Unimaginable League Amoral and the Awe-Inspiring Force. The
team has been confirmed captured as well.

UNORTHODOX GIRL: The ULA and AIF beat Mike to within an inch of his life --
I don't even know if he can survive, much less recover.

CRIMSON CROWBAR: Thanks to our 'friend' the Masked Bruce, I finally have a
Xolchipalian Defense Forces tihorn, uniform and gear once again. My
effectiveness has been... considerably improved.

TRASHMAN: Last I heard, Andy Awe-Inspring was shot in the head by Ramrod
and took a swan dive through a leaded glass table. But perhaps my
information is out of date?

MARIE BARDOT: With the death of their leader, the Awe-Inspiring Force is
directionless and pathetic, but if the Unimaginable League Amoral rebuilds
their Ubermachine, we can exalt them into greatness once more.

LADY AWE-INSPIRING: I am Lady Awe-Inspiring, and I shall be the master of
this world and all I survey -- to me, my Awe-Inspring Force!

EGOISTE: Perhaps we got away with the Nubermachine, but I won't forget what
Marie Bardot did to her sister Geneva. We will kill Bardot, and we will
keep that a secret from Geneva.

DOCTOR UNORTHODOX: I made it possible for them to escape, I surrendered
myself, and my misbegotten bitch of a daughter still beat me senseless with
a cast iron frying pan? That's *it!* No more mister nice Mad Scientist! I'm
going to destroy Unorthodox Lass, starting by killing all her little
friends in her little club!

MANDY HARKEN: I go away for one weekend and the building is half-destroyed?!

ADRIAN WOLLSTONECRAFT: The world needs order. Without it, the human race is
doomed. If your... predictions are right, Alanna... then extending our
offer to the Unimaginable League Amoral is the only thing that makes sense.

KID SOLIPSISM: I know that everything we see and hear is a delusion created
by my own subconscious mind to give me stimulus to perceive and teach me
the lessons I need to know. My false brother Faith appeared to die... but I
saw the world open up and my real brother reaching down for me. And I
couldn't follow -- I don't know how, Mandy. And... I'm beginning to worry
if I should just revel in the dream, and not try to escape it any more.

NIMBUS: With our possession of the Nubermachine, it falls to us to recruit
new members of the Unimaginable League Amoral. Badsport? Bomber Babe?
Alanna Gordon? Featherhead? Two-Stroke? You and the others will undergo the
Nubermachine process, being exalted into the ultimate expression of your
own potential! You will become as gods among gods, and along with us we
shall conquer this world! It is our inevitable destiny!

M'YET OF HOUSE DUKAT: It's tonight, R'lla. Tonight we're going to capture
the Omniquantum Megabracers. It's why we're here. I *have* to do this.

MIKE GREEN: I have a clean bill of health from physical therapy! All I
need's Trashman's okay and to request a new tihorn and uniform from the
Xolchipalian Defense Forces and the Masked Bruce is back, baby!

DANGEROUSGIRL: I'm worried about Dianna... over the past month she's been
closing off more and more. I think the confinement's really getting to her
and I don't know what to do about it.

SPECTRUM: You have to stay on the horse, Dianna. Don't let them beat you.
You're better than this. You're stronger than this. Stay on the horse and
see it through.

XDF LEFTENANT COMMANDER RICARDO MONTALBON (Coincidence): Officer Green, you
will report directly to Planet Seattle in the Ottsamattawidu Confederation,
and investigate the military buildup and situation. If you are still
without a uniform and tihorn... well. Let us hope you will not need them.
This is a direct order.

XDF LEFTENANT PETER WELLER (Coincidence): Montalbon's ordered to not relay
Officer Green's assignments or these sensor readings to Sector Command --
 we may believe Montalbon (coincidence) and his command crew have been
suborned by an alien intelligence, but lacking proof we can't break their
orders. We'll send Officers Fox and Lien, along with Doctor Picardo, to
Planet Seattle to find out what's really going on -- but we have to be
cool. We can't let Montalbon suspect that's what we're doing.

SPANDEX BABE: Spray the bonsai four times a day. We shouldn't be gone long
enough for you to worry about food. This is *very* *important,* Mandy!
*Please.*

HEALER: Both CalForce and the Adjusted League are in deep space risking
their lives... and for the first time since I retired to run the Academy,
I've had to watch them go. Almost everyone I love or care about is up there
and all I can do is wait. I am *not* a fan of this feeling.

FAITH: **I can do anything, from your limited frame of reference, Healer.**

TERTIUS FLEET BANELA OF THE MAGISTRIX: The dominant space power in the
region is Earth, because of one ship: the Pretty Damn Fine Ol' Hellacious
Ship "Alamo's Revenge's Revenge," as owned by Stetson Tyler, Space Cowboy.
It's six thousand miles long.  It destroyed a huge number of Xolchipalian
and Ottsamattawidu ships in a Satanic-led run against Earth. Whoever
controls that ship controls this sector of space.

OTTSAMATTAWIDU ADMIRAL NARNIUS: An agricultural programmer named M'Yet of
House Dukat and his wife from Planet South Dakota suddenly had the
resources to move to Planet Seattle and open a restaurant. Somehow a coder
and a farmer broke into our most secure Armory and recovered the Oanthat --
a weapon that can turn thought into reality. M'Yet is using it, and he's
clearly insane -- but if the Oanthat is removed by force, it will go
unstable and destroy everything within thirty light years unless another
host is found quickly.

