SF/SG: Trail Boss: The Cast List

[Eric Burns]

*** Notes from the Automatic Story Transcriber ***

     When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one
plotline to be revived and other plotlines started within the continuity
bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers
of the Omniverse, the separate and equal station to which the Jeff Smith
Accords and Trundle the Wonder Dog entitle them, a decent respect to the
opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the cast list
deliniating characters that no one likely remembers or cares about enough to
look up.
     This is that Cast List.

*** End Transmission***






                             Sfstory Digest
                                presents
                      Stetson Tyler: Space Cowboy
                                   in
                               TRAIL BOSS
                              The Cast List

                                written
                                   by
                            Eric Burns-White
                               Lord Sabre
            who didn't come up with the name Radar, he swears




In order of who cares what the order is:


     STETSON TYLER - SPACE COWBOY: A multibillionaire Texas rancher, oilman,
sushi king, technology wizard, agricultural lord, real estate baron,
railroad tycoon and a shockingly large number of other things. Stetson Tyler
is one of those people who's never failed at a single thing he's ever done.
If he puts his mind, will and tremendous ego to something, he gets it done.
The closest thing to failure he's ever had was in not single-handedly
destroying the 'Yesj' during its attack on Earth, and as it was he crippled
it and did the only noticeable damage to it. The NASA AstroShuttle
'Trailblazer' crashlanded on his ranch, and Tyler was shocked to discover
the majority of the shuttle's construction had been outsourced to Taiwan.
So, he decided to build a ship that was all Texan -- this ended up being the
'Alamo's Revenge.' Responsible for destroying the entire state of Texas when
he launched, but he doesn't generally look back. Bailed and bought out
Donald Trump several times in the eighties and nineties, which allowed him
to walk into Trump office, beat him up for the fun of it, and take all his
money to fund the construction of the ship. In 1990. Because Donald Trump.
He was... you know, a joke. In 1990. Really.
     Stetson Tyler is very disappointed in all of us.
     The Trail Boss of the 'Alamo's Revenge's Revenge,' meaning he's
planning
out the populating of the massive interior of the ship with... well, who
knows what. Who? Stetson Tyler, that's who!


     CAPTAIN STEPHEN LEE MAJORS: A veteran NASA astronaut and mission
commander. Captain Majors is every inch the classic starship captain -- cool
headed, smooth talking, tactically minded, heroically inclined... he's the
real deal. This had lead to him being mission commander of the ill fated
AstroShuttle 'Trailblazer' mission. Captain Majors's quick thinking enabled
the crashing shuttle to land safely on Stetson Tyler's property after
monumental equipment failure. He readily agreed to be the captain of Tyler's
new ship, the 'Alamo's Revenge.'
     Majors learned quickly, however, that Stetson Tyler wasn't one to take
orders from a captain who worked for him, and found himself at most being a
skipper -- passing along the commands to work the will of the real man in
charge. He stuck with it because it was a remarkable adventure, but after
the destruction of the 'Alamo's Revenge' he had to rethink his position. He
has been offered the Captaincy of the 'Alamo's Revenge's Revenge,' but has
only agreed conditional to actually *being* the Captain. Tyler has agreed.
We will see.
     Captain Majors has a notably bad singing voice. He likes animals,
though
they generally do not care for him.


     LIEUTENANT COMMANDER SHAUNA CAMPBELL: A former pilot and engineer in
Great Britain's Royal Air Force, who successfully transitioned to NASA to
become a Mission Specialist and engineer, earning Astronaut status in record
time, and racking close to two hundred hours in space before the crash of
the 'Trailblazer.' As a result, is best known inside and outside the agency
for her red hair, which admittedly is very nice. Campbell is an expert
martial artist and soldier, can fly almost anything, and is an expert
multitasker. She enthusiastically signed on to the 'Alamo's Revenge' when it
became clear they were going to do more than just orbit and crash, and
probably one of the most loyal crewmembers aboard.
     She was known as 'Sheena Campbell' in earlier years, and apparently has
gone by other first names as well. No one knows why.
     Campbell is the daughter of legendary engineer Esmeralda Montgomery
O'Scott Campbell of the Royal Navy. When Stetson Tyler needed a chief
engineer, Campbell immediately suggested her mother. This has had the
consequence of actually putting her mother aboard the ship, which on
reflection isn't what she'd had in mind.


