From eaburns at annotations.com Mon Oct 3 10:21:22 2016 From: eaburns at annotations.com (Eric Burns) Date: Mon, 3 Oct 2016 13:21:22 -0400 Subject: SG: [1996-Historical] Rough Cut #2: Previously on the Adventures of the Adjusted League Unimpeachable Message-ID: Set the Wayback machine to 1996, Sherman.... [Trashman's Voice]: Previously... on the Adventures of the Adjusted League Unimpeachable, CalForce and Superguy Digest. TRASHMAN: Spandex Babe, you have been found guilty of the murder of the innocent mage Wilhelm. As the government has declined to act, we hereby impose a twenty-four month sentence wherein you are confined to the facility, with your seniority revoked, your position as Deputy Leader stripped, and your status reduced to that of Probationary Member. You have shamed us, and we do not trust you. ROGERS INDUSTRIES OP: Healer -- the A.L.U.C.H.Q.M.O.U.S.E. has been captured by the Unimaginable League Amoral and the Awe-Inspiring Force. The team has been confirmed captured as well. UNORTHODOX GIRL: The ULA and AIF beat Mike to within an inch of his life -- I don't even know if he can survive, much less recover. CRIMSON CROWBAR: Thanks to our 'friend' the Masked Bruce, I finally have a Xolchipalian Defense Forces tihorn, uniform and gear once again. My effectiveness has been... considerably improved. TRASHMAN: Last I heard, Andy Awe-Inspring was shot in the head by Ramrod and took a swan dive through a leaded glass table. But perhaps my information is out of date? MARIE BARDOT: With the death of their leader, the Awe-Inspiring Force is directionless and pathetic, but if the Unimaginable League Amoral rebuilds their Ubermachine, we can exalt them into greatness once more. LADY AWE-INSPIRING: I am Lady Awe-Inspiring, and I shall be the master of this world and all I survey -- to me, my Awe-Inspring Force! EGOISTE: Perhaps we got away with the Nubermachine, but I won't forget what Marie Bardot did to her sister Geneva. We will kill Bardot, and we will keep that a secret from Geneva. DOCTOR UNORTHODOX: I made it possible for them to escape, I surrendered myself, and my misbegotten bitch of a daughter still beat me senseless with a cast iron frying pan? That's *it!* No more mister nice Mad Scientist! I'm going to destroy Unorthodox Lass, starting by killing all her little friends in her little club! MANDY HARKEN: I go away for one weekend and the building is half-destroyed?! ADRIAN WOLLSTONECRAFT: The world needs order. Without it, the human race is doomed. If your... predictions are right, Alanna... then extending our offer to the Unimaginable League Amoral is the only thing that makes sense. KID SOLIPSISM: I know that everything we see and hear is a delusion created by my own subconscious mind to give me stimulus to perceive and teach me the lessons I need to know. My false brother Faith appeared to die... but I saw the world open up and my real brother reaching down for me. And I couldn't follow -- I don't know how, Mandy. And... I'm beginning to worry if I should just revel in the dream, and not try to escape it any more. NIMBUS: With our possession of the Nubermachine, it falls to us to recruit new members of the Unimaginable League Amoral. Badsport? Bomber Babe? Alanna Gordon? Featherhead? Two-Stroke? You and the others will undergo the Nubermachine process, being exalted into the ultimate expression of your own potential! You will become as gods among gods, and along with us we shall conquer this world! It is our inevitable destiny! M'YET OF HOUSE DUKAT: It's tonight, R'lla. Tonight we're going to capture the Omniquantum Megabracers. It's why we're here. I *have* to do this. MIKE GREEN: I have a clean bill of health from physical therapy! All I need's Trashman's okay and to request a new tihorn and uniform from the Xolchipalian Defense Forces and the Masked Bruce is back, baby! DANGEROUSGIRL: I'm worried about Dianna... over the past month she's been closing off more and more. I think the confinement's really getting to her and I don't know what to do about it. SPECTRUM: You have to stay on the horse, Dianna. Don't let them beat you. You're better than this. You're stronger than this. Stay on the horse and see it through. XDF LEFTENANT COMMANDER RICARDO MONTALBON (Coincidence): Officer Green, you will report directly to Planet Seattle in the Ottsamattawidu Confederation, and investigate the military buildup and situation. If you are still without a uniform and tihorn... well. Let us hope you will not need them. This is a direct order. XDF LEFTENANT PETER WELLER (Coincidence): Montalbon's ordered to not relay Officer Green's assignments or these sensor readings to Sector Command -- we may believe Montalbon (coincidence) and his command crew have been suborned by an alien intelligence, but lacking proof we can't break their orders. We'll send Officers Fox and Lien, along with Doctor Picardo, to Planet Seattle to find out what's really going on -- but we have to be cool. We can't let Montalbon suspect that's what we're doing. SPANDEX BABE: Spray the bonsai four times a day. We shouldn't be gone long enough for you to worry about food. This is *very* *important,* Mandy! *Please.* HEALER: Both CalForce and the Adjusted League are in deep space risking their lives... and for the first time since I retired to run the Academy, I've had to watch them go. Almost everyone I love or care about is up there and all I can do is wait. I am *not* a fan of this feeling. FAITH: **I can do anything, from your limited frame of reference, Healer.** TERTIUS FLEET BANELA OF THE MAGISTRIX: The dominant space power in the region is Earth, because of one ship: the Pretty Damn Fine Ol' Hellacious Ship "Alamo's Revenge's Revenge," as owned by Stetson Tyler, Space Cowboy. It's six thousand miles long. It destroyed a huge number of Xolchipalian and Ottsamattawidu ships in a Satanic-led run against Earth. Whoever controls that ship controls this sector of space. OTTSAMATTAWIDU ADMIRAL NARNIUS: An agricultural programmer named M'Yet of House Dukat and his wife from Planet South Dakota suddenly had the resources to move to Planet Seattle and open a restaurant. Somehow a coder and a farmer broke into our most secure Armory and recovered the Oanthat -- a weapon that can turn thought into reality. M'Yet is using it, and he's clearly insane -- but if the Oanthat is removed by force, it will go unstable and destroy everything within thirty light years unless another host is found quickly. PRIMUS MYSTICA JENNIFER CONNELLY (Coincidence): Pentus Mystica Coye... I know your assignment is finished, but we have an additional requirement. There are a group of beings... and something you must do in the battle that will follow. You will be generously rewarded for your assistance. M'YET OF HOUSE DUKAT: They are coming, my beloved R'lla. They are coming to test my ascendence, and forge me in a crucible of power, catalyzing the next stage of my evolution. I have no problem initiating that reaction. MASKED BRUCE: M'Yet is down! Spandy -- the Oanthat's going critical! Get it! SPANDEX BABE: Halfway to grabbing the Oanthat, I was blasted away by some... person who'd been cloaked to the side of the battle and couldn't reach it. The Masked Bruce had no choice but to grab it instead. I'm just glad he was there, even if he did undergo... apotheosis, I guess? XDF LEFTENANT COMMANDER RICARDO MONTALBON (Coincidence): Yeeeeesss... that is perfect... absolutely perfect.... CORPSMAN ALEC GUINNESS (Coincidence) OF THE FIFTH: ...things are worse than I dared fear. I'm afraid if you don't get me to Planet Seattle with all haste... the entire universe is due to go into something of a recession. MASKED BRUCE: If you want me to give the Oanthet back, I will. But it needs a host and currently I'm not losing my mind, so don't we have to consider my just... keeping it? PRIMUS MYSTICA JENNIFER CONNELLY (Coincidence): Tertius Fleet Banela... you are organizing a suicide run by a minor stellar power called the Disposab'll against Earth, to test the _Alamo's Revenge's Revenge,_ are you not? If you can delay this attack until I tell you, it will allow us to complete many projects... and make it that much easier for you to... assist Primus Fleet Arlor to a promotion or retirement while you become Primus Fleet. EMPRESS GLUM OF THE OTTSAMATTAWIDU EMPIRE: The current Parliament is dissolved, by my authority as vested in the Articles of Confederation. Election will be held in exactly six Imperial Months time to provide a new Parliament. Upon the inauguration of the new Parliament, the decree of Kikadkem III, which revoked all privileges of royalty for all except the Emperor and those directly in line for the Throne, will be extended to cover the Throne itself. All Imperial power will be divested onto the Parliament and its elected Prime Minister. For all intents and purposes, I am the Last Empress of the Ottsamaddawidu Empire. LADY AWE-INSPIRING: We already have thousands of soldiers ready to die for me, knowing I promise them nothing but my own disdain. Their loyalty is unquestioned. It shall not be much longer before we can strike. MIKE GREEN: Planet Seattle's throwing a party for us, for saving their world, Dianna. No one's going to know we let you out of your cage for one night as thanks for a job *very* well done. As Deputy Leader, I'm pretty sure I get to make that call. JANE WEST GARRICK-ALLEN: Trudy's taking a run at being bride of the regiment tonight -- she's an adult and we know she's smart enough to be safe, but this is way out of her experience. I'm worried about her. We're all worried about her. TRUDY GALLOWAY: Dianna -- you and Healer have to beat guys off with a stick. In case you haven't noticed? I don't. And because of that whole 'secret identity' thing I can't trade off my notoriety back home. This is the one place where Trudy Galloway and Unorthodox Girl can be the same person and I'm gonna enjoy it! My mother's head was caved in with a lamp when I was eight, so I'm pretty sure you aren't her -- so just back *off.