WCD:44 WCD44: WEST COAST DEFENDERS #44 "J'adoube" Part 1 of 2

Mon Oct 9 14:09:27 PDT 2006

Dr. Dick van Sloan flashed a penlight in front of Parker Peterson's eyes, as
the young man shivered in the examination gown. "Excellent. 

Visual acuity and retinal responses are excellent. You have the body of an
eighteen-year-old. But then again, so do I."

Parker shook his head, confused yet again. "Say what?"

Dr. Sloan grinned and pulled open a long metal morgue drawer. Wisps of vapor
could be seen as the cold air from within spun with the room's warmer air. A
large sheet covered a female silhouette. Without a word he solemnly whipped
the sheet away.

"YAAAAAAGH!" Parker back-flipped over the exam table.

Picking up the plastiform arm of the resuscitation dummy, he let it drop as
he reached for his clipboard. "Motor response, reflexes, normal. 

Interesting. Most patients don't pull off the back-flip as smoothly as you
did. Gymnastics classes?"

"Martial Arts training. I'm an expert at Ninjitsu, Anime-style, and
Fakey-fu."

"How long have you been training?"

"About a year, but you could say I have over 5 years of training."

Dr. Sloan looked up from his clipboard. "How so?"

"I was trapped for years in a strange dimension where the laws of time and
space don't work the same."

"Ah!" The doctor nodded. "C-SPAN"...

WEST COAST DEFENDERS #44 "J'adoube"

By the Angelini-Brown gestalt ('bout time for Authorial episodes, eh?)

*****************

Glowing with the awesome power of a 7-11 microwavable burrito with extra
guac, the CSS Lenny Bruce turned hard to port just in time to gain it another
half kilometer on its pursuing missiles. The spaceship's superstructure
groaned in protest at the violent maneuver, but despite the loud complaints
its union did nothing to address the grievances. On the vessel's bridge,
Sparks kept one eye on the ship's overall structural integrity while keeping
his other on the boat's navigational plot.

"We'll have them in our forward arc in sixty, but we've got some missiles
trying to give our tail a love-tap. Chaff?"

Commander Tonk, the drinkin'est and yet somehow the most talented starship
captain in Aurora's fleet, nodding to herself as she mulled the situation
over a can of cask-aged Sterno. "Y'know, I feel like returning a few
Christmas presents early this year. Hold the chaff but have weapons stand by
with a mine. Sing out a countdown on the time for the salvo to hit us. And
when we get to one klick of the enemy ship, your orders are to
fire'n'overrun."

Sparks nodded, toggling open a channel to weapons as he made sure the
pursuing missiles weren't about to ruin Tonk's plans by delivering an early
hotfoot to the ship. The vessel rocked as Nintan beam weapons raked the Lenny
Bruce's shields, though despite the drama of the hits, little damage was
actually scored. With the extra power that the high-energy Mexican food
provided, the Lenny Bruce's shields had been energized to full Grande (with
pintos) level, making them very tough customers indeed.

"Approaching one klick now, Captain. Salvo at a quarter klick and closing.
Weapons report that they're standing by to lay the egg."

"Steady... steady..." muttered Tonk, as another hit made the captain splatter
her favorite kind of Pink Lady all over her nice uniform. But such thoughts
had to be relegated to the back of her mind, as they were just entering
position for a full alpha-strike.... "NOW!"

The Lenny Bruce cut loose with full missiles and beams, delivering them at a
point-blank range that would have been suicide without the extra shielding
power provided by the burrito. The Nintan ship had only moments to formulate
a defensive response, and while the crew had been standing by on electronic
chaff to help against missile strikes, there was precious little that could
be done for weapons which moved at the speed of light.

"Twenty percent of missiles got through ECM, Captain!" yelled Sparks. 

"Beams through; we've cut 'em good!"

"Lay the egg!" called Tonk, hoping she hadn't highballed how fast their
pursuers were chasing them. "Make like we've got afterburners!"

The Nintan ship executed a thoroughly frowned-upon tactical maneuver,
stressing itself to turn rapidly enough so as to bring its primary weapons to
bear on the fleeing vessel's tail end. The moment the Auroran vessel was
within its forward arc, missiles took wing and beams lanced out in a
ribbon-dance of murderous intent. The beams struck true, battering down the
Lenny Bruce's shields in preparation for the laggard missiles which were
sailing fast towards their target.