     LIEUTENANT WILLIAM 'BILL' TOG: An engineering and astronautics prodigy
with an expansive mind and vision which appeals greatly to Stetson Tyler --
the boy thinks big! TEXAS BIG! Bill Tog (most people call him 'Bill Tog'
instead of just Bill or Tog. Why? It's fun to say -- try it! Bill Tog! Bill
Tog! Whoo hoo!) was the Shipwright of the mammoth, multiple-kilometer long
Pretty Damn Fine Ol' Texas Ship 'Alamo's Revenge.' He did not name it,
however. Stetson Tyler named it. Honestly, Bill Tog doesn't know exactly how
the ship got revenge for the Alamo -- it didn't engage Santa Ana's forces in
battle, for example. He'll talk to you about it, though. And a lot of other
things. He'll gladly talk to you about whatever you'd like to talk about.
     Bill Tog got multiple PhD's by 19 years of age, and had a mind capable
of taking a wargame's descriptions and turning it into the most powerful
ship humanity has ever built. Social skills were never at the top of his
character sheet, if you know what I mean. And you do. You know what I mean.
     Bill Tog (Bill Tog!) has signed onto the 'Alamo's Revenge's Revenge,'
but he's not entirely sure why -- yes, he's been invaluable in working out
the composition and logistics of the ship... but ultimately maintaining it
will be Engineering's problem, not his. And... he's not so sure about
serving aboard a ship he didn't design. Especially one that blew up his
masterwork.


     CHIEF ENGINEER ESMERALDA MONTGOMERY "ZELDA" O'SCOTT CAMPBELL: An
absolute legend of the British Royal Navy, Zelda -- known as 'Scotty' at the
time -- has had almost inhuman engineering skills, able to walk into almost
any engine room and rebuild it inside of two hours. The first woman to serve
as Chief Engineer on a Royal Navy combat ship of the line. Really, she's
been 'first' at a lot of things. She is brilliant and she is churlish and
the combination gets results!
     In her fifties now, Zelda (don't call her Scotty -- Simon Pegg knows
why. Damn Simon Pegg!) was looking for a challenge when her daughter Shauna
called her with a doozy. As the chief engineer of the 'Alamo's Revenge,'
Zelda made the ship better at everything, kept it running when it should
have blown up, and delayed it blowing up until it crashed in the Sahara
despite a broken arm. She stayed behind when the trainees -- and crew --
ran! Er, to the lifepods they were ordered to as they were abandoning ship,
necessitating Stetson Tyler to go in and drag her out bodily.
     Zelda and Tyler have had a physical relationship. It doesn't seem to
have had any impact positive or negative on their work relationship, which
honestly skeeves everyone out.
     Zelda was glad that her daughter recommended her for this job, and for
the opportunity to serve alongside her. Really, she was glad that she got to
spend time with her, since she was at sea pretty much throughout Shauna's
life. As a result, she's constantly surprised that Shauna hasn't learned
lessons that Zelda didn't actually get around to giving her. There's some
tension there. Also, though her daughter is a decent engineer, she spends
most of her time either flying things or running ops boards, not fixing
them. And she's an officer. An *officer.* Where did Zelda go wrong?
     Not actually being there ever when Shauna was growing up. That's where
she went wrong. Especially given her ex-husband, but that's another story.
     Zelda runs her engineering department like she runs her car engine.
Hot,
with no compromises or backtalk, with a readiness to tear the thing out,
rebuild or junk it, and go with plan B.