* HEALER: One of our Academy Students -- a girl called Transit -- has incredibly precise teleportation powers, an innate sense of mathematics, and a spatial sense of the universe around her. She's an artificial person, gengineered from the ground up and designed not to get sick. But now she's fallen into a fever with nausea and weakness and we can't find a reason why. I'm worried her powers may be breaking down -- but if they aren't, then there's an external cause and we have to find it. TRASHMAN: We do not punish one of our members for the murder of an innocent as a public relations exercise, Masked Bruce. And we do not relax those punishments because 'no one will ever know.' We will know. And she will know. And she deserves to be treated consistently. Is that *completely* understood? DIANNA: Dani... I have to see this disciplinary action through. I have to. But after that... there's no place for me here any more. I'm a distraction at best, and useless at worst. I'm pretty sure Mike just got in trouble over me. It's... there's nothing for me here any more. HEALER: From all appearances, the Masked Bruce's apparent apotheosis has him feeling a bit euphoric, but otherwise he's not being affected. And that's what's worrying Trashman, right? KID SOLIPSISM: At this point, my subconsciousness decided that everything I love about the Adjusted League Unimpeachable is dying, Mandy. But I don't want to go... because as insane as it is... I don't want to leave you. MANDY HARKEN: I love you, Kid. You decided that I love you. KENT CLARK: Key... if I return to Megapolis -- will you... come with me? MIGHTY GUY: All those in favor of dissolving CalForce, please say aye. -- Eric Burns-White, Lord Sabre Notes, Cast List and the like: http://superguy-list. livejournal.com/36042.html "There is only one thing that I like and that is whistling in the dark." -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: From eaburns at annotations.com Mon Oct 3 10:49:10 2016 From: eaburns at annotations.com (Eric Burns) Date: Mon, 3 Oct 2016 13:49:10 -0400 Subject: SG: [h1996] (a/d) Adjusted League Unimpeachable #110 Message-ID: *[[Mandy Harken's Voice]]* In 1991, Legendary heroes Mighty Guy and the Non-Biodegradable Trashman joined together with the super-fast Dash and the Un-KAL Mil-TEE known as the Masked Bruce, forming a League -- Unimpeachable in its glory -- to fight crime, protect the innocent, and arrange for significant infrastructure repair. This League was Adjusted over time, adding the neophotonic warrior woman Spandex Babe, atypical amazing Unorthodox Lass-- ["*Girl*"] --whatever, thermonuclear powered Dangerousgirl, and disbelief empowered Kid Solipsism. And though they had to say goodbye to Mighty Guy, they have flourished as heroes, even founding an Academy run by Doctor Elizabeth Tirkoff -- the legendary former secret agent, psychologist, and telepathic superhero called Healer -- to train the next generation of heroes. With their associates Mandy Harken and their Xolchipalian digital intelligence JOEL, they continue to fight for the rights of all as the Adjusted League Unimpeachable! *May the Sixteenth,* *One Thousand, Nine Hundred and Ninety Six Anno Domini,* *(Terran Frame of Reference)* "...yeah -- yeah. I understand. You're kidding. No, seriously, you're kidding. You're **kidding*!* No **kidding*?* You're **kidding*!*" Mandy Harken put her face in her hands. "Someone **has** to be kidding." She was not, technically speaking, in her own office. She was in fact in the office of Doctor Elizabeth Tirkoff, much better known as Healer -- super heroine in semi-retirement, Commandant of the Adjusted League Unimpeachable Academy, psychologist and psychiatrist, former espionage agent of the Mega Intelligence Bureau, former partner of the reality bending, monumentally gullible, currently transcendent Faith, girlfriend of Mandy's boss, surprisingly skilled flutist and surprisingly unskilled limbo player. Said Elizabeth Tirkoff was on the phone. Mandy was waiting for her to finish. "...well, okay. I'll free up the day when you know it. **Yes** I'll try to get Bruce to come. He'd want to anyway, I'm sure. Everyone? All right, everyone! Okay -- right. Chalandra will be there? **Excellent*.* No -- I'm excited. No, really! No, **really*.* Yury -- I'm excited. I can't **wait** to be there. Okay? Yes! Okay! Gods I'm glad you made it home all right-- yes, Yury! Yes! Yes. **Yes*!* I can't wait! I'm looking forward to it! Yury -- I'm **looking forward to it.** Okay! Bye!" Elizabeth hung up and dropped her head onto her desk with a 'thump.' "I am **not** looking forward to this." "I take it CalForce made it back from the depths of space just like the A.L.U. did?" "Yup." "So what's wrong. You've been pacing for what feels like years, waiting for them to get back." "Back's not really the right word. But there'll be a party when they've gotten all the details worked out. Everyone's invited -- the whole A.L.U., including you. I think you're all my plus one." "Wouldn't Bruce be your plus one?" "It's a party at Hal's new restaurant. I think defining "plus one" as "everyone" is part of the attitude." "Yeah." She paused. "Well, almost everyone, since Dianna--" "Yeah. I know. Dianna's still under corporate house arrest and can't go. I'm sure she'll take monitor duty so we can all go, and won't be dramatic or martyr-ish about it at all. I'm sure it'll be a fantastic opportunity for all of us to go and see everyone again, and have a wonderful time dressed to the nines, and give everyone a chance to get used to Mike's apparent apotheosis." "I'm sure. Liz -- why do you sound miserable?" "Please don't call me Liz." "You're not answering the question." Elizabeth took a deep breath, sitting back up. "I sound miserable because I'm miserable. It's a wrap party." "A... wrap party?" "A wrap party. CalForce is folding their tent. Kent's going back to Megapolis, Templar's going all in in Hollywood, Key's going back to Japan--" "Wait... CalForce is breaking up?" "Yup. It's not a shock. They've been headed that way since...." "Since?" Elizabeth shrugged again. "Since Akane went nuts and Faith went away, followed rapidly by Badass and... well, heh. I suppose it's possible they could have weathered the changes...." "But?" "But then this slightly square bitch who had grief counseling training quit instead of doing her job. And of course Chalandra and Manny--" "Hey. Elizabeth... it's not your fault. You had to do what was right for--" Elizabeth started laughing. "Elizabeth?" "Sorry... just... 'it's not my fault!'" She waved her arms. "I always wanted to be the one to do that. It was always a Key and Yury thing. And yeah -- rationally I know CalForce isn't breaking up because I left. Or even because of Akane. It's just... time. Time moves on. CalForce was a glorious moment, but glorious moments are just that -- moments. I'm just feeling sorry for myself." "Well, it's understandable. CalForce meant a lot to you." Elizabeth laughed again, softly. "CalForce meant everything to me. Whenever things looked dark, I knew they'd be there for me. When the ULA and AIF took the Chick-Mouse and I was in the middle of the woods on an outward bound... CalForce came and got me and took me to Boston. They're still my first phone call when anything happens in my life. I always knew that... that I had a home if I needed one. That I had backup if I needed that. I guess in the back of my head I figured I was... I don't know. On a break. But that I'd go back, eventually, you know?" "...you're on a Hell of a break, Elizabeth. You have a life here now." "Yeah. But... I've never really been A.L.U. I've been part of the Academy, and I've been support staff... but when I think of **Healer...