PRIMUS MYSTICA JENNIFER CONNELLY (Coincidence): Pentus Mystica Coye... I
know your assignment is finished, but we have an additional requirement.
There are a group of beings... and something you must do in the battle that
will follow. You will be generously rewarded for your assistance.

M'YET OF HOUSE DUKAT: They are coming, my beloved R'lla. They are coming to
test my ascendence, and forge me in a crucible of power, catalyzing the
next stage of my evolution. I have no problem initiating that reaction.

MASKED BRUCE: M'Yet is down! Spandy -- the Oanthat's going critical! Get it!

SPANDEX BABE: Halfway to grabbing the Oanthat, I was blasted away by
some... person who'd been cloaked to the side of the battle and couldn't
reach it. The Masked Bruce had no choice but to grab it instead. I'm just
glad he was there, even if he did undergo... apotheosis, I guess?

XDF LEFTENANT COMMANDER RICARDO MONTALBON (Coincidence): Yeeeeesss... that
is perfect... absolutely perfect....

CORPSMAN ALEC GUINNESS (Coincidence) OF THE FIFTH: ...things are worse than
I dared fear. I'm afraid if you don't get me to Planet Seattle with all
haste... the entire universe is due to go into something of a recession.

MASKED BRUCE: If you want me to give the Oanthet back, I will. But it needs
a host and currently I'm not losing my mind, so don't we have to consider
my just... keeping it?

PRIMUS MYSTICA JENNIFER CONNELLY (Coincidence): Tertius Fleet Banela... you
are organizing a suicide run by a minor stellar power called the
Disposab'll against Earth, to test the _Alamo's Revenge's Revenge,_ are you
not? If you can delay this attack until I tell you, it will allow us to
complete many projects... and make it that much easier for you to... assist
Primus Fleet Arlor to a promotion or retirement while you become Primus
Fleet.

EMPRESS GLUM OF THE OTTSAMATTAWIDU EMPIRE: The current Parliament is
dissolved, by my authority as vested in the Articles of Confederation.
Election will be held in exactly six Imperial Months time to provide a new
Parliament. Upon the inauguration of the new Parliament, the decree of
Kikadkem III, which revoked all privileges of royalty for all except the
Emperor and those directly in line for the Throne, will be extended to
cover the Throne itself. All Imperial power will be divested onto the
Parliament and its elected Prime Minister. For all intents and purposes, I
am the Last Empress of the Ottsamaddawidu Empire.

LADY AWE-INSPIRING: We already have thousands of soldiers ready to die for
me, knowing I promise them nothing but my own disdain. Their loyalty is
unquestioned. It shall not be much longer before we can strike.

MIKE GREEN: Planet Seattle's throwing a party for us, for saving their
world, Dianna. No one's going to know we let you out of your cage for one
night as thanks for a job *very* well done. As Deputy Leader, I'm pretty
sure I get to make that call.

JANE WEST GARRICK-ALLEN: Trudy's taking a run at being bride of the
regiment tonight -- she's an adult and we know she's smart enough to be
safe, but this is way out of her experience. I'm worried about her. We're
all worried about her.

TRUDY GALLOWAY: Dianna -- you and Healer have to beat guys off with a
stick. In case you haven't noticed? I don't. And because of that whole
'secret identity' thing I can't trade off my notoriety back home. This is
the one place where Trudy Galloway and Unorthodox Girl can be the same
person and I'm gonna enjoy it! My mother's head was caved in with a lamp
when I was eight, so I'm pretty sure you aren't her -- so just back *off.*

HEALER: One of our Academy Students -- a girl called Transit -- has
incredibly precise teleportation powers, an innate sense of mathematics,
and a spatial sense of the universe around her. She's an artificial person,
gengineered from the ground up and designed not to get sick. But now she's
fallen into a fever with nausea and weakness and we can't find a reason
why. I'm worried her powers may be breaking down -- but if they aren't,
then there's an external cause and we have to find it.

TRASHMAN: We do not punish one of our members for the murder of an innocent
as a public relations exercise, Masked Bruce. And we do not relax those
punishments because 'no one will ever know.' We will know. And she will
know. And she deserves to be treated consistently. Is that *completely*
understood?

DIANNA: Dani... I have to see this disciplinary action through. I have to.
But after that... there's no place for me here any more. I'm a distraction
at best, and useless at worst. I'm pretty sure Mike just got in trouble
over me. It's... there's nothing for me here any more.

HEALER: From all appearances, the Masked Bruce's apparent apotheosis has
him feeling a bit euphoric, but otherwise he's not being affected. And
that's what's worrying Trashman, right?

KID SOLIPSISM: At this point, my subconsciousness decided that everything I
love about the Adjusted League Unimpeachable is dying, Mandy. But I don't
want to go... because as insane as it is... I don't want to leave you.

MANDY HARKEN: I love you, Kid. You decided that I love you.

KENT CLARK: Key... if I return to Megapolis -- will you... come with me?

MIGHTY GUY: All those in favor of dissolving CalForce, please say aye.

--
Eric Burns-White, Lord Sabre
Notes, Cast List and the like: http://superguy-list.
livejournal.com/36042.html
"There is only one thing that I like and that is whistling in the dark."
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