     LIEUTENANT SAINT LINDA MADISON: A mission specialist and computer
programmer on the ill fated AstroShuttle 'Challenger II' mission, Linda
Madison was pretty much boned from the moment she stepped on board the
thing. After the destruction of the 'Challenger II,' Linda found herself in
several compromising positions before she was accidentally killed horribly.
     Except she wasn't. As it turns out, Linda has a natural affinity for
Space Paladinhood -- and her core Paladin ability is a form of Deus Ex
Machina. When all hope is lost, some extra hope will always be found lodged
beneath the seat cushions. However, said Deus Ex Machina won't generally be
pleasant or comfortable -- rescue doesn't mean safety, after all. So, she
might be beamed out of the exploding ship at the last minute, only to
discover she's in a garbage hold and about to be converted to synthetic
Chicken Kiev dinners. Which happened.
     She has other Paladin and Saint abilities, which she learned about when
she finally met Trundle the Wonder Dog. Some of these powers apparently
involve warm fuzzy blankets and lacy underwear, because of reasons I don't
really want to get into. Since striking out on her own, she has been
exploring her less... textile based abilities more fully.
     As a Licensed Space Paladin, Linda is automatically considered a
Licensed Space Hero as well, and is permitted to use 'HMS' in front of her
ship's name. This pisses off a number of Licensed Space Heroes who had to,
you know, go to classes and certify and stuff to get the damn license, but
what can you do? The system is rigged.
     Was in a long term relationship with fellow Space Paladin Matt
DeForrest. That seems to have ended. She is the proud owner of the HMS
'Unmitigated Trout.' She and friend Brother Maegenhard were travelling back
to Earth in Altiverse 001SF and had in fact landed and prepared to go out
for breakfast at a legendary local diner when they were kidnapped to
Altiverse 000SUPERGUY by the crew of the 'Alamo's Revenge's Revenge.'
Stetson Tyler has offered her a job.
     Whether or not Linda takes it has yet to be determined.
     Linda is basically a kindhearted and friendly person who will go the
extra mile to help someone -- even a stranger. This has resulted in her
getting conned any number of times, and even now she's not one hundred
percent sure where her wallet is.


     RADAR VOGEL: The twin sister of 'Challenger II' and 'Challenger III'
mission commander Steve Vogel, Radar Vogel's own achievements generally
outstrip her brother's. She is Earth's secondmost Spamologist (she had been
fifthmost until the legendary Dr. Bing Von Spleen after he killed the first
Threemost), Licensed Space Heroine, Olympic champion beach volleyball
player, ESPN (Extra-Sensory Perception Network) star, judo champion, and
fiancee to and companion of the mysterious Timelord known only as the
Intern. Known across the cosmos as an actress, model and mad scientist.
Inventor of the Spam Subatomic Reintegrator, or SSR -- a device second only
to Bing Von Spleen's Automatic Beet Peeler and Subatomic Re Integrator (or
ABPSARI) itself in the annals of the horrifying and powerful field of
Spamology.
     Radar had been evil until an encounter with Trundle the Wonder Dog gave
her the chance to become good. Unlike others, she embraced her redemption
and ended up in a long term relationship with the Intern, with whom she
explored time and space for some time.
     The pair ended up in 12th century France after the Intern's Beer-Keg
disguised TARDIS broke down. Radar investigated the area only to be accused
of witchcraft. The evidence -- her general cleanliness and the fact that she
is actually attractive -- was unfortunately compelling by the standards of
their mob-based court, and she was sentenced to be burnt at the stake.
However, she was given a chance to say her last words and as there was no
time limit and she has an eidetic memory, she proceeded to perform a
dramatic one-woman monologue version of "Richard III." She has since moved
on to "A Midsummer Night's Dream" while waiting for the Intern to notice
she's hours late and come create a distraction so she can escape.
     Radar is one of the few Licensed Mad Scientists who's also a Licensed
Space Heroine. Her redemption has more or less 'taken,' but that doesn't
mean she's particularly nice or lacks a vicious streak. She is a deadly
opponent -- she was one of the architects of the massively destructive
Golden Lance weapon, for example. She is also a deadlier friend, since
people around her tend to have... things... happen to them. Nasty things.
Horrible things. Redolent things. Also, she may be good, but she still owes
Bing Von Spleen for a thing or two, and that may be trouble someday.
     Oh, she also almost destroyed the Omniverse. Like... four times. Her
bad.