** I think... well, of Faith, and after Faith I think of CalForce." She takes a deep breath. "It'll be okay, Mandy. I need to be a little wistful about it... but the important things are they're all back safely, and life goes on. I'm sure no one else is feeling like--" The phone rang. Elizabeth blinked at the number, and picked up the phone. "Hello? Manny! Yes -- yeah, Yury just called. Ye-- I know!" She listened for a moment, then smiled a little bit. "Trust me, Manny. I know **exactly** how you feel." Mandy smiled a bit... then realized she was stuck in the office, * *still** hadn't actually gone over expenditures with Elizabeth, and she was on **another** phone call. Sometimes, Hell was New England Telephone. *The Adventures* *of the* *Adjusted League Unimpeachable* *Episode #110* *"Origins Volume the Fifth"* *"There are Those Who Call Me... Bruce"* *Part the First* *by* *Eric, Lord Sabre, who is amused it's taken all this time to * *get through the 'Origin' story of his team series.* *CONTINUITY NOTE* It may seem as ridiculous that there's a Continuity Note for ALU #110 as there was for The League #9. After all, this is still in fact a period piece -- picking up where we left off in 2003 when we picked up where we'd left off in 1996ish. Stop and consider this. This story takes place in May of **1996*.* And here we have a Continuity Note, like we were worried people wouldn't figure out how to slot this into an actual Continuity with its fellow series, of which exactly none are still being written. Maybe it's a form of mid-life crisis -- not simply clinging to the forms of the past but actively invoking them. Maybe if we set a continuity note to explain just where this series takes place, and we do it just right... it will in fact **be** 1996 again. Because that's how this all works! It's magic! It's magic, and through the act of posting this we can return to the days of the Dot Com bubble and Bill Clinton's sex life literally being the biggest concern we had politically. And if not? Hey, maybe it'll mean getting a yen to actually read some of these stories. Nevertheless, this story takes place, at this point, right at the cusp of the end of the "Last Empress" storyline in CalForce and before the "Twisted Reflections" storyline in Mason's Mazin' Mob. It also takes place before the fall of the Mega Intelligence Bureau and the Genocidal Wars as detailed in Rad and The Ballad of Richard Less. Technically, at least the prologue takes place the same day as the prologue of Adjusted League Unimpeachable Academy #6 -- in fact, specifically ten minutes after Healer gets off the phone the second time, since Trudy tracks her down to talk about CalForce's retirement right about then. In other words... it's May of 1996. You may now move about the cabin. * * * * * * "Did she say why she was moving to Japan?" Bruce asked, sipping tea. "She didn't not say it, old chum!" Bruce paused, watching his friend drink Bosco from a molybdenum duck cup they kept on hand for him. "Kent? Casual conversation voice." "Ah! Right. Sorry. She didn't not say it, old chum." His guest was a massively huge man in an incredibly tasteless orange and neon purple plaid suit with striped shirt and a tie designed to look stained in the actual pattern. It was garish enough and the man was huge enough that it actually took about thirty seconds for the viewer to realize he had bright blue hair. His name was Kent Clark, but he was better known as the Man of Petrified Wood himself, Mighty Guy. Whose series, it's worth noting, this used to be, but then he made a lateral to California. Bruce was dressed in his own conservative grey suit with slightly darker grey tie and grey shoes. His blond hair was carefully coiffed. Everything about the man screamed to onlookers to not bother looking at him, because he was bored and boring. This, of course, didn't fool Kent -- he and Kent went back a long way. But, in the same way that Kent's glasses -- despite invoking the Mask Principle -- didn't begin to conceal his identity as Mighty Guy... absolutely nothing about Bruce Rogers would begin to suggest the Non Biodegradable Trashman. The pair were sitting in a lounge adjacent to the Xolchacafe on the broad fourth floor of the Load Pan Bay, which housed the Chick-Mouse's lobby, elevators to each of the three towers, the cafe in question, laundry services, and access to resources like the Excessive Liability Chamber. Said lounge, as with the rest of the building, looked hideous. "Kent?" he asked. "Yes, Bruce?" "You still haven't actually answered my question." "Oh. She says she needs to think." Bruce arched both his eyebrows. "I see." Kent nodded. "Yes indeed, friend of friends. I got dumped. Lo these many days as my heart yearned for justice, so too did it know that the day might come that I meet the single most wonderful woman in the world and then, caught between worlds and lives, I be dumped by her." He kept his voice to 'casual conversation,' which first off made his personal rhetoric somehow more disturbing... but secondly concerned Bruce -- normally a speech like that would have excited Kent too much to contain himself. "I'm sorry, Kent." "So am I, and so is she. Sorrow is the great equalizer, it would seem. But, with the dissolution of CalForce, the movement of the once again rechristened Daily Planted back to the great city of Megapolis, and the siren call of journalism which fuels my soul and keeps me connected to the drab, minor lives of those around me, lest I become overly impressed with my own Heliumian physique and tremendous power to continue to really **get** the common man... well. It would be hardly fair to demand she move with me, would it?" "Hardly fair indeed. I can certainly understand how she feels about that, though I also understand how she feels about you -- and you feel about her." "Ah yes -- you too are well understanding the purity of true love and the joy of exploring that love with a wonderful human being who also happens to be a piece of hot CalForce hinder." He pronounced it hind, as if it rhymed with rind. Bruce paused. "Did... Key know you called her that?" "It was her suggestion. Well, she used a term other than 'hinder,' but... oh, not butt, either...." "Of course it was her idea. I wouldn't mention it to Elizabeth, though. But yes. I do know... and I know how hard it would be to lose her. Honestly... I've thought a lot about it." Kent blinked. "But why? She seems besotted, old chum!" Bruce shrugged slightly -- which of course only people who knew him well would even notice. "I've had love in my hand before, old friend." "Ah yes. Jan Taylor. She who was Force, when you were Trashman and Force, heroes of Dark City, before her accidental horrible death in a nuclear explosion that formed the motivation for a considerable part of this series back in its early chapters." Bruce frowned slightly. "Kent," he prison-whispered. "We don't actually talk about the series as a series in this series." "Ah! Right! I forget. My apologies." "But of course. And yes, precisely." He took no offense at Kent's phrasing. He knew the Mightiest Guy Around better than most, after all. "It took years and me nearly killing a man for me to get over Jan dying. I am... understandably concerned about going through that again... or putting Elizabeth through it." "Yes. I too have thought about the pain I might endure should my beloved perish. But... I did not really put much thought into the pain I might endure should my beloved not perish but instead move back to her home country of Japan because she didn't want to move to a different city with me." He shrugged, which caused a rush of wind behind him that blew Kid Electron off his feet -- he'd been passing by after getting his mail. "I likely should have. I mean, I do understand. I'm no catch, old chum." Bruce blinked. "What did you say?" "Mm? Oh -- old chum. It's a term of endearment that compares you to ground up rotted fish entrails used as shark bait." "No, Kent. Before that." "What? Ah! Yes. I'm no catch." Kent smiled. "I'm not **stupid*,* Bruce. I know I am somewhat high maintenance. It takes a very special person to be my friend, much less my hot piece of CalForce hinder. It is hardly a stretch to realize one's patience would be tried to the point of snapping eventually. As Key has dumped me, I have been forced to do some self examination, and come up with the only logical conclusion: I am no catch." Bruce leaned forward, his voice more intense. "Kent, of all the people I know and respect -- including so many in this building itself -- you are the man whose friendship I am most honored and humbled to have earned. You are the kindest, most noble soul I have ever encountered. You brought me hope when I had lost it. You drew me out of my shell when I had thought there was nothing left to draw. You love purely and without reservation, and any person who you love is *lucky* to have that. You're the biggest catch in the sea, Kent." He arched an eyebrow. "By weight, if nothing else." Kent blinked, and laughed a Mighty Laugh, which caused the kitchen pots and pans across the cafe to all fall off the shelf and got Mighty Dog barking excitedly. "Well said, old chum, well