And then the mine dropped. The Nintan's earlier wave of missiles had nearly
reached the end of their endurance, running mostly on inertia and attitude
jets. Thus, they were unable to execute a turn rapid enough to avoid the
Lenny Bruce's explosive tail guard, which exploded with the force of a tiny
sun.

The younger, fresher missiles which had tagged along behind their elder
brethren would have had much greater success in their own evasion, save for
the interference that the multiple explosions caused to their tiny electronic
brains. Most of the missiles suddenly found themselves acquiring false
targets - sailing off in pursuit of ships that existed only in their little
computerized minds - while diagnostics tried desperately (and mostly
unsuccessfully) to compensate for the eruption.

"All missiles diverted!" yelled Sparks, thumping his console as a grin split
his face. "We've--correction, two missiles still locked on. Time to impact--"

The Lenny Bruce shook violently as those last two missiles -- which had by
simple dint of luck locked onto the only real target in their panoply of
options -- sliced through beam-weakened shields and exploded against the
Auroran vessel's aft. Hull plating buckled and threatened to shake apart as
the ship found itself sorely abused by Nintan weaponry.

"...damage report." Commanded Tonk mournfully stared at the patina of
ethanol, methanol, water and amphoteric oxide that now coated her command
chair. She prayed that no sparks flew before she could get a luckless
crew-member to clean it off.

"Still coming in, Captain. But we've got several breaches and at least two
fires. We're going to need to get some DamCon teams scuttling -now-."

"Andrews, give the word. Time for those soldier boys to pay for their ride.
Sparks, come around. We only got one shot at slam-dancing with them; how're
your ballet skills?"

"Well, I used to be pretty good, but my therapist told me that I shouldn't
talk about that time of my life until I feel more secure in my mascu--"

"Oh for God's sake. Oblique approach, you moron, and let me know when weapons
are recharged and rearmed!"

"...yes Captain," replied Sparks, trying hard not to go back to the dark
place in his mind. The dark place filled with laughing children and frilly
little pink tutus... "Sir! Multiple missiles on our tail again! 

They held something back from their last strike!"

"Smart of them," replied Tonk. "Damn the luck that got us drawing intelligent
opponents. Call down to sickbay. Let Sloan know that he might be getting some
company there real soon now."

*****************

Dr. Sloan's communicator buzzed. Multitasking, he tapped the intercom on the
wall as he scribbled out additional notes. "Sloan here. Go."

Colleen's Scottish brogue could be heard, "Dinnae knew if Nikon Ninja kin get
down here, but we need him to move his rabbit."

Dr. Sloan nodded and gestured to Parker. "You can get your gi back on and get
down there. If you would, please send one of your teammates in."

Leaning towards the intercom, "Colleen, he will be along presently, I just
finished his physical."

"Go ahead?"

"Full back-flip."

"Damn, thas another five I owe ye. Double or nothing?"

"Talk to me later."

"Hmph. Anywya, pun intended, he hae better hop to it. We've tae crash-prep
the ship and the damn bunny is in the way of the power-loaders. I've got all
available working on moving equipment. We don't hae much time. Ack! I hae to
dash, my shipment o' burritos hae just arrived!" As the doctor hit the
disconnect, they could hear her shouting orders urgently to crew-members.
"Nae ye fool, MILD, nae HOT--"

A few minutes later, the Nikon Ninja entered the main cargo loading bay, and
was greeted by the cacophonous din of backup beepers, warning klaxons, and
numerous engines rumbling. A couple of troopers stood next to Nikon Ninja's
enormous mechanical rabbit. One of the troopers distractedly was stroking its
fur. Quietly sneaking up on the other side of the dord, he touched it and had
its head lean into the petting trooper. The trooper started scratching it
behind the ears then started, realizing it had moved. "OH!"

"It likes it behind the ears." Nikon Ninja leapt astride the dord.

Shaking his head, the other trooper gestured.

"Shoulda expected that from someone called Ninja. But what's the deal with
Nikon?"

Suddenly popping up from behind a nearby crate, Parker snapped a quick flash
picture. "I make a living on the side with celebrity photos for the Bugle.
Turn around miss," he said to the other trooper, "let me get your good side."

"You already did." She muttered.