     THE INTERN: A mysterious Timelord who's clearly a parody blah blah
blah.
The Intern is blond and handsome and tends to wear blue jumpsuits. Owns a
TARDIS permanently trapped in the form of a beer keg, because I was
GODDAMNED NINETEEN AND A COLLEGE STUDENT when I first wrote this, so cut me
some slack. Also owns a sonic crowbar.
     All right, I'm actually still a fan of the sonic crowbar.
     Has completed the repairs to his TARDIS, and proceeded to get drunk.
Has
only begun to wonder if maybe being like nine hours late means Radar, the
ostensible love of his life, may be in trouble.
     Also has connections to multiple temporal versions of Trudy Tetwaters,
who otherwise is not currently scheduled to appear in this story. Also a
former associate and college roommate of Time Agent 357, who is also not
currently scheduled to appear in this story.


     TRUNDLE THE WONDER DOG: Look. If it got out to certain (not all, by any
means, but *certain*) fundamentalist sects of Christianity that the Second
Coming happened in the form of a small terrier, they would collectively blow
their head gaskets. So, let's just move on, all right?


     BROTHER MAEGENHARD AND HIS SACRED URU HAMMER FRANK: A powerful Star
Warpriest in service to Star Thor, who is like Thor but, you know, in space.
Because of the Jeff Smith Accords, which states all mythological elements
have to have science fiction bases only. Because. So Star Thor. Got it?
Good.
     Brother Maegenhard is an enthusiastic and powerful warrior -- cunning
and bright, but unversed in the ways of social niceties and inexperienced in
a universe not based on space giants and Space Loki. He has might and power
and a sacred Uru hammer named Frank, and he's a good man to have on your
side. Because he will FUCK THEIR SHIT UP. Like, Black Metal Concept Albums
worth of FUCKING THEIR SHIT UP.
     Among his other abilities -- whether it's the hammer, his mighty scale
mail or something else entirely -- is the ability to fly at FTL speeds
without needing either a ship or an oxygen supply. This is amazingly
convenient when it comes to saving airfare, and amazingly inconvenient when
it comes to needing a bathroom. Because if you pee in space? It pretty much
stays with you until you hit gravity. And that's just *pee.* No one wants
that, man. No one.


     SATAN T. LUCIFER JONES: The Devil. The Big E. The Duke of Smelly Feet.
The Lord of the ancient realm of Hell<tm>, with its malefic fires and its
destructive--
     Oh, wait. Sorry. I was looking at the Superguy notes. This is Sfstory
--
so, you know. Jeff Smith Accords.
     The Devil. The Big E. The Duke of Smelly Feet. Owns a massive fleet of
starships crewed by Space Demons and fueled by Space Hellfire and Space
Hellbourne weaponry and Space Brimstone Projectors. SPACE.
     Satan was once arguably the core villain of both Superguy and Sfstory,
until a hero named Dangerousman stopped his attempted destruction of the
Earth and a hero named Dangerousgirl punched him with the force of a
hydrogen bomb obliterating his form and draining all his remaining power
from his dark soul. At last look, had just begun the slow process of
rebuilding. His fleet is in disarray thanks to the campaign to capture the
massive 'Yesj.' Which, as you'll recall, is now the property of Stetson
Tyler.
     Yeah, that'll go well.
     Satan enjoys playing the fiddle, indulging in the seven deadly sins,
and
Sudoku.


     OMEGAS: Omegas is not in this story. Yes, that pisses him off.






For more -- wait for more SFSTORY DIGEST! Now fortified! Like wine! And
defenses! For the wine!

WANT BEHIND THE SCENES CRAP ON EPISODE 1?

Why?

No, wait -- your business and not mine. Regardless, Episode 1 notes can be
found on the nigh unto dead Superguy_List Livejournal Community! Go to:

http://superguy-list.livejournal.com/34476.html

And read and comment! Or, just grab the raw PDF if you prefer, over at:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzJ5Y-GsD69TcVBvM19fRU95T2M/view

Mind you, it's the same PDF either way, but there's so many *community*
options over at the Livejournaloh who am I kidding. I need a drink.
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