said! Still--" "Still nothing. Look, I understand how Key feels. But I promise you, she's not moving to Japan because she doesn't love you -- or doesn't think you're a good catch. This is about her. She's been in a relationship her entire adult life, and faced with that relationship changing... she has to reevaluate. That's good and healthy. I'm sorry it hurts you, old friend -- but it's not because you're anything less than you are." "Her whole adult-- Bruce... I don't wish to call your deductive skills into question, but we haven't dated that long--" "I'm not talking about that relationship, Kent." "Oh -- you mean CalForce... but even that--" "Try again." Kent looked blank. "Kent -- HotFlash and MeltDown?" "Oh. Oh! Yes... I hadn't really thought of that -- but she and Yury have always been pretty well joined at the well toned hip, haven't they? I wonder why they're not staying together at least professionally. Yury isn't leaving California." "No, but they're moving into different phases of their lives. I promise you, she's not leaving Yury's proximity out of animosity -- and the same is true of you. And of course she may end up back with Yury after her time away." He paused. "Still, did you try to find other work in Los Angeles?" "Leave the Planted and work for another paper?!" Kent paused, then leaned in conspiratorially. "I left resumes at every newspaper in a three hundred mile radius. Apparently no one is hiring. Loudly. And several are now closed for significant renovations, interestingly enough." Bruce nodded slightly. "That can happen. Hm. I do have some media interests -- I could likely find something in Los Angeles--" "Bruce! Nepotism? I think not -- I do have my honor!" Bruce chuckled. "Yes you do. Consider that matter dropped. Look, either she'll decide to join you or she won't. Either way... you have your life, your work, and your calling. You are a lucky man, Kent." Kent nodded. "I am. Indeed, I have Mighty Luck on my side! Thank you, Bruce! Thank you for your wisdom and friendship!" Bruce smiled a bit as Kent's volume went up. "Of course, old friend. Besides, there's always Flores Lame--" "*Ugh*. No, sorry! That was beneath me! She is a fine reporter and a grand woman and in all ways superior -- but she's so **clingy*!* It's like -- get a hobby, Flores! And she's so obsessed with penetrating my secret identity I sometimes wonder if I should just tell her once and for all! But she would publish it in the Planted and never could I again walk anonymously through these streets, one puny man among puny men!" He paused. "Also, she clips her toenails at her desk." "Seriously? **Ugh*.*" "I **know!** Still, good legs." "Good legs indeed, Kent. Good legs indeed." [[This is the end of the first part. Proceed inexorably to the second part.]] -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: From eaburns at annotations.com Mon Oct 3 10:49:39 2016 From: eaburns at annotations.com (Eric Burns) Date: Mon, 3 Oct 2016 13:49:39 -0400 Subject: SG: [h1996] (b/d) Adjusted League Unimpeachable #110 Message-ID: [[This is the second part. Read after the first part, or explain yourself to Olaf.]] Boston, Massachusetts was -- in addition to being one of the oldest cities in America and one of the most confusingly laid out cities from the point of view of anyone driving -- one of the best protected cities in the world. It had the Adjusted League Unimpeachable's headquarters right along Commonwealth Avenue, which meant one of the best known superteams on the planet called Boston home. What was more, it had a school for superheroes attached to it -- the Adjusted League Unimpeachable Academy -- with a former member of CalForce as its Commandant. Minor crimes in Boston had essentially become teachable moments, as a result. Needless to say... some criminals actually took the hint, and decided to go maybe someplace else. Like, in this case, Fromageberg, Vermont. Fromageberg was best known for being a town that both Ethan Allen and Brigadier General John Stark saw from a distance during the Revolution. They had made much of this by building such local landmarks as the 'We Think They Saw This Tavern' and the 'You Don't Know They May Have Stayed Here In This Inn.' As with most of Vermont, the major local industry was devoted to apples, cheese, maple sugar, and open carry laws. But even ready access to firearms wasn't always enough, as the good people of the First National Boy What If They Deposited Some Money Into This Bank found out by being robbed. "Hah! Look at all this money," the first robber said, watching the terrified bank tellers put money into large sacks with dollar signs printed on them -- the robbers had brought them with them -- and not noticing as small arms fire bounced off the force field surrounding her. "It's pretty cool," the second robber said. She also had a force field, as did the getaway driver and indeed the getaway vehicle. "Hey -- no dye bombs!" A .357 round bounced off her forehead. "All right, all right!" the Bank Assistant Vice President said. "We're cooperating. Would you like some coffee, a complimentary cheese plate and these lovely local maple candies?" "Please God no," Robber #1 said. "I'm so sick of cheese and maple." "But we're getting rich," Robber #2 said. "Soon we'll be rich enough to go somewhere that isn't Vermont!" "Yes! Hah! Maybe even today! Did you get all that money in the sacks?" "Yes, ma'am," the terrified bank teller said. "Would you like a calendar featuring pictures of many local birds atop wheels of cheese and pots of maple syrup while Ethan Allen and Brigadier General John Stark look on from a distance?" "...fine, just hurry it up." "Of course!" She dumped six of the calendars in the bags -- hey, if someone wanted a calendar that was a golden opportunity to get rid of them -- and handed them over, two each to the criminals." "Thanks!" Robber #2 shouted. "Hah hah hah hah! I love this!" "Let's get out of here!" Robber #1 shouted. The two ran out to the getaway station wagon, which was also bouncing bullets. The car's force field interacted with their own, letting them get inside without lowering their defenses. "About time!" the Getaway Driver said. Outside, bullets bounced off the force field rather like hail bouncing off a force field. "I don't like taking too long!" "Oh, like anyone out here can stop us," Robber #2 said. "These League of Unconcerned Scientist branded force fields mean a well armed populace is helpless against our thievery!" "Guaranteed to stop anything up to a fifty caliber bullet or double our medical bills back," Robber #1 said, grinning as well. "Best investment we ever made, at least this far away from super hero types!" They pulled out, driving forward, confident their field would shove aside any blockades put in front of them. "Yeah, maybe two or three more of these local banks, and we can upgrade and take on Edison, New Jersey!" Robber #1 said, counting money. "Mmm... mini golf and discredited iconography," the Getaway Driver said. "I can't WAAAAAUGH!!!!" The Driver had meant to say 'wait,' of course. However, that didn't quite happen because of the shouting -- which came from the driver's sudden panic as a blue and white attired figure hurtled towards them from down the block with a single leap, her fist sparking white as she curled it back, and then bursting into solid light as she smashed through the force field entirely and blew out the engine, the hood popping off entirely to the sound of her shouted *"SPANDEX BABE!"* "What the **Hell(tm)** Robber #1 shouted. "What's **she** doing here?!" Spandex Babe flipped smoothly over the obliterated front end of the station wagon to the driver's side, tearing the door off and tossing it away before hauling the driver and her seat out with one pull. "From a look at this car? Antiquing," she snarled. The well muscled brunette warrior dropped the driver, before yanking the back door off to pull the robbers out as well. "How did you even get here?!" "Simple. I flew her here! Because I can do things like that!" Criminals and thieves alike looked up in the sky (the phrasing isn't exact, so we're in no legal trouble) and gasped. Floating in the air was a man in seamless red and gold armor, most notably including golden bracers. His hair was beyond perfect and into 'religious experience' territory. The golden domino mask he wore gleamed in the light. Spandex Babe pursed her lips as she secured the money. Let them gawk. She would have, too. "Who are you?" Robber #1 asked, breathlessly. "You know me as the Masked Bruce," the godlike man said. "And normally the Dash would be the one to run up here, but she's in Sri Lanka and may be a good ten or fifteen minutes, so I figured it was a nice chance to pick up some cheese, apples and maple syrup for the Adjusted League Unimpeachable to enjoy!" The crowd cheered -- even the criminals seemed enthralled, while Spandex Babe tore framework off the station wagon and bent it into makeshift handcuffs, forcing