"Becky?" Parker said in surprise as she pulled off her helmet.

"Rebecca?!" The other trooper glared at Parker, "What's the deal? How does
this guy know your name?" His friendly countenance was now not so friendly,
as he regarded the hero in front of him, using the armor's extra height to
not so subtly intimidate Parker.

"Um-hah, yes, well, that..." She stammered, blushing.

"Why, this young lady was gracious enough to help get me going in the right
direction when we first came aboard. You know, big ship, lotta little rooms,
twisty passages and stuff." Parker offered his hand, "Parker Peterson and you
are?"

"Thor." His armored hand grasped Parkers a little too hard. "No jokes. 

Heard 'em all, believe me. I'd say make yourself comfortable here but maybe
you've already done that." Leaning over, his hand increased in pressure as he
pulled Parker close to his face. "Want some friendly advice pajama boy? Stay.
Away. From. My. Girl."

"Thor!" Rebecca barked.

"Whew...two words man, Breath Mints. No wonder she wanted to kiss me!"

"PARKER" Rebecca gasped.

Parker snapped his hand free from the trooper. "You want some friendly
advice? Don't turn around."

Thor stood straight and laughed mockingly. "Like I need to listen to what
some wise-ass little girly man tells me to do." Jamming on his helmet, he
calmly turned around and was immediately facing the north end of a southbound
robotic dord.

"Thumper? Thor. Thor? Wall."

The kick sent the trooper flying across the cargo bay. Clanging loudly
against the wall, the trooper struggled to his feet. The room became
abnormally quiet. "You! Nobody does that to me!" The distinctive whine of
weapon systems powering up on his Tornado armor could be heard, as Parker
leapt astride the bunny.

Small drops of liquid splattered on the outside of Thor's face shield, and he
paused, wiping at the liquid. Looking up, he saw the red multiple eyes of
TDSM bearing down on him. "Oh...crap."

TDSM landed hard atop the startled trooper. Holding the inverted Thor by his
legs, he hissed, "Hey Parker! Make a wissssh!"

"NO!" Parker and Rebecca chorused. Parker leapt towards his teammate.

Suddenly, one of the appendages holding the trooper's legs exploded, as an
Awesomantium grappling hook blew through it, and yanked TDSM away. 

Thor clattered to the ground and rolled clumsily, turning to face the just
arrived members of the team. Spectrum, flanked by British Airwave and Foxy,
glared at their teammate as Spectrum dragged TDSM to the trio.

"I think that will be enough of that." Randall Ames spoke lightly.

Retracting the grapple, Spectrum hauled TDSM to his feet. "That's two,
mister. Get yourself to the medlab."

"I can heal mysssself", TDSM hissed angrily, biting his injured arm.

"We know. But I just got a call from the Doctor and he wants to see us all.
The three of us are busy. I don't know what has got you so pissed off about
these people but we need their help and you damn well better straighten the
hell up. Now are you on this team or not?"

"I wassss jusssst looking out for Nikon..."

"Let him take care of his own stuff!" Spectrum shouted. Without saying
anything else, he pointed at TDSM, pointed at the passageway, pointed at
Nikon Ninja, and stabbed his finger in the direction the rabbit needed to be
moved, then turned on his heel and stomped out of the cargo area, trailing
Foxy and British Airwave.

Thor stood and brushed himself off, then marched out another passageway,
staring daggers at Parker, "Next time pajamas, you and me, no pets allowed."

"Anytime you like, you name the place, if you're not too Thor." Parker
snapped back.

Parker felt a hand on his shoulder and was about to react when he heard
Rebecca's voice, "Thanks Parker."

"...for the kiss?" Parker mugged.

"No! Dummy!" she slugged him in the shoulder, the armor making Nikon Ninja
wince a bit. "For saving Thor. I mean, he's not really my boyfriend... I
mean, we're friends and he gets a little possessive, but..."

"Oh? So I might have a chance?"

Pulling her helmet on, she suppressed a giggle, and then officiously waved
him to where he was supposed to park the dord. Hmm, she thought.

Things might just be getting interesting.

Lawrence Brown

Network / Telecom Geek

TCF Bank
720-200-2505,  cell 303-981-7326
lbrown at tcfbank.com
6400 So. Fiddlers Green Cr.  #800
Greenwood Village, CO 80111

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