the criminals' hands behind their backs. "You should be able to take it from here," she said to the town constable-- Who wasn't paying any attention to Spandex Babe. She was too busy clapping and staring at the Masked Bruce. "I can really see why General John Stark and Ethan Allen both noticed this town from a distance," the Masked Bruce was saying. "What a great place! Every time I have to fly to New York or Toronto, I'm gonna make time to fly over Fromageberg!" There was another cheer. Spandex Babe dropped the secured money bags in front of the same police officer, then stepped back out of the way. "Oh! It looks like we're all set here! Take that, criminals, and change your thieving ways!" "We will!" the three crooks shouted in unison, happily. "Come, Patsy!" With that, the Masked Bruce gestured to Spandex Babe, lifting her off the ground with a golden aura and sweeping up into the air with her, the crowd going wild below. "Patsy?" Spandex Babe muttered. "I'd complain but I'm just surprised you actually worked a Monty Pythonism into things." "Well, of course I did! Nice collar down there!" Spandex Babe shrugged. "Yeah. Glad to help." "You should be. You do good work, Dea. Don't ever doubt that." "Good work. Yeah." She looked around. "This feels different than the old Xolchipaliax Radiation field." "It is different. So that makes sense. Honestly -- not missing the crowbar at all." "I'd think you'd want to get your tihorn back from the Crimson Crowbar." "Eh. Let him keep it for a while. I'll take him down soon enough." "You mean we will?" "Sure, why not." He smiled. "You really do do good work, Dea. Why so frowny?" Spandex Babe opened her mouth, then closed it. "It doesn't matter, Masked Bruce. I'll do what I'm supposed to do." "Well, okay then. Hang on -- I'll move us up to ludicrous speed!" Back at the A.L.U.C.H.Q.M.O.U.S.E., Mandy Harken and Unorthodox Girl were looking at the main monitor, listening to the audio and watching the video. All of Spandex Babe's missions had to be xolchacorded via xolchaprobe under the terms of her disciplinary action, so they were paying a lot closer attention than they did on other missions. "Jesus, Spandy sounds like Hell," Mandy said, watching the feed. "Uh... yeah," Unorthodox Lass answered, looking down for a moment. "I wonder if we need to get her evaluated again -- see if she's fit for duty." "Wha-- no way, Mandy. We've got like six weeks left! Don't pull her from duty now -- if we take that away from her **too--**" "I'm just saying -- if she's a liability we need to know. But I'm not exactly Executive Board, so don't put too much stock in what I'm saying." "Yeah. Yeah, right." Unorthodox Girl looked back up. "So we're gonna ignore the elephant flying through the air, right?" "Is that a Dumbo joke?" "Insert magic feather joke here. Whoever that was gladhanding the Vermont crowd, it **wasn't** Mike Green." "Yes it was, Trudy. He's just getting used to the Oanthet. They said it amplified his personality -- he's probably still getting used to what sides of the personality it's amplifying." "Mandy, Spands was right. He only made one token Python ref, and that would be fine except he had absolutely no sarcastic asides or jokes. Not to mention he absolutely locked the crowd on him while doing none of the work." "He wasn't there to do the work. He was there because Dianna can't take solo missions, so she needs a chaperone even for purse snatching." "So why'd he make it all about him?" "Maybe... he wanted to keep the crowd calm? Spandex Babe's not at her most popular... it's not like he did anything to hamper the mission. Engagement was under a minute." "Mandy -- I dunno if my opinion counts for much around here, but I'm telling you -- whatever the Hell that was, it wasn't Mike." "Your opinion counts for quite a bit, Unorthodox Girl." The voice was behind them, and relatively cool -- which still put chills down Mandy and Trudy's spines. "Lass." "Whatever." Bruce was still dressed in his business suit as he walked up to the monitor on the other side of where Unorthodox Girl was sitting, but his demeanor was entirely different now. This was Trashman, and they both knew it. "I'll want to review the footage. Let's have Mike and Dianna come in for debrief. I have a few questions about the crime." "You do?" Mandy asked. "It seemed open and shut." "They had force fields, Mandy." Mandy blinked. "Oh yeah. My weirdness meter's been thrown off." "Can't imagine why," Unorthodox Girl said, tapping the Xolchacomm. "Base to Masked Bruce and Spandex Babe. C'mon in for debrief, guys -- the bossman has questions about the crime." "...I thought I did okay," Spandex Babe said quietly. "Sorry." "You did perfectly well," Bruce said, taking the mike. "I have no complaints about your performance, Spandex Babe. This is League business." "We'll be there. Want us to bring drivethru?" The Masked Bruce grinned. "No," Trashman said. "Base clear." He clicked the mike off. "That, at least, was Mike." "Kinda," Unorthodox Lass said. "I have a bad feeling about this, Trashy." "So do I. I'll be back -- I have to change." "How's Kent doing?" "About as well as any heartbroken young man, I suppose. Excuse me." Mandy shook her head. "CalForce breaking up and Key and Kent with it. I never liked her." "I did. They seemed good together. Understand, I'm going to bury her in rotted ground fish entrails." "You mean old chum?" "I mean old chum." "Get pictures." * * * * * * "Amazing, isn't it?" Scholarman said. He was sitting in Healer's office, a walking stick across his lap. He was still very far from recovered from nearly dying two years before during the Industrial Revolution -- only Andy Awesome's brilliance, Anne Enger's Cats, and Bink's Cuteness had made it possible for him to recover at all. "CalForce breaking up, one of the biggest, most important teams packing it in, and all anyone around here can do is talk Mighty Guy and MeltDown." "It's natural," Healer said, checking over the contract one last time. "CalForce breaking up's too... immediate for most everyone. CalForce is part of what we rely on -- me more than most. I get it... it was **time,** but it's hard for people. But Mighty Guy and MeltDown? Are celebrities for the people who don't know them, and friends for the people who do. Of course the whole primary team's going to be a bit obsessed with it. They love Mighty Guy. He was the reason this team was founded, and he's so positive, if destructive. They're going to naturally want to take his side, even if there aren't sides to take." "True enough. What about you?" "Me? I think he was lucky to get a hot piece of CalForce ass as long as he could. Team Key all the way." "...I wouldn't expect you to use that phrase to describe your friend," Scholarman said, slowly. "Key insisted. She wanted to put together a band -- HotFlash and MeltDown, Chalandra, Akane and me, all under the name Hot Pieces of CalForce Ass. This was, like, year one." Scholarman opened his mouth, and then closed it. "You're... musical?" "Don't sound so shocked. I was a music major my first two years of college, before switching to psychology. I bust a **mean** flute, mister." "Why am I envisioning Industrial covers of Jethro Tull?" "You've been paying attention. So... when did you get the Ph.D.?" "I've spent the last couple years in a useless sinecure Vice Presidency at Awesome Amalgamated, generally feeling ill. After I mastered the art of garbage can basketball, I had to do **something** with my time." "Is that job going to conflict with teaching here?" "There's a Xolchaporter in the building. So long as I show up at least every other week, I think they'll be happy. And if not... well, they can fire me. Look... maybe it's a bad idea. I mean, by definition I break the destinies of those I interact with. But I want to do something at least * *somewhat** useful with my time. And I enjoyed teaching Comp to the original class, so..." "They mostly hated you." "So, maybe it *is* a bad idea." "No, they hated you for the right reasons, academically speaking. All right -- sign here. You can take over Lit, Comp and Creative Writing immediately, and next term we'll set up proper classes for you -- you're comfortable working from secondary school through college level?" "I'm not even comfortable breathing, Doctor Tirkoff. This won't be a thing in comparison." Scholarman smiled. "I'm looking forward to it." * * * * * * Spandex Babe took a seat at the Multitasking Supercomputer Touchscreen Conference Table. Normally, she grabbed a cup of coffee first. Any time, day or night. If she was at a meeting, she grabbed coffee. Today she just sat, looking down at the empty note window that spawned in front of her without really focusing. Trashman frowned, but let it slide. He watched the Masked Bruce fairly conquer a chair opposite her, with Unorthodox Girl between the two of them. Which no doubt made the whole thing look like a tribunal to Spandex Babe even more. Not good. "First off," he said. "Excellent work, Spandex Babe. The perfect application of force for intimidation, suppression but still preventing injury." "Thank you," she said, not looking up. She sounded distant. "Secondly, I wanted to talk about the criminals. They had forcefield technology, which isn't what I'd expect in Vermont." "Maybe the Burlington Coat Factory sells forcefields now," Unorthodox Lass said. "Quite. Masked Bruce -- what scans did you get of the technological base of the forcefields? Do they match familiar M.O.s?" "No clue -- didn't scan them." He sipped coffee. "You... didn't scan them? Why not?" "Not my mission. I was just high guard. And I don't exactly carry a xolchacorder around with me any more, you know." He grinned. "We all have to get used to change, right?" Trashman narrowed his eyes slightly. "I suppose we do. Spandex Babe, do you have any insight into--" "They were fairly standard low end League of Unconcerned Scientist tech. Old even by the standards they were using when Dani was cloned. It may have been reverse engineered by someone but the emitters looked distinctive and the units were smaller. First thought is they've improved the design and managed to mass produce it -- at least enough to sell it to small town hoods. Gain can't really be improved beyond 'decent bullet proof vest' level, but below that threshold they're effectively bulletproof, and it protects their head and eyes as well as their chest." She didn't look up as she spoke, and her voice was almost a monotone. "...good. Excellent. Thank you, Spandex Babe. That's exactly what I needed to know." Spandex Babe shrugged. "I spent a couple years obsessed with the League of Unconcerned Scientists. You pick a few things up." She looked up, finally. "I left the car and the emitters wrecked. Pretty much garbage. So if you want to go trashcan detective them--" "Why bother?" Mike asked. "If we know it's the League of Unconcerned Scientists, why bother investigating it further? Especially if they're selling low end trash forcefields -- that sounds like they're not exactly building killer death rays right now." "Or maybe they're gathering funds for something big," Unorthodox Girl said. "Leaving it to chance sounds like a **bad** idea." "Hey -- Doc Unorthodox is still in the new Really Seriously We Mean It Hard to Get Out of Place, last I checked. Without him they're just a pack of idiots and a muppet." "As of this morning he is," Trashman said. "But underestimating the threat of the League--" "Come on, Trashman. Are you telling me you wouldn't walk into their H.Q. naked except for the can lid and take them all out in like four minutes? Much less what I could do to them?" The Masked Bruce sounded halfway between bored and amused. "I don't take the people behind the death of Spandex Babe's family lightly, Masked Bruce," Trashman said, voice noticeably colder. "And gosh -- that bodes so well for the real threats out there. But then, you also don't take petty criminals in Dark City lightly. You micromanage, Bruce. It's not healthy." "Are we done?" Trashman blinked, looking at Spandex Babe. She was looking down again. "For now. I'm going to follow up on your lead, Spandex Babe. Well done." She shrugged, and got up. "You know where I'll be." She walked out of the room. Trashman turned back to the Masked Bruce. "I'm getting honestly concerned with your attitude." The Masked Bruce shrugged. "There's very little I can do about that, Bruce." "In uniform we use codenames, Masked Bruce." "Wow. Okay. Sure thing, Trashman. I'll make sure to use the decoder ring to encrypt my secret messages to you too. Seriously. The League of Unconcerned Scientists? Why aren't we focusing on the Unimaginable League Amoral? You remember them? They beat me to near-death and then got away with my gear. Or maybe track down the Awe Inspiring Force, since it's our fault they jumped back up to relevant after Ramrod shot Andy Awe-Inspiring? But by all means if you want to focus on Doctor Pepper and Doctor Chauvinist I will happily put all my attention towards them." He stood up. "We're not done here," Trashman said, coolly. "Seriously?" "Yes, seriously. Masked Bruce, I--" The Masked Bruce lifted a hand up, the bracer on the forearm below it glowing. A ghostly image of Trashman appeared, speaking. "I know you feel like you have all the answers, but you don't really understand the questions I'm asking, Masked Bruce," it said, leaning forward with intense eyes. "Your attitude has steadily declined since we broke orbit at Planet Seattle. I understand you're undergoing significant changes right now, and none of us really understand what your new abilities entail, but that is no excuse for disregarding either the feelings of your teammates or the orders of your superior. You are still a part of this team, Mike, and I expect you to act accordingly. Is that perfectly **clear?**" The Masked Bruce closed his hand, and the image vanished. He kept his eyes on Trashman's. "You're getting predictable, Bruce," he said. "Seriously. Micromanaging's going to kill you. I get it. We'll stop the League of Unconcerned Scientists. But try to have a little perspective, okay?" Trashman watched the Masked Bruce walk out of the room. "I told Mandy that wasn't the Masked Bruce," Unorthodox Lass said. "But I had no idea." "Me either. This is going south very, very fast. But there isn't much we can do about it right this moment." He turned to look at Unorthodox Girl. "What happened between you and Dianna, Trudy?" he asked, softly, without the coldness of before. Unorthodox Lass blinked. "Uh... what happened to 'in uniform we use codenames?'" Trashman pulled off his hat and mask, sitting down next to Trudy. "Seriously. No anger, Trudy. Just... what happened?" Trudy undid her own mask. She looked miserable. "Plenty of anger, Bruce -- all mine at me. I fucked up. I fucked up bad." "Can you tell me about it?" "I gotta tell someone. It was... at the party, on Planet Seattle. I went on a bender of benders, with every intention of making it a bender straight into an orgy. And, well, mission accomplished. Tawdry as Hell(tm)." Trashman shrugged. "You're an adult." "Maybe not the word I'd use. She was worried about me, Bruce. She was there -- I don't even know why, since I thought she was locked up there too--" "Not her fault. Go on?" "She was there, and she got worried. She saw I was drinking and partying and making it clear I was in a mood for something Rad-and-Glum-party level in its decadence. And she worried and she walked over to talk to me and I bit her to the **bone*,* Bruce. I got annoyed and... I actually used my mother's murder as part of it. It was *that* bad." She snorted. "It worked, too. She went away. Unorthodoxy wins again, and I could get my freak on." She was tearing up. "And she hasn't talked to anyone since. I think... I think I was the straw that broke her back, Bruce. After everything she's done for me, I think I broke her." Bruce sighed, putting his hand on Trudy's. "You were drunk and young, Trudy. We've all said dumb things that ended up more hurtful than we intended." "I thought... I thought you'd get all scary voice on me." "Not for this, Trudy. This is just... being human. Have you apologized?" "I don't know **how*.*" "Want me to come with you to try?" "...I... I dunno. I mean, I should, but...." "It's okay. Maybe we should talk to Elizabeth about it." Trudy nodded. "You know something? She bought me my first bra. Seriously. Dad wasn't exactly geared for that. Dianna taught me bra shopping and explained crap I never knew. She's the closest thing I've had to a mom since I was eight, and I said those horrible things. And... she saved all our lives and...." "Shh. I know." "Bruce?" "Yes?" "I should have been the one the book got thrown at. Not Dianna. You know that, right? You know I was the one out for blood. She reined me in. It should have been me." "I'm not going down that path with you, Trudy. Intent and deed aren't the same thing. Honestly...." He looked down. "Honestly, I'm trying to figure out when punishment became torture, and I'm trying to figure out how to pull her out of it. This isn't justice." "Yeah, well. Justice isn't in our mission statement. So what the fuck with Mike?" "Confidentially? I have no idea, Trudy." Trudy looked at Bruce. "Okay. Now I'm scared." "So am I." He paused. "You had sex with multiple extraterrestrial partners. You were safe?" "Ultra safe. And I medscanned the next morning and every day since. No diseases or parasites, including any stowaways in utero." She looked off the side. "It was a lot of fun, Bruce. Like nothing I'd ever experienced. It just wasn't worth Dianna." Bruce nodded. "I understand. Come on. Let's track down Elizabeth." [[As with Part One, this is the end of Part Two. From here there is Part Three. Seriously, this isn't rocket science.]] -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: From eaburns at annotations.com Mon Oct 3 10:51:30 2016 From: eaburns at annotations.com (Eric Burns) Date: Mon, 3 Oct 2016 13:51:30 -0400 Subject: SG: [h1996] (c/d) Adjusted League Unimpeachable #110 Message-ID: [[And here we have Part Three -- the Mighty Third Part, as it were. No, Mighty Guy doesn't come back for this one. We only negotiated the one scene and he costs, man.]] Her name was Jane West Garrick-Allen. She was trim and well muscled, with slightly pale, freckled skin. That's what happened when the 'redhead' part of one's description was real instead of a dye job. If one looked closer, that skin was almost spiderwebbed with thin line scars -- almost otherworldly instead of ugly. You had to be up close and paying attention to even see them, and that? That was almost impossible. Her uniform was green, but for her red boots, red gloves, red mask, red belt, and the red bar symbol she wore on her upper chest. A simple logo, but one that literally said it all. She was the Dash, and she was the Fastest Girl You've Met. She lived between ticks of the clock, and not only was she the most powerful member of the Adjusted League Unimpeachable -- it was arguable that she was the most powerful person on Earth. Her speed -- born of biochemistry and an extradimensional/extraaltiversal lightning bolt that had given her a positive energy matrix of tremendous power -- was almost incomprehensible. She could break the speed of light, briefly. When she focused all her power she could force herself to speeds more conceptual than physical. For a long time -- especially from her frame of reference -- that had meant she was alone. She couldn't slow down past a certain point, which meant her words were a blur to almost everyone and her movements were similarly impossible to follow. Only a locus of Quantum Uncertainty could make out her sentences -- well, or her best friend Marjorie MacPherson, aka Relativity Woman -- the other lightspeed moving redhead out there. However, one of those loci of Quantum Absurdity fell in love with her, and she fell in love with him. As he was a genius, he worked out a trick whereby the music of Dire Straits was supersped to the point of subliminal even for her. The mellowing properties of that music were legendary, and it was enough to let her interact, if she were in a room where the so called Knopler Effect were in place, or in the Knopler Stereochair she sat in during meetings of the A.L.U., or even the ironically named Knopler Walkman he had built for her to use with headphones and interact with the world. It had meant she could have a life, as well as a calling. And it meant they could deepen their relationship, taken slowly over the course of years, into a lasting love. Of course, he'd recently undergone apotheosis, which had some of the other A.L.U. members in a tizzy, but to the Dash? So much the better. A boyfriend who understood what the burden of all that power felt like? Yes, please. Her Xolchacomm pinged. She pulsed it -- it was designed to play back the message at high speed. It was how she got the intel on the thousands of small heroic deeds she did every day, crossing the world-- <<("Hey Hunna,")>> came the Masked Bruce's voice. <<("How's life in the Sahara?")>> Jane blinked. She was indeed currently in the sahara, crossing at extreme speed. Was he... talking to her in realtime? "Hot," she said. "Really hot. But I'm hitting the Atlantic now. What's up? How are you--" She paused. When they'd fought M'Yet, he'd accelerated to almost her speed. Clearly Mike could do the same. "--coooool. Anything up or is this just a social call?" <<("Something's up -- got orders from Trashman. Taking out the League of Unconcerned Scientists. Up for a quick mission?")>> "Sure -- I didn't get a recall. Is this an alert?" <<("More a recon. Here's the coordinates -- c'mon over!")>> "On my way, Ace." She upped her speed, water fanning out behind her as she crossed the ocean, hitting landfall in North Carolina, then curving north, heading up towards the coordinates -- New York State? Yes, somewhere around Adirondack State Park.... About four and a half seconds after she first received the ping from the Masked Bruce, the Dash slid to a stop right next to him at the top of a small hillock, overlooking what looked like a small concrete dome on the edge of the forest. "Hey there, Mister Bear -- what's the situation? Or should I--" "The situation's pretty cut and dried, Carol Cleveland. The League of Unconcerned Scientists are in an underground vault under that dome -- it looks like..." the Masked Bruce paused, looking at the Dash. "You okay? You look startled." The Dash laughed. "That's because I am. You can always make out what I'm saying -- but it's like when I lost my positive energy matrix. I'm entirely unused to being interrupted. I'm used to letting my whole train of thought play out." The Masked Bruce laughed. "Well, I hope you can forgive me. The League of Unconcerned Scientists are down there." "And we need to dig them out?" "We will need to, but there are hundreds of hikers and visitors in the park. The League has a reactor down there. If something went wrong it could hurt all those people before we could take care of the problem. Can you do a search and evacuate on the whole area for about a twelve mile radius?" "Can I? Sure thing! And you? Are you waiting on the slowpokes back in Boston?" "Nah. They don't have Doctor Unorthodox and I already know all their defenses. We can take them." "Just the two of us? Risky, Ace. You know that, right?" "Not as risky as you think. Trust me?" "Always." Jane grinned. "Love you most. Ready to start the relocation?" "Absolutely. Say the word." "The word!" He laughed. The Dash burst off at top speed. She called this slipstreaming -- the positive energy matrix allowed her to control just how much wind displacement she caused. It was why she wasn't a fireball all the time or why she didn't cause Mighty Guy level environmental disasters when she ran. Channeling things properly, she could pick up and move people without the inertia and windshear tearing them into old chum. She found a large parking lot twenty miles northeast -- mostly empty, with a gate and information station for the park. Perfect. She began to sweep through the woods, finding people and moving them to the parking lot. Six, seven, eight, nine... no reason not to take her time and do this right.... thirty, thirty one, thirty two.... Back on the hillock, the Masked Bruce watched the Dash blaze through the woods. He smiled a bit. He really wasn't worried about a reactor breach -- but he wanted to involve the Dash. He loved her so much... and he relied on her. And unlike Trashman and apparently Unorthodox Girl, she trusted him to use the gift he had been given properly and safely. Well, hopefully this would put those concerns to rest. He rose up into the air, then swept down, a golden bolt shattering the concrete dome and pushing the chunks off to the sides. He swept down, and used streaming golden light to dig long trenches and tear off three levels worth of underground complex. The League of Unconcerned Scientists was so named because they were a bunch of jerks in lab coats who used science in bad ways. The Masked Bruce had no love for them. He didn't think they were particularly dangerous any more -- not with the Oanthet on their side -- but that didn't mean he liked them. They had killed Dianna's brother and sister, programmed a subordinate personality into Dianna and sabotaged her multioptic uniform to only work when she shouted 'Spandex Babe,' to demoralize her. They had cloned Dangerousgirl as a weapon for their use, and they had nearly destroyed the multiverse itself by stealing the Dash's positive energy matrix in an escape attempt from the Really, Really Hard to Get Out of Place back before it had been leveled by the ULA and AIF. The Masked Bruce was absolutely looking forward to this beatdown. And he really loved the look of terror they all got as sunlight hit them in their underground lair. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition," he called down, cheerfully. "Our chief weapon is surprise!" He swept over the fleeing scientists, letting a wave of kinetic force bowl the ones in the middle of the chamber over and spread them to the edge. "Surprise and fear -- our **two** main weapons are surprise and fear--" He rolled onto his back in flight, firing twin bolts from his hands, one of which obliterated a hideous robot-thing Doctor Unstable was activating, the other obliterating Doctor Teeth's weaponized synthesizer. "Fear and surprise," he said, sweeping back up and blowing apart a machine Doctor Pepper had been desperately pressurizing, leaving the bad doctor covered in soda base, while his other shot obliterated Doctor Chauvinist's Obedient Fembot Cadre(tm). He arced up... then slammed down onto the floor. "...and an almost ruthless efficiency!" Golden light streamed down into the flooring, and then bright pulses of energy flooded up them into his arms. "My God," Doctor Abnormal Science screamed. "We're losing all reactor power!" "Stop him! Stop him!" Doctor Claw shouted, his cat running. Doctor Weird Science and his brother Doctor Pseudo Science ran towards him, carrying hand weapons. He let off another kinetic wave, knocking them back. "Why are you even quoting Monty Python?!" Weird shouted. "You're not even summoning Cardinal Fang!" "Yeah -- decided to give Fang the night off. Anyway -- let's wrap this up, huh? The Dash is almost done and I don't want to keep her waiting. And that? Not easy." "Then too bad for you!" Doctor Unstable shouted. "Taste the thunder cannons!" A brace of cannons deployed from the walls-- The Masked Bruce crumpled the thunder cannons with a gesture. "...crap," Doctor Unstable said. "Well put, old chap! Now, I don't actually want to hurt any of you, so..." he lifted his hands... and golden light surrounded the different scientists... who all got wide eyed, more than one screaming as they seemed to just... fade... away.... The Masked Bruce held his hand up, and let softly glowing golden orbs float through the air to that hand -- one each for Doctors Abnormal, Weird, and Pseudo Science, one for Doctor Claw and another for his cat, one for Doctors Pepper and Unstable, another for Doctor Chauvinist... "...Mike?" The Masked Bruce looked up, automatically speeding up as he saw the Dash staring down into the trench. "Hey Hunna," he said. "Just finishing up! Oh, and I was told quite firmly that in uniforms we use codenames, so... yeah, I don't care." "What... did you do to them?" "Remember what M'Yet did to Trashman? I figured out that trick night one. They're energy patterns containing their essence -- they're in suspended animation within them. Y'know... I could introduce changes... maybe straighten out Doctor Unstable's brain -- make him into a new Doctor Serenity...." "Don't even joke -- that skeeves me right out. They're really okay like that?" "You said you trusted me." The Masked Bruce grinned again, flying up to join her. "And I meant it. I'm just amazed." She paused. "And you gave me make-work to show off in front of me?" She giggled. "Would I do that?" "Don't feed me straight lines. Let's get these people to base and get them in holding cells." "That sounds like all the plans." The Dash blurred off generally Eastward. The Masked Bruce flew up into the sky, following -- the orbs flying with him, obediently. And as he flew, he considered how to improve his efficiency. If he was going to claim it was ruthless, he kind of had to live up to that, didn't he? * * * * * * Mandy sat at her desk in her office. She had taken her unbreakable brip off the wall and was examining it in her hands. It was somewhere between a mace and a hook with elements of a toilet plunger in there somewhere. She'd never really gotten to use it in combat except the day it first came to her hand. Unfortunately, as unbreakable as the brip was, she didn't have the innate talent to use it to its fullest effect -- any more than she had any other superpowers. "So... tell me. Why exactly did I decide you found that thing, again?" Mandy looked up. Kid Solipsism. Eric Shapiro. A man she'd wanted to use to give herself superpowers, who she ended up falling in love with instead while taking over administrative details in the Chick-Mouse. A man who didn't believe she or anyone else existed, but instead saw them all as his own delusions created by his subconsciousness for his entertainment and to teach him... well, how to escape the delusion, and transcend, the way his brother Gary -- aka Faith -- had done raising Radian back from the dead. "That's a bit of a story. You haven't met any of my family yet -- my maternal family's got some interesting bits to it. This is just one of them." "That is a singularly unsatisfactory answer." The Kid walked in, sliding into the chair across from Mandy. "Now you know how the rest of us feel every time we ask you anything for any reason whatsoever." "And that's why I decided you'd answer that way, clearly." "Oh, clearly." She took a deep breath. "So. It's the light of day again, without all the emotional tension from the night." "That is true. But I believe I already knew that." "I believe you did too." She looked in his eyes. "You said last night that you loved me, despite my being one of your delusions. I told you that you'd decided I loved you too. But now it's the light of day, and if the idea of loving a flight of fancy your subconsciousness came up with--" "I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you, Mandy. Not my brother Gary, not anyone or anything. I don't believe that will ever change." "And so it won't." She took a deep breath. "Good. I just...." "You're scared. I am too. That seems to be how things are around here. Love and romance and relationships between scared people. Clearly I decided Healer and Trashman were in love as a dry run for our relationship. Clearly I broke Key and Kent up to show me the dangers. Clearly I use the increasingly solid bond between the apparently deified Masked Bruce and the Dash to tell me that it was possible to love you." He shrugged. "Clearly my subconsciousness *really* wanted me to accept loving you, and I have to have faith it has its reasons. Especially...." "Especially?" "Especially since that's what I want most of all. To love you and have it be the right thing to do." She smiled, slightly. "That's kind of a universal thing, you know?" "By definition, since the universe exists because I perceive it and create it." "Right, sorry." She took a moment, putting the brip back on its rack. She then turned back. "So. What now?" "What do you mean?" "Is this a declaration of love and then we never talk about it again? Or are there specific things we'll do? Do we date? Do we go bang like we tell the teenagers never to do? By definition we have to do this the way you believe is right, so I need the rules, Kid." "That's fair. Though you're acting like I know consciously." "You know more than I do." "In essentially every way." "I'm not going to have any self esteem left at the end of this, am I?" "Yes you are. Your sense of self is unshakeable, Mandy. You know yourself, even if you're really a delusion." Mandy blinked. "Okay... that beats mood stabilizers all hollow. Thank you." "For what?" "Never mind." She paused. "Do you find me attractive?" "Yes." Mandy smiled a bit. "Do you want to... do anything with that?" "Meaning?" Mandy paused. "Kid, I'm offering you sex." "Oh." He paused. "No." Mandy blinked. "O...kay. Sorry." "Don't be. It's not your fault. I don't feel sexual urges over anything in the dream." He shrugged. "On the other hand, all those other example couples do, so maybe sometime--" "It's fine... I've always thought of you as asexual, anyway." "I'm not sure that's the word, but then I don't know what the word *is.*" "But you find me attractive?" "You're beautiful, Mandy." His voice was certain, and brooked no argument. Mandy flushed a bit. "And now I'm going to have to get used to getting attention at Dianna or Elizabeth levels, right?" "I should think. You're prettier than either of them." Mandy took a breath. "So why couldn't this have involved superpowers?" She smiled wryly. "You don't have those. You are beautiful. Thus." Mandy smiled again. "Okay." There was a sudden crackle on the PA. <<("Attention all Primary Team members,)">> the voice of the Masked Bruce announced. <<("I'd really appreciate it if you could come down to the B-6 detention block. Masks on like your tasks are on.")>> The Dash's voice then picked up. <<("Idon'treallythinkthat- madeanysenseMskedBruceImeanitrhymedandallbuthowdoyoudoanything- likeataskonanyway?"}>> <<("No, see -- it's a play on the term 'on task?' Loo--)">> the audio cut out. The Kid looked at Mandy. "...okay, I can't wait to see what my subconscious decided he's up to. Coming?" "I'm not primary team." The Kid shrugged. "Seems like you should." Mandy scooped up her unbreakable brip. "Well okay then!" * * * * * * "So what's going on?" Elizabeth asked. Bruce looked serious. "We could use your advice, Elisa. Something Trudy told me--" "Elisa?" Trudy cocked her head. "Yes, well, we know there is a name she prefers not to be called--" "There is?" Trudy looked at Elizabeth. "Is that true, Liz?" Elizabeth looked at Trudy, dropped her head into her hands, and shook her head with a sigh. "That's one Healer Pose for me on the day, Bruce." "Indeed, but perhaps we should stick to discussing Dianna?" Elizabeth looked back up. "Dianna? What is it?" Trudy flushed, looking down. "Well, I was telling Bruce--" The PA crackled. <<("Attention all Primary Team members!>> Elizabeth looked up at the ceiling, startled. <> <<("Idon'treallythinkthatmadeanysenseMaskedBruceImeanitrhymedandall- buthowdoyoudoanythinglikeataskonanyway?"}>> <<("No, see -- it's a play on the term 'on task?' Loo--)">> the audio cut out. Elizabeth looked back down at the others. "Why do I always look up when someone uses the PA?" <> JOEL's perpetually mellow voice said. <